Chapter 12 - Rami

Rami slept on the beach. Curled up in wolf form, tail to nose, his fur was warm enough to protect him through the cold spring night. He woke to the sunrise on his back, casting pink and gold rays over the sea’s calm surface and shook the sand from his fur.

It wasn’t the first night he’d spent on the shore of Silversand Beach. Sometimes, it felt like the only place he had room to think and breathe and feel. Out there, where no one else could see him.

Jonah’s lighthouse was not far—he could smell the woodsmoke from the fire and followed it down the beach. Lights were on despite the early hour. Rami chuffed to himself. Life with a baby, or a toddler in Jonah’s case, meant a life of early mornings and early nights. A far cry from the bachelor lifestyle he’d lived for most of his life, where the only obligation he had was to open the bookshop by noon.

He shifted to human form at Jonah’s doorstep and knocked lightly on the door. Jonah opened it, messy-haired and bleary-eyed, a cup of coffee clenched in his hand.

“Hey man, I know it’s early, but do you mind if I come in?”

Jonah yawned, covering his mouth with the back of his coffee-holding hand. “Course not. Come on in. You just missed Moira and Cora, though; they went out to meet Vera. Know anything about that?”

He wondered if Vera was having trouble with Jessa and felt a pang of guilt slice through him. Maybe he shouldn’t have left last night, even if Vera had demanded it. She had seen right through him in that moment.

Rami shook his head and took the cup of coffee Jonah handed him. “I haven’t seen Vera since last night. I kind of ran out on them.”

Jonah started pulling pans down from above the stove. He grabbed a carton of eggs and a package of bacon from the fridge, and tossed a pad of butter in one of the pans. It was the other reason Rami loved stopping by Jonah’s place—whether it was Jonah’s cooking or Moira’s baking, he knew he’d get a gourmet feast.

“Ran out? I don’t imagine Vera’s going to let that one slide.” His tone was carefully neutral, reserving judgment.

Rami blew out a breath, dropping his head into his hands. “You know, when you’re already so deep on the shit list, there’s only so much you can do to make it worse. Like I can’t drop any lower in her eyes.”

Jonah flipped the bacon in the pan. “Look, I don’t pull this card often but as your Alpha, you need to get that situation under control. If what we suspect of the curse is true, you’re putting Vera and yourself at risk with this fraught bond.”

It wasn’t anything Rami didn’t already know, but the words struck him like blows. He was putting her at risk even as he tried to keep Vera close and protected. Everything he did was wrong.

Jonah’s touch on his shoulder startled him. Dropping his hands, he looked up at his Alpha.

“Finding your mate can be unnerving. It feels like you’ve lost control over a part of your life, like a decision was made without you. I get it.” Jonah smiled ruefully. “I had my troubles with Moira too, remember? She didn’t want anything to do with me.”

He remembered. The two of them had run around in circles before finally settling into their bond. Now, he couldn’t imagine them apart. Jonah squeezed his shoulder and went back to the pan, sliding the bacon onto a plate. He cracked the eggs into the sizzling bacon grease. Rami could imagine him cooking this way for his mate and his child each morning, and the domestic scene it conjured gave him a twinge of jealousy.

“It’s complicated, Jo. My parents were a wreck, and I don’t want to repeat that cycle. Isn’t that what people do? Become their parents?” He sighed, staring down into the oily swirls on top of his coffee.

“I was afraid of becoming my father. Maybe not when it came to relationships, though he was obviously awful at those, but when it came to leading the pack? Terrified. He ruined this place, and I thought I was destined to do the same.” Jonah plated the eggs and set two plates down at the table, taking his seat across from Rami. “But I used it as a roadmap for what not to do. And Moira helped reassure me that my fear of becoming my father meant I never would.”

It was easy enough for Jonah to say with his troubles in the rearview. Rami felt all of the emotions he kept behind a wall, clamoring to get out, and knew that if they did, the deluge would change him. Shake him to his core. He couldn’t let that happen.

“I’m not afraid of anything,” Rami insisted, chewing on a slice of bacon. “On top of everything else, do I want to be saddled with a mate? Someone I have to answer to? It just doesn’t suit me. She’d be a burden and start to resent me, and there we go, just like my parents.”

Jonah snorted. “You’re a really bad liar. Has anyone ever told you that?”

“Yeah, once or twice. Well, shit. I don’t want to put her at risk with the curse banging at our door, but the pressure to patch things up to keep us safe isn’t helping.” He felt the food go tasteless in his mouth as the thought of Vera and Jessa in danger rocked him.

“One step at a time,” Jonah said, finishing off his plate. “Tell her you’d like to try. That’s the first step, then see where it goes from there. I’ve got your back, whatever happens.”

He helped Jonah clean up and wash the dishes, working silently side by side while he digested everything Jonah had said. Was it possible? Could he just tell Vera he didn’t know how it’d end up, but that he wanted to try anyway? Except that she’d declared just last night that she was over him once and for all.

From her perspective, it probably seemed like he’d been playing with her. Giving her the nanny job, his obvious desire, the sex, all of that sent the message that he was definitely still interested. Yet he’d denied her each time she’d pushed for more. It was no wonder she’d snapped.

Stacking the dishes in the rack, Rami considered his options. If he went to Vera right then and there and asked her to try, he’d get turned down, and rightfully so. He needed to prove himself first. Show her that he’d changed, or at least wanted to, and that she could take another chance on him. Easier said than done.

“Want another cup?” Jonah asked, raising his empty mug.

“I should go, actually.” Rami drank the last of his coffee and set the mug in the sink. “I’ve got a lot to think about. And a lot to do.”

Jonah clapped him on the back. “Whatever you need, I’m here. Not just as your Alpha, but as your friend. And stay out of the woods, okay?”

He didn’t need telling twice. The woods were permeated with the scent of the curse, spreading ever farther and growing stronger, until he was catching whiffs of it streets away from the forest’s edge. Fear showed in the eyes of every wolf. If it had been something they could fight, a monster to throw themselves at, a rival pack, they would have faced it with ferocity. This intangible thing was another beast entirely.

Rami shifted and loped toward town, taking the long way back. His paws dug into the sand. Despite his denial to Jonah, he knew fear was stopping him from giving himself to Vera. Fear of the emotions he kept at bay and how she might feel about him once she knew that he wasn’t the stoic man he seemed. Fear of the seeming eventuality that they would hurt each other. Fear that he wouldn’t be enough.

In protecting himself, he’d hurt her. Traded her happiness for his under the guise of protecting her. She’d seen through him, seen all of that, and still wanted him. No, he definitely didn’t deserve her. But he would work to change that. He only hoped she could forgive him one day.

He shifted when he reached Main Street and strolled down the sidewalk toward the bookshop. Though he wanted to go home for a hot shower and change clothes, he couldn’t bring himself to face Vera yet. Cowardly, just as running off last night had been, but he needed time to formulate a plan.

It was early to open, but he flipped the sign to open and went to the back to freshen up in the sink. Then he went to the self-help section and grimaced, searching the pastel covers and cheery titles for anything that might relate to his situation.

Sadly, there were no books on repairing a mate bond. He did find one on emotional vulnerability that Vera had recommended to him prior to their breakup, and one on how to stop sabotaging yourself in relationships. Tucking himself behind the desk, he started to read.

Each time a customer entered, he hid the books behind the desk and picked up a book on Roman history as cover. He’d die of embarrassment if someone he knew saw him reading a self-help book. The central display still sat in disarray. If he hadn’t chased Vera out of the shop that day, she might have helped him set it up. Instead, it was a reminder of his screw-up.

Once he got over his initial skepticism, he found the books surprisingly readable and full of ideas on how to implement the changes he was looking to make. Easier said than done, he thought, reading over a section discussing sharing feelings with your partner. It even suggested reading through the book with your significant other. Rami cringed at the thought.

But he couldn’t keep repeating the same patterns. Maybe, once he’d worked on himself and wouldn’t be putting such a large burden on Vera, he would share those books with her. Once he could bring himself fully to the relationship in the way she deserved, maybe she’d be proud of him.

By lunchtime, his stomach was growling, and he’d finished the first book, far too much information swimming around in his head. He headed out for a slice of pizza at the shop next door. Even if it was too late to win Vera back, he owed her an apology. And a real explanation. Whether or not she ever wanted to restart a romantic relationship, he would protect her with his life.

Evelyn walked into the shop, an unfamiliar man by her side. It took him a moment to recognize James, the wolf Vera had found in the woods, having only seen him horizontal and unconscious before. He was a good-looking guy in that clean-cut sort of way, and the hollows of his cheeks were starting to fill in again, under the careful care of the Rosewoods and Silversands. Vera must be pleased to see her patient looking so hale. Still, he couldn’t miss the spiderweb of black spread across his neck. The curse’s mark.

Evelyn spotted Rami and waved, leading James over to his spot beside the window. “Hey, Rami. Have you met James? This is Rami, one of the Silversands like me.”

Rami stood and shook the other man’s hand, feeling the strength of his grip. He’d be a formidable opponent in wolf form. Hopefully, it never came to that.

“Well, we’ve met once before, but I’m afraid you wouldn’t remember it,” Rami said with a grin. “You slept that first night on my couch. How are you feeling?”

His eyes were cloudy, obscuring the golden green hue beneath, and there was something of a daze about him. “Nice to meet you. I’ve been better, to be honest. But then again, I’ve been worse. A quaint little town you’ve got here.”

Rami invited them both to sit at the empty stools beside him. “Isn’t it? I moved in a few years back after just intending to visit. Couldn’t get enough of the beach, I guess, and it was nice to find a laid-back pack like the Silversands, willing to take in a rogue like me.”

“I’ll get us some slices,” Evelyn said, heading for the counter.

James remained silent, staring down at the tiled floor. He’d been tight-lipped about his past thus far, claiming not to remember much about it, that it was still locked behind the wall of the curse, but Rami wondered if there was something he wasn’t telling them. Something he wanted to hide.

He couldn’t place the suspicion exactly, only that shaking the man’s hand had worsened it. Here was a wolf strong enough to make a bid for Alpha. What was he doing wandering alone in a strange land? It put Rami’s back up.

“Where are you from? I bet your pack is worried about you. We could help you find them.” Rami pressed, checking to make sure that Evelyn was still out of earshot.

The others hand wanted to tread carefully around James, not wanting to risk a slide back into the curse’s hold, but Rami needed answers. If this wolf was going to be around his mate and his daughter, he had a right to know.

James lifted his eyes from the floor. They were clear and cloudless, fixing on Rami’s with an intensity that made Rami want to peel his lips back and growl. A challenging look.

“A place I never want to go back to.”

He offered no more explanation, lapsing back into silence. When Evelyn returned with two plates of pizza, his eyes were clouded and lifeless once again. Rami shivered. His sense of unease grew.

“I should get back to the bookshop,” he said, standing. He gave Evelyn a meaningful looking, hoping she’d catch his intent. “Take care, Evie. And it was nice to meet you properly, James.”

“Maybe we’ll stop by later!” Evelyn called out. If she’d caught his warning it didn’t show in her tone.

He rolled his shoulders and tried to shake out the tension, stiffening his body. Knowing the Silversands and the Rosewoods, they’d offer James a place among their packs. Rami needed to warn them, but what could he say, that the man had given him the shivers? He’d need more than that.

The threat of the curse was closing in on them from the forest, but was there an even greater threat already lurking in their midst?