Chapter 11 - Vera

She’d been such an idiot. Sleeping with Rami had felt good, too good, and now it was all Vera could think about. Except the trickle of heat that started whenever she recalled their moments in bed together came with a splash of cold water at the end, when she remembered how he’d dodged her questions.

Rejected. Mate.

She repeated the words to herself, staring into the mirror. Honestly, it was his loss. Vera looked as good as she ever had, and maybe her life was a mess, but it was a mess she’d made for herself. The pep talk had become a daily requirement before she faced him.

After that humiliating walkout he’d done after they’d had sex, she was done pining for him. Done being pathetic. If he didn’t want her, she didn’t want him, and it was his loss. If she kept telling herself all that, she might even start believing it.

“Are you ready to go?” Rami called from the bottom of the stairs. “Jessa’s in her car seat and I’ve got her bag all packed.”

Vera took one last look at herself, making sure her hair and makeup were perfect, and her outfit would torture him. Check and check.

“Coming!” She grabbed her bag and met the two of them in the foyer.

Rami’s eyes tripped over her tight little skirt like she’d known they would. Good. Remind him what he’s missing out on because he wants to be stubborn. She hoped he was remembering how it felt to have her legs wrapped around him and kicking himself because it would never happen again.

It had been her last ditch effort to get him back, and looking back at it now, she couldn’t believe herself. No way she’d come off as anything other than desperate. She only wished it hadn’t felt so good. Rami knew her body like no other man ever had.

He held the door for her, and she stepped out, instantly wishing she’d worn something a bit warmer. The winter’s chill was determined to stick around, and her bare legs were paying the price. Still, she’d pay it again just to see Rami’s eyes glued to them as she walked around him to get in the car.

The car smelled of Rami and leather, a mix that made her want to reconsider her new vow of chastity. He clicked Jessa into the backseat then slid into the driver’s seat beside her. She tried not to stare at his forearms as he backed the car out of the driveway, leaning her head against the window to watch the scenery roll by.

“First stop,” he declared, pulling to a stop outside of Silversand’s coffee shop. “Quadruple shot?”

Oh, he definitely knew he was in trouble if he was offering to indulge her caffeine addiction without any commentary on how bad it was for her. She nodded, tight-lipped, and sat with Jessa while he ran inside to get their coffees.

“He’s a good dad,” she told Jessa, twisting around in her seat to catch the baby’s eye in the backseat mirror. “And a good man. And I’m lucky to be your nanny.”

Whatever tension the baby might be feeling between Rami and Vera, she wanted Jessa to know it had nothing to do with her. She’d fallen in love with that baby girl. The thought of having to leave her behind one day when Rami no longer needed a nanny felt like a claw ripping at her chest. Add it to the list of things she was trying not to think about.

Rami knocked on the window with his knuckle, holding two to-go cups in his hands. She pressed the button to roll it down and took hers, careful not to let their fingers touch. It was hot and bitter, just the way she liked it.

Vera pushed the radio on and let music fill the car while they drove to the Rosewood library. It was the base of operations for the mixed Silversands and Rosewood team working on the curse, and familiar ground to Vera. She’d lived just down the street from it before selling her home.

Dark brick and steepled, the building looked like something out of a gothic novel. Ivy crept up its side. Rami parked, and they climbed out, gathering Jessa and her bag before heading inside. A buttressed ceiling curved high above the gleaming wooden floor. Stairs led up to the second level, and private rooms for studying were tucked behind doors, interspaced between shelves of books.

Rami looked awestruck. She fought her smile at the sight of him, mouth slightly agape and brown eyes sparkling as he took in the paradise of books.

“It’s something, isn’t it?” She led the way through the rows of books to the stairs down, where the packs had set up their base.

Desks and comfortable chairs filled the space. A map of the area was spread across the main table, held down by books at each corner. Adria, Spencer, and Evelyn were already in the room, bent over the map, heads together in conversation.

Adria turned at the sound of their entrance, face breaking into a smile. “Welcome to headquarters.”

"All we’re missing is a whiteboard and some red string.” Vera set her bag down on the comfiest armchair and unbuckled Jessa from her seat. “I brought backup.”

After Jessa had been properly doted upon by everyone, they settled in. Jessa played on a cushioned mat on the floor while they went over everything they knew so far.

“James has been gaining some coherence,” Evelyn said, kneeling by Jessa on the mat and shaking the rattle for her. “He told us everything he could remember about the moments leading up to you finding him in the woods when he woke in the middle of the night.”

“And his veins? Are they still black?” Vera jotted notes as she listened.

Spencer nodded. “Yes, but they don’t seem to be spreading. Maybe we got him away from whatever it was in time.”

Rami sank into the seat beside her. There were plenty of other chairs in the room. She shot him a glare that he brushed off with a shrug and a smile. Vera caught him staring at her three times as the debriefing went on, a thoughtful look across his face. If he was thinking about how he’d get her in bed again, he had another thing coming to him. The third time, she subtly flipped him the middle finger. He laughed.

“And I think that’s all we’ve learned,” Adria wrapped up, tracing a line around the cabin on the map. “This is how far the scent extends. For most of us, the scent isn’t powerful, but it seems to affect you, Rami, and James differently.”

“So figuring out the common link between the three of us is key,” Vera finished.

The energy in the room shifted. Vera caught a glance passing between Evelyn, Adria, and Spencer.

“What is it?” Rami had spotted it, too. He drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair. “You must have a suspicion.”

Spencer grimaced, ducking his head. “You’re right, we do. James told us that his mate died. She was killed in a pack battle, and that’s when he first caught the scent. It drew him into the woods.”

Oh. Oh no. Vera sat up straighter, fixing her gaze on the paper in front of her. She wasn’t sure what to write for those notes even though the link had become painfully obvious. Broken heart? She scratched that out. It wasn’t an official diagnosis. Grief? That was too broad.

Rami scratched the stubble on his chin. “Are unpaired wolves affected in the same way? Those who have no connection to a mate yet?”

Another shared look between the trio. Another head shake. This time, Evelyn spoke.

“It doesn’t seem that way. I have no idea who my mate is, thank the moon, and I haven’t felt the strong pull that you two seem to feel.”

“But Rami didn’t feel it as strongly as I did,” Vera argued, clutching for anything that might disprove the theory that she was weak against this thing because she’d gotten dumped. How embarrassing.

“Well,” Spencer, the brave soul, chimed in, “we think that could be explained by one of two things. Maybe because he… well, he was the one to break it off.” Spencer stopped and cleared his throat. Vera’s cheeks blazed. “Or maybe his drive to protect his mate, rejected or not, was enough to overcome some of the scent’s pull. When we tested him again without your presence, he was drawn into the same dazed state you were that first night.”

Vera shot Rami a questioning look. She hadn’t known about that. He had the grace to look sheepish.

“Fine. So it’s got a thing for broken hearts. Does that get us any closer to fixing this thing?” Vera felt a headache coming on, throbbing at her temples.

“I think it’s a start.” Spencer handed Vera a stack of three books and did the same for the others. “We need to start digging into anything recorded that’s similar. No matter how big a stretch it is.”

She looked at the top book in her pile. Legends of the Silversand Coast. Seriously? Ghost stories? She wasn't optimistic about their chances if this was the best lead they had.

Fables or not, research was something Vera was good at. She curled up in her armchair and scanned the first book, clutching her coffee like a lifeline. Beside her, Rami crossed one leg over the other, settling Jessa for a nap on his chest, and propped his book up on his knee.

Her traitorous eyes kept drifting over to the two of them, her heart swelling painfully. He looked so damn good in his sweater, and with a baby in his arms, it set off all of her ovary alarms, something she didn’t even know she possessed, but here they were, screaming for her to throw herself at this man. Been there, done that , she reminded her reproductive organs, shushing them.

The day drifted on. Evelyn ducked out and returned with another round of coffees to keep them going. Soon, the others departed for their homes, and Vera and Rami were the only ones left, poring over their books.

Vera caught him staring at her again, that same thoughtful crease between his eyes. “What is it? You keep staring at me.”

“You’re beautiful. It’s hard not to.” Rami dropped the words on her as gently as a bomb.

She shot to her feet. “Seriously, Rami? Is this a game to you? I throw myself at you, and you reject me again. Now you’re complimenting me?” It all burst out of her in a swell she couldn’t tamp down. “I’m not a toy for you to play with, Rami. You rejected me, fine. You know what? Now, I reject you . I don’t even want you anymore. I hope you’re happy.”

Her heart was thumping wildly in her chest. Did I really just say all that out loud? Under the hurt and her anger was the undeniable truth; Rami was her mate. They shared a bond that went beyond emotion, beyond choice, and running away from it was like ripping off a limb.

“I know you’re not a toy.” Rami unwrapped one arm from around Jessa and pinched the bridge of his nose. Maybe he’d also gotten a headache. Good. She hoped she’d given it to him. “And I know I’ve been a fool. I’m sorry for all of it.”

She waited for him to go on, but his lips pursed into a thin line, and she knew he was pushing down whatever feelings were trying to bubble out. Just once, she wanted him to not hold back. Couldn’t he understand that she wanted all of him, even the messy, ugly bits he wanted to keep hidden? But he never let her close enough to even try.

The silence stretched to tension, then awkwardness. Vera couldn’t focus on the research with him around, and her anger was sizzling.

“I should go,” he said, getting to his feet. The motion startled Jessa awake and her mouth opened wide in a wail, tiny pink tongue curling. “Shoot. It’s okay, Jessa, Dad’s here.”

“Give her to me,” Vera demanded, reaching for the girl. “I know you need to go skulk around on your own for a few hours to recover from the debilitating sensation of almost having an emotion, so I’ve got this.”

Rami shushed Jessa, who ignored him and continued crying, punching her little fists into the air. “I can handle her.”

“I know you can, but I want some time with her, and I want you to leave, so, hand her over.”

Reluctantly, he passed Jessa over to Vera. She took the baby and started swaying in a side-to-side motion that had a seventy-five percent success rate at calming her, shooting daggers at Rami as he packed up his things.

“Call me if you need anything. I won’t be far away.” He gave them one last look before leaving, his shoulders hunched and his head low.

The library was quiet, empty, and dark. She heard his footsteps trail away through the main room and, finally, the thump of the front door when he stepped outside. If she could have, she would’ve ripped the mate bond from her body and thrown it into the sea. For some people, like Adria and Spencer, it seemed like the most beautiful gift. For herself, it was a curse.

“But at least it brought us together in a way,” Vera murmured to Jessa, mixing up her bottle of formula. “You’re just hungry, aren’t you? Up after a big nap, and you’re in a strange place. Well, I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

She watched Jessa’s cheeks move as she drank from the bottle. It was odd thinking back to the person she’d been just a few months ago—anxious, stressed, questioning her path in life. Not to say she had it all figured out now; she was far from that, but even in the tumult of her relationship with Rami, she’d found a sense of peace.

Vera had gone from nights of insomnia stressing over her job and maintaining the image of perfection, to sleeping in Rami’s house, spending her days caring for a child she’d quickly come to love. In that time, she’d found the breathing room to let herself feel. To be messy. To cry.

Was it better? All those years she had criticized Moira for her unorthodox path, her meandering way through life without any sense of urgency. At the time, Vera believed she was just pushing Moira to be the best version of herself. Looking at Moira now, at how content she was, Vera had to face the thought that maybe life wasn’t about following one path without glancing at the other options.

“I’m glad I glanced,” she whispered to Jessa.