12. Annie

ANNIE

June 2021 - Sam is 26, Annie is 25

The first time I leave Mitch, I nearly call my mom, which is how I know it's bad. I want to call her and tell her that she was the perfect example all these years of exactly what not to do. And instead of listening to my gut, I fell for a man who I thought loved me.

Turns out, Mitch loves power more than anything else.

After I clock out of work, I sit in the small lunch room that's reserved for me and the other chefs. It's late, so nearly everyone has already cleared out. My gut clenches as I hear footsteps in the hall, my shoulders relax when I see that it's my friend Chiara.

"You okay?" she asks me, coming in and grabbing her food from the fridge. I got her a job here at Austen's shortly after I started working here, and we've both been here for two years.

"I broke up with Mitch." My shoulders slump as I say the words. This is why I don't date. Breaking up hurts, but not as much as being with Mitch does. I can't believe I was so dumb and didn't see him for what he was sooner.

Her eyes go wide. "What, no way? What happened?"

He hit me again and then destroyed me with his words as he blamed me. "I just don't think it's going to work anymore. You know I always said that I wasn't the dating type," I tell her, because how can I tell her that her idol is a raging narcissist who likes to hit his girlfriend? No one would believe me.

"That sucks," Chiara says as she sits at the table across from me. She eyes my phone. "You going to tell Sam?"

I was thinking about it. I even opened his text thread. We haven't talked much since I told him I'd met Mitch nearly two years ago. I think I've seen Sam once in all that time. I secretly watch his vlogs—because Mitch was furious the first time he saw me watching Sam on my laptop—and he's been traveling a lot. He seems tired, but his subscribers love his videos. He's started doing tricks on bikes and skydiving and doing all sorts of risky hikes that make me sick to my stomach to watch. I'm afraid he's going to get hurt every time, but I watch every single minute. I can't seem to look away.

"Probably," I tell her.

Chiara sighs.

"What?" I ask her.

"Did you break up with Mitch because you're secretly pining after Sam?"

"What? No way," I say, surprised that anyone would even think that. "He's my best friend."

Chiara looks at me knowingly. "He was your best friend. The two of you have hardly spoken since you started seeing Mitch and I know how much it hurt when he stopped talking to you."

I shrug my shoulders. "I told him I met someone, it's not my fault he got all hurt and ignores me now."

"No, but it still hurts."

I bite my lip because this isn't how I pictured this conversation going. "I'm sorry if Mitch takes out his anger about the breakup on the staff."

"I doubt he will. He's a professional. And haven't the two of you fought before? I didn't even know until you told me."

It's just like Mitch to act like everything is fine in front of everyone else, but change when it's just the two of us. "He might be upset this time."

He was upset when I told him I thought we weren't working any more. I shift and the bruise on my ribs makes me want to scream, but I don't make a sound. I've gotten good at pretending I'm fine—so good that most of the time I believe it myself.

"Are you going to take some time off?" Chiara asks me.

I nod. "Yeah, I'm going to go visit my Grandma in Utah for a week then I'll be back. Maybe it'll give him at least a little time to cool off."

Chiara tilts her head at me like she wants to ask the questions I wish someone would ask, that she of all people would notice that something isn't right. But she doesn't. "Have a good trip."

I give her my practiced smile, the one that shows everyone that I'm absolutely fine, because I am absolutely fine.

"It's so good to see you, darling." Grandma Marsha wraps her arms around me and I breathe in her familiar scent of hot chocolate and old books. Or maybe that's just The Book Shop, her book store that she's been running for years. Either way, being in her arms feels a little bit like coming home—a feeling that I'm not all that familiar with.

"It's good to see you too, Grandma." I smile at her. I can breathe easier here, away from New York City. But I ignore the thought because for the past ten years of my life, I've been dreaming about opening my own restaurant in New York City and I'm not going to let my terrible ex ruin that dream for me. I can't open my place yet, because I don't have any money saved. But someday, someday, I'll be free from Mitch and living my dream in the city that I love.

"I've missed you," Grandma Marsha says and I look away. Noah visits more than I do. I haven't made time for it in the past few years.

"I'm sorry it's been so long," I tell her truthfully. "Work has been keeping me busy."

"Tell me all about being head chef. Is it everything you hoped it would be?" Grandma smiles at me and I relax a little. She's missed me, but she's not mad that I haven't come to visit in so many years.

"It's the best," I say, and then, like usual, I get lost in telling her about the dishes we've been making and how I've been able to have more freedom and experiment with the menu a bit, which has been fun. I don't tell her about how Mitch still hangs around a lot, even though he told me in my interview that he'd give over the reins to me by now. I try not to let it bother me, but it does. Instead, I tell her about my plans for opening my own restaurant, once I can save enough money, which isn't exactly easy to do in New York City. I make decent money, but most of it goes to rent and food. I put any extra penny I have into my savings, but it'll be a few more years before I'm able to do anything on my own.

"How's Sam?" Grandma Marsha asks after a beat too long.

"Fine," I say, which I assume is true. He seems fine from what I've seen on his channel. Plus, he and Noah are still doing their yearly trip together and that seems to be going well. At least Noah still has Sam.

"You don't see him?" Grandma asks as if she knows more than I'll ever tell her.

"Here and there." I keep my answer simple. Truthfully, it's easier that way. "He's not in New York much these days. Busy traveling and all."

"Hmm."

"What?" I ask, shifting uncomfortably under her gaze.

"You love him," is all Grandma says.

"What? No." I mean, yes I do care about Sam, but I could never be with him, we don't want the same things and that wouldn't be fair to him to make him a fling or something short. He's looking for a lifelong commitment and I'd rather not have him at all romantically if I can't give him all that he wants. Mitch was a reminder of why I don't date. And while Sam is nothing like him, I won't be dating anyone ever again.

Grandma Marsha smiles at me. "Just don't wait too long to tell him." My eyes bug out. Are we having the same conversation? Grandma waves her hand. "But enough about boys and cooking, did you see the new Emma movie?"

I'm grateful for the change in conversation, but my mind won't stop swirling about what Grandma said about Sam.