13. Sam

SAM

July 2021 - Sam is 26, Annie is 25

"You have a bruised rib." The nurse who's dabbing my bleeding chest with a rag tells me. "But the doctor will confirm that. He'll also give you something for the pain."

I grunt in response.

I'd rather feel this physical type of pain than the ache that I constantly feel in my heart. I grit my teeth and push away the heartache that comes along any time I'm reminded of Annie. Though, how a bruised rib did that, I don't have a clue.

"And my friend?" I ask, wondering how Noah is doing, and where he is. My heart is still pumping fast and I'm sure my ribs will hurt a lot more when the adrenaline wears off. But for now, I'm alive. Is it bad that I kind of hate that?

First, a bear came into our camp and was digging through the food that I forgot to tie up. Then we were in that dang tree for who knows how long before I woke up on the ground, my ribs hurting like crazy and a fire burning close. Noah said he remembers seeing the lightning, but I don't remember anything.

Thankfully, we're in Colorado—a place that I'm familiar with—and I was able to drive us down the canyon and to an emergency room, despite the pain. A near-death experience will do that to you I guess.

"He'll be fine." The nurse tells me as she puts the cloth she was using to clean off my blood on the tray next to me. "I think he has a broken arm, it's a miracle that the two of you are even alive."

I give her a tight smile.

Alison, who's on my film crew, recently asked me if I had a death wish since some of the tricks I've been trying lately have been getting a little bit riskier. I laughed it off and was able to convince her I was fine. And I am fine, but the adrenaline I feel, the fear that comes from jumping off a cliff or out of a plane is much more manageable than the hole that I seem to have in my heart.

I never worried about Annie finding someone, because for so many years she told anyone and everyone who would listen that she was never going to date because she didn't want to end up like her mom. But then she did date. And she picked him. The guy who makes her brother mad when he comes up in conversation. I've never met him and I don't plan on it. If I did, I'd probably punch him right in the face and she would probably hate me forever.

So I keep my distance, which makes my heart ache. But it's better than the alternative.

Maybe. I'm alive, but the woman I love is in love with another man.

So I keep doing risky tricks.

I clench my jaw shut. I have to stop thinking about her because pining after her like this isn't helping me at all.

Camping with Noah wasn't supposed to be risky. It's my week off. It was supposed to be fun. Just two friends drinking a little bit too much and drowning our sorrows, while ignoring the sorrows that even exist. It wasn't supposed to end up with us in the hospital.

It takes a few minutes after I knock on the door of my parents' house for a light to turn on and the door to swing open. Which, I should have expected since it's the middle of the night.

"Sam!" My mom gives me a giant hug. "What a surprise. What brings you here?" she asks as welcomes me into the house that I can't believe my parents still live in. After moving around for so many years my parents finally settled in a small farming town. They still love it nearly twelve years later. "I thought you were camping."

I wince a little as she lets me go, my broken rib screaming in pain. "There was a fire," I tell her, which is the least bad thing of our night. "So we came home." It's easier to tell her that than to tell her the whole truth. I don't exactly need my Mom worrying about my hurting ribs.

"I'm sorry. I know you were looking forward to it," Mom says. I'm exhausted from not sleeping most of the night, but I still follow her into the kitchen and accept a cup of tea.

"How are you?" Mom asks me and I give her my easygoing smile. At this point, I'm a pro at smiling at telling everyone that everything is good.

"Good, good. Things with the channel are great and in a couple of weeks I'll be heading to Europe again for the next year."

Mom frowns. "I wish you could do more of your backpacking trips here in America so we could at least see you once in a while."

I keep going to other countries because I can't risk running into Annie, and that will happen if I'm too close to New York. I'll go back. She's like a magnet, always pulling me to her.

"Maybe you and Dad could come out for Christmas. I'll pay for the trip." I rush to add before Mom complains about the expense of a trip to Europe.

"We'd like that," she tells me and she squeezes my hand. She then gets the look on her face and I know she's about to ask me about my love life and I'm not sure I can handle that right now.

"Well, I'm really tired, I think I'm going to get some sleep and we can talk more later."

"Alright." Mom gives me a sad smile like she knew that this was coming. I nod once and head down the hall to my room.

Opening the door and stepping inside feels a little bit like stepping back in time. The room is the same as it was when I was in high school. There's a picture of Annie and I on my nightstand which I move so it's facing down. Lying on the bed I stare up at the ceiling, memories flooding my mind of Annie sneaking into my room for the first time when her mom's boyfriend was being a creep. That was the only time I slept with her in my arms.

I turn on my side, pushing the memories out of my mind. I've got to move on. I never did understand why Noah wallowed so much about the girl he met one time, but I guess I get it a little bit because I've spent the past few years of my life wallowing about Annie. It's time for me to grow up, to get serious. To find someone I can build a family with, make new memories with, someone who will actually love me back.