18. Liam

"What are you doing in town?" Aiden asks me as I grab my Chubby Subs order from the to-go counter.

"Uh, my car broke down." I think fast, figuring that's as good a reason as any to still be here when campus is closed for the Thanksgiving holiday. "Couldn't get back home, so…" I press my lips together and wait to see if he buys it.

"That sucks. But, aren't the dorms closed for the week? Where are you staying?"

"A hotel." That part is true. Dad's Amex to the rescue once again. "Why are you here?"

He lifts a casual shoulder. "My folks went to visit my sister and her husband for Thanksgiving since they're doing Christmas with his family, and I didn't feel like couch surfing at her place."

"Did you get a hotel, too?"

"The frat house never closes. Just another perk you're missing out on." He nudges my shoulder then goes to collect his order when they call his name, and since I've got nothing better to do, I wait for him.

"Got plans to watch your roommate play?" Today's matchup will determine if Cruz and the rest of the team make it to a bowl game. There's a lot riding on it, and it's important to him. Of course I'm going to watch it.

I hold up my lunch.

"Same. Why don't you come to the house and watch it with me? It'd beat staying holed up in your room."

"You guys having a watch party?" I follow him out the door and into the cool November air.

"Nah, just me."

I cock an eyebrow. "I thought you only went to games and stuff because your brothers roped you into it?"

"It's a habit now." His cheeks turn a little pink, but given the way he ducks his head I don't think that's due to the cold. I wonder what that's about. "So, you in?"

I hesitate, wondering if this is an invitation to watch the game or do something else. I never specifically said I wasn't interested in hooking up anymore—I just used my cast as an excuse—and I don't want to lead him on if that's what he's expecting.

My face must give me away, because he jumps in to clarify. "I only plan to watch the game."

"Oh. Uh, yeah." Great. Now my cheeks match his. "That'd be cool."

We make small talk as we walk to his place, mostly about how classes are going. When we get there, he grabs us each a drink and some plates so we can eat in front of the TV.

"Is it wrong to say my favorite part of football is seeing all those guys in tight pants?" Aiden asks as the camera pans the other team in the huddle.

"I'd be in the wrong then, too."

"Finally, someone who can appreciate the same thing. You have no idea how hard it is to watch football with a bunch of guys who are more fascinated by how fast the players are or how well they can catch instead of how fucking beautifully those pants fit."

"They don't appreciate it when you point out how tight someone's ass looks?"

"Ah, that'd be a no."

"I thought you said they were cool with you being gay?" A drop of Thousand Island that's escaped from my Rueben rolls down my fingers, and I rush to lick it off before it hits the ground.

"They are. But that doesn't mean they want to talk about hot guys or sexy butts with me."

"So, who do you talk about that stuff with?"

"You?" He gives me an awkward grin.

"Me?" I point a finger at my chest. "Did that happen in some alternate reality or something, cause I'm pretty sure we've never had that conversation until now."

"We haven't." He gives me a sheepish look and takes a bite of his sub.

"Are you telling me I'm the only person you talk to about being gay, making this conversation right now the first of its kind?"

"I talk about being gay with my brothers. I mean, they know when I go to gay bars and they'll ask how my evening was and stuff. I just don't get into specifics. And the people I meet in town tend to only last a night."

"You don't have other gay friends?"

"Do you?" He turns my question back on me.

"Well, no. But I just got here. You've been here awhile, and you're part of a frat. Why would you join it if you're the only gay guy?"

"I'm a legacy. It was sort of expected. And my brothers really are good guys. They've never made me feel like I don't belong."

"Wait a minute." My eyes narrow. "Weren't you complaining about legacy people a few weeks back? Doesn't that make you a bit of a hypocrite?"

"I complained about one who acted superior. I don't have a problem with legacies in general, obviously." He glances at the TV and takes another bite of his sub, which I think is code for ‘I've said enough.' But I have more questions.

"Would you have joined if it wasn't expected?"

"Oh no. I'm not playing the whole ‘what if things were different' game like I'm repressed or have regrets. Life is good."

"Even though you don't have anyone to relate to?"

"Being gay is not the whole of who I am. I relate plenty with the guys in this house. And what about you? You just admitted you don't have gay friends, and I already know you keep your head down in class and don't make an effort to meet anyone. Who do you have to relate to?"

"Cruz, just not for that reason," I rush to clarify since his sexuality isn't up for discussion. "Like you said, being gay isn't the whole of who I am. We have other stuff in common. We do talk about me being gay though. He knows…things."

"What sort of things?" Aiden looks at me with a wry smirk.

"He knows we hooked up. I didn't tell him." I hold my hands up defensively. "I'm not a kiss-and-tell person. He saw us once. And he knows I think football pants are hot."

"Speaking of hot, that's an awful deep blush you've got going on."

"What?" I press my hands to my face, noting my cheeks do feel a little warm.

"Oh my gosh, you've got a thing for your roommate. Is that why you stopped coming around?"

"I don't… My sandwich is spicy." I fan my face with one hand and reach for a drink with the other.

"A Reuben? Please." Aiden rolls his eyes. "You totally have a thing for Cruz, don't you?"

"You can't say shit like that, it's how rumors get started. And that one would take off since I live with the guy and he's practically a superstar around here."

"You're telling me you wouldn't want a piece of that tight end's tight end?" Aiden waggles his brows.

"Real original." I shake my head with a huff. "And duh, the guy's gorgeous, but he… I mean I… He's a good friend, that's all."

"Unrequited," Aiden says softly.

"Why would you say that?" It's only because I'm guarding my expression so closely that I notice the brief change in his. "Who is it?"

"That's not important." Aiden shakes his head with a wan smile, a look I'm all too familiar with since it's the one I wore my senior year of high school. Not because of unrequited love, but because I felt so alone.

"Maybe not. But I know a thing or two about not having anyone to talk to, and there's no reason for both of us to feel that way when we can help each other out."

Aiden's lip twitches like he wants to talk but isn't sure where to begin. Finally, he says, "He doesn't know I exist."

"The guy you like? Does that mean he's a stranger, or he doesn"t know you're interested?"

He cracks an amused smile. "You're good at this." Several deep breaths later he says, "He doesn't know I'm interested. And even if he did, it wouldn't matter since he's straight."

"You're still stuck on him, though?"

Aiden chuckles without any humor. "I keep hoping he isn't as unavailable as I think. Then I'll see him take a girl to his room."

"That must be hard to watch all the time."

"You have no idea." He sighs heavily, getting lost in his thoughts. It only lasts a second or two before his wide, panicked eyes meet mine. "I didn't mean… Oh God, I swear I wasn't trying to use you when we… I mean, you're fun, you're hot, I was definitely interested, I…"

"It's okay." I let out a relieved sigh myself. "I think it's fair to say I'm in the same boat. Under different circumstances who knows. Right now, I think we both have someone in our system we can't shake, even if we probably should."

I feel slightly guilty putting it that way since I'm most definitely not invisible to Cruz, which sometimes makes me think we could be different or more than Aiden's desire for…whoever. But that's not what he needs to hear right now.

"Guess we're playing the ‘if things were different game,' after all." I chuckle.

"Fuck." He lets his head fall against the back of the couch. "I really do hate that game. So, Cruz? Does he know you're into him?"

I roll that question around in my brain for a minute, wondering how to answer without either telling a lie or saying too much.

"He knows that I think he's hot. And that I'm gay, obviously. He doesn't know I could see myself being into him." Not as a boyfriend, anyway.

"I don't know if that's better or worse than my situation. I may share a house with…" Aiden rolls his lips between his teeth before he can finish that sentence. "It's not a bedroom, though. That's gotta be rough."

"Sometimes," I agree, although in my mind that's because I want to jump on Cruz's lap far more often than I do. The actual sharing a room part is nice.

"Well, if you ever need a reprieve, you're always welcome here. It's nice to have someone to hang out with who doesn't mind talking about pining after guys. Or picking out the best ass on the field." He gives me a playful wink.

"Oh, you know I have to go Cruz on that, though. It's not even a debate."

"Eh, we'll see." Aiden gets a wistful look as he watches the TV, and while I'm a little sad that his situation seems more dire than mine, I'm glad I ran into him today. It will be nice to have a gay friend.

My first.