8. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

I t wasn't until Tuesday that Asher and I met in Heartbridge Cave again. I licked the mark and got there first. Just like last time, I intended to let my body do all the talking instead of wasting time with banter, but Asher had different plans.

He shifted into his human form and started to pull on his pants, but then he set them back down. I raised an eyebrow at him even as my face warmed. Why wasn't he getting dressed? Would I ever get used to being around this naked, gorgeous man?

"Why don't we do something different for a change?" he said, surprising me.

I blinked at him. It was the first time I'd heard the smooth depth of his voice in days, and I'd missed it more than I would ever admit to him.

"What?" I asked. "I thought we both preferred making out."

He paused, then chuckled. I felt a pang in my heart at the sound of his laugh. I wasn't used to seeing him smile. "Well, if you want to keep things that way, I think I can accommodate. But for tonight, why don't we let our wolves out?"

He wanted to shift with me? Excitement flared in my chest, but a question tempered that. "You haven't wanted to be in our wolf forms before. What made you change your mind now?"

He nodded like he'd expected me to ask that very question. "I think I've been too precious about staying out of sight. Letting our wolves play could help us work off all the energy from being in heat."

I frowned. "Really?" What he was saying made sense, and I really, really wanted to let my wolf out, but I sensed there was more behind this he wasn't saying.

"Yes, really." His grin unleashed a torrent of butterflies in my stomach. "Want to try it?"

Before I could respond, Asher had already returned to his wolf form. He sat expectantly at my feet, his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth.

My wolf ran around inside me, bouncing here and there to be let out, but before I let her take control, I wanted to admire him a bit more. The last of my suspicions dissolved when I touched his head and stroked the soft fur behind his ear. He rumbled with pleasure and pressed his large, warm body more firmly against my leg, his tail wagging.

I giggled. It was hard to believe that the last time his wolf had been this close to me, he'd tried to kill me. I couldn't imagine this beautiful creature being so violent when he looked so silly.

"You're not so bad like this," I said. "You're actually pleasant to be around when you're not smirking at me."

He snorted at my words, sounding almost exactly like he would if he'd been human. Suddenly, he hopped to his feet and out of my reach. He nodded his head the entrance of the cave. Come on, he was saying. Let's play.

"Okay." I laughed. "Maybe you're right." I quickly took off my clothes and let my wolf take over—something she was all too eager to do. We shook out our fur and stretched. It was such a huge relief for both of us to let her out again.

When we looked where Asher had been, we found he'd disappeared. He must have headed out of the cave already. We walked out of the mouth of the cave, but neither of us were expecting him to be hiding just out of sight.

He jumped out at us, and we leaped ten feet into the air. As we landed, he gave a barking laugh. After tackling him into the grass, we rolled together, snapping playfully at each other. It was wonderful. I enjoyed the way things looked from my wolf's perspective. She was normally just an annoyed presence in my mind, but night never looked more beautiful than through my wolf's eyes.

Asher's wolf was much more familiar with the area, so my wolf followed him into the forests. We ran together, then paused when we caught the scent of a moose. It was less common to have large prey on this part of the island, as the Wilcox territory took up most of the area where moose liked to graze. This was a golden opportunity.

Because he was much more experienced, he caught the trail quicker than I did. He lowered his head and quietly followed the scent. My wolf went along with him, moving just as quietly as his, but when we reached a small clearing where a juvenile moose was grazing, she moved in on it.

While she took point, Asher moved in to flank the moose. She growled at it, forcing it back toward the trees, and right toward his sharp, waiting teeth. He sank in first, and she followed, closing powerful jaws around its neck. It was over quickly.

My wolf, excited by her first kill, threw her head back and howled. His wolf howled with her, and their combined song rippled through the trees.

I'd already had something to eat before coming to meet Asher, but the scent of fresh meat awakened my appetite. Side by side, our wolves started to feast on the moose. Never in my life had any meat, including the choice cuts I'd enjoyed in high-wolf society, tasted so sweet and so savory. Now I understood why hunts were so coveted in wolf culture. It didn't taste as good if you didn't kill it yourself.

After gorging ourselves, we returned to the cave with full bellies, where we could lick away any remaining blood from our paws and jowls in comfort. My wolf crawled closer to Asher's, and we sighed together as we pressed against his side.

It was peaceful and still inside the cave, and I couldn't help but marvel at what an amazing experience that had been. After living without a wolf for such a long time, part of me worried that her temperamental personality would make her an anomaly around other shifters. But Asher's wolf didn't behave like there was anything wrong with her. He accepted her immediately, and she accepted him.

Maybe she was a bit violent and impulsive, but she could hunt and keep pace with an alpha, and she had let him take the lead where she was uncertain. It was wonderful to know she was healthy and normal, that she would be able to fit in, especially if she had more opportunity to socialize.

As soon as I thought the word socialize , Theodora's kind face came to mind. Meeting her had been a kind of culture shock. Most of the wolves I knew kept to themselves. Friendships were pre-established, families that had history maintained that distance or closeness. Things stayed the same, and the only time new alliances were formed were through marriage.

Theodora was just feeling guilty because I'd paid Preston. By now, she probably realized that her offer had been a bad idea. She couldn't have meant her invitation when she extended it to me. There was no reason for me to think any further about that little interaction.

And yet the way she'd looked at me when she found out who I was… She had seemed genuinely upset on my behalf, and I couldn't ignore how validating that felt.

Theodora was such a safe presence, I started to wonder if I could tell her I could shift now. As much as I hoped I'd left this desire behind, I imagined she could be my first shifter friend. Unlike what happened with my previous friends in high-wolf society, I wanted to believe she could become a friend.

But that was wishful thinking. Besides, I had El. Yes, she'd refused to tell me how to get rid of the mate mark, but could I really let that erase a five-year friendship? She may have been only a few inches tall, but I trusted her, and I never had to hide my feelings from her.

El had been more than enough for me for five years. Why would I want that to change when I was fighting to leave the island?

Asher's wolf stood, pulling me from my thoughts. He walked around so he could gently butt his head against my chin. My wolf responded by gently biting his nose and licking him there. His wolf was so sweet and affectionate, almost the opposite of the intense heat of his human form. Was it wrong for me to want Asher to be this gentle with me?

My wolf let her head fall back so he could push his nose into her neck. He nibbled and groomed her fur. She panted happily at the way it tickled her and placed a paw over his face and eyes.

He moved out from under her paw, and suddenly they were looking at each other, communicating only with their eyes. Uh-oh. My wolf started to roll over, to get in the position that would take the relationship a step too far, but Asher and I quickly shifted before they could.

We'd stopped them, but now we were in a new predicament. Asher was on top of me, his knees on either side of my hips, his elbows caging in my head. He was so close that the heat of his skin warmed me, his scent intoxicated me, and his cock pressed against my thigh. Gods, he was so hard, and the size of him terrified me as much as it excited me. How could any woman fit that much inside her?

"It's hard," he muttered.

"Wh-what?" I squeaked. I tried to keep my breaths shallow, because if I inhaled too deeply, my hardened nipples would brush against his chest.

"Being like this." His voice was low and husky with lust. "I don't know how much longer I can stay here without doing something about it."

"What do you mean?"

His chuckle sent goosebumps up and down my shoulders. "I think you know exactly what I mean, Phaedra."

The sound of my name in that voice was nearly my undoing. I wanted him as badly as he wanted me, and he was right, it would have been so easy for me to move beneath him, spread my legs and see just how much of him I could take.

"We shouldn't," I whispered.

"No," he agreed. "We shouldn't."

But I wanted to. The longer I lay under him, the harder it was to hold on to common sense. Remember the ferry , I told myself, remember your plans! I closed my eyes and pushed at his shoulder.

It was a weak push, but he yielded to my touch and let me sit up. I got to my feet and glanced back at him, regretting it immediately. His eyes were the gold of roaring flames, so hot I was scared they would burn me if I looked into them even a second longer.

I quickly turned away, stumbling in my haste to grab my clothes. I dressed in record time because I felt Asher's eyes on me, watching me like I was prey. It frightened me how much I liked that attention.

I ran out of that cave as quickly as my legs could take me. I couldn't believe how close I'd come to having sex with Asher. The only thing that kept me from saying yes was the reminder of all the hard work it had taken to save money and leave behind the awful memories of my family and Connor. I didn't want to jeopardize that just because I was in heat. I'd made it this far. I just needed to stay strong.

At home, I took a long bath, then went to bed. My goal was to relax and keep my mind off Asher and his fiery gaze, but when I closed my eyes, I was back in that cave, with Asher hovering over me.

In the dream, I didn't say no to him.

We were in bed together, and he was all over me—his body, his scent, his heat. He held me close in his arms as he filled me and whispered my name in my ear just the way he had in the cave.

"I'm yours, Asher, forever."

We'd mated, and now all that was left was for him to claim me. I waited to hear him return my affection, but an awful sneer slashed across his handsome face. He laughed at me, and as he got to his feet, the warmth I felt with him turned as cold as the walls of the cave.

I sat up, fear flooding through me. "Where are you going? Aren't you going to claim me?"

"Me? Claim you?" He cackled as he walked away from me. "No man would ever."

I tried to call for him to come back, but he ignored me. As I got to my feet, the environment shifted. I wasn't in the cave anymore, but the grand, golden ballroom where I'd failed to shift. Dozens of eyes stared at me as I lay there, human, naked, alone. Their dispassionate gazes speared right through me.

Connor loomed over me, just as handsome as he'd been that day five years ago. He stared at me, his brown gaze filled with disgust and disappointment. He said something, but the words didn't reach my ears. That was almost a mercy. I didn't need to hear him say what he'd said that day. I remembered it perfectly.

Anger seared through me, combining with the fear and mounting panic. Betrayal rose up on a bitter wave, until I opened my mouth and let out a deep roar. "Stop looking at me!"

I woke the next morning with a throat that was raw and sore. I'd screamed myself hoarse in my sleep. With that nightmare still plaguing me, I got dressed and left my den without even thinking about breakfast.

My heart raced, and my skin prickled with dread as I recalled the nightmare. I had no intention of putting myself in that position ever again. Neither Asher nor I wanted to be in a relationship, so if anything, we'd reject each other. It was nothing like what Connor had done to me, but I couldn't deny the nightmare had made me tremble.

I collected myself, making my face an impassive mask, before I started work. On Wednesdays, I cleaned the Finleys' den. They were my easiest clients, which meant it would be an easy day. The Finleys hardly bothered me while I worked, and the youngest, Sammy, was a sweet boy who liked to sneak me sweets.

The Finleys preferred me to get an early start, so I entered their den just after dawn. I went directly to their supply closet and pulled on a pair of gloves before filling a bucket with hot, soapy water. Their den had four rooms and two bathrooms.

I felt a tap on my arm as I put my hand on the knob to the first bathroom. Sammy stood behind me, smiling brightly up at me.

For a moment, I forgot the nightmare and returned his smile. "What is it?" I asked, bending to meet him at eye level.

He quickly kissed my cheek and then scampered off. I laughed as he retreated to his room. He was such a sweetheart. I cared a lot about Sammy Finley. A year ago, when he was only nine years old, he'd come to the Holo statue to ask the goddess if his dad would ever stop drinking.

"He's not a mean drunk," Sammy had said. "But my mom says his liver will give out some day. If that happens then he won't be around to be my daddy anymore."

My heart had broken for him. I'd heard so many stories about people who had drunk themselves into early graves, and it was always devastating for their families and friends. I had already started working for the Finleys when Sammy came to the statue, so I was in a position to help him. As often as I could, I dumped out the liquor bottles I found or hid them. I hadn't noticed a difference in Mr. Finley, but Sammy had become happier, and that was enough for me.

But what would happen after I left? Would he be unhappy again?

I dunked a cleaning brush into the water and started scrubbing their tiles. My mind wandered as I worked. There were far too many things trying to keep me tethered to this damn island. These feelings for Sammy, the fated mate bond, lingering memories… these things would be the death of me if I let them keep me here. But what could I do? The Holo statue was a no-go, and my cleaning jobs paid me just enough to survive. I needed some way to make more money, and I needed to break my bond to Asher.

Without El, I had no idea how to pull that off. There had to be something I could do on my own. I just couldn't imagine what. I scrubbed hard at the floors and the tub until my muscles ached, my brain working itself hot.

All I knew for sure was that the only person I could depend on to have my best interests in mind was myself. Asher had indulged me last night, but it wasn't enough for me to trust him. I couldn't allow myself to get too close to him, not just because he was the alpha to an enemy pack, but also because he only ever told me half-truths.

I knew when he wasn't being completely honest, but I saw no point in challenging him because it meant he was keeping his distance from me, and I needed to do the same. Fated mate mark or no, my heart couldn't take another rejection. If my dream was any evidence, I still hadn't recovered from the humiliation.

Hours later, when I'd finished my work, I grabbed the money that had been left for me on the table by the door. As I went to put it in my pocket, I noticed something was already there. I pulled out a chocolate wrapped in gold foil.

I stared at it for a few seconds before I remembered Sammy had kissed me on my cheek. I hadn't noticed him slipping this into my pocket, and his kind gift brought tears to my eyes. It was such a small thing, and yet it was exactly the kind of comfort I needed right now. I held tightly to the chocolate as I left. When I unwrapped it and placed it on my tongue, the chocolate was sweeter than any other I'd had. It tasted like encouragement.