7. Asher

ASHER

I couldn't stop thinking about Phaedra kissing me.

When we started meeting, I thought we'd remain cold toward each other, but after Friday night, I didn't want to go back to that stiff, uncomfortable atmosphere. I wanted to feel her in my arms again.

I'd kept busy, preventing two more wolves from going feral, and speaking with vendors from our marketplace about their profits. I thought I put on a good front, but all I wanted to do was lick the mark and find Phaedra in that cave. That impulse scared me almost as much as it fascinated me. Maybe I'd already started losing my mind.

Love was something I'd never allowed myself to feel. Even after Selene and I mated, I wasn't planning on letting any feelings for her come between me and my pack. I was resolute about being an alpha first and foremost, and the most I'd allow myself to feel for any woman was affection, because I had the blood of a madman running in my veins. A man who let his grief supersede everything else.

If I never fell in love, then any grief I'd feel if I ever lost my mate would be easier to move past. And yet, when I was standing near Taig and felt that tingling tremor rack my body, my heart leaped with excitement.

Taig glanced at me. "You cold?"

"Hm? No, I'm fine," I answered too quickly.

Taig eyed me, suspicion in the downward quirk of his mouth. "If you're getting sick, I can take over from here."

It was so tempting to let him believe that was what was wrong and let him take over for me here so I could go and see Phaedra. But I wouldn't let myself fall into the same hole my father had. I couldn't afford to shirk my duties just to see her.

"I'm fine," I said. "But I appreciate your concern."

He shrugged.

I raised my voice so my and Selene's men could hear me, "Let's run through the drills a second time! We want to be in top form the next time we hunt on Wilcox territory."

Those who were in human form answered with a resounding "Yes, sir!" Those who were wolves barked in unison. Everyone began the drills again.

As I watched them, my thoughts returned to Phaedra.

So much about her ought to have turned me off: she was stubborn, she didn't believe in the gods, she knew exactly what to say to get under my skin, and I was pretty certain she was as determined not to like me as I was to not like her. And yet thinking of her face, of those delicate features that could shift between embarrassed and angry when I spoke, I found I wanted nothing more than to be in her presence again. I wanted to kiss her again.

The worst part about my confusing emotions was that I couldn't even be upset about what I felt for her. I needed to remember that the mark was making me feel like this. It wasn't that I actually felt anything for her. Our bond had just taken away my ability to think logically.

About an hour after she'd licked the mark, I pulled myself away from my duties and headed to Heartbridge Cave. I arrived before her, and I had time to wait things out in my wolf form before dressing in the clothes I'd left there. I'd just finished pulling on my shirt when she appeared at the mouth of the cave.

Phaedra didn't say a word, but the moment she saw that I was waiting on the rock, she marched toward me. I was going to say something to annoy her, maybe tease her for wanting to see me again so soon after our last meeting, but her expression made me keep my mouth shut.

Her face was stony, her eyes an intensely determined shade of sapphire. She looked like a warrior on a mission to kill, and having her look at me like that stirred feelings in me I hadn't expected.

But as she got closer, I saw that behind her determination was a glimmer of sadness. Something had happened between now and the last time we met; something that had hurt or scared her. But I didn't dare ask about them. It was none of my business, and the more I kept her at arm's length, the better it would be for both of us.

She straddled me without a trace of the embarrassment she'd had when she left after our last encounter, slipping her arms around my shoulders and pressing her chest against mine. Phaedra kissed me like it was as natural as breathing. My thoughts lost all coherence, my need for her overpowering everything else.

If this was her getting back at me for teasing her, I didn't mind it. The more this went on, the more it was becoming my favorite game: to test each other to see which of us broke first. It didn't bother me at all to admit that she was winning.

She tasted as sweet as she had that first time, but her kiss had a hungry edge to it as she took control. I was too enthralled not to let her have her way with me. Her tongue brushed over mine, stirring fire in my stomach. I held her as tightly as I could, letting my thoughts and worries about the fated mate mark, the curse, and Connor's ascension fade into background noise. All that mattered was her, me, and this moment.

My heartbeat quickened as I held her waist. I let my hands dip under her shirt and travel up her spine. She gasped against my mouth, arching her back as I stroked her skin. Touching her felt like sin. Her skin was so smooth, so soft under my fingers. It had to be a crime for someone as broken and unworthy as me to enjoy her like this, but that didn't stop me. I wanted more of her. Needed more of her.

I traced the strap of her bra from her back to her chest, then pressed my palm to her breast. It fit just right in my hand. Just as I was about to do more, Phaedra sucked my lip between her teeth… then bit down.

Hissing in pain, I pulled away, the sweetness of her taste replaced by the coppery tang of my own blood. She licked my blood from her lips as she slipped off my lap. Victory burned in those fiercely blue eyes as she stood over me. Then she turned, her golden hair lifting in the breeze as she strolled out of the cave just as silently as she'd arrived.

I wiped blood from the corner of my mouth with my thumb. She'd bit just enough to make me bleed, but it would heal within an hour. I got the impression she'd used me to let off some steam, but goddess, I didn't care. She could use me like that whenever she wanted.

The heat of her body was still on mine, and it was enough to make me want to run after her and pay her back for the little bite. In all honesty, though, I probably deserved that bit of punishment. It was impossible to stop myself from getting lost in the heat of the moment, and I'd riled us both up. I loved how she'd trembled in my arms, her sweet little gasps when I touched her back, and the feel of her pressed flush against me with need.

With all of that so fresh on my mind, I couldn't head home. There was no way to hide the tent I was pitching, and I didn't want to leave the cave until I was sure I had my shit together.

My wolf whined, missing her just as much. If we were back on my territory, I was sure he'd be out and prowling around in frustration because I wouldn't mate Phaedra and put an end this madness. Fortunately for me, we were on sacred land. It was the only thing keeping my libido in check and holding off the curse.

Thinking about the curse helped me shake off the last bit of desire. With my libido in check, I left Heartbridge Cave and headed home. On the way, I decided to enjoy my human form a little while longer instead of shifting to get back faster.

I still wasn't sure if it was the cave, the sacred lands, or the mark itself that made it so easy for me to stay in my human form now. For all I knew, it might have been a perfect combination of the three. I doubted there was much literature or legend about this. As far as I knew, my father was the only wolf on Isle Royale who had been cursed directly by the gods.

I was so deep in thought that I forgot to leave my clothes behind or roll in the dirt of my territory to get rid of Phaedra's scent and the scent of the sacred lands. And I didn't even think to check that the coast was clear before I stepped out into the moonlit path toward my pack territory. When someone melted out of the shadows to my right, I froze in my tracks, and when I turned to face whoever it was, I found Taig standing there, looking as pissed as I'd ever seen him.

"What the hell is going on with you?"

"Taig, listen?—"

"No, you listen," he snapped. "I've caught you, Asher. You have Selene waiting to mate you, yet here you are drenched in some enemy female's scent. How could you betray us like this?"

My back stiffened. Taig was right. Getting involved with someone from the Wilcox pack could be considered treason. I was betraying the trust of my pack to do this behind everyone's back, but I knew Taig would never tell anyone about this. His loyalty to me and his desire to understand what was going on wouldn't let him sell me out. It was his job as my right-hand to be on my side, but I didn't deserve it.

"Lower your voice," I whispered. "It's not what you think."

"Then explain." He crossed his arms. "Now."

"All right, okay." I sighed and took a couple of seconds to gather my thoughts. "A week ago, I went to the Holo statue to ask for forgiveness. While there, I caught a woman impersonating the goddess, and I lost control. I destroyed the goddess's statue and bit the woman with the intention of killing her."

Taig's eyebrows raised toward his hairline. It was forbidden to spill blood on sacred land, but it was a little strange to see him so scandalized over it. I'd already done worse than that.

"When I bit her, this mark appeared on my wrist." I rolled up my sleeve and showed it to him. "It's a fated mate mark, and she has one too. We've been forced to meet at Heartbridge Cave every so often because the mark has put us both in heat."

He frowned, taking in that information. "What a mess." He sighed. "You defiled sacred land so many times by destroying the statue, drawing blood, and going into the cave. If someone who wants your position for themselves found out about these things, they could ruin your reputation."

I lowered my head. "I know. That's why I've been trying to be discreet."

"Well, fortunately, I'm the only one in the pack who knows right now." He patted my shoulder. "I'll help you keep this a secret, but in exchange, you need to find some way to break your bond with this woman."

"Believe me, I agree with you," I said. "But it's not so easy. Honestly, I don't even know where to start."

"I understand. It's not like we have a ton of resources at our disposal right now." Taig stroked his chin. "Garrett might know something about this, right? He's old enough to maybe have seen something like this happen before."

"That's true," I replied slowly. I didn't want to tell my uncle about Phaedra. He would keep my secret, but I didn't want another person to know.

"Do you think killing her would work?" Taig asked.

"Killing her?" I didn't know how to respond. The fated mate mark wouldn't let me kill her with my own hands, but I didn't think it would stop me from sending someone else to do it for me. But killing Phaedra? Even thinking of it made my stomach drop and my wolf growl. I couldn't give an order like that, and even if I could, there was no way I could stop myself from getting revenge for her murder.

Taig must have sensed my doubt. He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "You are bound by duty to your pack and to Selene. You must try to break that bond, Asher. Don't let this mark turn you soft."

I nodded, but I hated myself for it. I wished I'd never had to tell Taig about Phaedra.

"Let's talk to Garrett," he said. "He might give us some perspective."

"Okay." I'd much rather talk to my uncle than think about Phaedra lying dead in my arms.

Before we could see my uncle, Taig and I were forced to shift into our wolf forms. With so many distracting smells around us, I immediately missed what it was like to experience the night as a man instead of a wolf. As a man, I could walk freely without feeling on edge about every sound in the forest, but as a wolf, everything was dialed up to twelve. Damn this curse.

Forty-five minutes later, Taig and I could return to our human forms, and we went to find my uncle.

His cabin was along the outer edge of the spiral, a few homes down from mine. The moment we pushed open his door, we found three women. One was in her wolf form, snoozing peacefully in Garrett's armchair, but the other two were human and naked, with only thin, brightly-colored scarves covering them.

Seeing them might have stirred something in me two weeks ago, but now all I could think about was Phaedra. I wondered how she would look with only that thin silk draped across her svelte body. She would be breathtaking. I clenched my hand, digging my nails into my palms to banish the arousing vision.

"Who's at the door?" Garrett asked as he rounded the corner into the living room. When he saw me, he grinned. "Ah, Taig and Asher. What a nice surprise. Ladies." He addressed his little harem with a wink. "We'll go for round two when they've finished whatever business they have with me."

The women giggled and rose slowly to their feet. They slipped out into the night, leaving a trail of sweet-smelling perfume in their wake.

"Wow," Taig breathed when the door was shut behind them. "Garrett, what's your secret?"

"It's something you're born with, Taig." Garrett wrapped a towel around his waist. "You either got it or you don't. And Asher and I, well… we've got it." He winked at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Taig, you shouldn't have asked. My uncle can't go very long without talking about his dick."

Taig chuckled, and my uncle grinned without an ounce of shame.

"Anyway," I said. "We have something serious to discuss."

"Oh?" He topped off his whiskey. "Is this about the ascension?"

"No, not directly." I quickly went through what I'd told Taig. By the time I'd finished, Garrett was standing straight. He'd gone from lush rake to the military strategist who'd taught me everything I knew.

"Who did you say this woman was?"

"I didn't," I replied. I didn't want to go into too much detail about Phaedra. "She's the woman who was once Connor's chosen mate."

"Hm." He pondered over it, staring into his whiskey glass. He hadn't taken a sip since I started my story. "Have either of you thought," he said slowly, "that we could use the girl to our advantage?"

My wolf started to growl, and like him, I didn't like where this was going.

"How?" Taig asked.

"If she was Connor's chosen mate, she might know some of Connor's and Edgar's weaknesses. What's more, she could probably tell you the best way to sneak into Edgar's mansion."

That was a good point. During battles between myself and Connor, Edgar refused to show himself. The ascension would occur on the last day of April, and if he continued to hide in his mansion, then sneaking in might be the best way for me to confront Edgar. But I couldn't just ask that of Phaedra right away. That was the kind of conversation that needed to be built up to.

"Killing Edgar in the manor would really shake things up," Uncle Garrett said. "It might even weaken the Wilcox pack's so-called ‘high-wolf society.'" He made air quotes, his voice laced with sarcasm. "Stupid elitist bullshit if you ask me. I tell you, if Edgar had any sense, he'd undo everything his predecessor did to segregate his own pack."

"Here we go," I muttered, sensing Garrett was working himself up.

"What sense does it make to shut out half of your people?" he demanded. "You're telling them they're entitled to less than those who live in ‘higher society.' How does that make a pack stronger? All it does is cause unrest. And I bet you even those who have access to the luxuries of high-wolf society can't enjoy it. How can they when they have to fight tooth and nail to keep the alpha's favor?"

"I guess I never thought about it like that," Taig said. "Sounds awful."

"I'm sure it is." Uncle Garrett looked at me. "That poor girl you're fated to must have learned the hard way how arbitrary and temporary the Salcedos' favor can be." He shook his head. "You boys mark my words, there will be a rebellion within the next ten years if they don't find some way to unite their pack. Maybe even sooner if Connor is as ineffective a leader as he is on the battlefield."

My uncle had gone on and on about what he thought about the high-wolf society system the older generation of Salcedos instituted, and that part of his speech didn't surprise me. But what did surprise me was that in the same conversation where he'd said we use Phaedra, he could also summon sympathy for her. I hadn't expected him to have such a nuanced response to her.

With shame, I remembered how I'd told her she was the last person anyone would want to be mated to. She had been doubtful of the curse my people and I had dealt with for almost two decades, but I hadn't needed to deal such an unnecessarily low blow. If even my uncle could show empathy for her situation, what excuse did I have?

"Anyway," Garrett said after taking a long sip of his whiskey. "Asher, you could be sitting on a shining opportunity. Woo the girl and use her to our advantage. Just be careful not to let your dick do all the thinking for you."

I nodded because it felt like something I should do, but inside, I wasn't sure if I could resist the pull of the mark.

"You can't forget that she is, first and foremost, the enemy, and that you and Selene are a good match," he said. "Don't throw all that away over a fluke of fate."

"Right," I said. A fluke of fate. Was that really all that Phaedra and I were? I'd been trying to convince myself of the same thing since the mark showed up, but now that I heard my uncle say it out loud, I didn't like the sound of it.

"Now, make yourselves scarce," he said, shooing us. "I'll be shifting any second, and I've got women waiting for me."

"We'll get out of your hair," I said quickly, pulling Taig with me so we could get out of there.

Taig seemed happy when we walked out of Garrett's home. "I guess this isn't as dire as I thought, Ash."

"Guess not," I said.

Garrett had said things I didn't like hearing, but at least I could take some relief in the fact that he wasn't telling me to kill Phaedra.

"I'm sorry about the way I confronted you earlier," he said. "I shouldn't have jumped down your throat like that."

I paused and looked at my right-hand. Taig had always been like an older brother to me. He could be hard, but he was fair and balanced and quick to apologize when the time came. He had the makings of a great leader, and when I was at my lowest, I often wondered how different things would be if he had been in line to take over the Dagger pack instead of me.

I tried to push that self-doubt away as I held out my hand. "It's okay," I said. "You just get some rest, okay?"

He nodded, smacked his palm against mine, then headed to his cabin. I decided to shift and take a couple of laps around my territory to process everything my uncle had said. I hadn't wanted to seem like I wasn't committed in front of my uncle and Taig, but I really wasn't sure it was a good plan.

Could I really manipulate Phaedra into helping me take down Edgar? Could I convince her to betray the only home she knew? It was true that she'd been kicked out of high wolf society, but was she angry enough to turn her back on them and the people she used to love?

It must have been a sign that the mark was working its magic on me, because I didn't want to put her in a position that could get her in trouble or fill her with guilt. The thought of it made my stomach churn, but to keep her as far from trouble as possible, I had to keep her in the dark about what my real intentions were—even if that meant I'd be using her.