11. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

T he next morning, Theodora, Penny, and I stood outside Salcedo Manor, facing the forest. A few feet to our left, Asher, Connor, Selene, and Randall stood waiting as well. We all watched as the Dagger pack returned one by one. Their eyes were downcast, and it was clear from their postures that they were exhausted. Of course they were. They'd been cutting wood nonstop and had to bring back their kills on top of it. It was a testament to their strength and to the force of their will that they were still standing. Every single member of the Dagger pack had a kill to present to Connor.

I glanced at Connor, who watched them come forward with a smirk. Goddess, I wanted to slap it off his face. I'd managed to avoid him since the incident in the corridor, which was good because it made planning his downfall easier. If I didn't see him, I didn't have to worry I'd accidentally let something slip that would clue him in. The only downside of avoiding him was that I was blind when it came to his plans, too.

Having the Dagger pack all gathered here made my heart race and my palms clammy. I had no idea what Connor was going to do now.

The highest-ranking members of high-wolf society had joined us. After his ascension ceremony, Connor, wanting to get rid of those who were most loyal to Edgar, had rearranged the pecking order, lowering the ranks of many families who once had the ear of the Salcedos. They didn't lose their place in high-wolf society, but they were no longer part of the alpha's inner circle.

Among those who remained were Michael and Sheila... and my parents. Seeing them sent a jolt of surprise down my spine. I wasn't prepared to see them today. My mother, like the other women of high-wolf society, had her umbrella out to protect herself from the sun. It was sunny, but not very hot. In fact, the weather was ideal. Clouds drifted lazily across the sky, and a cool breeze brushing through the trees behind Connor's garden. But being pale and unblemished was preferred. I, Penny, Theodora, Selene, and the women of the Dagger pack didn't have any sort of cover.

As if he could sense my presence, my father's gaze flitted across the Daggers and landed on me. I looked away before we could make eye contact.

"This is exactly what you all deserve," Connor said, pulling my attention to him, "For being such a nuisance to my family for decades. Come forward with your kills, and I expect you to bow as you give them."

Taig stepped forward, hefting the moose he'd killed. He dropped it at Connor's feet, heedless of the moose's mighty antlers. He smirked as Connor stepped back to avoid his leather shoes from getting scuffed.

"For you," he said, and gave a bow so theatrical it would have impressed the theater troupe. "I hope you choke on it. Sir ."

Connor sputtered. "How dare you? Who do you think you—hey!"

But Taig had turned and walked back to join the crowd. The next person in line to meet Connor was Garrett, Asher's uncle. His smirk was just as snarky as Taig's. He also had a moose, a female one, and threw it on top of the male.

"For you and your tyranny."

Connor's hands clenched at his sides as Garrett returned to the pack. One by one, the Daggers stepped forward with their kills, their words to Connor ranging from disrespectful to outright insulting.

I pressed my lips together to keep from smiling and glanced at Asher. He stood with his hands behind his back, relaxed, but clearly ready for anything. He wasn't even trying to keep the pride off his face. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his cheeks looked a bit gaunt. But it didn't matter. My heart still skipped a beat whenever I looked at him.

I thought about his shed. He didn't even have a pillow or a blanket. I made a mental note to get some to him. Perhaps there was a spot where he could stash them without the guards taking the linens away.

I tore my eyes away from him, my gaze landing on Randall. He stood a few feet behind Connor, ever his shadow. But something on his face gave me pause. It wasn't quite as impassive as usual. He watched his alpha, but there was something about the straight line of his mouth that spoke of sorrow. Did he, Connor's right-hand, actually disapprove of what Connor was doing, or was that wishful thinking? He'd always looked the other way when it came to Connor's ridiculous or outright bad behavior. After all, he'd taken me from my den just a couple of weeks ago to see Connor.

I avoided looking at my parents as I scanned the expressions of the other members of high-wolf society. Most of them looked either impassive or displeased at the disrespect the Dagger pack had shown their alpha. I kept looking back to Randall. He looked uncomfortable, maybe even disturbed.

Next to me, Penny spoke in a voice just loud enough for Theodora and me to hear. "At least Selene has the decency to look uncomfortable."

Theo and I looked at the Coldcrow alpha to see her chewing the inside of her cheek. Her arms were crossed, and sweat sheened her brow, though she ought to be cool enough in her short-sleeved shirt and shorts.

"That's true," I said.

"I'm glad." Penny sniffed. "She ought to feel some shame for the role she played in this farce."

"I forgot Selene was here," Theo said. "But you noticed her right away, Pen."

"That's because…" Penny trailed off, her eyebrows knitting together. It seemed even she wasn't sure why she was so focused on Selene. The confusion on her face smoothed out when she found an answer. "Well, someone's got to watch her," she huffed, crossing her arms. "Theo, you were too busy looking at Randall, and Phaedra's worried about everyone else. I'm the only one keeping Selene in sight."

Theo blushed. "I-I wasn't staring at him," she grumbled.

Penny raised a brow. I could tell she was about to tease Theodora, but I didn't want to get off the topic of Randall.

"Theo," I said. "How does Randall look to you?"

Her cheeks reddened. "L-listen, you two. I wasn't trying to be creepy or anything like that?—"

I chuckled. "No, no, that's not what I mean. I'm just asking because he seems a little…" I glanced at him. Even though we were far enough away and speaking quietly enough that there was no way he or any of Connor's lackeys would hear us, I wanted to be cautious. "He seems a little disturbed by what's going on."

"Oh." She blew out a breath, and the stiffness in her shoulders eased. "Yes. I was actually just thinking the same thing. He does look unsettled by all this."

Penny wrinkled her nose. "I don't know you two. He looks like the same old Randall to me. Just as stoic and unreadable as always. Maybe he just has an upset stomach, or maybe Connor hasn't been giving him the attention he wants."

I didn't want to agree with Penny, but it was possible Theo and I were reading too much into it. Perhaps Randall's strange demeanor was simply because Connor hadn't been including him in his meetings as often as he'd have liked. Still, I was reluctant to write off his reaction to all of this as quickly as Penny.

It took two hours for the Dagger pack to finish presenting their kills, and they had created a pile of moose, rabbit, and fish almost as tall as me.

Connor smirked. "You did better than I thought you would."

"Of course they did," Asher snapped. "What the hell was all of this for, Connor?"

Connor laughed. "What does your pack do once there is a big haul like this, mongrel? Preserve it? Ration it out for the winter?"

Asher raised a brow. It was a silent What are you getting at?

Connor kept laughing and turned his leering grin toward the Dagger pack. "Well, that's not how the Wilcox pack is doing things tonight." He gestured to the pile. "Your pack will be preparing this bounty for high-wolf society. It will be a feast!"

Surprise rocked through me. What a fucking waste. Not only could the Daggers have stretched this meat to last months, maybe a year or more, but Den City could have benefitted from it, too. To use it all up in one night was ridiculously wasteful and unnecessary. The Daggers, Selene, Theo, and Penny looked just as shocked as I was. But what I wasn't expecting was to see that even a few members of high-wolf society seemed shocked. Connor obviously hadn't communicated his plans to anyone.

Charles, the head of agriculture, had started to sweat. Charles was so concerned that he broke away from the others and approached Connor.

"A-alpha," he said, speaking low. "They killed so many moose, this could be a problem for our food stores later on. Why don't we preserve some of it and?—"

Connor raised a hand, silencing him. "This concludes the meeting," he announced. "I expect you and your mongrels to begin prepping the meat," he said to Asher. "I'll be in my chambers."

He turned away without another word, and Charles scrambled after him, begging Connor to speak to him about the food stores. Randall followed them, and Selene, effectively dismissed, wandered off like she were in a dream.

"Well, that was ridiculous," Penny said. "Phaedra, let's get back to our work."

I sighed. I wasn't looking forward to being stuck in a stuffy office and swamped with reams of paperwork, but we were still so far behind, and we needed to catch up if we wanted to keep things together.

I twisted my hair around my fingers. "You're right."

"We should try and set something up between you and Asher," Theo whispered. "We need to have a meeting."

That was very true. We needed to discuss how we were going to bring down Connor's regime. But upon hearing his name, intrigue and plans were the last things on my mind. Instead, my eyes immediately found Asher among his pack. He looked so happy having his people close to him, even if it was here. He was hugging the men, kissing the women and children, and sharing smiles. It was nice to see, but part of me wished he could be so affectionate with me. I would give anything to feel his feathery, dark hair between my fingers?—

I stopped that thought before it could manifest properly. I shouldn't be thinking about him like that. Not anymore. We weren't together, and he was better off for it. Having those sorts of longing thoughts would only hurt me in the long run. It was better to let them go.

I forced myself to turn away and walk to the manor with Theo and Penny. "Do you think you could pass a message on to Asher this evening, Theo? Let him know that we want to meet up?"

She nodded. "I can do that. I ought to have some free time to try and get in touch with him after I?—"

"Phaedra."

I froze. That was my father's voice. I turned around to see him and my mother rushing toward me. My heart raced. It took everything I had not to just turn around and run inside the manor. There was no way out of this encounter—no polite but firm way to tell them we could speak later. I couldn't even tell them that I had work, because no one except Connor and Randall knew Penny and I had taken over Connor's duties.

They would know the truth soon, but revealing it just to get out of talking with my parents wasn't worth it. So, with the eyes of high-wolf society always watching, there was nothing I could do but speak to them.

I gathered myself and tried my best to tamp down my fear and still the panicked beating of my heart. I couldn't bring myself to force a smile. The best I could do was keep a neutral expression. That would have to be good enough.

"Penny, you and Theo go on ahead," I said.

They hesitated. "You sure?" Penny asked. "Theo could stay with you. "

Because she was my personal maid, it wouldn't be weird if Theo stayed with me, but I shook my head. I wouldn't always have Theo by my side. I should be able to face my own parents in public, right?

"No, no, it'll be fine. I doubt I'll be long."

Penny glanced at Theo. They were clearly reluctant to let me handle this on my own, but when I gave them a subtle nod, they inclined their heads and went inside. As my parents neared, my mother opened her arms for a hug.

"Oh, Phaedra, honey," she said, pulling me close.

I stiffened, reluctantly patting Mother's back. Her familiar vanilla and eucalyptus scent took me back to sweeter times when she'd brush my hair before braiding it, the way she covered my face with kisses when I left to meet with tutors or to play with Connor and Penny. She loved bringing treats for me when she met up with other women of high-wolf society.

Her hug was fierce and full of a mother's love, but why hadn't she reacted this way when Connor rejected me? When I needed it most, she and my father had turned their backs on me.

I stepped back from the hug. My posture was stiff, but there was nothing I could do about that. Everyone already knew I was on rocky terms with my parents, so it didn't matter that much if they noticed me being distant toward them. As long as I didn't snap at them, raise my voice, or do any of the other things I wanted to get out of this conversation, it would be fine.

"Honey, it's so good to see you again," my mother said, a hesitant smile on her lips.

"It's good to see you, too," I lied.

Awkward silence settled over us. My father swallowed hard enough that I heard it. It seemed they didn't know what to say to me. I could relate to that. I didn't know how to put what I wanted to say to them into words either. But my father was very traditional and knew he had to be the one to broach uncomfortable topics.

"We'd like to congratulate you on your engagement to Connor," he said. "We always hoped you would take on this position, and seeing you follow through like this is such a testament to all of our hard work."

"And your hard work," my mother rushed to add.

"Yes." He nodded. "Of course. Your hard work as well."

I nodded, trying not to let their words touch me too deeply. I didn't want to hear this from them. "It was a long time coming," I said simply.

"Do you know when you two will be officially mated?" my mother asked.

"No." I wished I could leave it at that, but that would be a little too rude. "With everything Connor has on his plate, we don't have any firm dates as of yet."

"Yes, that makes sense," she said. "Well, when you have a date set, I'd love to be present for the planning of the ceremony. It would be a good opportunity to get to know Miranda and Penny again."

"Did you grow distant after I was ban—excuse me, left high-wolf society?" I asked, recovering easily from my little slip-up.

"I wouldn't say we grew distant," she hesitated. "Miranda was never able to find the time to join me for tea the way she used to."

That told me a great deal. Her little comment about helping plan the mating ceremony might at first seem harmless, but she added that she wanted to get back in touch with Miranda and Penny.

"Maybe you could talk to her when you see her," my mother said. "You could tell her that I'd love to get back in touch."

I prickled at her telling me what to do. When I'd seen Edgar at the library before his death, when Asher and I still bore the fated mate marks, Edgar had told me that he had been shocked by how easily my parents had disowned me. Miranda might have been similarly horrified.

It hurt to hear that my mother had so little shame that she fully intended to use me as a way to worm back into the good graces of the late alpha's mate.

"Miranda has suffered a huge loss," I reminded her, staring straight into her dark brown eyes. "She's still grieving. Edgar's death was only weeks ago, and she isn't in the mood to take on any visitors."

Her cheeks colored with embarrassment. "Oh, o-of course," she said quickly. "Goodness, I hope I didn't sound insensitive. Obviously, there's no rush, just… whenever she's feeling up to it. I'm sure she wants to surround herself with her loved ones while she's healing. I know I would want to do the same."

A few beats of silence passed after I'd scolded her. I was going to use it to my advantage and cut this uncomfortable conversation short, but as I opened my mouth, my father spoke.

"Speaking of Miranda's loved ones," he said. "Your mother and I were so relieved to learn that Connor had you holed up somewhere safe until your first shift."

My mother nodded, eager to recover after her little blunder. "We were so worried for you all these years. It's so good to see you were able to take care of yourself."

"Yes, you've done our family proud being able to thrive on the other side of those gates. It's unfortunate you didn't have the creature comforts you were used to." My father added that last bit with a half-smile, and my mother nodded with a larger grin. "Shows that we raised you well," he said. "Though, perhaps you should been on a diet while you were there. We want to make sure you can fit in your dress."

They chuckled. I seethed, doing my best to school my features. My father was obviously trying to lighten the mood, but he didn't get to do that, especially not at my expense.

He hadn't changed. Why couldn't he ever congratulate me and leave it at that? He always had to insult me and bring me down at the same time. And my mother, of course, just nodded and laughed along, like she was too oblivious to the ways his words chafed.

But my mother was not as oblivious as she liked to pretend she was—her comments about Miranda were proof enough of that.

"I'm so happy that you listen to your new alpha," I said. "He's only been in power a few days, but I see he's made quite an impression on you. Your loyalty toward him won't go unnoticed or unrewarded, I'm sure."

I said this with a straight face, with no particular inflection. My response was rote, expected, but not meant, and even they would be able to pick up on that. I'd stunned them. They weren't used to their daughter speaking to them in this manner. If I wasn't the alpha's chosen, my father might have reprimanded me, but we were in public. Everyone was watching, and they wouldn't want to be the subject of gossip.

My parents feared gossip more than most other things. But they would rather know what people said about them than live in exile, when anyone could say anything unchecked. That was why they hadn't gone with me.

If it hadn't been clear to me before, it was now. My parents hadn't changed at all. I couldn't tell if they'd become deeper entrenched in this terrible, judgmental, high-wolf society system, or if they had always been this way. The truth had been hidden from me because I'd been part of it, too.

My father started to say something else, but I couldn't make out his words.

"I'm sorry?" I said, my gaze swimming. I pressed a hand to my forehead as vertigo started to take hold of me.

"Phaedra, are you all right?" he asked. He reached out a hand to steady me, but I gained enough control to dodge his touch.

"I'm sorry. The excitement of the afternoon must have gotten to me. I'll retire to my room."

"Would you like us to walk you back, sweetie?" my mother asked.

How could she ask that after everything I'd just said? How could she just pretend that what I'd said meant nothing, like I would say yes to her returning me to my room when it was obvious I was upset with them?

But that had always been her way, hadn't it? Whenever my father and I argued, she distracted me with a dress or a confection from a bakery. When she or Father reprimanded me for tests I didn't score highly enough on, she would quickly say that I should let her do my hair or make my favorite dish. She pushed me to forget my hurt feelings, and neither she nor my father apologized for hurting them in the first place.

So, I stared at her for a second or two longer than was polite. And then, without another word, I curtsied and walked away.

The world tilted around me as I stumbled to my room. I barely made it inside before I lost my footing. I dragged myself into bed, too dizzy to pull the covers up over me, too dizzy even to cry after that interaction with my parents.