12. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

A knock at my door tore me from the depths of sleep. Though I couldn't remember what I'd dreamed, I had the sense I was deep under, just as I had been when I dreamed of that woman.

The knock came again, followed by a soft utterance of "Phaedra?"

It was Theo. "Come in," I called out.

She had a gown the color of pink cranberries draped over her arm, and a glass of water in her free hand. "Hey," she said, closing the door softly behind her. "How are you feeling?"

I started to respond, but my throat was so dry I had to clear it. Theo passed me the glass. I nodded my thanks to her and gulped the water down.

"Thank you," I said, wiping water from my chin. "I'm okay. I think I've been hoping my parents would have changed by now, but they haven't. Not at all." I set the glass on my nightstand and ran a hand through my hair. "How long has it been since I saw you?" My curtains were closed, so I had no idea what time it was.

"About three hours."

"It's that late already?" I gasped. "I was supposed to be working with Penny."

Theo carefully laid the dress on the foot of my bed and sat down by my vanity. "Well, you had to talk to your parents, so it's understandable that you'd be exhausted?—"

I shook my head. "It wasn't so exhausting that I would sleep for three hours, especially after getting a full night's sleep yesterday." I pushed my hands through my hair. Why did I feel so drained? I'd never taken such a long nap without intending to. Was I getting sick? But other than the fatigue lingering in my bones, I didn't feel any other symptoms.

"Don't worry about Penny," Theo said. "She didn't spend a lot of time working in her study anyway."

"Why not?"

She shook her head. "Connor insisted she help him coordinate the feast."

I scowled.

Theo gave a half-smile. "Yeah, that was her reaction, too. Worst of all, he made her work with Selene."

My eyebrows shot up. "I thought she went back to her pack."

"She did, but Connor sent someone to bring her back."

"God, he really is acting like such a tyrant."

"Oh, yes. That's especially true for you, Phae." She gestured to the dress. "The Dagger pack finished prepping the food. He had me grab a dress from your seamstresses. I tried to pick something comfortable."

I groaned. "The sooner we dethrone that asshole, the better."

Her answering smile was surprisingly sharp-toothed. "Agreed."

"Did you have the chance to talk to Asher?"

"I did. Things should be good to go for tomorrow night."

"Great. Thank you so much, Theo."

I rolled out of bed and pulled the pins out of my hair. It was typical for women of high wolf society to wear their hair up, but I would wear it down today in protest. I couldn't do much more and get away with it.

Theo helped me put on my dress. It was backless, with a long, fishtail hem that moved like satin over the floor. The invisible zipper was further hidden by the line of fabric buttons that ran down my spine. The balloon sleeves revealed cold shoulders and cinched at my wrists. It wasn't the easiest to move in, but at least the silky fabric felt nice on my skin.

As Theo moved on to my makeup, my thoughts returned to my three-hour long nap. It really bothered me that I'd slept for such a long time. I remembered the dream I'd had about that woman who looked like the goddess Holo. I felt much the same as I had when I woke from that strange dream. The only thing missing this time around had been that woman.

She had seemed divine because she looked so much like Holo. Perhaps being back in high-wolf society had caused me to have dreams about old lessons I'd once had about religion? But I couldn't remember learning about a goddess of darkness.

"Are you familiar with Isle Royale deities, Theo?" I asked.

She tilted her head, and the hand applying eyeshadow slowed. "What makes you ask all of a sudden?"

I told her about the nightmare I'd had a few days ago. "I think maybe I'm having it because my old teachings are coming back to me, but I can't be sure."

"Oh." She lowered her head. "To be honest, I never paid that much attention to theology when I was in school. In my mind, Holo was the only one who mattered, so I didn't see the point in studying any of the other deities."

I chuckled at the thought of a younger Theodora refusing to study for her exams. "That's okay. It was kind of a random question."

"I can try looking into it for you if you'd like," she said. "I'm not the best at researching, but you and Penny are so busy with pack paperwork, I don't mind digging up information for you."

"If you could do that for me, I'd be so grateful," I said with a smile. "Thanks so much, Theo."

"Consider it done," she said. "I should have something for you after your meeting with Asher."

"Sounds good."

A few minutes later, she'd finished prepping me for the party. The amount of skin on display made me a little uncomfortable. I'd never worn revealing dresses because I hadn't been of age, and now it seemed that every dress Connor had me wear was even more daring than the last.

I shouldn't have been surprised that he was dressing me to suit his preferences without a care for mine.

I pushed my hair behind my ears and smoothed my hands over my hips. The least I could do was hold my head high. Revealing my discomfort wouldn't help matters. If anything, Connor would just get Jean and Beatrice to make even more revealing dresses for me.

Theo walked me to the dining room, but the only servants allowed inside were those serving the food and drinks. She couldn't attend. And with the Dagger pack serving everyone, the only manor staff allowed to attend would be the guards who kept the Daggers in line. She and I parted ways, and I entered the shimmering, savory-smelling ballroom. I was surprised to see Connor had given the Dagger pack black tuxedos and dresses to wear while they served everyone.

Honestly, they, just like their alpha, looked amazing. They showed grace and refinement even when they were doing something they hated the most: serving their enemies. Not that they had much of a choice. After all, they were here under threat of death, torture, or being banished to the feral lands and didn't know I'd made Connor promise not to do that to them.

The members of high-wolf society cast strange looks at them. I was sure they'd assumed the Dagger pack would fail or crack under pressure, but they didn't. They were showing Connor and everyone else that they weren't easily defeated.

Pride burst through me. They weren't technically my pack, and I was sure many of them still had a negative impression of me from when we'd first met, but I was still proud of them. I would be proud of them even if they hated me. How could I not be when they met every challenge Connor gave them with such strength? Their ability to do exactly as he asked without a hitch was another show of defiance.

In a way, I was one of them. In my role as Connor's supposed mate, every move I made had to be one that furthered his reputation, but I was plotting his downfall from behind the scenes. To those observing us, I was the picture of poise and respectability, but behind closed doors, I was fighting him.

"I hope you are all enjoying the festivities," Connor said.

His voice, unfortunately, pulled me out of my thoughts. I was back in reality at this stupid, unnecessary party.

"The feast the Dagger pack so generously prepared is simply delicious." He downed his wine and grinned. "Oh, and before I forget to mention, a special guest will be joining us soon."

He snapped his fingers, and the music resumed. Who could possibly be the special guest? I couldn't think of a single person Connor would think of as being "special". Perhaps he had invited someone from the mainland or one of the members of Den City.

But I couldn't see any reason for him to do so unless he wanted to further destabilize his relationship with high-wolf society. It could be a way for him to show them they were replaceable. Would he be so cavalier about it? I wouldn't put anything past him, but it seemed like a step too far even for him.

Deep in thought, I wandered past a supply closet. A strong, yet gentle hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me into it, the door clicking shut behind me. My squeal died in my throat as I fell against a hard chest and a familiar scent enveloped me. Asher. My heart soared with joy, my wolf jumping inside me as I took a surprise step back from him.

"Sorry," he said, reaching up to flick on the light. The space was cramped, and we were practically on top of each other. Shelves with linens and other party supplies surrounded us on all sides.

"It's okay," I said, trying to get my wolf and my heartbeat under control. The best way to do that was not to look directly at him, to not dwell on his slick-backed hair or the way his clothes fit his lithe, muscular body, nor even on the warmth of his fingers on my wrist. "This party is awful. How are you and your pack?"

"We're all right," he said. "Surviving."

"I can see that," I said. "You're all doing amazing. All of high-wolf society is shaking in their expensive, imported shoes. They wanted to see a spectacle, not to see you all looking so good."

He smiled, pride lighting in his honey-gold eyes. "I'm glad you approve. And you look amazing. That dress really suits you."

"It's, um, not my usual style." I blushed, smoothing my hands self-consciously over the skirt. "But I'm glad you think it looks nice."

"Better than nice," he said, his eyes traveling down my body. "You look incredible."

I looked up at him, taking in his slicked-back hair and his broad shoulders filling out his tux. Asher was, just as he'd been at Connor's ascension, the most attractive man at the party. I was keenly aware of how close we were. It would only take a slight shift in posture for us to be in each other's arms, and then kissing would be only a breath away. My eyes dropped to his mouth before quickly flitting back to his face.

"I'm glad to see you," I admitted.

His smile made me want to melt.

Gods, this was a dangerous position to be in. I was torn between wanting to be angry at him for putting us in this situation when we'd both agreed not to be mates anymore and wanting to jump into his arms. I wondered if he would catch me if I did. He might do that on instinct, knowing how every inch of him was trained and ready for action at a moment's notice. But would he reciprocate, or would he gently but firmly push me away, reminding me that we'd made the choice to dissolve our bond?

"The meeting is tomorrow night," he said. "Did you hear about that?"

And, as disappointing as it was to hear, there was my answer. Of course, he hadn't pulled me into this closet to steal a clandestine kiss. Of course, he hadn't pulled me into a closet just to tell me I looked great in my dress. He had a pack to think about, and that pack would always take precedence. As it should.

"Oh, yes," I said. "Theo told me. I'll be there, of course." Honestly, I felt a little deflated. I wished he wanted to see me for reasons other than business. Still, it was nice to spend this time with him, to be close to him like this, and talk to him without any prying eyes. I would take what I could get because I still loved him.

A beat passed, and another. He looked like he wanted to say more. I didn't want to leave the closet and go back out to that party when I had him all to myself. But we'd been in here too long already, and it was clear we both knew it.

"We shouldn't stay here too much longer," he said. "Connor will have a conniption."

"Believe me, I know."

There was another pause, another moment where I could enjoy his presence, his scent, his closeness.

"We probably shouldn't leave at the same time," I said. "I'll leave first, then you can do the same a couple of minutes afterward."

He nodded. "Good thinking."

I hesitated, wanting to press a kiss to lips and then run out before he could say anything. But if he pushed me away, I knew I wouldn't survive the embarrassment or the hurt.

So, I quickly turned away from him and slipped out through the door.

It was just at the right moment, too: everyone's attention was on the center of the floor, where men and women were waltzing. I maneuvered myself on the outskirts of the party, careful not to be seen by Connor or anyone?—

"Don't think I didn't see that," Penny said, seeming to appear out of thin air.

I nearly jumped out of my skin. "What?"

"Don't pretend." She smiled, handing me a glass of pinot grigio that Connor must have had shipped to the island at some point. I hope he had a receipt for it. "I hope nothing too inappropriate happened between you two."

I waved off her teasing with a laugh and a blush. Actually, I was a little surprised she was teasing me about Asher. She'd believed me when I told her he hadn't killed Edgar, but Asher had still wanted him dead. Maybe joking about this was helping her move forward from that point.

"No, no. We're not exactly mates anymore, Pen."

"Are you sure?" She gave me a sly smile. "You don't have any lingering feelings for him?"

"I… didn't say that." My cheeks burned, and I took a sip of wine. I couldn't deny that I had hoped something inappropriate would happen. That would have been a terrible idea, though. Even if something like that was on the table—which it very firmly wasn't—how could it be after the way we ended things?

"Anyway," I said, before Penny could tease me more. "How did things go with Selene?"

"Uh." Her eyes skimmed the crowd. "It wasn't the most difficult thing in the world, much to my surprise. She hardly said anything and went on with whatever I suggested."

"Really?"

She nodded. "She didn't want to be there any more than I did."

"Did she seem… remorseful?"

Penny swirled the wine in her glass, her brow furrowed. "I thought she seemed really down, kind of cowed. I'm not sure if it was because she had to come back here and listen to Connor or risk his anger, or if she was saddened by what the Daggers were forced to do. I guess it could be both."

I started to respond when a hush settled over the crowd. Penny and I shared a confused look, then turned to see why everyone had gone so quiet.

The crowd parted, and then Kestrel came into view. I nearly dropped my drink. There was no way she could be the guest Connor had mentioned, right?