10. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

E arly the next morning, I decided to take a walk. It had been a while since I explored the manor, and I was in a rare, good mood. I was pretty sure I knew why I was feeling so good. It was because of Asher. Hugging him last night had boosted my mood in a way no good book or delicious food could.

I smiled to myself, remembering his scent, the warmth of his body pressed against mine. I longed for more, but we were prisoners here, and I had to be satisfied with what contact I could get.

I left the manor and entered the mazelike gardens. The sweet scent of lavender, roses, peonies, and irises of varying hues greeted me. I plucked one of the pink peonies and tucked it behind my ear.

When I returned to the manor, I realized I hadn't been to the library yet, so I decided to drop by and browse before I went to Penny's room to resume working on the paperwork.

As I turned down the corridor that would take me to the library, I spotted Connor heading in my direction, and my quick pace slowed. He was alone, wearing shorts and a thin, sleeveless shirt. He looked like he was on his way to do something athletic.

I cursed in my head. I wanted to turn and head back the other way, but we'd made eye contact. What if he followed me? That was the last thing I wanted. It was still early in the morning. The only people wandering around were servants and guards, and Connor had never been an early riser, so I'd thought there was little risk of seeing him. Yet here he was.

I hoped he wouldn't say anything to me, but my hopes were dashed when he stopped in front of me. He took a moment to let his eyes rove over my body. I wasn't dressed provocatively. I was wearing a simple shirt and knee-length skirt, but his eyes zeroed in on the few inches of skin exposed at my collar.

"Where are you headed?"

"The library," I replied, crossing my arms.

"Why don't you come and take a walk with me?"

"I've just come from taking a walk, actually. Now I'm headed to the library ." I put a slight emphasis on the last word, trying to make it as clear as possible that I was not in the mood to be around him.

He tsked at me. "Why do you insist on spending so much time with books? Don't you think you ought to spend some time with your future mate?"

I took a step back, trying to maintain two arms' lengths worth of distance between us. "I want to spend time with books because I'm busy, Connor. I'd rather get on with it."

He rolled his eyes. "Why don't you just have someone else do it? You've been too distracted from me, and you're neglecting your duties."

I frowned, confused. "The opposite is true, actually." I started walking again. "I hope you enjoy your walk, Connor. Alone."

He grabbed my upper arm and pushed me against the wall, caging me in with his body.

My heart started racing, and a horrible chill trickled down my spine.

"Those weren't the duties I meant, Phaedra," he said, leering down at me, his eyes moving between my lips and my shirt.

Connor and I weren't mated, obviously. Though he'd talked a big game at his ascension ceremony, it seemed he wasn't ready to give up the bachelor life. He had women coming in and out of his rooms at random hours of the night, and I had practically glued myself to Penny's side, which allowed me to avoid him. I wasn't sure how much longer Connor was going to let me get away with that. Did he intend to change that right now?

"What are you doing?" I demanded. My wolf was growling deep inside me, a direct contrast to the fearful beating of my heart.

"What's the issue here, Phaedra? We're young, you're still beautiful, and I'm incredibly handsome." He flashed me a bright smile. I had no doubt that expression had won him the favor of a lot of the women of high-wolf society, but it only filled me with anxiety.

"Don't you remember when we were younger?" he asked. "We used to talk about what life would be like when we were mated."

It was true. Once Connor had decided he wanted me to be his mate, I was excited even though I knew he was selfish and immature. I'd thought that, once we were mated, he would settle down and become the man I needed him to be. It was na?ve and foolish of me, but I couldn't blame the younger version of myself. The Phaedra of the past had been full of hope, completely unaware that just months later, the man she thought would be her mate would cruelly, publicly reject her.

"I remember," I said, a bit of a growl in my words. "But things are different now. You made things different, Connor." I tried to push him back, but he didn't move.

He sighed. "I know I rejected you before, but now I have you again. Can't you just be happy with me? Let go of that anger and be with me?"

"Connor, please. It's not a good time." I tried to look away, but he took my chin and forced me to look at him.

"You are so beautiful," he told me, his green eyes on my mouth again. "Would it really be so awful if I kissed you right now?"

Fear held me still, so still that even my wolf's growling became distant. I couldn't even shape the word "no" even though I desperately wanted to. He dug his fingers into my arm, as if he knew I wanted to run away.

"It's just the two of us here, Phaedra," he whispered. "And I only want one kiss." Slowly, he leaned down. "It won't hurt."

He was so close I could feel the heat from his lips. This was wrong. Connor was not my mate. I didn't love him. But his hands kept me in place, and fear prevented me from moving to stop him. Just as his mouth brushed mine, we heard footsteps approaching.

He tsked again and stepped back. We both turned to see one of his advisors, a middle-aged balding man named Trevor, heading in our direction.

"Ah, Alpha Connor," he said, smiling as he looked from Connor to me. I quickly looked away. "I'm sorry if I interrupted something."

My stomach turned over. I felt like I was going to be sick. From the sounds of it, he thought he'd just come across a pair of lovers trying to catch an intimate moment in an empty hallway. In my case, nothing could be further from the truth.

"What are you doing here, Trevor?" Connor demanded, his tone clipped and annoyed. He stepped away from the wall and let go of my arm. I didn't hesitate to take that opportunity to get away as fast as I could, ignoring Trevor entirely. I ditched the idea of going to the library and instead headed down the opposite direction of the corridor, toward Penny's rooms.

I forgot to knock as I opened the door to her rooms. She jumped. She was still in her nightgown, sitting at her vanity while she brushed her hair.

"Phaedra, what's wrong?" she asked, alarmed.

I closed her door and leaned back against it. "Connor is what's wrong," I whispered. "He just tried to kiss me." I pressed my trembling hands to my face. "Trevor happened to walk by. That stopped him right before he could do it, b-but I just stood there. I couldn't stop him. I couldn't move at all. It was just a stupid kiss. He didn't even hurt me, but I… I feel so…" I didn't know how to finish it. I still felt the phantom pressure of his hands on my arm and on my face, still smelled his cologne on my clothing. It made me feel restless and dirty.

Penny put her brush down, then came and led me to the settee. She sat next to me and put her hand on my knee.

"Phae, I'm so sorry," she said, fire burning in her eyes. "It's not just a kiss, it's a violation. What he tried to do was awful enough. Please don't make yourself feel bad on top of it." She squeezed my knee. "I've never liked Trevor, but I'm glad him being there stopped Connor."

I was glad for that, too, but it all felt so wrong. "Could I use your shower?" I asked. "And could I borrow some of your clothes?"

She nodded. "Of course. I'll wait until you're done."

I winced. "I shouldn't use it before you. It's your room and…" I trailed off when she shook her head.

"Don't worry about any of that. You're not imposing, and I really don't mind." She smiled. "I'll find something for you to wear while you wash up, okay?"

I must have been more desperate than I thought, because it didn't take much for Penny to convince me. I got up and went into the shower.

Though I'd taken a shower only an hour before, I used handfuls of Penny's soap and shampoo to try and rid myself of those phantom sensations. I washed until that imaginary pressure was replaced with tingling from how hard I scrubbed at my skin.

I thought about Asher and felt like throwing up again. I didn't want him to know I'd been too afraid to stop Connor from kissing me, or that if Trevor hadn't arrived when he did, Connor would have succeeded.

When I got out of the shower, I put on the dress Penny had laid out for me. It was a little tight around the shoulders, as Penny's were a bit slenderer than mine, but it was comfortable enough. I walked out of the bathroom to see her sitting on her bed.

"Feeling a bit better?"

"A bit." I nodded. "Thanks."

"Any time." She looked at me curiously. "You look like something is on your mind."

"Trevor. He definitely thinks he interrupted something intimate—something between lovers." I spat out the word. "He's wrong. I hate that he saw me with Connor at all. I don't want him to think that way about Connor and me."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, Phae. I want you to know that I am on your side one hundred percent. Connor tried to do is awful, period. I just want to point out that if Trevor thinks he interrupted you, doesn't that mean that everyone will be less suspicious of us?"

I sighed and nodded. She had a point there. "I don't like it, but you're right. And besides, what would I say to him? It's a waste."

She nodded. "Trevor wouldn't be empathetic to you. In fact, if anything, he'd say something stupid or insensitive. Or he'd say something in support of Connor. He only wants to suck up to the current alpha. He was like that with my father, too."

"Yeah, I figured as much." I ran my hand through my wet hair. "Thanks, Penny. I needed that."

"You need comfort and support." She gave me an encouraging smile. "I hate that he did this to you, but his time is coming. We'll get him, and we'll make sure he can't do this to you anymore."

"Or any woman," I added as the image of Connor trying to force a kiss on another woman seared through my brain.

Penny agreed with a firm nod. "Or any woman."