9. Asher

ASHER

I t was past midnight by the time I returned to the shitty shed. Connor was an asshole. When he wasn't using me as his personal butler, making me do pointless tidying and organizing of his rooms, he was making me run around the manor—literally—to exhaust me and piss me off. He'd accomplished both. My limbs felt heavy and useless, and I was so angry I could spit. Preferably in that prick's face.

Though I was exhausted, I knew I wouldn't be able to get any sleep tonight. How could I when my people were out there literally hunting for their lives? Most of my pack would survive, but there was a possibility some of them wouldn't. Knowing Connor, I was sure he was including children, the elderly, and the sick in this ludicrous demand. What if the strongest members of my pack didn't have enough time to find and kill something for them?

The thought pained and angered me in equal measure. I hated how Connor made me feel so helpless. I was their alpha, I was supposed to protect them, but I was stuck in this fucking shed far away from them. I hated not knowing how they were doing. Taig and Garrett would be working to keep morale up and keep them as healthy as could be expected given the circumstances, but every pack needed an alpha. It pissed me off that I wasn't there for them.

A tapping at my door made me sit up.

The guards were fucking messing with me again, but I was angry enough that I wouldn't mind the confrontation. I hopped to my feet quicker than I thought my sore muscles would allow.

I yanked the door open, and my heart jumped into my throat. Phaedra. At some point since I returned to this shed, it had started raining. Water dripped from the ends of her cloak, and the fog made the gray of her eyes more prominent. She was so beautiful it hurt to look at her. My wolf started to howl.

"Can we talk?"

"Oh. Y-yes," I stuttered. "Of course."

I stepped back, and she walked inside, pulling the hood off her head. The shed was even smaller with her inside it, but I didn't mind that so much. I couldn't hold her, but I liked that she was within arm's reach. It was torture, but it was the kind of torture that left me tingling and warm. The sweet kind that made me want to pull her close even more. Goddess, she was so fucking gorgeous, so perfect for me.

But I couldn't have her. For the sake of my pack… and for Phaedra. It would be best for me if I didn't let her know how I felt. I'd proven that I wasn't strong enough to take care of both her and my pack. I didn't think I would ever stop loving her, but I couldn't let it show.

"Are you okay?" I asked. It was a lame question, considering everything, but it was the only thing I could think to say that wasn't some variation of "I love you."

She smiled and shook her head. "Not at all, but that isn't important right now."

"It is. It is to me."

Phaedra looked at me, and again I was ensnared by those eyes the color of the rainy sky. Her lower lip trembled, and tears shone in her eyes. For a moment, I thought she'd confide in me more, that she'd tell me she missed me as much as I missed her, and that she might want me to hold her as desperately as I wanted to pull her into my arms.

But then she gathered herself. She blinked away the tears and looked away. I tried to settle my thunderous heartbeat.

"We need to talk," she repeated gently.

"Right," I said. "Let's talk."

She nodded. "We both know we can't let things continue as they are. This is unsustainable. Connor is only going to get crueler and crueler until either you're dead or every member of your pack is. All he wants is to prove to everyone that he's the most powerful wolf on this rock, and I'm sick of letting him do what he wants."

"Me, too," I said. "Believe me, I'm working on it."

"So am I. I want to help you and your pack get free."

Her words surprised me. "Phaedra, you've already helped. You're the reason we're not dead?—"

"No. That's not good enough. All I've done is prolong your torture. I realized that this afternoon."

I shook my head. "You should be thinking about yourself. You have your own freedom to fight for. Your dream was to go to the mainland." How could she be thinking of putting herself at risk when she still had a future elsewhere?

She sighed. "I know that was what I wanted, but to be honest, Asher, I don't know if I still have that dream."

My heart dropped. Was she giving up and resigning herself to a miserable future on Isle Royale? "You can't give up your dreams, Phaedra. Don't let Connor take them away from you."

"Oh," she said, surprised. "It's nothing like that. It's just… I've wanted to live on the mainland for years, but just a couple of weeks living at the manor has changed things. I care about the people on Isle Royale. I care about your pack and the Wilcox pack. I can't just leave everyone behind. How could I live with myself knowing that I may have been able to make a difference?"

My eyebrows shot up at that. She hadn't given up. Her goals had changed and expanded to be much bigger than herself. "Do you really think you can fix all of this?" I asked, amazed. "It took generations for the Salcedos to fuck things up."

"If we do this right, yes," she said. "One revolution can destabilize everything. It'll give everyone the opportunity to realize what's important and demand better treatment."

The determined set of her jaw made me want to believe her. To hope.

"You speak like someone with a plan."

She smiled a bit shyly—nervously. "Actually, that's the problem. I have some ideas but nothing concrete. We need to have a meeting."

I chuckled. It was amazing how I could laugh or smile at all given my crappy situation, but being so close to her made me happy. "Aren't we already having a meeting?"

She snorted, and I loved her for giving me a taste of the way things used to be, when we were still fated mates. "I want something official. You, me, Penny, Theodora, Taig, and anyone else you think should be there. We need to find some way to free both your pack and the Wilcox pack from Connor's tyranny."

It touched me that she was thinking of my pack, that she cared for them so much. "Then, we should meet," I said. "But I'm not sure how we'll be able to do that when things are so chaotic."

She nodded. "It'll be after they've finished hunting. Once things are a bit calmer, we can work out the details."

"How did you sneak over here without the guards seeing you?" I asked. It should have occurred to me to ask earlier, but my joy at seeing her must have clouded my judgment.

"A friend helped me," she said. "She knows the guards' schedule."

"Damn it, Phaedra, this is too risky. What if Connor finds out?"

Her answering smile set my heart racing all over again. "Don't worry, he won't. I've got this."

And I had no choice but to believe her.

"I have to go," she said, moving toward the door. "The next guards will be coming soon."

"Wait," I said, reaching out to her. I stopped myself before I touched her. It was wrong, I reminded myself. I didn't deserve it.

Phaedra turned, glancing at my outstretched hand before looking up at me. Her gaze froze me where I stood. She read the intention in my body language and stepped toward me. I should have stopped her, but the moment her arms wrapped around my neck, all thoughts of making her leave vanished.

My arms looped around her waist of their own accord, my body unable to push hers away. It didn't matter that her cloak was soaked or that we only had seconds to enjoy each other because she felt so good, so right pressed against me.

It took every last bit of strength I had to let her go when she tapped my chest.

"I have to go, but I promise we'll talk again soon."

"I know."

She smiled at me one more time, then she left. I stood in the doorway, watching her until she disappeared behind the manor. She was likely using a back entrance I wasn't aware of.

Phaedra was gone, and I missed her like I would miss my own heartbeat. I lay down on the cold, hard ground. I was wound up just like I was before Phaedra arrived, but this time, it was more of a hopeful restlessness. The future Phaedra was gunning for should have been too much to hope for, but she made me want to believe in it. I couldn't have her as my mate anymore, but I could have her as a partner in crime. It wasn't a worthy exchange, but I'd take anything.

I thought again about her sweet, gorgeous face, and that dazzling smile. Goddess, but she was beautiful. I wished I'd had the courage to keep her close to me, to kiss her until her lips were swollen and she asked for… what?

For more.

My cock throbbed. Closing my eyes, I let my hand drift down and massage my hard shaft. I flinched at my own touch. This was the first time I'd indulged in this since… well, since before Phaedra and I had dissolved our mate bond.

It had been too long. The way my cock twitched at the slightest touch told me as much. Phaedra's sweet scent still lingered in the air, taking me back to those moments in my cabin when we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. I thought about her moans, and the way she'd tightened around my cock as I thrust deep inside her. I could almost hear her sighing my name, could almost smell the wetness of her pussy on the air. Her voice set my soul on fire. Her laughter sent goosebumps across my skin.

I bit my lip, the images in my mind shifting. How would she look on her knees before me, those gorgeous, storm-gray eyes peering up at me as she licked my tip? My stroking got more insistent, my fingers tightening around my shaft.

I relished the idea of her taking me into her mouth as deeply as she could, that mischievous glint in her eyes when I thrusted for more and she pulled back from me. I knew exactly how soft her lips were against mine, and I could imagine how glorious they would be taking me in inch by inch, until I hit the back of her throat.

When I came, it was to the thought of her smile, her laughter, and the sweet sound of her moaning my name. When sleep stole over, it was blissfully, blessedly, dreamless.