8. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

I hated myself for running away, but I couldn't keep watching Connor treat the Dagger pack like dirt. It tore me up inside that I was so powerless while he continued to mistreat them.

Tears blurred my vision as I hurried back to my room. I wasn't looking where I was going, keeping my eyes firmly on the floor. When I bumped into someone, I jumped back, apologies and excuses for my tears on the tip of my tongue, but it was only Theodora, not one of the vapid members of high-wolf society.

She grabbed my shoulders to steady me, then pulled me into a hug. I should have pushed her away—it wouldn't do well for appearances if someone saw me hugging a servant—but the embrace was too nice. It was exactly what I needed, and I sank into it.

"I guess things are as dire as I worried," she said, stepping back so she could look at me. "You go to your room and let me bring you some tea. You can catch me up on what I missed."

I nodded, unable to speak. Theodora's hug had given me a bit of strength, but once we separated, the shame rushed back. Though I knew it was all Connor's doing, guilt chased me all the way to my room.

Slamming the door, I grabbed the closest pillow and screamed into it. It wasn't enough to stem the rage building inside me. I ripped the pillow apart and then grabbed another to do the same. I kept tearing things apart until there were no more pillows and most of the linens were in tatters. My room was a mess of torn fabric and feathers. Still breathing hard, I looked around at the mess, and then the fight went out of me.

Exhausted, I threw myself onto the bed so hard the wood frame slid over the floor and banged into the wall. How was I going to save Asher and his pack? Connor would only get crueler the longer he was allowed to stay in power.

"Ugh, what am I going to do?" I asked out loud.

I lay there, trying to come up with a plan, but I was so worn out that I fell asleep in minutes.

When I opened my eyes, I was surrounded by such complete darkness, I couldn't see my hands even when I waved them in front of my eyes. I was suspended in a void so thick I felt pressure on every skin cell.

I was having the nightmare again, only this time I was lucid.

Terror tightened around my heart like a vise. If it weren't for the darkness pressing my skin tightly, I would have been riddled with goosebumps. My heart pounded in my ears, my lungs constricting from the pressure of the void. I knew this was just a nightmare, but I couldn't shake the fear. This was wrong. So very, very wrong.

" Don't be so quick to disregard your nightmares. "

The words echoed through the darkness, washing over me like a soothing balm, but I couldn't see the speaker. I opened my mouth to respond, to ask who the owner of that voice was, but no sound came out. The voice had been the only comfort in this sea of nothingness, and now that it was gone, the fear slammed back into me.

Suddenly, the darkness seemed to bend like tarp around a figure that descended from just above me. The darkness over the figure burst, revealing a young woman. She appeared to be around my age and bore a strong resemblance to the goddess Holo. Those regal cheekbones, the soft chin, the way she stood with dignity and grace… it was like the bronze statue had become flesh and bone. The only difference was that Holo was said to have flaxen hair, but this woman's hair was so dark, it blended into the void. Some part of me worried that her hair had somehow created this oppressive darkness.

" Listen closely, Phaedra, " she said. " This darkness isn't just a nightmare but your future. "

My future? I tried to ask her what she meant, but still no sound would come out.

But the woman seemed to hear my thoughts. " The only way to avoid this fate is for you to take possession of the power you have within. "

"What power?"

I didn't get answer as I was thrust back into consciousness.

I sat up quickly, still feeling the weight of that darkness, and looked around. It was still daytime, and I was alone in my room. A glance at the clock told me I'd only slept for ten minutes. I ran my hands through my hair and let out a long breath. What the hell was that nightmare? What did it mean?

I brushed my thumb over my left wrist. It was bare and smooth, just like my right one. Just a few weeks ago, it had borne the fated mark that tied me to Asher. Goddess, I wanted to be next to him, to have his arms around me. I wanted him to tell me that everything would be all right. Even if it was a lie, I would believe him. That was how deeply I loved him. Instead, I was alone, surrounded by the mess I'd made, reminded of what I'd lost.

The mark had been a crimson circle filled with intricate, swirling designs of the same color. My finger traced the lines from memory, and I shuddered. There had been a time when doing that would summon Asher to me. Now all it did was fill me with a sharp, searing loneliness.

Regret pressed heavily on my chest, and each breath was a struggle. I couldn't shake the memory of our bitter breakup or the dark spell that had erased our marks. I loved him, but I doubted he felt the same. We weren't mates anymore, and he had other things on his mind. The only thing I could do for him was free him from Connor, then get out of his life as quickly as possible. He had to know, just as well as I knew, that I would only bring him misfortune.

There were a few soft knocks on the door, so I knew it was Theodora who'd brought me my tea. I got up to open the door, and she bustled in. She looked the opposite of how she had looked when she told Penny and me that Selene was here. Her cheeks were tinged red, and with my shifter hearing, I heard the rapid beat of her heart as she set down the tea on my vanity.

"Well, you sure made a mess," she said. "But I can't blame you. I'll have this cleared away as soon as is convenient for you, Phae." She was so flustered, she wasn't talking like my friend, but like a servant. She didn't seem upset, just a little worked up.

I put my hand on her shoulder, and she jumped.

"What's got you so excited?" I asked.

"Excited?"

I nodded. "You're blushing."

Theo slapped her hands to her cheeks. "I am? Oh, Goddess, I'm such a mess. On my way here, I ran into Randall."

My spine stiffened, but Theodora didn't seem upset by it. Actually, she seemed pleased. "What did he want?"

"Nothing really. We just talked. He asked me about you and Penny and said I should let him know if he could be of any help. He was actually really sweet, and… and…" She trailed off. "That's probably the last thing you want to hear about right now."

I shook my head. "No, I'd rather talk about pretty much anything other than Con—" I stopped myself. Just speaking his name filled me with rage. I clenched my fists. Better not to talk about his right-hand, either.

"How's Penny?" I asked.

She sighed. "I wish I knew. I took her to her room, but she couldn't talk, so she couldn't tell me how she was. I told her to get into bed, she ignored me and threw herself into all that paperwork again and waved me away." She shook her head. "I'm worried about her."

"So am I. I can't believe she went back to work." I rubbed my forehead. "I guess that's the only way she can take her mind off everything."

Theo let out a tight breath. "What Connor did is unforgivable? Using an alpha command like that on his own flesh and blood? I could never imagine talking to my sister the way he did." Her cheeks were getting red again, and her lips twisted into a snarl. "He's underestimated the two of you. But that's fine. Let him. When he least expects it, you'll show him what a huge mistake that was."

Her words lit a fire inside me. She was right. I couldn't keep sinking into these pity parties. I needed to get to work, just like Penny.

"Theo, would you be willing to help change things?"

"Of course." There wasn't even a second's hesitation. "Whatever you need, I'll get it done no matter what it is."

That was exactly what I needed to hear. Like a dam had broken, inspiration flooded into my mind. We needed to get others rallied around us. Connor was a terrible leader, and it wouldn't be long before the entire pack knew it, if they didn't already suspect. If we could get the people on our side, we could take Connor down for good and change things up for the Wilcox pack. We could reform it into a society that's fair, that's equal.

With the Dagger pack in mind, I asked, "What do you think of a pack where everyone is on equal footing and resources and meals are shared? What if we lived in a pack where everyone had exactly what they needed and felt safe?"

Theodora chuckled. "Phaedra, I mean, of course I'd love that, but does a pack like that even exist?"

"Yes. The Dagger pack has lived that way their entire lives."

Her smile fell. "Are you serious?"

I nodded. "I saw it firsthand. Asher made sure his people were taken care of, and he never took more than his share. It shocked me when I saw it, but Asher said that's the way it's been for generations."

She blinked rapidly. "That might explain why everyone in the Wilcox pack talks about them so badly. They're threatened by the way they live."

"Yes! Exactly!"

Theo chewed on the inside of her cheek for a second, her forehead furrowed in thought. When she looked up, her eyes were bright with determination. "I am up for whatever you have in mind, Phae. I want to make that a reality for this pack."

"I'm so glad to hear that, Theo." I took her hands and squeezed, and she smiled at me.

"You can start helping by telling me what things are like in Den City. I've only been around high-wolf society since Edgar's death, and none of them are honest about their opinions. But you went home to visit your family, so you should have a better grasp on the political climate there. How do the people feel about Connor?"

"Things are pretty tense," she said. "Connor hasn't made an appearance in Den City or sent out a bulletin or anything to reach out to his people. The first day of my break, a fight broke out in the market—the guards had to break it up. Everyone snaps at each other, and no one greets each other with a hello or a smile anymore. It's been rough out there."

I suddenly remembered the nightmare. That mysterious woman had told me I needed to take possession of the power inside me. Maybe that was what this was—an opportunity to make this unrest work in our favor, using resources from unexpected places.

"We need to use that tension and get the people to rally against Connor," I said.

She nodded. "But how do we convince the Wilcox pack that they should put their lot in with us? I mean, we'll be freeing the Dagger pack, and most still think they're the enemy."

That was a great point, and one I hadn't considered. "I'm not sure, but there has to be a way. We need to bring Asher into this. I've got to figure out how to meet with him without the guards knowing."

"Let me worry about that."

Her confidence bolstered me, and I felt heartened. "You think you'll be able to make that happen?"

Her grin chased away any lingering doubts. "Just trust me. I've got this."