4. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

I woke early Wednesday morning, my sheets and pillows damp with sweat. I sat up and pushed wet hair off my forehead, recalling the very strange dream I'd had. In it, Asher was in bed with me, and we were… well, intimate with each other. I could still feel the weight of his body, and his hair brushing across my cheek.

I shivered. It came as such a shock to me now that I was awake, especially after the vow I'd made to myself last night. But in the dream, Asher was the only person I wanted. Even now that I was awake, heat built in my lower stomach. I rubbed my thighs together, and the friction sent a tingling sensation through me. I blushed, though I was alone in my den. I'd never woken up aroused before.

I got out of bed and went to the bathroom, where I splashed cold water on my face. It made me feel only slightly better, but when I closed my eyes, I saw Asher's hazel eyes glowing in the darkness above me.

Another shiver racked through me. I splashed more water on my face, then got ready for the day cleaning Mrs. Rider's den. She had me take care of the baby while she napped, painted her nails, or whatever she did behind the closed door to her room. While I kept an eye on the little one by feeding him and keeping him happily cooing away, Asher returned to my mind.

It must have been because of the little boy's eyes—the same hue as Asher's.

I didn't think about my dream, and thought instead about the way he'd looked standing naked in the moonlight, the way the glow touched his skin and highlighted the muscles of his chest, stomach, and those broad shoulders. When he'd turned away from me, revealing that perfectly sculpted ass, it was like a blessing from Holo herself. I'd never seen a man in better shape. And his hair. Goddess, in the dream, I'd raked my fingers through that mane, and it had felt like the softest silk.

I wished I could just push him from my thoughts and focus, but I couldn't. My wolf whined. I felt her prowling within me, like she was searching for something. I tried to keep her calm, but if anything, my efforts only made her more insistent. She wanted to go. I didn't know where, but she was so desperate, I worried she'd take control of my legs and walk me out of there while I still held the baby in my arms.

My knee bounced up and down when I sat, so I paced around the living area instead. At least my motions put the baby to sleep. The ache in my stomach was more intense. I was wound up too tight.

Fortunately, Mrs. Rider kept away from me for most of the day, so I didn't have to suffer her abuse. That was good because I wasn't in a position to keep my wolf in check.

My shift ended a few hours later, and it was such a relief to have the rest of the afternoon to myself. All I wanted to do was lie in bed, but I knew I'd be restless with only the books and magazines I'd read multiple times to keep my mind occupied. It was a cloudy, misty afternoon, and the cool, moist air felt nice on my heated skin.

When I reached Den City, I made a beeline toward the stall that sold goods and information from the mainland. I liked buying the newspaper and keeping up with the news and politics in Michigan, researching for my future life in the same way I'd done to become Connor's bride. When I was part of high-wolf society, keeping up with gossip and intrigue was a necessity. The habit had become engrained in me.

On the mainland, it seemed like most of the issues citizens faced related to which politicians had the best solutions to problems. In high-wolf society, most of the issues centered around who was dating whom and which members had fallen out of favor. It was fascinating to see what people on the mainland were dealing with.

My favorite columns were the ones that gave relationship advice. Not only were those interesting, but it also provided some background for me when I did my Holo routine. The newspapers also allowed me to see what apartments were available in those cities. Most were far outside my price range, but at least I knew around how much I needed to save before moving to the mainland. I also found a lot of requests for roommates I could answer when I reached that point.

I was glad the stall wasn't too busy. The vendor got new mainland goods every day, but I usually kept my purchases to once a week. I'd already bought my fix, but I was craving some distraction.

I dropped my coins into the vendor's hand and carefully folded the newspapers in my arms. As fascinating as politics on the mainland were, I knew it would be tough on my own. I planned to get a bike so I would have some way of getting around the city. As long as I was careful with my money, I'd be able to make things work.

As I headed toward my den, I heard some commotion behind me. I glanced over my shoulder, then stopped. A man was holding up a young woman's wrist and shaking it. His face was almost purple with rage.

His name was Preston, and he was Heather's brother. He normally worked as an electrician, but sometimes Heather let him man her stall of polished stones. I preferred to give him a wide berth because he was known for starting fights.

"You owe me another ten dollars, girl." He growled.

The girl yanked to free herself from her grip. "You said I could have it for twenty!"

I knew I should turn away from this public altercation. It wasn't any of my business, but my gut said the girl was telling the truth while Preston was just trying to make more money off her. Given the way the onlookers were pretending not to pay attention, I knew no one would help her. Before I could think better of it, I tried to push myself between the two.

"H-hold on," I said, hating that I stammered. I was a wolf now, and just because he didn't know that didn't mean I had to remain weak.

His bloodshot eyes narrowed on me. He reeked of alcohol. He'd either started his morning drinking or had just ended his night.

"This doesn't involve you , bitch," he said.

My wolf bristled at the insult, and my hands clenched at my sides. I lowered my voice and made a show of looking around. "Maybe not, but you're causing a scene. I don't think Heather would appreciate this kind of attention on her business."

That seemed to give him pause, and the young woman managed to pull her hand free of his grip.

He hesitated, looking from me to her. "I want another five dollars."

I glanced behind me at the young woman. Her downcast expression told me she didn't have the funds. With some reluctance, I dug out my coin purse and handed him the bills. I couldn't afford a sudden loss of five dollars, but what else could I do?

Preston snatched the money from me before storming off.

When he left, I sensed attention slowly moving away from us. The young woman let out a long sigh of relief.

"Thank you so much," she said. "I don't even want to think what would have happened if you hadn't been here."

I turned to face her. Now that the threat was gone, I could take a good look at her. Her dress accentuated her plump form very well. She had deep brown skin, and her heart-shaped face was open and kind, her eyes a vibrant hue of green. Her black hair was smoothed back into a professional bun. I didn't recognize her, and I would have. She was very pretty, and there was something so gentle about her. I didn't think there were too many people like her left on this island.

"I'm glad I was here. Preston was awful. I'm sorry you had to deal with him." I started walking away from his stall to a quieter area of the market.

" I'm sorry you paid him." She shuddered. "I'll make it up to you somehow."

"I'm sorry I had to pay him, too, but you don't have to do that. It's not your fault he was being a creep."

"I guess that's true. But still..." She knitted her fingers together, her eyes pinned on the ground.

A few seconds of silence passed, and curiosity was getting the better of me, so I asked, "What's your name? I've never seen you around the market before."

"My name's Theodora. I don't come to Den City very often. I'm a maid in the alpha's manor."

Ah, that made sense. She didn't seem to recognize me, which meant she probably started working in the manor after I was kicked out.

"What brings you to this side of the gate?" I asked.

She held up the paper bag. "I was getting a gift for my mother. She loves amethyst, and I decided to get her a worry stone since she's always worrying about me and my sister."

"Is your family part of high-wolf society?"

The question made her laugh hard enough that she snorted, which in turn had me cracking a smile.

"No, no, no," she said once she'd recovered. "My family lives here in Den City."

For a split moment, I worried I might have had a negative interaction with a member of her family. "Can I ask what their names are?"

"My sister's name is Leonora, and my mother's name is Marsha."

"Oh." My eyebrows raised. "I know Leonora."

Theodora's face brightened. "You do?"

"Well, I don't know her, exactly," I amended. "I'm a maid, too, and we've worked for the same families."

"Ah, I see. What's your name?"

I hesitated. My name came with some baggage, but it was only fair to tell her, right? I'd learned her name and that of her family's. It would be rude to refuse. Yet even if she didn't know my face, she would know my name. Everyone in the Wilcox pack knew my name.

It should have been such a simple thing, but it had been a while since I'd introduced myself to someone, Asher excluded. My heart started pounding. The moment I told her my name, I'd find out if Theodora was really as kind as she seemed or if she had already formed opinions about who I was based on what she'd heard at the manor.

I steadied myself. "It's Phaedra."

A beat passed, and then another, and then Theodora's face changed from politely pleased to surprised.

"Gods above!" She took my hands, startling me. "I had no idea it was you! Penny told me everything."

"She… did?" I hadn't expected this reaction. There were genuine tears in Theodora's eyes, but the biggest shock was hearing Penny's name. These past five years, I'd tried very hard not to think about her or my parents. Penny was Connor's younger sister, and she'd been my best friend. I'd thought she'd want to forget about a shiftless girl like me for the sake of her reputation.

Theodora nodded emphatically. "Yes! Penny talks about you all the time." Her hands were warm and soft as they squeezed mine. "I am so, so sorry about what happened to you. I can't even imagine how awful that must have been."

It had been awful. My rejection had been so public, so cruel. But other than El, no one had ever commiserated with me.

"You don't think it was my fault?" The murmured question slipped past my lips before I could catch it.

I didn't have time to regret it. Theodora gasped, then her arms were around me. She squeezed me tightly. "Phaedra, not at all. So what if you can't shift? How could anyone turn their back on you at the time when you needed support the most?"

Her hug was so warm, almost suffocatingly so, but I found myself wanting to hug her back. I'd only met this woman minutes ago, and she'd already showed me more empathy than any other wolf had. Never in my life had I thought another shifter would empathize. Not when I was the only one on the island who was such a late bloomer.

But when I felt my eyes starting to sting, I gently pushed Theodora back a step. It was too much, too strange.

"It's all right if you want to cry," she said. "You should have been hugged at the time."

I thought I'd been hiding it well, but I felt a drop of wetness slide down my cheek. I quickly pushed it away. My face felt hot. Gods, here I was, crying in the middle of the market. I needed to get out of here.

"I should go," I said.

"Wait." She touched my shoulder before I could turn away. "We should have dinner when I'm in the city again. My family would love to have you in our den. Think of it as a repayment for the five dollars he took from you."

I was already shaking my head before she finished her last sentence. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I understand why you'd be cautious. After all, we've only just met." She gave me a small smile. "Well, let's not make any concrete plans. We can work something out when I'm back in town. It doesn't have to be dinner."

"Sure," I said, but I had no intention of following through. I doubted she really meant it, and her family would probably prefer not to be anywhere near a social pariah like me.

"It was wonderful meeting you, Phaedra."

"You, too, Theodora." This time when I turned away, she didn't call me back.

Descending into my den didn't give me the feeling of safety and comfort it usually did. It was suddenly very lonely down here. Quiet. Turning on the radio didn't help, neither did eating or drinking tea. My wolf's restlessness increased, and I couldn't relax.

I lay down for bed, hoping to force myself to sleep, but I ended up tossing, turning, and rubbing my thighs together... Oh.

It hit me then. My symptoms matched exactly what my mother had told me would happen once I took on a mate. I was going into heat. The realization brought things into focus. My wolf was acting this way because she wanted to find Asher and make sure that what happened in my dream happened in real life.

"I am not going to him," I said out loud to let my wolf know I meant business. But my conviction didn't make the feeling go away. I'd have to take matters into my own hands.

I closed my eyes and let my hand slip under my sleep shorts. My thoughts kept drifting toward the man who had forced me to shift in the first place. Asher, with his thick, messy hair, his perfect body, and those full lips.

If I let my imagination go, I could picture him between my legs, coaxing me to heights of pleasure I'd never known… but I didn't want that. I didn't even know him, and the mark on my wrist meant nothing. It was just some wayward magic. A mistake I needed to correct. I tried to push Asher out of my mind, but as I climaxed, his hazel eyes burned into my mind.

That satisfaction lasted mere seconds. That night was the first time I climaxed more than twice, but it didn't do anything for me.

Frustration forced me out of bed and had me stomping out of my room. If I didn't get relief soon, I was going to leave my den screaming into the night. I wondered if all shifters got hot and bothered when they shifted for the first time. My parents had never mentioned that, but they didn't like to broach those kinds of subjects with me. It irked me that I had no one I could ask about this.

"Fine," I said through gritted teeth. "You win." I pulled off my shirt and went outside. There, I closed my eyes and called out to my wolf. It started out as a shivering between my shoulder blades that spread down my back to my toes and fingers. The change took mere seconds, and though it felt strange, it also felt like release. Like the relief I felt after taking my hair out of a braid.

I shook out my fur, stretched, then set off. As I'd suspected, getting to the sacred lands was much easier in my wolf form, and I had no trouble navigating through the trees and over boulders and shrubs in the dark.

When I reached the Holo ruins, my wolf found the remains of Asher's shirt. She sniffed it, picking out his scent. It was like balsam fir, rosemary, and something floral and lovely. It made us tremble and whine with need. When we recovered, she put her nose to the ground and followed his scent out of the sacred lands in the direction of the other side of the island, where the Dagger pack was said to reside.

We were creeping into enemy territory, which meant we were committing treason. If I wasn't out of my mind with lust, I might have been more afraid of going onto Dagger pack land. As it was, all I felt was my elevated heart rate and the fluttering in my stomach.