Library

17. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

I was eager to get started on my research right away because Connor's ascension was right around the corner, but I would stand out like an ugly duckling if I entered high-wolf society wearing the clothes I had.

I couldn't afford to buy a dress of the caliber I'd need to pull this off—that would take everything I'd saved and then some—but I could get my hands on fabric and thread. I went back to the place where the Holo statue used to stand and dug up my stash of money. I counted out the coin I needed, then returned to Den City to buy a couple of yards of coral pink satin and more makeup. Those I bought from were suspicious that I was able to afford the fabric, but my coins were legitimate, and they sold the supplies without asking questions.

In the end, it took half my savings to get what I needed, but whenever doubt tried to creep up again, I reminded myself that this was for Asher and my future pack. I wasn't planning on leaving Isle Royale anymore. Saving the Dagger pack was more important.

I stuffed the fabric into my bag, then headed to the pix village to speak to El. She spotted me right away and flew down to hug my cheek.

"Hey, Phae," she greeted with a smile.

"Hi, El." I returned her smile. Seeing her was always such a high point in my day. "We have so much to talk about."

"I'm sure we do." She looked pointedly at my bag. "What's in there?"

"That's part of what I want to talk about. Mind taking a walk with me?"

"Sure!"

There was a well-worn trail we often took when we chatted. It was about a mile long and circled her village. El moved to my shoulder and set down her things with a grateful sigh. She was holding a basket of nuts and another basket of seashells. I put those things in my pocket for safekeeping.

"So, first things first." I moved my hair over my shoulder and showed her the mark Asher's teeth had left. "Asher claimed me," I said, my cheeks burning. Remembering it made my body tingle all over.

El gasped, then placed her tiny palm on my cheek. "That's such a big deal, Phae. Are you sure it's what you wanted?"

Her question reminded me of my doubts about the fated mate mark, but I pushed that away. "Yes, I'm sure. I mean, I have to be at this point, right?"

"Oh. Right…" El seemed down suddenly, but before I could ask her what was wrong, she said, "I didn't notice you were claimed when I hugged you. It seems more faint than other claimed wolves."

"I noticed that, too," I said. "I didn't think to wear perfume in Den City, but I kept my distance from the people. None of them seemed to realize I was claimed, either."

"You don't sound unhappy about that. I know you're trying to stay under the radar, but I thought wolves loved showing this sort of thing off."

"You're not wrong, but in this case, it works for what I've got planned." I paused to step over the tree that had fallen in the path. Something like this would have been an annoying obstacle when I was human, but now that I had my wolf, it was easy to maneuver around it. "So, Asher explained how he and his pack became cursed. He said that William, his father, betrayed Holo herself, and as a result of that, he got the ability to control when his pack shifts. Edgar got that ability when he killed William, but that power will go away when Connor becomes alpha. At that point, the Dagger pack goes feral, and nothing can save them."

She blinked. "Wow. That story sounds incredible. But, Phaedra, I thought you didn't believe in the gods and goddesses?"

I rubbed the back of my head. "Yeah, I'm still wrapping my mind around what I believe. This is making me reconsider what I thought I knew, but I believe Asher was telling the truth. So, for now, I'll just say I've decided to keep a more open mind."

"I see."

"Asher thinks the only way to get that power back is to kill Edgar, but there has to be an alternative. I'm planning on going along with Connor's plan to have me rejoin high-wolf society. I want to get access to the library so I can find a different way."

El's wings fluttered. "Wow. Phaedra, I don't know about all of this. I mean, you're really putting yourself on the line here. How are you going to keep them from finding out you're claimed?"

"Well, to be honest." I looked at her concerned expression and tried to smile. "I'm planning on covering myself in a few pounds of makeup and wearing a ton of perfume."

She snorted. "Well, I guess that makes sense. What else could you do?"

"Yeah, I don't have a ton of options." I hefted the bag I carried. "And that brings me to this bag. I want your help to?—"

"Wait, wait, Phae." El flew in front of my face, making me stop short. The expression on her face was somber. "You're about to do some undercover work, but before you start, I think there's something you should know."

"Oh." I decided to put a pin in my request. "Um, okay. Tell me."

"When I went to tell Asher that you were writhing in pain, he was with another wolf. A female wolf," she said. "I got the impression she was close with Asher, and I think it's possible that Asher might be interested in her. They were holding hands."

I gaped at her, my mouth opening and closing like a fish's.

El wrung her hands. "I'm sorry, Phae. I just don't want you to risk your life for this if Asher's keeping something like that from you."

I gave a stiff nod of my head. "I know you're looking out for me, El. But I already know Asher hasn't been completely honest with me about everything. I can tell." My hand tightened on the strap of my bag. "But I have to believe that is all in the past. Otherwise, he wouldn't have claimed me, right?"

She hesitated before agreeing. "Yes. Right."

I took a deep breath and gave myself an internal shake. This was not the time to be dwelling on any potential old flames Asher had. "Anyway, El, I need your help." I unzipped the bag and showed her the fabric. "Will you make me a day dress that will cover my claim mark? I'll stand out less if I can dress the part."

"Oh!" Despite the serious tone of our conversation, El's eyes lit up the moment she saw the fabric. She flew down to touch the satin, her expression full of wonder.

"My gods," she breathed. "I've never seen so much fine fabric in one place." She took a few more moments to admire it, then flew up above me. "Follow me! I need reinforcements!"

I fumbled to close the bag as she zipped through the trees. I followed after her as quickly as I could, but she was flying almost as quickly as she had the day she went to get Asher.

When we reached her village, I was panting. El put her thumb and forefinger in her mouth and let out a couple of sharp whistles. Within seconds, a few more pix appeared, each of them of varying vibrant colors: orange sunlight, the purple of violets, the crimson of a fresh rose.

El explained what I needed from them, using a lot of quick hand gestures. When she pointed to me and my bag, the pix all looked at me at the same time. I almost stepped back at the hungry looks on their faces.

The moment El finished speaking, they flew down to me and unzipped my bag, pulling out the fabric. Others fluttered around my shoulders and waist, taking my measurements. They buzzed around me, chatting to each other in quick, giggling voices.

When they were done with me, they fluttered off, a glittering rainbow of excitement. I watched them disappear into the pix village with my fabric. Beatrice and Jean had taken such a long time to get my measurements, but these pix were able to get my size in just a few seconds.

"Don't worry, Phaedra." El beamed at me. She was the only one who'd remained. "We've got this."

"R-right." I closed my empty bag. "How long do you think it'll take to make?"

"Come back to us on Wednesday morning. We'll do a fitting and make any last-minute additions. But just so you know"—her eyes were twinkling with determination—"I don't think we'll need to."

That had been Monday. Now it was Wednesday, exactly one week before Connor's ascension. I swung by the pix village to get the dress before I headed to high-wolf society. I worried the pix had gone overboard with the dress, but when they did their fitting, I found they had exercised some restraint.

They'd crafted a wrap dress. The high neck kept my bite completely out of public view, and the flowy, wrap design softened a look that might have otherwise been stuffy. It couldn't have been more perfect.

I thanked El and her friends profusely and couldn't keep myself from sobbing. They wished me well, and I went home to get ready.

Though the mark would be covered, I covered it, the fated mate mark, and my freckles with makeup just to be safe. I put my hair up in the same style I'd worn five years ago, keeping it in place with the dragonfly pin my mother had gifted me for my fifteenth birthday. I hadn't worn it since the night Connor rejected me, but I pretended the memories didn't bother me.

After spritzing myself with the perfume I'd bought, I pulled on a pair of strappy black heels. The shoes were secondhand, and white would have gone better with the bright color of the dress, but that didn't matter. They looked new enough, and the high-low skirt would cover them from the back anyway.

It was time to begin my mission.

When I got to the gates, I didn't even need to state what my business was. The guards took one look at my face and outfit, and they not only let me in but called a carriage for me. They probably had my picture memorized. Relief flooded through me as I got into the carriage. Connor was the kind of man who could change his mind the moment something else caught his attention, so part of me had worried that he had decided not to let me back into high-wolf society. Now I didn't have to worry. At least I didn't have to worry about that.

I could put on my game face.

When I reached the alpha manor, I held my head high, my posture perfect, and entered the place like I owned it. What looks I received I ignored. Here, it was important to carry an aloof, unbothered air. I hated having to give off this false confidence. It felt like I was living in skin two sizes too small. But I had to remember this was for Asher and my new pack. I could endure the discomfort and the bad memories for them.

Though it had been five years since I'd been in the manor's library, my legs remembered the path. I'd been here thousands of times, and like so many of the other rooms of the manor, I knew the way by heart.

The grand library looked the same as the last time I'd been inside it, and it was still my favorite room in the manor. From its rich, cherry wood shelves to the stained glass, domed skylight, and the comforting scent of old paper and ink, its beauty was unmatched.

They hadn't changed the way the books were arranged, so I knew I needed to go to the little-used western corner of the library to get to the oldest tomes. I moved one of the rolling ladders to the shelf I needed, and removed my heels so I could climb up and start my search. I ran my fingers over the spines of the old books, silently reading the titles.

I found a few books about the path to Emrys and old interactions the wolves of Isle Royale had had with the gods. That would be the best place to start. I grabbed the books and hopped down. I landed in a crouch, my feet making no sound on the hardwood floors. That was just as well, because a loud thud would bring too much attention to this quiet corner.

I sat down at the desk and opened the books to pages and chapters that seemed relevant, poring over the information, reading as much as I could. But even in the oldest books, I didn't find much that seemed promising.

I found some old stories about how the bridge in Heartbridge Cave activated to allow the favored packs access to Emrys, but the last pack to cross the bridge had been one hundred years ago. Holo was the one who hand-picked those packs, and that was why wolves gave homage to her before any of the other gods. I also found passages that talked about how mating between wolves and the gods was strictly forbidden, though the text didn't say why.

I closed the book on yet another artist's rendition of Holo and her light gold hair, and pushed the book I was reading aside with a sigh. I pinched the bridge of my nose, squeezing my eyes shut. These things would be interesting under any other context, but it wouldn't help Asher and the Dagger pack. There wasn't information about the bond between shifters and the gods, nor how to get in touch with a god. What would I tell Asher? Had all of this just been a waste of time?

"Are our books no longer to your liking?" a deep voice queried.

I jumped with a small squeak and met a familiar pair of jade eyes. I'd been so absorbed in my studies I hadn't noticed someone else sitting at my table—the alpha of the Wilcox pack, Edgar Salcedo.

His dark brown hair would have been the same shade of Connor's or Penny's, but it and his beard were threaded with silver. He wore a long-sleeved gray shirt, but I could see he was just as fit as he'd been when he used to chase his children and me around the castle.

"A-alpha Edgar," I stuttered, rushing to stand to greet him. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you. I was?—"

"Absorbed in your reading, I know." He waved for me to take my seat. "No need for the formalities, Phaedra. It wasn't so long ago that you were begging me to punish Connor for hiding your favorite doll from you, was it?"

I blushed as I slowly sat down, but his words made me smile. "I guess not."

He had always had such a kind, dignified air—something Connor had tried and failed to replicate his entire life. I was embarrassed to admit I found my former father-in-law-to-be very attractive.

My wolf snuffed. If she could turn her back on the alpha, she would without giving a damn about proper customs. I couldn't really blame her. My memories of Edgar being like a second father to me, who taught me to play chess on my tenth birthday, warred with the image of him looking on with the others as Connor exiled me.

It wasn't until this moment that I realized that Edgar had had the ability to stop Connor from ruining my life, and it was hard to weigh that against the man who seemed genuinely happy to see me in his library.

"We have a lot to catch up on, Phaedra," he said, pulling me from my conflicting thoughts. "Namely, who's the lucky wolf who claimed you? And when did you get your wolf form?"

I stared at him, my heart a hummingbird trapped in my chest. I'd put so much work into keeping those things hidden, but the alpha had somehow discovered my biggest secrets within seconds of speaking to me.

While I was having an internal breakdown, Edgar continued chatting. "Connor will be loath to hear that all he had to do to keep you as a mate was show a little patience." He shook his head. "That boy was in love with you, you know. Probably still is."

"Love?" I repeated. At least my voice didn't let on to the emotions churning inside me. "He rejected me at my transformation ceremony."

"I know." He sighed and closed the book he'd brought with him. "I have to love my son because he's my blood, but I've never agreed with his rash decisions. His mistakes are his to make, not for me to clean up after. That said"—he gave an apologetic smile—"I didn't know your parents would give you up so freely. By the time I realized they had, it had already been six months, and there were new members added to high-wolf society. Your slot had been filled. I couldn't contradict my son if your parents hadn't put up a fight to keep you."

I knew he wasn't lying to me, and I could have slapped myself for how obvious his explanation was. That was how this damn society worked. Everyone who was part of the club fought tooth and nail to remain there, so desperate not to lose their riches that they wouldn't fight the decision of the alpha's son to cast their child out. And when you were out, it was almost impossible to get back in, especially if your "slot" was already filled.

But the sting of this truth wasn't what I wanted to talk about. It was the fact he'd figured out what I was hiding so easily.

"How do you know I've been claimed?"

He tapped his nose. "I have a talent for spotting mated and unmated females." Still in good spirits, his eyes twinkled as he tapped the cover of his book.

I looked down and did a double take. It was the latest book in a series of steamy, polyamorous romance novels. I remembered that series had started gaining popularity when I was fifteen.

"Oh," I said. " Oh ," I repeated as understanding dawned. And then a chuckle started to bubble out of me—one I covered with my hand. If the alpha was into polyamory, it made sense that his nose would be more attuned to shifts in scent, even when those shifts were covered in perfume.

"I usually come to this lonely corner to read these sorts of things," he said. "I grab one of these dusty old books to hide the cover just in case someone comes my way."

"Aren't you worried someone will find out?" I asked. Shifters, especially those living behind the wrought-iron gates, were pretty conservative when it came to claiming and mating. That was probably because we were so possessive about our relationships.

"Not really," he said. "Miranda and I love these books too much."

Miranda was Connor and Penny's mother, and Edgar's mate. I couldn't believe they were both poly and there wasn't even a rumor hinting about it. Connor had never been able to keep the rumor mill quiet about himself. That was just one more way he fell short of his father.

"Anyway," Edgar continued, "I'll keep your secret safe if you keep mine." He extended his hand for me to shake.

I nodded, shaking it. "You have my word."

"And you have mine." He smiled again and looked down at the books I'd pulled from the shelves. "It seems you're having trouble finding what you need."

"That's an understatement. I was hoping I'd find books that were…" I racked my brain for the best way to describe what I was looking for. "About the old bonds between wolves and the gods."

"Ah, I see." He sat back in his seat and scratched his beard. "If these books aren't telling you what you want to know, I think I know where you can look instead." He got to his feet, gesturing for me to follow him.

He led me toward the back of the library. A tall, spiral staircase led to the second floor of books, but in the tight space behind that staircase was a door. I had completely forgotten about this spot. It was off-limits to children, and my friends and I had been warned away from it. I'd aways believed the door was locked, but Edgar opened it without a key. Inside the room, the décor was plainer than the main library, and there were even fewer people milling around. Those who were here looked like scholars and historians.

"You might have better luck in this section," Edgar said, whispering so as not to disturb the others.

"Can I really look through the books here?" I asked, excitement stealing over me. It wasn't just that I might find an answer for the Dagger pack. I was also happy to have access to this secret part of the library. My inner bookworm was singing.

"Of course," he said. "And if anyone gives you trouble or tries to stop you from entering this section of the library, let me know."

I nodded and looked up at Edgar. I could have cried for the kindness he was showing me. I really, really didn't want this man to be killed. Not by Asher or anyone else. "Thank you so much. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."

He grinned at me and patted my shoulder before he left me to my studies. I searched for a little while until I found a book about mating. It talked not just about chosen mates and claiming, but also about fated mate marks.

Fated mate marks can appear almost anywhere that can be easily accessed by the fated pair. This mark is the highest honor a pair of wolves can receive, for it means the gods will favor them if they complete the bond. However, for those extremely rare cases where their union is impossible, there is a way to remove it.

I stifled a gasp. Below that passage there was a spell written in a flowing, runic language. It reminded me of the symbols carved into the Heartbridge. With a pounding heart, I looked at the spell, hoping I could understand it somehow. But the longer I stared, the more my vision swam. When I closed my eyes, the dizziness faded away.

That was bizarre. It was like I could almost read the writing, but there was something in my mind that kept me from understanding it.

I shook my head and closed the book firmly. It didn't matter. This book wasn't going to help me lift the Dagger pack's curse. Anyway, I'd already made my choice. I was staying on Isle Royale to be with Asher.

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