16. Asher

ASHER

P haedra and I parted with one last kiss and a promise to meet up again soon. A myriad of emotions were running through me as I headed back to my territory, but the most prominent among them was hope. After talking with her, I'd started believing she might actually be able to help out my pack.

The second I was back in the village I went to find my uncle. He ought to be in his human form around now, so I knocked on the door. He called me in. For once, he wasn't surrounded by the single women of our pack. He was sitting at his dining table, reviewing some paperwork. Scouting reports, from the looks of it.

"Ah, nephew," he said. "What brings you here so late?"

"I just met with Phaedra," I said, closing the door behind me.

"I figured." He pushed away the documents and leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers on his stomach. "I still smell her on you."

Damn. I'd been so excited I hadn't remembered to get rid of her scent before returning. I was lucky I hadn't come into contact with anyone in my pack. Or was I? If things went as well as Phaedra seemed to think they would, then my pack would be meeting her soon anyway.

"Right." I shook my head. "Anyway, she seems willing to help us."

"Oh? That's good news. Is she going to get us access to the alpha manor?"

"Not quite. She's planning on using the manor's library to find an alternative way to get rid of the curse."

I didn't expect my uncle to jump at this potential solution. I knew he would be skeptical, but I thought he would at least be intrigued, instead he closed his eyes and sighed.

"Asher, that's not going to work?—"

"Hold on." I raised my hands before he could finish. "I know it's not what you were expecting, but it has some promise, doesn't it? High-wolf society has access to texts neither you nor I could ever dream of. There has to be something there that could help us, right? Maybe those books would give us a way to contact Holo herself."

Phaedra wasn't the biggest believer in the gods or magic, but I doubted she'd turn away an opportunity to summon a goddess. After all, if my dad got her to ask him for a favor, surely someone else could do the same.

But my uncle still wasn't moved. He looked up to the ceiling of his cabin like he was searching for strength up there. He sighed again and sat straight, patting the spot next to him.

"Asher, take a seat. There are some things we should talk about."

"Okay," I said slowly as I sat.

"This isn't your fault. I've been debating for years whether or not I should have told you everything, but now I see I was the fool for keeping you in the dark."

"About what?"

"This plan that your Phaedra has is a dead end. Holo is dead."

I was so taken aback by what he'd said that I laughed. "What do you mean? Goddesses can't die."

"Not under normal circumstances, but…" He hesitated. "Let me start from the beginning. How much do you know about the meeting between William and Holo?"

With some hesitation, I told him what I'd told Phaedra. "And then he bit her, and she ran out of his cabin..." I trailed off as he shook his head.

"You have a stronger grasp of what happened than I thought, but not the specifics. I guess you were only three years old. What actually happened was the goddess came to your father seeking asylum. She was vague about the details, but she promised your father access to Emrys if he helped her. But the day after your arrival, William sent me to go to the dark witch and get a poison that could kill a god."

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. "You got poison? From Kestrel?"

Growing up, my uncle had drilled into me that I needed to stay as far away from her as I could, yet here he was telling me that he'd gone to her himself.

"Yes. I told him I would only go if we had Kestrel make an antidote. He agreed. When I returned, he slipped it into her food. When she started to weaken, he showed her the vial containing the antidote. He said he would give it to her if she untethered the Dagger pack from the gods entirely. She told him, ‘I can transfer the power to control your packs shifts, but that's the best I can do.' He accepted that, and so she transferred the ability to him."

The gods were the reason shifters were able to transform at all. They made sure the bond between human and wolf was equal… but the ability my father forced Holo to give him allowed him the ability to dictate that balance himself.

"After the transfer occurred," my uncle went on, "he smashed the antidote instead of giving it to her. When he shifted and bit her, she couldn't defend herself. Bleeding and weak from her wounds, she ran. I found out later she had died."

"No," I breathed. "How do you?—"

"I saw the dark witch dragging her body out of her hut myself. She buried it under the statue." My uncle had never looked older than he did then. "There is no way to summon a dead goddess, Asher. And that means there is no other option but to kill Edgar."

I felt rage boil inside me. "But he had access to Emrys! Why would he throw away immortality?" As I finished speaking, I knew the answer. "He didn't want immortality. He was angry at the gods for taking away my mother and brother. He didn't want to live without them."

"You hit the nail on the head, kid," he said sadly. "Your father was too far gone at that point. And with his ability, none of us could fight him."

Once he finished speaking, I stood up abruptly, knocking over my chair. "Why would you keep me in the dark about this for so long? If I'd known all this from the beginning—" I cut myself off. There was no way to continue that statement. What would I have done differently? I wouldn't have gone to the statue to pray. I would've been more determined to kill Edgar… but I wouldn't have met Phaedra.

As I stood there, mired in my thoughts, there was frantic knocking on the door.

"Come in," Uncle and I said at the same time.

It was Taig. "So, you were here," he said, his expression intense.

"What's wrong?" I demanded.

"There are two wolves acting feral. From what their families tell me, they haven't shifted into their human forms in two days."

I cursed. Just what I needed—another fire to put out.

I shot my uncle a look that promised we'd talk more about this later before following my right-hand. In the streets toward the center of the spiral of cabins, Selene's men were holding back two wolves intent on mauling each other. Selene was there too, trying to help calm the situation down.

When she saw us approaching, the worry faded from her expression. "Asher," she said with a sigh of relief. "Thank the gods you're here."

I nodded to her and turned my full attention to the wolves. They were snarling and howling, struggling to tear loose of the grip Selene's men had on them. Their dark, crazed eyes were filled with fear and confusion. Seeing them in such a state, the rage I'd felt with my uncle morphed to worry. There was no way to coax them out of this. All I could do was use my alpha command.

A small crowd gathered around us. Members of my pack, some in their wolf forms, some in their human forms, looked on in horror. Yet again, they were seeing firsthand what would happen when the curse took over completely.

I gestured at Selene's men to bring the wolves closer to me, then crouched in front of them. I reached inside myself to pull power from my wolf. An alpha command was something that came from both him and me. " The two of you will shift, " I told them. " Now. "

They paused when they heard the deeper voice required for the command, but after a few moments, their panic returned, and they continued to try and escape.

" Listen to me! You will shift now!"

Once again, they paused, but as before, the craze returned. This had never happened before. I'd always been able to bring them back from the brink, only having to use the alpha command in extreme cases. Except it wasn't working now.

Baffled, I turned to Taig. Was it possible my alpha command was somehow less effective? Taig seemed to understand immediately what I wanted to try, and he nodded.

" Shift now, " I commanded him.

His wolf took over, and he fell to the ground on all fours. It wasn't a violent shift, and his clothes were more or less intact.

" Shift again, " I commanded.

He quickly returned to his human form, his shirt and pants more wrinkled and slightly torn. He glanced at Selene and turned from her, adjusting his clothes. So, it had nothing to do with my ability. That could only mean one thing.

"I wasn't able to do anything with my alpha command either," Selene said, running her hand through her hair. "I thought it wasn't working because they aren't part of my pack, but in light of this…"

She didn't need to finish that sentence. I wished it wasn't true, but the facts were staring me right in the face. They were completely feral, too far gone for me to bring them back.

"Asher," Taig said. "I think the only thing to do is lock them up. At least until we're able to come up with a different solution."

I squeezed my eyes shut and took a few deep breaths. "Yes, do that. Make sure they're kept as far away from the most dangerous population as possible."

Selene's men hefted the wolves and carried them to the prison. Taig followed them to make sure they were interred safely. It was only meant for felons. Those two wolves were good men. They didn't deserve to be confined like that. But there was nothing else to do. I couldn't help but feel like a failure as I listened to their fading howls.

"Asher?"

Selene's voice pulled me from the dark pit.

"Want to go somewhere else?" she asked.

Gods, yes, but the only person I wanted to see was probably fast asleep in her bed by now. I shook my head. "I need go and to speak with their families."

She nodded. "I'll wait for you in your cabin."

"Sure."

Once Selene walked away, I went to take care of business. One after the other, I had to endure the sobs of the families when I told them that their fathers wouldn't be coming home, and that they'd be interred. Their cries would haunt my nightmares for days to come.

When I was finished, I went back to my cabin. All that time, I'd been able to stay human. I still wasn't sure what it was about the fated mate marks or Phaedra or the Heartbridge Cave that kept me in control, but I was grateful the ability had let me take care of business.

As I pushed open the door, I jerked back.

"Hey," Selene said from my comfortable chair, a sad smile on her face.

I'd forgotten she was waiting for me. "Sorry it took me so long." I turned to close the door.

"You don't have to apologize, Asher. I respect that you're keeping your pack's best interest in mind right now. It shows your strength as a great alpha."

I had no idea what to say to that. I didn't feel like a great alpha. Actually, I was certain I was the furthest thing from it. Right after learning the true extent of my father's betrayal of Holo, I was forced to see the effects of his selfishness firsthand. Now two members of my pack, my family who had once been functioning members of the pack, were being contained in cages alongside murderers, abusers, and thieves.

"The fact they're feral doesn't bode well for our timeline," I told her. "As Connor's ascension nears, his father's alpha powers are waning. And so is his grip on our change."

She gave a little shiver. "Goddess… What can we do?"

I leaned against my fireplace. "All we can do is hope they'll remember who they are once I kill Edgar."

Her frown was full of pity. It was too much for me, and I turned away from it. Pity wasn't what I wanted. I wanted warmth. Comfort. I wanted Phaedra.

Selene wrapped her arms around me from behind. It was so startling, I jumped away from her touch. The moment I did that and turned to see the stricken expression on her face, I knew I'd just made a huge mistake.

"Why?" she asked. "I was only trying to comfort you, Asher."

"I-I know. I didn't mean to cause offense."

But the damage was done. She sniffed at her hands, and then at me, and the hurt in her expression hardened. "Asher… you took on a mate?"

Shit. And now the secret was out. "Selene, wait, let me explain."

"No," she snapped. "How could you possibly explain this betrayal? What is my pack going to do now? We can't integrate fully unless there's a proper mating and claiming ceremony, but you've ruined it all. My pack is going to starve!"

Her voice was getting louder. If things kept going this way, the entire pack would hear us argue. "Selene, please. Calm down?—"

"Calm down?" Her wrathful voice sliced across mine. "Calm down? How dare you? Our deal is off. Effective immediately."

She pushed past me toward the door. I took her wrist. She looked back at me, tears glistening in her dark eyes.

"Selene, please listen." The future of both the Dagger and Coldcrow packs hinged on what I told her. But all I could give her now was the truth. "I met my fated mate."

"What?" The question cracked like a whip in my cabin.

"It's the truth. Look." I pulled down my sleeve and showed her the mark. "I wasn't able to control this; it just happened so quickly. I'm so sorry. I wasn't sure how to tell you."

She scoffed at me, a tear slipping down her cheek. "And in the meantime you used my men in these skirmishes with Connor. In the meantime, you led me on. Her name is Phaedra, isn't it? She was the one that little pix was telling you about."

Selene crossed her arms over her chest, closing herself off from me.

"Yes, you're right. But please understand. I didn't want this, and I didn't ask for this, but I still have every intention of merging our packs. You and your men have been beyond incredible, Selene. I would never let you or your people starve."

She stared at me for a long time. I got the impression she was searching for the truth in my eyes. "And what about your mate?" she asked. "What about you and me?"

"As I said, I will find a way to save both our packs, Selene. But as for us…" I thought about telling her that I was intending to use Phaedra to my advantage, but it would just be another lie, wouldn't it? I didn't want to use her at all. I wanted to be with her. "I have real feelings for Phaedra. She is the only mate for me. I'm sorry."

Selene sobbed once, then pressed her hand over her mouth. She stood like that for a few moments before taking a deep, trembling breath.

"I can't be here anymore, Asher," she muttered. "I need time to think."

"Of course." I let her go. "I'm so sorry, Selene."

Her answering laugh cut me to the core. "I bet you are."

She turned and stormed out of my cabin, slamming the door behind her. I fell onto my bed, throwing my arm over my eyes. What a fucking day. Because of the confusion that followed after the Dagger pack losing two men to the curse, I doubted anyone but my uncle and Selene had been able to scent Phaedra on me.

But that was cold comfort. Such a hopeful start to the night had ended with me feeling like everything I cared for was about to slip through my fingers.