Chapter Twenty-Two

Tomás

Those moments I stood on stage pretending to be someone else were the most spectacular of my life. It's the only word I found to describe it. I sang. I danced. And it was something I was good at. It had been something I loved to do. Except everything outside the bubble of the performance tainted it. Tainted me. I hated it. I hated my life at Arcadia. I hated having to ignore Kieran after what we did. After how he made me feel. The emotions warped me. They scrambled my brain, and I couldn't make sense of it. He'd dug his claws into me, made me his, and then ignored me. I knew he was deep in the closet. I was okay with that, but he continued to have girls around him, hanging off his arm like a fuck you to me.

And I couldn't stand it anymore. It got to the point that I stopped going to the house. I spent my time in the theatre building for rehearsals, then when I was exhausted as all hell, I slept in the loft above the chapel.

When I was six, my grandma died. Mom had been invited to the funeral because Grandma wanted to stick it to my mom one last time. At least that's what Mom had said. Daniel and I wore suits Dad bought us for Easter mass the year before. The only time we ever went to church. Daniel hated the suit but Brenda said he looked nice, and he had liked her even back then so he wore the suit.

The church had been small. Rafters in the ceiling, creaky floors, and the sound echoed all around us. My Aunt Tita had cried to God. Really loud. She was my mom's oldest sister. But when everyone had left. I stayed behind playing with my Hot Wheels while Mom stared at the cross on the wall. "I hate this place," she had said. "The stains of all those suffering bleed on the walls, the floor, the ceiling. They scream and nobody listens."

I tried listening to the screams, but I didn't hear them either. It wasn't until Daniel died and we were the ones suffering that I understood what she meant.

The chapel was old, but at night I imagined all the hurt and pain that bled into the walls. I didn't sleep well and woke up with nightmares of my grandma and Daniel clawing at the walls, trapped inside, unable to come back. I woke up screaming, sweating, and alone.

Since Dasher had blown me off, I started hanging out with Jack and his crew. Getting high was familiar and Jack didn't expect anything from me.

Kieran ignored me during biology. He'd sat away from me. I had become the bitch who'd been discarded. Why had it hurt? So what if I was bisexual? That truth didn't bother me. This place bothered me. I hated that I was in this prison.

"I want to get out of here," I blurted to Jack and his crew as they completed a set. "How would I go about doing that?"

Amir smirked. "You don't. Not unless you have a sanctioned pass by either Casera or your sponsor."

Mad Dog hadn't responded to my texts in days. And Casera wouldn't do anything without Mad Dog's consent.

"And if I don't have a sanctioned pass? How could I do it?"

"Dude," Morgan said. "You sure you want to get out of here?"

I gave him a duh look. I wouldn't be asking if I didn't. Jack didn't say anything right away, just looked at me, trying to decide how serious I was about this shit.

He finally called practice over. "Let's meet next week," he said to the guys. Amir whispered something to him that clamped Jack's jaw so tight I thought he'd probably crack a tooth. "I got it," he said.

Amir took off.

I watched as he calmly pulled out a joint, stuck it in his mouth, and lit it. He sat on a stool, watching me carefully. There was something aged about Jack. He was a second year but looked much older. It could've been the drugs, but something bugged me about it. There was something else I wasn't getting when it came to Jack. Something I should. He blew out smoke.

"Getting out is easy. Coming back isn't."

"I don't intend on coming back."

He sucked the joint, blew out smoke. "There is a way, but you have to be willing to do anything for it."

"I'm not killing anyone, but yeah."

Jack smirked, his eyes haunted in suspicion. "You can't tell Dasher. Not even say goodbye. He belongs to Fox and he's like a loyal dog. This is just you and me, or it's nothing."

I hated that he called Dasher a loyal dog. Dasher had tried to protect me during the hazing. The only one. But he'd abandoned me too. Stopped talking to me outside theatre. Stopped answering my texts. He just became another face in the crowd of students at Arcadia who did The Ark Boys' bidding. I nodded. "Agreed."

The plan was simple and smart. I was actually surprised Jack had thought up such a scheme. He must've been thinking about doing the same for a long while. But he needed me for this to work. And like clockwork, once Friday came around, I was ready.

Kieran came out of his room dressed to the nines. I, too, took liberties of using the clothes he'd bought me. Dark slacks, a white button down, shoes. He looked startled for a second when he caught sight of me, and I hated that I liked the slow drag he gave me with his eyes. Of course, he wouldn't do anything, so I did. I pushed him against the counter and slammed my mouth against his in a feral, heated kiss that swept down to my toes. He shoved me away after a few seconds, his lips swollen, wet, and then he gripped my shirt and seamed his lips over mine again, continuing where we left off. The only buzz I had in my head was why? Why Kieran? Why couldn't we just be like this? Why hide? Why did he want to hurt me? I shoved all that to the side, holding on to the mission at hand. Getting out. Angry, I bit his lip hard. He hissed as I pulled back. His lips already swelling.

"Fuck you," I said, not able to stop the venom spilling from my voice, letting my anger surge to the surface. The jealousy. "You don't deserve me." I started to walk away, but he grabbed my arm, slamming me against the counter hard. He cupped my throat and swept his thumb across my pulse point. The touch sent my skin ablaze.

"No," he said. "I don't deserve you. But you're mine anyway."

"Then take me out of this place. Take me out with you." I sucked in a breath and held it. If he said no, the plan was doomed. If he said yes, I was fucked having to watch him probably pick up some girl to take with him to save face.

The sound of footsteps upstairs forced us apart. He turned away to fix himself a plate of food as if we hadn't just had a moment. His face revealed nothing. It made me realize he was a good liar, and I wondered which parts of him were real.

Wren came down, River after him, and Fox glared at me. I crossed my arms over my chest.

Wren gave me a slow drag and I didn't feel the same way I felt when Kieran did it, but I liked the way Kieran held on to that knife as if he wanted to stab Wren in the eyeball with it. "You're coming with us?" Wren asked.

I pushed off the wall. "No, I actually have a date," I said. Two could play games.

"Who's the lucky chick, or guy? I do not judge," Wren said, lifting a brow.

I smirked, ignoring the madman with the knife at the counter. "I do not kiss and tell. But have fun." I walked out of the kitchen. A part of me felt relieved that I wouldn't have to go with them. I sucked at lying, and this was a big lie.

I grabbed my long coat, heavier than it should be, and started to shrug into it when a shadow loomed behind me. I couldn't ignore his presence. It was like death. I planted my smile and turned.

"Cancel," Kieran said, his lips tight. "You're coming with us."

I caught sight of Wren over Kieran's shoulder laughing to himself.

"Are you inviting me out with your crew?"

He grinded his teeth. "Yeah, I am."

I shrugged as if it were nothing while my stomach twisted into knots.

"Wren will keep an eye on you."

As if I were something he could just pass over to someone else. I bit back my retort. I needed him to trust me. I needed to see how he got out and came back. I spun through all my reasoning why I needed to swallow the lump in my throat.

Fuck him.

I let out a deep breath, my heart speeding a million miles an hour. Fox shook his head when he saw me joining them. "You're going to have to take your car," Fox said. "I'm not taking him in mine."

Wren smirked. "Looks like you'll be riding with me."

We all walked to the garage. Fox and Kieran a little ahead of the rest of us. Henry decided to stay. "Fox still hung up on the flag shit?" I asked.

"He still resents Dasher for what he did."

"What did Dasher do?"

"Betrayed him," Wren answered.

I opened my mouth to tell him that was ridiculous. It was a game. I never in a million years thought Dasher would ever betray anyone like that in the real world. Especially not Fox. But I didn't say anything. These people lived by a different set of rules that I had no clue how to interpret. River walked on my other side, like two book ends, these two.

It was cold as shit and looked like it was going to snow. I shoved my hands inside the coat I was wearing. Jack had borrowed it to me. I wasn't sure what he'd lined it with, money or drugs. I felt like a mule.

We made it to the garage and Wren smiled at his Mustang GT. A nice ride. An SUV with cute pink stickers was parked beside it, and beside the SUV stood Kieran's 2023 Chevy Corvette Z06. Fox's Jeep was parked beside Kieran's.

Kieran walked toward us and for a second, I thought he knew my plan. "Go with Fox," he told Wren. "I'll take our guest." Kieran extended his hand, palm up.

Wren narrowed his eyes. "You better take good care of her." He dropped his keys into Kieran's palm.

"Always."

Wren turned to me. "Good luck, bro. Don't kill each other on the drive."

River simply shrugged and they both jumped into Fox's Jeep.

"Why don't you take your car?"

Kieran gave me an eyebrow lift as in, are you crazy. "It's going to snow."

"Yeah. Bad decision to own a sports car on top of a mountain, don't you think?"

"Just get in," he said with a smirk.

I climbed into the passenger seat.