Chapter Twenty-Three

Kieran

The moment I saw Tomás dressed in the clothes I bought for him I knew something was up. He had ignored the new wardrobe since day one, opting for jeans and t-shirts that did nothing to reveal what hid underneath. The dark slacks he wore hugged his hips and accentuated his ass perfectly. The slim white button-down hinted at a lean, sinuous body underneath. My dick took notice.

I'd been trying to ignore him since the night I fucking blew it. I had left the guys at the club and rushed to Tomás because I needed him. On the drive back I had decided to take whatever I could from what he'd give me. And he gave in beautifully. Until I had fucked it up.

He'd been staying at the chapel loft for days instead of in his bed. I learned he'd been cast in the school's musical and spent most of his evenings in the theatre building. I had never let him go. But I had fucked up. I knew he needed some sort of validation, but I couldn't give it to him. I couldn't voice the truth. Not yet. Not even for him.

"You better know what you're doing with him," Fox had snapped at me just seconds before I stopped Wren from taking him. We were meeting with Tor and the others at Renew. The club we used to wind down, to debrief. We all knew the risks stepping foot off campus, but we had the hookup with the security guard on night duty. Getting out wasn't the issue, getting back in would be.

Fox stopped at the gate in front of us.

"They'll just let us pass?" Tomás asked, shifting in his seat beside me.

His presence took me out of my element, confused me. "So long as we pay the toll. Money is power. If you have it, there's nothing you can't get away with. Rice will take our bribe. We just have to make sure we make it back by dawn."

"What happens after dawn?"

"The shift change. If we get caught, they'll put us on lockdown, contact our sponsors."

Fox handed Rice the envelope of cash. I breathed out a sigh of relief when Fox drove off and I drove up.

Rice looked from me to Tomás. "Who's this? You know the rules."

"He's new to the house, Rice."

He gave Tomás a look. "It'll cost you extra when you return, or he ain't coming in."

"Fine," I said. Then to Tomás, "Give him your phone."

Tomás handed him the phone and Rice deactivated the tracking and returned it. I did the same. "Y'all be safe out there." He winked.

I sped off onto the narrow mountain road. We had an hour drive to the Catskills.

"I don't get it," he said. "Why would he just let us through."

"Security here is just for show. When the school first opened, one of the students was murdered by a rival family on campus. Then that rival family ceased to exist. All of them. Every family that had a kid in the school got together and annihilated that bloodline. Gone. Forgotten. Erased. Their billions sent to probate, probably still sitting with no one to claim it. Nothing like that ever happened on campus grounds again. So as long as you remain inside this sanctuary, you are protected. Out here," I shrugged, "well, anything goes."

"How much is his take?"

"Two thousand to leave, four to come back."

He coughed. "Six thousand dollars? Where do you keep so much cash?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

He snapped his mouth shut. "Right. I'm sure that's pocket change for you."

I didn't say anything because it really was.

"Is it worth it? The money and the risk?"

"We can take care of ourselves."

He made a noise at the back of his throat.

The drive to Renew would take ninety minutes. Ninety minutes in the car with Tomás felt like eternity. He tried the silence thing for two minutes. I timed it.

"So where's Marley, or Piper, or whoever is your flavor this week?"

I grinded my molars. "So we're doing this? Here? Now?"

"Yeah, why not? You can't run from me this time."

I kept my eyes on the dark road in front of me. Fox's Jeep helped keep my focus as we drove through the winding roads. The air was cold, the sky cloudy. Snow would blanket this side of the world soon. When it snowed, the towns usually fell into lockdown mode. It always made me feel trapped. And I hated feeling trapped. Like now, in the car.

"You know what? Forget I asked," he snapped when I didn't answer right away.

"I told you. They're nothing."

"Bullshit. You kiss them, fuck them." He shook his head, his jaw bulging as he clenched his teeth.

"I don't. I let them hang off my arm and when they want more, I pass them off to Wren or Fox, okay? I haven't … been with anyone since you."

"You pass them off?"

Of course that's what he would zero in on. "They don't care about me. They care about the money, protection, booze, and a dick. Wren and Fox are happy to oblige in that department."

"Why pass them off?"

He was leading me by the nose. "Because I'm gay," I spat out, my stomach churning. "There. I said it. I'm not bisexual. I couldn't get it up naturally for a girl if I tried, and I tried, okay? Does that make you feel better?" I clenched the steering wheel tight until my knuckles turned white. "This changes nothing between us," I added because I was a prick and needed to regain some sense of control. "You say anything—"

"I know. I'll be taking a dirt nap. Got it," he said dryly.

I let out a breath, the inside of the car stifling. And of course he couldn't stay shut.

"You should tell them," he whispered.

I didn't need to ask who he was referring to. His eyes settled on the Jeep in front of us. "They care about you, and you shouldn't lie to the people you love."

"I will. When I'm ready."

He gave me a quick sideways glance and ran his palm along his pants. "I can wait," he said, his eyes still focused out the windshield. "If, uh, you want me to."

A fissure formed just under my breastbone where I kept my emotions in check. He'd wait for me. Keep my secrets. Be my secret. I didn't have an answer to that. Yes. I wanted that. No. I didn't want him to be part of my world. Yes. We can make it work inside Arcadia. But the darker part of me warned against it. He'd be a target. A weakness. There were too many lies between us. I'd suffocate in them.

The coward that I was gave him no answer.

We reached Renew without further discussion about anything. Tomás unusually quiet.

I parked the car and turned to Tomás. "Stay with Wren, understand?"

He snorted and got out of the car. I let out the breath I needed to calm down.

The guys were waiting for us at the back door. Fox lifted a brow. Are you good?

I had to be good. No choice in that matter. I nodded.

Music flooded the alley as soon as he opened the door. The bouncer gave us all a nod and a wristband, and we squeezed inside the narrow, dark hallway. Fox led, River and Wren followed. I took the rear while Tomás walked in front of me. He still had the long coat on while the rest of us knew enough to have left ours in the car. I tapped his shoulder and he abruptly stopped. I had to put my arm on his waist not to crash into him. I felt his body stiffen under my touch. He turned his head slightly and I brushed my lips against his cheek. I almost cupped his face and turned him fully into my mouth. I wanted him again. I wanted to tell him yes, I wanted him to wait for me. But I couldn't commit to shit right now.

"Coat check." Mercifully, with any luck, the loud music masked the shakiness in my voice. I pointed to the coat room where a pretty dark-haired girl stood dancing to the music while she worked.

Tomás nodded and I watched as he greeted her. She gave him an appraising look with a soft smile. She was pretty which made my stomach knot. He said something to her, and she leaned in to say something back directly in his ear. They laughed.

I needed a drink. I caught up to Wren, ordered him back to Tomás. "Make sure he keeps it in his pants," I growled out to Wren who scowled as if I meant him. "And keep him away from the loft."

Wren nodded and I waited until he reached Tomás to finally leave him be. I had plans to make to destroy my family.