Chapter Twenty-One

Tomás

Performing in a musical turned out to be bootcamp under Mrs. Comiskey's glaring eyeball. Even Blake T did not fight for his role back. I had four weeks to get whipped into shape. Meant two hours of training with Mrs. Comiskey about the basics of breathing and singing. I almost passed out twice. Then, I had to run up and down the stairs at home while singing, loud, which I did only when I knew the other guys weren't home. Yoga became a thing. And tea. Mrs. Comiskey was a tea drinker.

Yuck! Gross!

But she did plan a better diet for me and the others who had to sing. We only had to suffer through eating dinner with her and listening to her stories of a life lived on the backstreets of Broadway. That's how she called it. She was a hot little thing in the eighties. The other students were as enamored by her stories as I was. It was hard not to be. The arts weren't something people just did to earn money. It's a calling. "Full of terror, heartbreak, and self-discovery," Mrs. Comiskey said. "But when you complete your portion, an act, on stage and feel the energy in the crowd, well," she smiled and took a sip of her third glass of wine, "that's transcendence. No one can take that away from you."

When the others left, I helped Mrs. Comiskey to her room. She was a bit bubbly by that point. She patted my hand. "You are such a good boy, Tomás. I can see it in your eyes."

I thought about all the ugly in my life. Everything I did before Arcadia. Before I tried to kill Maddox. "You don't know me very well, Mrs. Comiskey."

"No, I suppose not," she said.

I watched her sit at her vanity table and pick up one of those flashy hairbrushes. Her eyes drooped, but she did her thing anyway. "I'm going to lock up, Mrs. Comiskey. You shouldn't leave your door unlocked."

She gave me a smile in the mirror. "Thank you."

I felt the wedge building in my throat, nodded, and walked out. I locked her door and sprinted out of her garage as the big door was sliding down.

A good boy.

I'd never wanted to be a good boy. A good boy meant doing what you were told. And that would lead to a life that didn't belong to me.

And I wanted my life to be mine.

The sound of laughter around Arcas house drew my attention. Kieran had been avoiding me since we fucked. He'd gone back to being the dick I had hated. I caught sight of him with his newest attraction. Some girl named Marley. Another blonde, blue eyed, curvy figure. He even chose girls that were the opposite of me.

It was cold as shit, and she didn't have many clothes on. She gave Kieran a searing kiss at the passenger door, then climbed into his car and they took off. Fox, Wren, River, and Henry took off behind them in Fox's Jeep.

And I stood there, like a total wanker. I didn't know what wanker meant, but it sounded bad enough. My chest hurt. Like, hurting. As if Thor himself had taken space inside my chest and was now using Mj?lnir to hammer his way out. Like a dejected loser, I slipped into the empty house.

I was used to being alone in the house. Whoever their sponsors were gave them free reign. They came and went as they pleased. I hadn't even thought to call Dasher or Jack to hang out. My head too damn fuzzy. I smoked a joint, played the piano, read, used the gym to shake off this thing building inside of me.

Kieran and Marley kissing.

Dancing.

Grinding against each other.

Fucking.

I growled and slammed my fist into the sandbag over and over thinking it was Kieran's face. What the hell had I expected when he'd claimed me? Called me a damn pet. I slammed the sandbag harder.

He'd warned me that it could only happen once. That he wanted to forget it. But he'd also said that I was his. If I was his, what was he doing with her? If I was his, then he was mine.

"I'm going to brand you with my mark." His words had burrowed so deep into me that I had wanted it, no, needed it. To be branded with whatever mark he'd give me because it meant he'd be mine. He'd protect me. It meant I belonged.

I slammed the bag again with a grunt.

Fuck him and his lies. He confused me.

What had I expected from a damn rich asshole? For him to come out of that damn closet and take me as a boyfriend? Me? WTF? Why the hell would I want that anyway?

The asshole did something to me. Tugged at something that hadn't existed before and unraveled it.

Ugh. I pulled off my gloves, unwrapped my hands, and ignored the stinging pain inside of me. I had given him space in my head rent free as if he were mine, because that had been what I wanted at the time. To be inside of him. It had to be the weed Jack gave me. It had to have been spiked with something that made me horny as fuck and not care that I fucked a dude. And long lasting because we actually hadn't fucked until the morning after.

I jumped in the shower and scrubbed myself raw. When I came out, Kieran stood leaning against my dresser in a towel hung low on his hips, his impressive, ripped body on display. I inhaled sharply, surprised by how seeing him made me feel.

The guy was beautiful. Ripped muscles and pale skin contrasting his dark hair. Those arresting green eyes held me in place. It took me a moment to remember Marley.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Where's your girlfriend?"

He cocked his head slightly. A slow smirk lifted one corner of his lips. "Jealous?"

My cock twitched and I realized we were wearing the same thing. Just a towel. "Fuck you. I don't like seconds. Get out of my room."

He quickly narrowed the gap between us and my whole body anticipated the heat of his touch. Even before he touched me, I burned for it. I hated this shit. My body's reaction to him. He cupped my face, his fingers in my hair, and I savored the touch, leaned into it. My body submitting. I'd even dropped my hands to my sides, the fight leaving me. I was pathetic.

"Nothing happened between us," he whispered. "I left her with Fox."

"I saw you kiss her near your car before you left."

"It was only for appearances. I'm sorry."

Did he just say I'm sorry? And he sounded like he meant it. I wanted him to mean it so much it hurt my heart. I lifted my hands and grazed the side of his torso. He trembled under my touch. "I don't share," I said, needing to make this clear.

"I don't either," he said.

"Don't do that again," I said.

"I won't."

I believed him. And when he kissed me, I allowed him to take what he wanted. The kiss. My body. My heart. The kiss deepened, turned feral and so right. His hands were everywhere, until they settled behind my head.

I ripped the towel away from him and ran my palm along his hard length. The smooth, velvet shaft pulsed under my touch. He moaned into my mouth. I wanted to rip more sounds from his throat. I wanted him to call my name. I wanted to own his body. Whatever he'd give me.

He pushed me to the bed and I dropped down on it. Then he climbed over me, our dicks between us. Awkward, but so good. "Kieran, what happened to this being a one and done hookup?" I asked, to be an asshole.

"Fuck it," he said, affirming things between us. "You drive me crazy. I can't stop thinking about you. About this." He thrust his hips so that our dicks grinded together. So fucking good. I opened my legs to give him better access. "Let me?" he asked. He sounded unsure, giving me control and shattering me all at the same time. This evil and wonderful man who made me feel safe, special, wanted.

"Yes," I answered, not even sure what I was saying yes to. I trusted him enough to give him back control, to give in to him.

He explored my body with tender kisses, taking me all in with his eyes, his hands, his lips. I'd never felt so vulnerable, exposed. He ran kisses along my neck, licked and nipped my nipples. I jerked at the overwhelming sensation of it all. My dick leaking. He ran kisses down my torso, my stomach, nuzzled into my pubes, and licked my shaft.

"Kieran." His name fell off my lips like a tender touch. "Please." I didn't even know what I was begging for. I jerked my hips up, seeking friction.

"Let me look at you," he said as he knelt between my legs.

My pulse quickened as he spread me wider, his green eyes exploring my dick, as he ran his hand smoothly up and down, collecting some of the precum on his fingers. He touched my balls, lifted them, and ran his fingers down my taint. I trembled at the touch. Then he spread my cheeks wider, his eyes darkened, his breathing deep.

He lubed his fingers and pressed against my hole. My heart wouldn't stop its rapid beating against my chest. Sweat collected on my brow. I'd never been so nervous in my life. I clenched. "Kieran, I don't know if I can…" I couldn't even say it. I didn't know if I could bottom. It'd leave me vulnerable and … and … I didn't want to think about anything else but him. But I'd never felt safe before. Fighting had been ingrained in me for so long, I didn't know how to let go and trust anyone.

I shut my eyes hard.

I felt Kieran shift over me. "Hey," he said, his voice full of concern. "Tomás, look at me," his voice turned hard but not cold.

I opened my eyes to his beautiful face. "I'm not going to hurt you," he said with compassion in his voice. "I won't do anything you don't want. You have control here."

I have control. That he'd given over control to me, at least in the bedroom, made me want to cry. I didn't. I swallowed it all back instead.

"I just want to look, is that okay?"

Damn, he sounded so unsure. As if it were his first time touching a man and I felt so damn privileged that he'd chosen me. I nodded, not trusting my voice. He continued his exploration, burning me deeper as every cell in my body took notice. He didn't push his finger inside me, but he rubbed my opening gently. And then he leaned down into my erection, opened his mouth, and took me all in.

I hissed at the heat of his mouth, the sensation driving my balls to fill. The need for release. I ran my hands into his soft hair. He must use expensive shit because it felt so good. As he sucked me, his fingers were doing things to my hole I couldn't even think about. It burned and felt … weird. But all I could do was feel everything.

A whimper escaped my lips, then a moan, and a few curses. The oh, fucks, as he took me to the back of his throat. The feel of his tongue circling my tip was too damn much. The best blowjob of my life. He played with my balls, his fingers grazed under the perineum, and I jerked my hips again. So close.

"Kieran, I'm going to blow," I warned.

He pulled away with a pop. "That's the point."

Duh.

Asshole.

"Finish it then and stop talking."

He smirked but did what I said. I came hard and long a few seconds after. And Kieran swallowed it all, licked the tip as he came back up to me and kissed me as if he wanted to inhale me, absorb me into him. The taste of myself on his tongue only drove the kiss deeper. My whole body burned alive for him. As the kiss became softer, and ended, my head felt all kinds of messy. My heart too.

He tucked me into his side and what we did suddenly rushed through me.

Kieran had explored me. He'd been gentle, sweet. He hadn't asked for anything in return. Almost as if this weren't just about sex.

"I can't move," I said.

"It's okay," he said back.

"But I want to get you off."

"You did," he said.

I shifted slightly and felt the stickiness against my thigh. He'd come too. "Oh."

He ran his thumb up and down my arm. We'd kicked the blankets off the bed and a layer of sweat coated our bodies. The movement against my skin felt soothing. I had expected him to roll over and leave me like he had the first time. The silence stretched between us, and I couldn't get my brain to shut down with all the questions rushing through it.

"Kieran," I said, my voice a little bit shattered.

"Tomás," he said back.

"So you have cameras?"

The motion of his finger against my arm paused. "Yes," he said evenly.

"In my room?"

"Yes."

Instead of being angry, my heart took that moment to speed up and my dick perk. "So you watch me."

"Always." The deep possessive tone of his voice made me hard. He made me hard and horny and so damn confused.

"Kieran," I said dryly.

"Tomás," he responded back.

"I think I'm bisexual." The word bisexual didn't seem as daunting as I thought it would. It was a word. A category in a spectrum. It was a part of me but not the only thing about me. And it felt good to just get it out to someone I trusted.

It took a while for Kieran to say something. And he went with, "Yes, I can see that you're not straight."

I lifted myself on my elbow to look at him. He had that flushed after sex look on his face. His bottom lip a bit more swollen, and my scent on him. He looked at me as if he saw something special. Something worth loving, maybe? I was confused. He moved a strand of hair away from my face, his finger sliding across my heated skin.

"I'm not kidding," I said, pushing the topic.

"Neither am I."

"What about you?" The question just burst out of me. I knew he wasn't straight either, but I wanted him to admit it. To give us a chance beyond the night. I wanted it so damn much, even if it meant being a secret. I'd wait for him to be ready to come out in public. I'd wait forever.

"What about me?" he asked, his voice turning cold.

I already knew I'd fucked up this moment, but I kept going anyway. "Are you gay, bi, pan, any of the other categories that are equally valid?"

He pushed me aside and sat up, swung his legs over the side of the bed, and started for the bathroom. Running. Anger was a potent thing right now. I grabbed the first thing I found—a paperback I'd been reading—and threw it at the back of his head. It connected and plopped to the floor. "You're such a dick!"

He spun back to me. "Why, because I don't need a label?" he shot back.

"No, because you don't want to admit it!" I dragged my ass up so that I was sitting against the headboard and dropped my knees open. I enjoyed the slow drag he gave me from my face to my dick. I cupped myself knowing I was playing a dangerous game and I didn't have a good poker face to go with it. "Admit you like dick. Say it, Kieran. At least be honest with yourself."

The next few seconds were like looking at a pixelated image forming something evil. Bit by bit. And I was entranced. It made me afraid and excited. I wanted to see the real Kieran burst through, no holds barred, unafraid, unrestrained. I wanted him to trust me enough to just let it all go.

He moved with purpose. His fists clenching and unclenching. My own body reacted, waited for the assault. We could go to blows. I didn't care. Fighting only intensified this thing we had for each other. I didn't even want to look at it deeper than what it could mean, but if he needed this to escape whatever headspace he'd crawled into, then bring it on.

But he stopped as if he'd slammed into a brick wall. The stone-cold features on his face turned to something malicious. Darker. It sent the hairs along my body rising. My cock softened and I knew he'd go for the ache I'd carried deep inside of me.

I just knew it.

"You need to learn your place," he said with that calm deadly voice he'd used on me before. The voice that lifted that darkness to the surface. "Don't think that this means anything. And if you ever breathe a word of this to anyone, I will add you to my growing list of bodies I've put in the ground. Do I make myself clear?"

I clenched my teeth together so hard I was sure they'd pop. "Crystal," I managed to croak out, hating the crack in my voice.

He plucked the towel from the floor, wrapped it around his waist, and rushed out the door as if his own demons were chasing him. They probably were.

Fuck him for making me come to terms that I too liked dick on my own while he ran from it.

I turned over and closed my eyes.

We were done. Our fuck-fest over. That's all it was. I knew why he had to hide it from everyone else. Hell, I would've protected his secret if he asked. I wasn't going to force him to come out. I got it. But to threaten to kill me? The prickle of tears burned my eyelids. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to be sold, branded, or used.

Dad had taught us how to survive. To steal, cheat, and even fight our way out of shit. I had to play this smart. I wasn't weak. I didn't need him to protect me. I didn't need Maddox. Right there, on that bed, I made a decision. Fuck them all if they thought I'd just let them run my life. I had to claim my life back. I had to get out of this place.