19-Sadie/Donovan

If there's one thing I hate most, it's lying. You deliberately deviate from the truth by hiding the most crucial information that can be life-altering. What is your first reaction when Pandora's box opens?

Rage.

Disappointment.

Hurt and devastation.

Those feelings reverberate in my soul as I stare at my mother while Javi's reminder of her betrayal explodes in my heart, leaving splinters in its wake.

"Mom, can we talk?" I sit beside her.

She turns to face me. "Of course, mija."

"Bueno, ya pasó mi hora de dormir," Abuela says as she rises from her chair, but I stop her.

"No por favor. Necesito que te quedes."

"Mija, what is this about?" Mom narrows her eyes at me.

I take a deep breath and repeat Javi's words in my mind. "I can't tell you what to do or how to feel but remember why she created a barrier while our father was alive. She didn't do this to hurt you. Be kind and try to understand from her point of view."

I close my eyes and draw in a steady breath. "You knew Javi was my brother, didn't you?"

The silence in the room feels as if the world has stopped moving. When I open my eyes, horror covers her face. I'm not surprised at her reaction since Javi confirmed what I already knew. When news of me having a half-brother was mentioned to Mom, she didn't flinch. In fact, she had a blank expression—she had looked cold, detached.

"How did you know?" Mom looks between Abuela and me.

"Wait…" I start when the realization hits me like a punch in the face.

"Abuela knew?"

No way. No fucking way.

Mom nods.

I glance at Abuela and see regret and sadness in her eyes.

"I can't believe this." I stand abruptly and pace across the small space.

"Mija, you have to understand—"

"Understand what? That I would never find out? Jesus!" I run my hands through my hair, turning my back on her.

"?Ey!" Abuela snaps when I use the Lord's name in vain. Usually, I would apologize, but my mind is too scrambled to assemble the pieces.

"Mija, please let me explain," Mom says in a low voice.

I don't respond and keep my back to her.

"I found out your father had an affair when he came home drunk and admitted he was with another woman."

She pauses before she continues.

"He threw it in my face to hurt me. I never brought it back up when he was sober. A few months later, the other womanshowed up at my work and confessed she was having an affair with your father—" she sucks in a breath— "but from her tears, she didn't know he was married."

There's a silent pause.

"She told me she was pregnant."

I slowly turn around to face Mom. Tears race down her face, leaving behind a trail of pain from the secret she has held onto for years.

"She came to see me when Javi was about ten or eleven years old and asked for your father to sign over his parental rights to her husband so he could legally adopt him."

My eyes widen. "Did he sign them over?"

Mom shakes her head. "I never went to him. Instead, I signed on behalf of your father, knowing he would make her life hell. I couldn't allow that to happen."

"How long were they together?" I ask.

"Almost a year." Mom wipes her face and sniffles.

There's one question I've been meaning to ask her. I guess this is the best time to do so. "If you knew he was unfaithful, why stay? Why not leave him?"

Mom shudders when she takes a deep breath. It's as if she's trying to find her zen to find the right words.

"One night, a man came to the house. He threatened to kill our family if your father didn't repay what he took."

The gambling debt.

"Your father ran with very dangerous people, mija. If we left your father, those men would be the ones to use us as leverage to get what they needed from him."

"Wait. You mean he's been dealing with the Romano brothers since we were kids?"

Mom nods as tears continue to fall.

"Oh, my God." I cover my mouth in disbelief.

"Your father went farther into debt after you were five. That's when—"

"The bruises started," I cut in.

She solemnly nods. "Javi needed to be protected. If they found out about Javi and his mom—"

"They would've gone after them too."

"Yes. I tried to protect you and Jo too. I did what I thought was right at the time. Every time he put his hand on you, I wanted to kill him. But I knew it would only make things worse. Those men would've come after you and Jo and saved me for last to watch them kill my babies." Mom's crying hard now.

I wrap my arms around her. She cries on my shoulder and repeats how sorry she is and how much she loves us.

It all makes sense now.

The drinking.

The beatings.

The disappearances for months at a time.

Mom's reasoning for not leaving him.

When Jo killed Dad, they kept their word and came after us anyway.

The kidnapping.

The shootings.

The car accident.

I pull back and look straight into Mom's eyes. "That's why Jacquie lied to Donnie about my death, right? It was to keep him safe?"

"Yes."

I shut my eyes, holding back my emotions.

So much pain.

So much death.

Pandora's box is an ugly bitch.

I turn to Abuela and speak in Spanish. "That's why you didn't want to come to dinner, isn't it?"

From the tears in her eyes, I already know the answer.

That's why she quickly moved here when Sophia was born. It was her way of keeping Sophia safe.

"I'm sorry for never telling you. I'm sorry for all the pain that you endured because of your father. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you and Jo safe," Mom stammers through her tears.

"It's ok, Mom." I take her hands in mine. "It was out of your control. You were put into a bad situation. I understand now." I give her a small smile. "I forgive you."

A great sob escapes her.

I hold her tighter.

I tell her I love her.

I tell her everything will be ok.

This is the first step in forgiving the past and healing in the present.

DONOVAN

Ash and I are sitting around the island in the kitchen, discussing our conversation with Shorty earlier today.

Shorty explained the reason why our parents lied about her death. It all makes fucking sense now. By the end of the call, I wanted to reach into the phone and pull her into my arms to comfort her in every way possible.

Ash and I have been sitting at the table for the last hour, waiting for our parents to come home. It's time to forgive and move on.

The front door alarms go off, alerting us that Mom and Dad are home. My back straightens as I grip the water bottle, and Ash casually leans back, pretending to be on his phone, but I know it's one of his techniques to help calm his nerves whenever he gets anxious.

Mom stops mumbling about dinner when she sees us sitting at the table. She eyes us with hesitancy. "Is everything ok?" Mom utters in a slow, drawn-out tone.

Dad peers around her shoulder. "What's going on, boys?"

I swallow a gulp of water. "We wanted to talk to you both about something."

Mom puts the grocery bags on the counter beside us, and Dad sets his bags down on the table. Mom sits beside Dad across from Ash and me.

"We spoke with Shorty today. Her mom told her the real reason why you had to keep us apart." I keep my voice calm and steady, reassuring her that I am no longer angry.

Mom closes her eyes, going silent as she visibly tries to control her emotions. When she slowly opens her eyes, a tear escapes.

"I understand why you did what you did. I forgive you, Mom." I turn to Ash and back to her. "We forgive you."

Her hands cup her mouth as she holds back a sob. Dad wraps his arms around her shoulders and pulls her close to his side. Dad glances in our direction and gives us a slight smile, as if trying to say, ‘I'm proud of you.'

"I never meant to hurt you, Ash, or Sadie. We just wanted to protect you. I'm glad Sadie knows the truth. Maybe this will help them move on."

"I know, Mom."

Ash and I stand up from the stools and approach our parents. Mom wraps her arms around my waist and tightens her hold on me.

When I pull away, Ash throws his arms around her from behind, releasing a squeal out of her. Happiness spreads through me like a warm light as I watch her body relax and a bright smile appear on her face.

Shorty was right. We have to forgive the past, heal the present, and fight for our future. The only way to do that is to let go and move forward.