18-Sadie

Donnie scoops up Sophia in his arms and hangs her upside down, lightly shaking her, releasing a cackle from her. I love watching Donnie interact with my baby as if she is his own. I absently rub my baby bump and smile, knowing he will be a wonderful father.

"How far along are you?" Gabby asks, suddenly appearing beside me.

"Eight weeks," I respond, still rubbing my bump.

"Any morning sickness yet?"

I shake my head. "Not as bad as I thought it would be. Just a little nausea, but nothing too crazy."

I've heard stories from the girls at school about how sick they were and how they couldn't eat or drink anything. They lost more weight than they gained during pregnancy. I was worried about how the stress after losing Jo and everything would affect my baby. Thankfully, I didn't experience that with Sophia.

I turn to see her hand on her stomach. "What about you?" I ask, glancing at her big belly.

"Six months," she says proudly.

I give her a genuine smile and turn back to my man. Donnie stands by the birdcage with Sophia on his shoulders. She's smacking the top of his head, babbling, spit flying out of her little mouth.

Gabby rubs my arm with affection. "You got yourself a good one. He's going to be a good daddy," she says and walks away to the kitchen.

Yes, I do.

"Oh, thank you," Mom says to Javi as he helps her up from the chair.

Mom winks and walks by me, squeezing my hand. Javi walks toward me, keeping enough space between us as if he's afraid to touch me. He tucks his hands into his pockets and scans my face as if searching for something. The gentleness glints in his whiskey eyes and the warmth from his smile brings tears to my eyes. Similar features that once belonged to Jo.

Javi's face softens as if he can read my thoughts. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too." I smile and blink the tears away.

We sit at the oblong mahogany table as Javi, Ash, and Donnie help bring the food out. The spread looks and smells delicious. Gabby made pulled barbeque chicken, corn on the cob, green bean casserole, and warm rolls.

Once everyone is seated, I settle Sophia on my lap as I sit between Donnie and Ash. Javi sits at the head of the table with Gabby on his left and Mom on his right. We eat, talk, laugh, and eat some more.

In the last forty-five minutes, I have learned that Javi grew up thinking he was an only child, and his parents still live in Milwaukee. Gabby is the second oldest child of four—one younger sister and two brothers.

Javi's favorite color is blue.

Like Jo.

Javi's favorite sport to play is basketball.

Like Jo.

Javi's favorite food is cold pizza in the morning.

Like Jo.

Javi's favorite movie is Pulp Fiction.

Like Jo.

As I feed my daughter, I tune out the rest of the conversations around the table. Sophia smacks her hands on the table, and adorable sounds come out of her every time she takes a bite.

"Everything was delicious," Mom says with a smile as she drinks her lemonade.

"Thank you." Gabby beams at the compliment. "Who's ready for dessert?" Gabby walks to the kitchen and returns with flan, a Spanish dessert, and coconut cream pie.

"So, Donovan, I hear you're going to Vanderbilt to play baseball," Javi says as he cuts a slice of the flan.

"Uh…that was the initial plan, but I decided to go to Illinois." Donnie shifts in his seat uncomfortably.

"Really?" Javi moves his gaze to me, raising his brow.

"Yeah, with Shorty being pregnant, I wanted to be close when the baby is born."

"I see." Javi nods, scoops a slice of pie, and sets it on his plate. "What about after the baby is born, do you plan on transferring?"

"Not sure yet."

Silence descends over the table.

"What about you, Sadie? Do you have any plans after high school?" Javi asks while I swallow a spoonful of flan.

"I'm not sure yet."

I originally planned to take a few general courses online until I was ready for photography school. But all that went to shit when I found out I was expecting another baby.

"She wants to become a photographer," Mom proudly says with a bright smile.

I give her a thankful smile. It's been a while since Mom has shown interest in me. It feels good.

"Really?" Gabby says. "Do you take any photos now?"

"Yeah, but I haven't taken anything recently," I say, forking another spoonful of flan into my mouth, wanting to avoid this conversation, mainly since I haven't spoken with Donnie about it.

"Do you have any schools in mind?" Javi asks.

Ugh. I really did not want to discuss this right now.

"She talked about going to the school in Chicago," Mom speaks up for me, and I groan in annoyance.

Donnie whips in my direction with a look of confusion and hurt. I give him a half smile and quickly turn away. Before he came back into my life, my plan was simple. Graduate, move out with Abuela, and go to college. It's not like I was trying to hide it from him. I just didn't know how to bring it up when I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore.

At this moment, only one thing seems certain…I am going to be a mother to two children before I turn nineteen.

After dinner, I help Gabby clear the table and load the dishes in the dishwasher. As I load the last plate, I fill the dispenser, shut the door, and press start. When I turn around, I lean back against the counter and watch Sophia having a conversation with Gabby in baby talk.

"She is just the cutest," Gabby croons with a smile that makes me want to return the favor.

"Thank you." I pull up a chair beside Gabby.

"I never got to tell you how sorry I am about your brother." Her voice is soft.

She doesn't take offense when I don't say anything but return her smile as my response. Gabby reminds me of Elisa in many ways, from her long wavy brown hair and red lipstick to her kind personality.

"When Javi found out about you and Josiah, he was beside himself. He didn't know how to handle the emotional baggage dropped at his feet." She sets Sophia's butt on the table, keeping her steady while holding onto her hips.

"I'm glad you have each other now," she says, not looking at me. "He always wanted a sister."

I hear her words, but my mind is busy trying to accept that this is real. My brother is dead, and I'm hanging out at my half-brother's house with his beautiful pregnant wife.

A screen door closes from somewhere in the house and I hear the guys' voices as they approach the kitchen. Ash flicks a finger at my head when he enters and chuckles like it's the most entertaining thing he's done all day. I smack the back of his leg, and he jumps dramatically and helps himself to a bottle of water from the fridge.

Javi walks in, giving me a quick smile, and goes straight to Gabby, kissing her lips.

I look away and find Donnie making his way to me. With his hand on the back of my chair and the other on the table, he leans in and whispers in my ear, "Are you doing ok?"

He pulls away slightly to look at me and gives me a crooked grin, not seeming to care that we're not the only ones in the room.

"Yeah," I breathe.

God, his smell is intoxicating.

"O-nie!" Sophia realizes Donnie is in the room and she twists her body on the table, trying to get to him.

Donnie chuckles and swoops her up into his arms.

"Sophia, you're breaking my heart." Ash places his hand on his chest as if his feelings are hurt. He starts to move toward her, and she frantically flays in Donnie's arms, constantly on alert, looking over his shoulder.

"There's only one thing left to do, my sweet Soph." Ash takes a few steps forward in a prowling stance.

Sophia giggles, still on alert while under Donnie's protection.

Javi and Gabby laugh, enjoying these two boys built like gods as they love on my baby girl.

Donnie takes a few steps back and throws Sophia over his shoulder. She's smacking the top of his head excitedly, waiting in anticipation. Ash charges them without warning, causing Sophia to scream and laugh hysterically. They run out of the room, almost bumping into Mom, who's laughing so hard she's crying. I haven't seen her smile like this in a very long time. When she sees me, she quickly ghosts her expression as if she was caught doing something terrible.

Like I've said before: survivor's guilt is a bitch.

"Hey, Sadie." Javi's voice turns my attention away from the boys.

"Can you come with me? I have something to give you." I nod and follow him out of the kitchen to his office. As we step into the room, I first notice the frames on his desk. My body immediately gravitates toward the photos from when he was in the academy, his wedding photo, and a photo of a younger version of himself with his parents. He must've been ten or eleven years old. He looked so much like Jo did at that age. They could've passed as twins.

While Javi is busying himself around his desk, I glance around the room and see the deep blue curtains are drawn to one side, allowing ample light to come in. The wood tones add warmth to the calming space.

"I was asked to give this to you when the time was right." Javi hands me a sealed envelope. "I figured this was that time."

Confused, I accept it, and my broken heart is momentarily still —Jo's handwriting is on the outside of the envelope.

Jo left me a letter.

"Did you read it?" My voice is so quiet I doubt that he can even hear me.

"No, I did not. It wasn't left for me," he responds.

Javi sits on the edge of the desk with his hands clasped in his lap. "Sadie, I'd love to get to know you, but I don't want to push you. Just know that I'll be here whenever you're ready."

My eyes well up, and I do not have enough strength to say the words I have bottled up since the moment he walked into my life. I managed to keep those emotions buried deep inside, but I think I'm ready to set them free.

I glance up to respond but hold back when I see his shoulders are hunched over, and he rubs his eyes with his fingers.

"Sadie, there's something else you need to know."

We say our goodbyes and head back home. The ride to Abuela's is quiet; and Sophia falls asleep during the forty-minute drive. Once we pull up to the house and exit the vehicle, Ash and Donnie follow us in.

Abuela is rocking in her chair with a coffee cup and a small plate of cookies beside her. She turns around and smiles. "How was dinner?"

"Everything was good," Mom responds and walks into the living room and sits on the couch beside Abuela's rocking chair.

Donnie carries a sleepy Sophia in his arms and follows Ash and me down to Sophia's room.

Donnie rubs Sophia's back before he lays her down on her back in her crib. I made sure to change Sophia into her night clothes before we left Javi's place. Donnie covers her with her blankie and kisses her cheek.

Ash and I follow suit.

I turn on her unicorn nightlight and close the door behind me as we step into the hall.

I walk the boys down the hall to the front door. Ash says goodbye to Mom and Abuela and hugs me.

"Love you, Shorty," Ash whispers in my ear.

"Love you too."

Ash walks out the door, leaving Donnie and me alone.

"Were you ever going to tell me about Chicago?" I expect to hear anger in his voice but there isn't none.

"Yeah, I was, but it's no longer my plan. At least for now."

"So, there's a possibility you could relocate to Illinois?" He raises his brow with a smirk.

I chuckle. "Yeah, it's a possibility but not right now."

"Something else is wrong. Talk to me." He brushes the curls away from my eyes.

"Not yet," I whisper. There's so much I want to tell him about Javi's letter and about Mom knowing about Javi being our half-brother. But this isn't the right time and place.

"Ok. Whenever you're ready, I'll be here," he promises.

I smile at him.

Donnie looks over his shoulder and back at me. He smiles wide and cradles my face, then leans in and kisses me. It starts as a peck, but his lips stay on mine until his tongue slips through. Slowly and sensually, he devours me. I'm the first to pull away slightly, remembering we are not alone.

He smiles against my lips and kisses the side of my mouth.

"To be continued," he whispers.