Chapter 13

13

I’m so locked in a blurred zone of shooting and ducking and so overwhelmed with the reality of my approaching death that it takes me a couple of minutes to register that something in the air has shifted.

The sounds around me are different now. The bullets whizzing at us are now angled in a new direction. And there’s a murmur rising. A shocked, excited one.

When I finally process the change, I glance over to Jimmy beside me. He’s lifted himself higher on his knees so he can see over the AC unit, and for some reason, he’s not immediately getting shot down.

I risk straightening my back and stretching up on my knees too so I can find out what’s happening.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I see.

A group of ATVs are accelerating out of the wooded area, having come from behind the criminals and evidently caught them off guard. A couple of military-grade Humvees are skirting the edge of the woods, and there are shooters hanging off the sides, taking care of the rest of the bad guys.

And on the quad bike at the front of the roughly triangular formation is Mack.

Mack.

He somehow brought an army with him.

As I watch, he drives through the open area between the building and the trees, heading around a group of men fleeing so he can block their retreat.

He doesn’t shoot them down when they drop their guns, but his intimidating presence is an obstacle they can’t overcome.

Now it’s over for real. Cal is standing up, leaning over to help Rachel to her feet. Jimmy jumps up too and runs over to the opposite side of the building where I see Greta kneeling beside her husband’s body on the ground.

Scanning the newcomers, I finally realize where Mack managed to find the extra guns and manpower. Logan has just jumped out of one of the Humvees. He’s shouting out orders to his people with the brisk professionalism I remember from when we met him before. His long hair is still pulled back at the nape of his neck, but strands have come loose and are blowing around his face. In this moment he looks vaguely like a commander from the Revolutionary War.

Mack called in the favor Logan owed us .

My eyes once more search for Mack. He’s still on the quad, standing up now instead of sitting on the seat. He’s corralling the retreaters with his rifle, but his gaze shifts over to me, meeting mine over the distance.

Everything inside me wants to run to him, and I actually start to do just that. But when I almost trip over a pair of legs on the ground, I jerk to an abrupt stop.

It’s Rose, still lying where she fell when the tide turned against us. Her shirt is soaked with blood.

I kneel down beside her, feeling for the gunshot that brought her down.

I squeak in surprise when she suddenly shifts beneath my hands. “I’m okay,” she mumbles. “I think I’m okay.”

“Oh my God, Rose.” I find the wound, relieved to see it’s in her shoulder and not her chest. “I thought you were dead.”

“Me too.” With a groan, she actually manages to sit up. “Damn bullet wound hurts like hell.”

I’m holding both hands against the torn flesh, trying to stop some of the blood loss. “I bet it does. Oh, here’s Heather. She can fix you up.”

Heather is one of Maria’s crew, and she was a paramedic back before Impact, so she always helps with first aid. She takes my place beside Rose, and I stand up to get out of the way.

I then hurry over to where Greta and Jimmy are kneeling beside Ben. He’s still alive too, but I gulp at the sight of his leg and have to look away quickly so that my stomach doesn’t turn. Jimmy and his mom are in the midst of applying a tourniquet just above his knee, so I don’t linger to distract them.

Maria is on her feet and pacing around, supervising the aftermath the way she always does. And she doesn’t appear even remotely concerned about the blood on the upper sleeve of her left arm.

There are a lot of dead bodies around, but most of them are the bad guys. I see we lost a couple of Maria’s women, but none I was close to. I try not to be overly relieved by this fact, but I am.

When I spot Aidan and Breanna leaning against the side of the building, I head over to check in with them. There’s blood on Breanna’s face, and Aidan is gently wiping it off.

“I’m fine,” Breanna says with a smile when she sees my concern. “I just got scratched up when Aidan flung me to the ground.”

Aidan chuckles, although the fingers of his one hand are very careful as they work on her face. “Typical thanks for my selfless, heroic gesture.”

Breanna leans over to kiss him briefly, her smile so fond it makes my chest ache. “Thank you for saving my life for the hundred-millionth time.”

“Only fair, love, after how completely you saved me.”

I’m about to leave since Aidan’s murmur is so intimate, but Breanna reaches out to touch my knee. “Mack. He really came through for us. ”

I nod, smiling with a lump of emotion in my throat. “He always does.”

I start searching for him again since he’s no longer on his bike. I spot him kneeling beside someone stretched out on the ground. I can tell by the hunch of his shoulders that something is wrong, so I pick up my speed to a run.

When I get there, I crouch down beside him, a sob catching in my throat when I see who it is stretched out on the dirt with a bleeding wound in his abdomen.

“Oh no, no, no,” I mumble, reaching over to touch Ham’s pale, freckled face. “No, no, no, no, no .”

Mack is holding a piece of bunched fabric over the wound, trying to stop the bleeding the way I was with Rose a few minutes ago. “It looks bad,” he tells me softly.

I’m fighting tears now. I’ve known Ham for years because he’s been part of the New Haven community since he was sixteen. He’s grown from a sweet boy to a brave, cheerful young man, and he’s always been one of my favorite people.

He’s only twenty-two.

I gurgle when Ham’s eyes flutter open unexpectedly. “Oh, hey there, Anna.”

“Hi, Ham. You’ve got to hold on, okay? You’re going to be okay.”

“Not entirely certain ’bout that. Feels like I’ve been ripped open. But I’ll do my best.” His face twists, and he glances over at Mack. “You sure saved the day, Mack. Does it look pretty bad? ”

Mack grunts. “It’s not that bad. You’re gonna pull through.”

“Okay.” Ham apparently believes him because he sighs and closes his eyes. “That’s good to know. I think I’ll rest for a minute. Wake me up if anything happens.”

“We will,” I say, stroking his cheek, my shoulders shaking. “You rest.”

Tears stream out of my eyes as I meet Mack’s eyes over Ham’s torso. Mack’s face twists with emotion that matches mine.

“Oh God, please, no,” I whisper, stroking Ham’s face and neck. His pulse is still steady, and his skin is damp with perspiration. He’s not dead yet.

The thought propels me to my feet. I gesture over to Heather, who is finishing up with Rose’s shoulder. Heather runs over, calling for another woman to help her as soon as she gets her eyes on Ham’s condition.

Mack and I step away to let them work.

I look around again, trying to see if anyone else needs us, but the situation appears to be as under control as is possible to be after a gunfight like this one.

So with a choked sob, I grab for Mack and pull him into a hug.

He wraps both arms around me and squeezes me tightly. So tightly I momentarily can’t breathe. I don’t care. It’s exactly what I need right now. Mack’s strength. His big, familiar body. The warm, natural scent of him. The neediness I sense in his clutch .

When he finally loosens his hold, I pull back far enough to look up at his face. “You saved all of us, Mack. Again.”

He tries to speak but can’t immediately. Then he shrugs and manages to say lightly, “It was the right thing to do.”

An hour later, I’m helping some of the others gather up the stockpiled supplies from the storage rooms and kitchen in the building when Rachel comes to find me.

I give her a quick hug. I haven’t had the chance to catch up with her since the fighting ended. She’s smiling when she withdraws, but she also looks slightly concerned.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Cal and I need to leave real soon. We’re taking Ham. There’s nothing else they can do for him here, but if we can get him back to the clinic in the bunker as soon as possible, then maybe he’ll be able to pull through. It’s worth a try anyway. So we’re going to leave now and drive through the night until we get there.”

“Oh yes, of course you should do that. You’re taking Aidan and Breanna and the others who came with you too, right?”

“Yeah. Everyone is coming. But there’s still room for you if you want to head back with us. ”

I realize now why she’s worried. She doesn’t want to force me into a split-second decision on this, but there isn’t really any choice. “I can’t leave right now. Mack’s not ready, and I don’t… I don’t know what he’s going to decide.”

Rachel nods, her head turning in the direction of the backyard, which was where I left Mack, even though she obviously can’t see him through the walls. “Yeah, that’s what I figured. Don’t you think the fact that he came back and rounded up help is a good sign?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. But I don’t want to rush him. There’s no way he’s going to be ready to jump in the truck with us in the next hour, and I’m not going to leave him yet. I’ll hang out here for a little longer, and if it looks like Mack still doesn’t want to come home, I can travel back with Maria and them.”

“Okay, good.” Her expression is relaxing now. “That’s a good idea. I didn’t want to leave you stranded, but poor Ham…”

“Ham is the most important thing right now. Y’all need to save him if you can. At least give him his best chance.”

“That’s what we’re going to do.” Rachel pulls me into another tight hug, and it lasts longer than her normal embraces. “Shit, I’ve been missing you, Anna. Don’t stay away too long. Okay?”

“I’ll try not to.”

“And bring Mack home if you can. ”

“I’ll do my best.” I clear my throat as we step back from each other. “You and Cal stay safe. You both have always seemed kind of bulletproof, but you’re not.”

“I know we’re not.” She shoots me an irrepressible smile. “But this is what we love, so we’re going to keep doing it for as long as we can.”

In addition to all the supplies the gangs stocked up, we find huge tanks of gasoline in a storage unit nearby. Cal fills up his truck and the huge transfer tank he always keeps in his truck bed before he, Rachel, and the others take off to bring Ham back east where he can be treated in the bunker community with their medical equipment and doctor.

The rest of the gas and all the supplies are divided between the local farming community and Logan.

I’m standing by Mack when Logan and his men are getting ready to take off and head back into The Wild.

Logan’s eyes are as sharp and cool as ever as he looks at Mack and then me. “My debt to you is paid.”

I nod. “It is. Thank you so much for your help. You made a real difference here.”

He takes an odd breath and then lets it out. “The gangs in this region have always troubled me, so I’m happy to have made a move against them. But don’t count on me for anything else. ”

“We won’t,” I say. “Take care of yourself. And tell Elizabeth we said hi.”

“I will.” He strides back to one of the Humvees, turning once to glance back at us and wave.

Then he shouts an order to his people and climbs into the vehicle. In another minute, they’ve all started off, and it’s not long before they’re completely out of sight.

I reach out to take Mack’s hand, feeling the need for a connection.

He squeezes mine. His is large and warm and dry, and he doesn’t pull it away.

That evening, Mack and I hang out in the circle around the big fire in Maria’s camp.

I spent years with these women, and although the makeup shifts as various women come and go, the spirit of the group is forged by Maria herself, so it’s as solid and unchanging as granite. I’ll always feel welcomed and included in their midst, but it doesn’t feel like home anymore.

The mood around the campfire this evening is tired but satisfied. There were a lot of injuries and a couple of losses, but we did what was needed and did it well. We helped make things better for the decent folks in this region. In our small way, we reshaped the world.

Maria’s right arm is bandaged and in a sling since she was shot through the flesh of her upper arm. She’s seated cross-legged on the ground across the circle from us, and for once she actually appears relaxed. She’s working on a chunk of roasted beef cooked on a skewer—generously provided by one of the nearby farms—and listening to some of the other women talk.

Everyone else from out east left before midday, and the people who had gathered from this region to participate in the attack have headed home. Mack and I wanted to give the Carlsons some space and privacy tonight. Ben is stable now, but whether he keeps his leg is still in question. Greta insisted we were more than welcome, and Jimmy and Chloe are staying with them at the house for a while so they’ll have assistance, but we told them we’ll spend the evening at Maria’s camp and only return to the house to sleep.

I still have no idea what Mack is thinking. About anything. Something seems to have changed—he doesn’t feel as wounded and withdrawn as he’s been—but I don’t know if that means he’s ready to come home yet.

I’m not going to push. He’s still working through things.

But I’m also not going to leave him unless he tells me I have to.

I really hope he doesn’t.

Mack is leaning against a big tree trunk, and I’m leaning against him. He’s finished his beef and a hunk of good, rustic bread, and I’m basically full, so I pass him what remains of the meat on my skewer.

He accepts it with mumbled thanks.

He’s the only man around the fire. If Maria didn’t like and trust him, he wouldn’t be invited, but Maria has known Mack even longer than I have.

I’m enjoying the chatting and tired laughter, but I don’t have the energy to participate in it. I adjust my legs to get more comfortable and snuggle into the embrace of Mack’s arm.

When he finishes eating, he wraps his other arm around me too.

He hasn’t said more than a few words since we arrived, but I’d swear he’s enjoying himself too.

Rose is up and about despite her heavily bandaged shoulder. She’s sitting nearby, and when the group falls into a brief silence, she asks with an amused smile, “So you guys are back together now, I guess?”

I freeze, momentarily trapped by the uncertainty surrounding my relationship with Mack.

Mack is the one who answers. “We’ve always been together.”

For some reason, his mild words touch me deeply. I turn around in his arms so I can see his face. He’s not smiling, but he looks almost soft.

“Yeah,” Rose says. “I guess you sort of have been. Not sure why anyone would want a man if she could do without, but if you gotta have a man, then Mack’s the one to have.”

She’s teasing. Some of the other women laugh, and even Mack huffs a few times in dry amusement. I smile and shake my head at her.

“You hook up with him permanently,” Rose murmurs, leaning toward me, “then you won’t be able to join us again.”

“I know.”

Jitters have awoken inside me. Excited and nervous and confused and hopeful. Mack hasn’t reacted in any way to my response to Rose. Even his body hasn’t stiffened up.

He’s warm and hard against me. His breathing is steady, and I can hear his heart beating in his chest, fast and strong. His presence seems exhausted—even more than me—but otherwise he might be okay.

I hope so.

He needs to be okay.

Conversation shifts then, and the attention moves away from us. I adjust so I can check his face again.

He tilts his head down, his brows lowering in a questioning frown. “Something wrong?” His voice is so soft that only I can hear it.

“No.” I smile at him. “Just seeing how you’re doing.”

His mouth twitches. “Feels like you’re always doing that lately.”

“Well, can you blame me? ”

“No.” His expression sobers. “I’m sorry you’ve been worried.” When I open my mouth to object, he continues before I can. “I think I’m okay. For real this time. Not that I’ll ever again be the man I used to be, but now I feel like maybe I can still do what’s required to take care of the people I love.”

My breath hitches as I gaze up at him.

“For months now, I didn’t think I could. Ever again. Do what’s required. So I thought… well, that’s it for me. I can’t have that life anymore. But today…” He takes a shaky breath. “Today I realized maybe I can.”

“You can.” I reach up to cup his face with one hand. “You don’t have to do everything you used to do, but you can still do what’s needed. You’ve…” I gulp. “You have with me these past two months.”

His face breaks briefly. “I think it’s been more you taking care of me.”

“Maybe we’ve been taking care of each other. Maybe that’s how it should be.”

He’s searching my face, like he’s trying to read my mind. I’m not sure what he sees there, but it appears to satisfy him. “Maybe so.”

We’ve been having a very intimate conversation, murmured next to the fire, but when I glance around, no one appears to be noticing us. So I stretch up to press a kiss on his mouth. Just a light one. Sweet.

He makes a soft sound in his throat and holds the back of my head to keep me in place as he responds, moving his mouth against mine just as gently but hungrier somehow.

Needy.

I rub his chest as we kiss, and it goes on a long time. Soft but not sexy. It fills me with a deep emotion made up of trust and affection and knowledge and strength.

Strength .

I’m not sure how long we would have kissed like that had Langley not giggled and Rose said, “Does someone really have to tell you two to get a room?”

We break apart, me giggling and Mack smiling.

“Sorry,” I say. “We’ll behave.”

I glance over and catch Maria looking at me. She’s never been interested in romance. Definitely not with a man but apparently not even with a woman. Not once in all the time I’ve known her has romance even appeared to cross her mind. Mostly she seems faintly impatient that people keep pairing up and having babies since it gets in the way of the work she wants to do.

But she holds my gaze, amused and unsurprised. And she says, “I’d rather you two be happy than behave.”

Mack and I don’t get back to the Carlsons’ farmhouse until after dark.

Greta is still up, sitting by Ben’s bedside. When she hears us enter the house, she comes out to check on us, and we ask her if she needs any help.

She doesn’t. She appears hopeful about her husband’s condition, so that’s encouraging.

We say good night and head down the hall to the guest room, surprised when a door opens across from ours and Chloe appears with long, rumpled blond hair and Sammy in her arms.

She blinks at us, as taken aback as we are. “Oh hi. Thought I heard something, so I was checking to see if Ben is okay.”

“Greta says he’s fine for now,” I say softly since the lights are out in the bedroom behind her. Jimmy must be asleep. “Sorry to wake you.”

“I wasn’t asleep.” She smiles down at her son. “He eats like it’s a competitive sport.”

Mack chuckles, and I do too.

Chloe’s expression changes as she gazes up at Mack. “Jimmy told me what happened. You saved him. And Ben and Greta. All of them. Again. There’s no way to ever thank you.”

“You don’t have to,” Mack says gruffly.

She shifts Sammy into one arm so she can reach out to gently touch Mack’s arm. “Maybe not. But I’m going to keep trying.”

Mack doesn’t respond in words, but he hasn’t withdrawn. He smiles at her again .

Chloe’s eyes move to me. “I’m really glad you were able to find him.”

I don’t know what to say to that—since the words seem to mean more than their surface—but it doesn’t matter because she’s stepping back into the bedroom and closing the door.

Mack and I glance at each other. Then by mutual accord walk into our guest room. We’re back in the nice one since everyone else has already left.

We wash up and undress in silence. I pull on my gown, and Mack climbs into bed completely naked. I scoot over toward him immediately, relieved when he pulls me into a soft embrace.

I don’t have the energy for sex tonight, and I’d be surprised if Mack does either. But I need him. Desperately.

Exactly like this.

“Did you mean it?” Mack asks after a few minutes, his voice scratchy as if he hasn’t used it in a long time.

“Did I mean what?”

“What you said earlier? About not joining back up with Maria.”

My heartbeat accelerates. My blood feels like it’s throbbing in my veins. But I manage to keep my words light as I say, “Yes. I mean it.”

“You definitely don’t want to join up with them again?”

“Definitely not. ”

He shifts. Restless. Almost jittery. “Do you…? Will you get a place of your own in Halbrook to teach?”

“I… I don’t know yet.”

There’s another speaking pause. “Do you…? Has something changed?”

I stretch up to kiss him in the same way I did by the fire. But even better because our whole bodies are pressed against each other. “Yes. It’s changed.”

“So maybe…” He clears his throat. “So maybe we don’t have to only be temporary? Only no-strings?”

I choke back a little whimper in my throat. “I don’t think we have to be only that anymore.”

He clutches me against him with a strangled sob. He doesn’t say anything else. I really don’t think he’s capable of it.

And he doesn’t have to. Because the universe has miraculously shifted.

Maybe our entire future hasn’t been decided yet, but now—finally, at last—we don’t have to always be torn apart anymore.