Chapter Twenty-One

A SOFT KNOCKon his office door pulled Ryan away from the spreadsheet on his desktop screen. He’d been staring at it all morning. Normally, the neat orderly lines filled with numbers would provide the calming focus that he’d always found comforting. The weeks of stress and worry had caught up with him, and all he’d been able to do was stare at the screen, unable to make sense of it. Plus this time the numbers weren’t adding up. He would need to check the servers. The number of licenses for one of his products didn’t match the number of users.

His door opened, and Dylan poked his head in. “Do you have a minute?”

“For you, always. Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine.” Dylan pointed at his computer. “Is that anything that needs to be taken care of right away?”

Ryan frowned at the screen. “No, not really.”

“Good. Then come with me.”

Ryan got up from his desk. “Where are we going?”

Dylan smiled at him over his shoulder, his lips full and soft and tempting Ryan to push him against the wall and kiss them. The two days since they made love had passed in a blur of work, brief touches, and frantic kisses. They were going back to the apartment tonight, and Ryan’s body already thrummed with anticipation.

“It’s a surprise. But first you need to change.” He stopped in front of Ryan’s bedroom. “Clothes are on the bed.”

Ryan looked through the doorway and saw board shorts and a T-shirt on the bed, along with a pair of sandals. He glanced at Dylan with surprise.

“I asked Mrs. Lieu about your size. Hopefully everything fits.” Dylan gave him a gentle push inside his room. “Meet me downstairs when you’re ready.”

Ryan watched Dylan retreat down the hallway, inhaling the faint scent of coconut sunscreen that lingered in his wake. His hands trembled with anticipation as he changed into the dark green shorts, gray T-shirt, and sandals that matched the ones Dylan wore. There was something about the way Dylan ordered him around that Ryan found enticing. It wasn’t the same as when his parents, his sister, or Lindsay made demands. His bossiness came with a tender smile and a warm look in his eye that made Ryan a willing disciple. Whatever Dylan had planned, he would happily go along with it.

Dylan was waiting for him in the front hall with a backpack slung over his shoulder. When Ryan hesitated, he said, “Mrs. Lieu is taking care of Leo for the rest of the day. Come on.” He tilted his head toward the doorway.

Ryan followed him outside to the new SUV, which was parked out front with a two-person kayak strapped to the roof rack. He looked at Dylan in surprise.

“Just go with the flow,” Dylan said, throwing the backpack into the back seat and getting behind the wheel. He reached across the passenger seat and opened the door for Ryan.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” he asked as Dylan pulled out of the driveway.

“Does it matter?”

Ryan leaned back against the headrest, watching the city retreat in the rearview mirror. “No, I guess not.”

Dylan turned on the sound system and pressed a button on his phone, and the car filled with an upbeat indie rock song. The sunroof was open, and the breeze ruffled through Ryan’s hair. He lifted his face to the sun and took a deep breath.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Dylan smiled.

“It does.”

They headed east into the mountains, the landscape becoming a thick carpet of green that stretched in front of them. Ryan eyed Dylan, his tan arms with a light dusting of hair stretched out, his hands grasping the steering wheel. He was a confident driver, maneuvering through the twists and curves with ease. The road extended in front of them, and the car grew warm from the sun. He blinked, feeling his eyes growing heavy with a languid tranquility.

“Ryan,” Dylan called to him from the warm darkness. “Ryan, wake up. We’re here.”

His eyes opened to Dylan leaning toward him across the center console with his hand on his shoulder. “Where are we?” he murmured, looking out the window at dark blue water surrounded by a ring of trees.

“Cle Elum Lake.” Dylan kissed his cheek. “I’ll let you wake up while I get the kayak down.”

Ryan yawned and got out. Stretching, he took in his surroundings. The clouds above reflected in the mirrorlike surface, undisturbed on a quiet midweek day. Dylan unstrapped the kayak, deftly lifted it from the roof rack, and set it on the ground.

“What can I do to help?”

“You can get the life vests out of the back, and I’ll grab the backpack.”

With Dylan at the front and Ryan at the back, they carried the kayak and their gear from the parking spot down to the water’s edge.

“Where did you get all this?” Ryan asked, buckling his life jacket.

“There’s a rental place close to the hospital.” Dylan reached into the backpack and pulled out a bottle of sunscreen. He squeezed a dollop into his palm and held it out to Ryan. “Make sure you get the tops of your ears.”

Ryan took it from him and applied a generous amount to his neck, face, and arms. Dylan stowed the backpack in a small cargo hold at the back of the kayak. “Ready?”

“Oh captain, my captain,” he said with a mock salute.

They waded into the water and climbed in, taking a moment to steady themselves. Dylan dipped his paddle in the water, pulling them away from shore. They glided through the water, the only sound a soft splash as Dylan slipped his oar in and out. Ryan mimicked Dylan’s movements, paddling in sync with him as they made their way toward the middle of the lake.

Dylan looked over his shoulder. “You’d never know you haven’t kayaked before. You’re a natural.”

“This is beautiful,” Ryan said in a hushed voice.

“You’ve never been here before?”

“No. I’ve wanted to do something like this for a while, but there always seemed to be a reason I couldn’t.”

“Did you do stuff like that when you were a kid?” Dylan asked.

“No. What about you?”

Dylan snorted a laugh. “I was a Boy Scout. For a long time, I hated camping and hiking. I had to unlearn the straight-boy bullshit they taught me nature was supposed to be.” Ryan noted his frown when Dylan turned to look over the water. Dylan balanced his oar on his lap and dipped his hand into the water. “I’ve always loved the water. When I moved to LA, I started swimming laps, and then I discovered kayaking. It gave me a way to get back to nature in a way that felt authentic, without trying to conform to the idea of what my dad thought a man should be.” He shuddered. “Nature doesn’t exist only as a place to kill animals.”

“Your dad made you go hunting, didn’t he?”

Dylan bowed his head. “I hated it.”

Ryan reached forward and put his hand on his neck. Dylan dropped his head back and sighed. His skin was soft and warm from the sun. Ryan flipped his hand over and brushed it across his neck. Dylan shuddered and turned to Ryan with one of his brilliant smiles.

“I’m sure you did,” Ryan said. “It’s not in your nature to hurt anyone or anything.”

Dylan picked up his paddle, and they resumed their journey around the lake.

“It wasn’t only the hunting, it was the whole macho bullshit attitude. The way some guys talked about girls they liked. If I was gay or not, it was still disgusting. I hated all of it, but I loved this.” Dylan lifted his oar out of the water and turned around to face him. “So, you know I enjoy swimming, being outdoors, and watching old movies. But I don’t know anything about what you like to do when you’re not working.”

Ryan admired the ring of emerald green trees that circled the lake and sighed. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. I’d like to figure it out.”

“You don’t have any hobbies?”

“No, not really. I golf with my dad occasionally, but that’s only when he insists on my presence when he’s wooing a client.”

“Books, movies, plays, anything?”

Ryan sat back with a sigh. “The sad truth is, most of my life involves running Blackstone and being Leo’s dad.”

“What about you and Lindsay?”

“What about us?”

“What did you have in common? What did you like to do together?”

Ryan’s jaw ticked. “Nothing.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You want to know why I married your sister?”

Dylan turned away and paddled again. “You don’t have to answer.”

Ryan matched his strokes, taking them farther across the lake. “Lindsay was so outgoing. She loved going to parties and playing hostess. I’m the opposite. Opposites are supposed to attract, right?”

“Not always,” Dylan said quietly.

“Everyone kept telling me we were the perfect couple. That her outgoing nature would balance my introvert tendencies.”

“How did you meet?”

“My sister introduced us. They were sorority sisters.”

“You must have loved her. You asked her to marry you.” When Ryan didn’t answer, Dylan murmured, “I’m sorry.”

Ryan didn’t want to hold anything back. Dylan deserved to know everything. “I thought the love would come with time. That’s what my parents and my sister kept telling me, and I believed it too. I thought if I tried hard enough….”

Dylan balanced his oar over his lap and reached behind him for Ryan’s hand. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about this.”

“No,” he said in a hoarse voice. “I want to talk about it, and I want to talk about it with you. It was selfish and, I don’t know, maybe… arrogant to think I could change myself and be someone different to make someone happy. I asked Lindsay one time why she married me, and she said she knew I’d be a good husband and provider. It was a long time after our conversation before I realized neither of us said we wanted to be together because we loved each other. Lindsay wanted a certain lifestyle, and I wanted a family. We were both selfish.” Ryan shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

Dylan paddled them toward a small cove along the shoreline. Ryan followed him getting out of the boat. As soon as Dylan pulled the kayak onto the shore, he wrapped Ryan in a tight embrace. “You’re human, Ryan. Don’t punish yourself.”

Ryan shuddered and nodded. “I try, but sometimes I’m so angry with myself.”

Dylan lifted Ryan’s head and cupped his cheek. “Being perfect won’t solve all your problems. You’re trying so hard to be perfect all the time you’re not living. Sometimes things are messy, and emotions aren’t black and white. Give yourself some grace.”

“Thank you for listening to me. I’ve never had someone I could talk to the way I talk to you.”

Dylan frowned. “What about Stephanie?”

Ryan smirked. “I talk, she doesn’t listen. No, that’s not fair. Sometimes Stephanie hears only what she wants.”

Dylan bit back the sharp words that sat on the tip of his tongue for Ryan’s sister. “You can tell me anything, Ryan. I’ll always listen.”

Ryan’s eyes darkened and his lips curled into a smile as he whispered in Dylan’s ear. Whispers turned into touches and kisses that led to making love against a tree hidden away from anyone else on the lake in the little cove.