Chapter Fifteen

“DYLAN. DYLAN,wake up.”

Ryan’s voice grew louder and sounded like he was nearby instead of so far away. Dylan opened his eyes and gazed around at an unfamiliar room.

“What?” he croaked and tried to swallow. Greedily, he drank cool water through a straw pressed against his lips. “What happened?” he asked as the room came into focus. Why was he in a hospital room?

Ryan grasped the hand that didn’t have an IV sticking out of it, looking at Dylan with worry. “You have an infection. But you’re going to be fine, thank God. I should have paid more attention.”

Dylan was trying to process what Ryan was telling him when the doctor came in. “Mr. McKenzie, you’re looking a little better, I see.”

“I… I’m…. I don’t understand.”

The doctor gave him a reassuring smile. “You’ve been fighting a high fever for the last twenty-four hours and unconscious for most of that time. It’s understandable that you’re feeling a little confused.”

As the doctor’s words sank in, Dylan struggled to sit up and gasped. “I had a fever? Leo. Is he okay? I didn’t make him sick, did I?”

Ryan jumped up and gently pushed him back down against the pillows. “Leo’s fine.”

“You had an infection. It’s always a risk after bone marrow donation. Your body is vulnerable while it rebuilds the blood cells that were lost. You had a fever, but you weren’t contagious,” the doctor said as he checked Dylan’s pulse and took his temperature.

Dylan looked from Ryan to the doctor and back again. He felt so heavy, as if he’d stayed in the pool for too long and his body was waterlogged.

He closed his eyes and took a deep shuddering breath.

“We want to monitor you overnight and let the antibiotics do their job before we release you,” the doctor continued. “You’ll need to take it easy for the next week or so and let your body recover. Mr. Blackstone has assured me he has a private nurse on hand who can keep an eye on you.”

“I’ll take care of him,” Ryan said to the doctor, continuing to hold Dylan’s hand.

The doctor said some other things that Dylan didn’t hear as he drifted back to sleep. When he woke up again, the night sky outside his window had an eerie bluish glow from the city lights.

There was a movement by the bed, and Ryan’s face hovered near his.

“Hey,” Ryan said with a smile as he adjusted the bed and gently helped Dylan sit up against the pillows. “Do you want some water?”

“Yes, please.”

Ryan held the cup to his lips again, and Dylan drank, the cool liquid sliding down his throat and quenching his thirst.

“Well, that’s a good sign,” Ryan said when Dylan’s stomach let out a loud rumble.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Most of the afternoon.” Ryan reached into a bag at his feet and pulled out a thermos. He opened the lid and the fragrant aroma of lemongrass and beef broth wafted toward him.

Ryan poured the broth into a bowl that was sitting on a side table. “Mrs. Lieu insisted you would not eat hospital food when you woke up.”

Ryan held the bowl and dipped a spoon in, held it to Dylan’s lips.

“I can feed myself.”

Ryan shook his head. “Maybe later, but for right now, I’m going to feed you.”

Reluctantly, Dylan opened his mouth. He sighed when the rich liquid settled in his stomach.

“Good?” Ryan asked, giving him another spoonful.

Dylan nodded. Ryan fed him the broth until the bowl was empty and Dylan was feeling more human.

“Have you been here the whole time?”

Ryan grasped his hand. “Yes.”

HAD HEbeen there the whole time? His heart had stopped when Dylan slumped in his arms. Ryan demanded to ride in the ambulance with him and hadn’t left the hospital or his side since then. He’d spent the hours watching Dylan sleep, cursing himself for not seeing how worn down Dylan had been.

Ryan would make up for it now.

Dylan frowned. “You should be with Leo.”

“Leo’s fine. Mrs. Lieu and Rebecca are with him, and I’m sure my sister has stopped by.”

“But you—”

“Dylan, don’t argue with me. I’ll leave the hospital when I bring you home.”

“I didn’t mean to cause trouble.”

Ryan reached for Dylan’s hand, which he’d been holding almost nonstop. He couldn’t help himself. He needed the reassurance the contact gave him that Dylan would be okay.

“You didn’t cause trouble, but you did scare the shit out of me. How long were you not feeling well?”

“I… I’m not sure. I guess I thought I was just tired from being stressed.”

“That’s my fault.”

“No.” Dylan squeezed his hand.

Ryan swallowed, blinking back a sudden rush of tears. He’d told Dylan he’d take care of him, and he’d failed.

“You didn’t say anything to Kevin and Carl, did you?”

“Of course I did.”

Dylan let his head fall back against the pillows with a groan. “I wish you wouldn’t have. I don’t want them to worry about me.”

Ryan brushed his thumb over Dylan’s knuckles. “Did your parents break you so much that you don’t think you deserve to have anyone care about you?”

Dylan’s eyes grew wide before he pulled his hand out of Ryan’s grasp and wrapped it around his waist.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Dylan turned his head away. “You can go now.”

Ryan got up slowly. “I’ll go, but I’m not leaving. I’ll be in the waiting room.”

Dylan didn’t respond. Ryan stopped at the nurses’ station to let them know Dylan was awake and then slumped into a chair in the small waiting area by the elevators.

“Fuck,” he muttered, dropping his head in his hands.

“Mr. Blackstone?” He looked up to see a nurse hovering in front of him, looking at him with concern. “Can I get you anything?”

“No, thank you.”

“Mr. Blackstone, why don’t you go home and get some rest? Shower and change.”

“I can’t leave.”

The nurse knelt down in front of him. “We’ll take care of Mr. McKenzie. I don’t want to offend, but you need a shower. You can bring back some clothes for your friend so he’ll have something fresh to wear home.”

Ryan nodded. He hadn’t thought of that.

“Yeah, okay.” He pulled himself up from his seat and headed for the elevator. Outside, he took a minute to get his bearings. He’d forgotten that he didn’t have his car. While he waited for an Uber, he made a list of what he’d need to bring back for Dylan.

It was late when he stumbled in. Mrs. Lieu came out of her room wrapped in her robe as soon as he got back.

“How is he?”

“Good, better. The antibiotics are working, and he’ll be released day after tomorrow. How’s Leo?”

Mrs. Lieu gave him a reassuring smile. “Our little lion is fine.”

“Good, that’s good.” Ryan’s voice broke, and he found himself embraced by Mrs. Lieu’s comforting arms.

“Oh, my sweet boy. It’s all right. Dylan is going to be okay. You’ll bring him home, and we’ll take good care of him.”

“But I didn’t before.”

Mrs. Lieu pushed him toward the stairs. “You need a hot shower. I’ll make you something to eat, and then we’ll talk.”

He nodded numbly and pulled himself up to his room, stopping to peek in on his son sleeping soundly. The adjoining room was slightly ajar and the light on. He went next door and knocked.

“Everything okay?” he asked when Rebecca answered.

“We had a great day. I used one of Dylan’s lesson plans, and we had a scavenger hunt. He had more energy today. How’s Dylan?”

“Better. He’ll be able to come home tomorrow. I know it’s not part of your job, but I’m hoping you can help monitor him. I’ll pay you, of course.”

Rebecca waved her hand. “Don’t worry about that. It’s the least I can do.” Her expression sobered. “I should have caught the signs. I feel terrible.”

“We all do. I’m going to make sure I pay more attention.”

After saying goodbye to Rebecca, he stumbled into his room and swiftly shed his clothes. Unfazed by the icy water, he stepped into the shower and let the water warm until steam enveloped him, turning hotter within a minute. It was then that he let go.

When he’d gotten the news about Lindsay, he’d been shocked. But he never felt fear the way he felt when he held Dylan unconscious in his arms. He wasn’t afraid of losing a woman he’d known for years, shared a life with, had a child with. But that ambulance ride with Dylan and the thought of not seeing his smile or touching him…. Ryan shuddered and pressed his hand against his heart. The thought hurt more than Lindsay’s death ever had, and that knowledge terrified him. When his fingertips were pruned, he finally shut off the water.

Despite feeling bone-tired after his shower, he felt better after changing into clean sweatpants and a long-sleeved T-shirt. Ryan made his way back downstairs, where Mrs. Lieu was waiting with a plate of chicken and rice.

“Feel better?”

“I do,” he said around a mouthful of chicken.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Ryan sighed and set his fork down. “I feel guilty.”

“It’s not your fault. We all missed the signs.”

“That’s not what I feel guilty about.”

“Oh, I see.”

It wasn’t what she said, but the look in her eye when she said it that made him feel exposed.

There was a moment of silence before he asked, “Do you? Do you see?”

“I see that you have feelings, deep feelings, and that they scare you. But Ryan—” She grasped his hands, looking him in the eye. “—don’t run away from what you feel. Dylan has brought a light to your eyes that I’ve never seen. I’ve been worried that I might never see it. Don’t ignore that.”

“I’m scared,” he confessed.

“What frightens you more—continuing to live this life where you try to make everyone else happy but yourself, or finally having a chance to love and be loved?”

Ryan pressed his hand against his mouth, trying to stifle another sob. Mrs. Lieu was right, but that didn’t lessen the fear he felt. Mainly that when he told Dylan how he felt, Dylan would reject him.

“My con, don’t be so afraid of what you might lose that you give up what you really want.”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head.

“I think you know. You’re just not ready to say it yet.” She tilted her head, staring at him with a critical eye. “Or is it you’re worried about what other people will think?”

He dropped his chin, unable to look Mrs. Lieu in the eye.

“Con.” Ryan flinched at the sharpness in her voice. She came over and grasped his shoulder, giving him a little shake. “How long are you going to let people dictate to you rather than saying what you really want?”

Ryan’s heart hammered in his chest. “I don’t know,” he said in a gruff voice.

“Well, you’d better figure it out before you lose him.” She pulled him into a tight hug. “I love you, and I want you to be happy.”

Mrs. Lieu let go and walked out of the kitchen, but not before Ryan saw her wipe away the wetness from her eyes.

As he walked back through the house and climbed the stairs to his room, exhaustion washed over him, both physically and emotionally. He lay down and covered his eyes with his arm. Even though he was exhausted, his mind raced, grappling with a flood of overpowering emotions he couldn’t control.