Chapter 43

Idon’t get back on Hermioneigh the rest of the day. This time, when we cross the river, I stay on the side-by-side with Levi. Wiley uses his belt to tie across the side so I’m not swept out of it, giving another barrier just in case. “Because I’m so small,” he’d said, worry in his eyes. Everyone’s nerves are on edge. Understandably so. I can’t help but look over at Levi every so often, worried for him with every wince. He’s spent a lot of time strengthening his muscles to combat his back, but one good hit is all it took to set him back. I’ve offered to get him ice a few times, but he just waves away my concern and continues to drive. Once we get all the dogs across, we drive the cattle only another mile before we settle down for the night. Too much has happened and most of us are exhausted by the time we camp. I end up helping Levi out of the side-by-side when he grunts with pain after moving. Wiley rushes over to help and it seems like every cowboy comes up to check how we’re doing and to offer their help. Someone gives Levi a heat pad he doesn’t have to plug in, and another brings us a large bottle of whiskey just in case. It’s both the sweetest and most heartfelt gestures I’ve ever seen in my life.

“Gotta love cowboys,” Levi grunts as he takes a swig of the liquor before passing it to me.

After the day we just had, I take a swig, too. Kind of feels like we need it.

I’m thankful for the camper when it arrives. My clothes dried in a weird way and my boots are getting tight on my feet. My hat is lost somewhere down the river, but Naomi comes sweeping up with a new one for me the moment she arrives, her eyes wide.

“Are you okay?” she asks. “Dakota told us what happened.”

I don’t know why it’s Naomi that does it, but the moment she asks me if I’m okay is the exact moment I’m not. Sometimes, someone asking you if you’re okay just makes it worse. My eyes well so suddenly, it surprises me.

“Oh, honey,” she says, dragging me into her arms. “I know it was a scary thing. I’ve got you.”

The sobs come fast and without warning, until I can barely suck in air. She strokes my back gently before I’m suddenly passed away from her and wrapped in Levi’s arms. And then Wiley’s come around me, too. Only Dakota remains apart, his eyes watching the exchange as if he’s uncertain how to proceed. Naomi backs away and gives us space, so I reach out to Dakota. He hesitates, but steps close enough for me to grab and pull into our bear hug. I sob until my tears dry up and then I just stay in their arms, absorbing their warmth and comfort.

“I’m sorry,” I croak. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“You went through something traumatic,” Wiley murmurs. “It’s expected.”

“Levi isn’t a blubbering mess,” I point out.

“Yes, well, Levi’s been through much more traumatic events than this,” Dakota comments.

I don’t ask even though I want to. Right now, I just want to be held and feel loved. Here in their arms, it feels just like that. I don’t care what kind of demons they carry. I don’t care if they’re bad people. Here, in this moment, they’re good and they’re mine, and that’s enough.

Naomi brings us plates of dinner, and everyone gets ready to rest for the night. Someone sets up my tent, but when I take it in, I grab the cot from inside and drag it out to where the others sleep. I shove our cots all together and place mine in the middle of Levi and Wiley’s. They watch with amusement as I rearrange things.

“Whatcha doin’, witchy woman?” Wiley asks.

“Sleeping out here with y’all,” I reply.

“Out here with the coyotes and the mountain lions?” he teases. “You know we’ve got bears up here, right?”

I pause and glance at Levi. “There’re bears?”

He nods. “Grizzlies.”

My heart stops. “And we’ve just been sleeping out here with them?”

Dakota shrugs. “They probably won’t bother us.”

My frown deepens. “Well, I’m sleeping in the middle, so it’ll get one of you first.”

“How magnanimous of you,” Wiley laughs. “Feeding us to the bears.”

But he’s smiling and happily takes the cot beside me despite the wildlife around us. I go to help Levi lay down and he bats me away.

“Quit fussin’ over me,” he grunts. “I’m fine.”

“Says the man who can’t sit down without pain,” I growl back. “Just let me help you.”

“No,” he grumbles, laying down and leaving me to stare down at him with a scowl.

“You stubborn ass,” I mumble before lying down between them. Dakota hesitates after a moment before laying down on the other side of Wiley.

Tonight, the sky is clear and there’s nothing but stars and the moon above us. Despite the exhausting day, the sight of them makes things feel a little better.

“There’s twice as many stars in the sky,” I whisper, and Levi jerks his head toward me.

I know he understands. We almost died tonight, and almost dying does a lot of things. Mostly, it reminds you you’re alive and to cherish what you’ve got. Tonight, all I want to focus on is how much I want to be here and the men around me.

I glance over at Levi to find he’s already looking at me. “There’s always been twice as many for me,” he admits.

What monsters must this man have faced to see the stars so different than I had before? What secrets corrupt his soul?

I reach over and thread my hand with his. Levi isn’t often a toucher but tonight, he lets me. His hand is warm in mine and Wiley presses against my other side and Dakota is over there offering his silent support and I’m alive.

Oh god, I’m alive.

“You know,” I whisper, my eyes focusing back on the stars and taking it all in. “Rattlesnakes don’t seem so bad.”

I can feel Dakota’s awareness and Wiley and Levi’s confusion, but no one speaks again. Instead, we all just press together, happy to be here.

Together. Whole. Alive.