Chapter 44

Her words echo in my mind as she drifts off to sleep. Exhaustion was dragging at her body long before we ever set up camp, her body demanding rest after fighting mother nature for nearly an hour. I don’t think she even realizes just how long she was in that river before Levi even got to her. When I’d seen her fall from her horse and go under, I’d nearly lost my mind. Levi had taken off immediately in the side-by-side, dropping everything and taking off, and it was a good thing. The side-by-side could go down the river bank faster than our horses. It’s no wonder he was the first one there. I’d seen Dakota’s indecision when she’d gone under. He had to take up the rear, and if we all moved, the cows would backtrack. For a second, I thought he was going to stay behind while Levi and I went after her. Instead, he’d shouted for the others to take over and we’d raced after Levi.

Good thing, too. I might have whooped his ass had he stayed.

Kate deserves better than that, and it hadn’t been her fault she’d fallen off. We hadn’t seen the log. It’d been beneath the waves and by the time it surfaced, there hadn’t been much time to react at all. The cows had panicked and surged toward Kate. In turn, her horse had panicked and reared up. Water and a panicked horse don’t mix, and she’d gone in before we could do a damned thing to help.

Part of me blames Dakota for forcing Kate to go in at the point after I’d warned him. She’s too green, and while she’s been a great learner, only experience can tell you what to do in moments like that. She shouldn’t have been alone.

The funny thing is I think Dakota blames himself, too.

He’s been silent since we pulled them out of the river. We’d been dangerously close to losing both of them. Had Kate left Levi when he told her to, we’d have lost him alone. There’d only been one way they were coming out of that river and it was together. I’m grateful Kate refused to leave him. I’ve lost people before, and I don’t have any desire to lose anyone else, especially the man I consider a brother and the woman I’m damn sure I’m in love with.

Today made me realize that. It also reminds me I haven’t told her that. I haven’t even told her my past.

Guilt starts to eat at me. Until now, I’ve deferred to Dakota on when is a good time to tell her our pasts. While I agree some of it isn’t mine to tell, I can at least explain exactly who and what I am. Small pieces at a time will be fine. I don’t think she’s running anywhere.

She hadn’t run from Levi when he needed her most.

The asshole starts to snore over there, and I shake my head. He’s gonna hurt like a bitch tomorrow and he won’t admit it. I’d seen that hit, right in the surgery scar in his spine. We should probably get him checked out, but he likely won’t agree to any sort of checkup. We’ll have to surprise him. Until then, I’ll make sure he keeps popping those pills. They’re the only thing that’s gonna get him through.

I turn toward Dakota to see him still awake, his eyes on the stars. “You call Wayne down at the hospital?” I whisper softly so I don’t wake Kate and Levi. They’ve earned their rest.

Dakota nods. “They’ll be here before we head out in the mornin’,” he murmurs back, his voice emotionless.

“Stop doin’ that,” I chastise.

“What?”

“Withdrawing,” I grunt. “You always do it after some big emotion. You were scared earlier. Embrace it. I’m sure Kate would like to know you care.”

He meets my eyes. “I’m not so great at that.”

“None of us are,” I grunt. “That’s what makes us those rattlesnakes you warned her about.” His face twists but I shake my head. “I don’t blame you, but I think it’s time we start telling her. Don’t you?”

He studies me, taking in my expression. “You love her, don’t you?”

“You don’t?” I shoot back instead of answering. When he doesn’t reply, I scowl. “I’m the only damn one willin’ to admit it around here it seems.”

“Not all of us can be so carefree, Wiley,” he deadpans.

“Fuck you,” I growl. Kate stirs and cuddles closer to Levi so I lower my voice so I don’t wake her. “Fuck you,” I repeat softer. “Quit lyin’ to yourself and you’d have a better go of it.”

“I shouldn’t have even put my hat in the ring,” he murmurs.

“Well, ya did, and it’s done,” I say, shaking my head. “You break her heart, the both of us are gonna kick your ass, Dakota.”

He falls silent, his emotions hanging in the air between us despite them not showing in his eyes. “I’m a selfish man. You know that.”

Which is code for Dakota saying he won’t be giving her up, no matter what he thinks is a good idea.

“Yeah, well, you better start showin’ her you care, or it won’t matter if you’re selfish or not,” I grumble. “Get some sleep. We’re gonna have to start the morning with an argument when Wayne gets here.”

We fall into silence for a few minutes, but as I look up at the stars, I make my decision.

“I’m tellin’ her. Tomorrow,” I whisper.

Dakota hesitates, and I can tell he doesn’t agree, but instead of arguing, he closes his eyes.

“Good luck,” he offers.

And then we both finally get some sleep.

* * *

It had indeed been a fight to get Levi to agree for Wayne to check him over. In the end, it had been Kate who convinced him by coming forward and offering to get checked over with him. When he’d tried to say he didn’t need to be checked out, she’d shrugged and said if he didn’t get checked, then she didn’t. In the end, Levi’s protective nature won out and they both got checked out. Kate had winked at me when she’d won, and I smiled gratefully at her. We were all worried about Levi. Kate wasn’t here to watch him learn how to walk again, but she understands. She must. How else would she know how anxious we were about him getting checked out?

When he pulled his shirt up to reveal the great mottled bruise covering his back, we’d all done our best to hide our reaction, even Kate. Wayne, though, had whistled and shook his head.

“You should probably skip out on the rest of the cattle drive,” he warned.

“Not gonna happen,” Levi growled, and that was that.

Wayne had shaken his head and given him some stronger pills to help with any of the extreme pain and instructed him on how to stretch out the muscles which Levi already knew. He’s been through much worse than this before.

Now, we’ve been herding the cattle for a few hours and the day has grown warm. Levi refused to let Kate up on her horse this morning so she’s currently riding with Levi in the side-by-side. About half past noon, my guilt had eaten at me enough that I trotted up to her.

“How’re you feelin’?” I ask.

“Okay,” she says with a shrug. “Sore, but that’s to be expected.”

I nod. “It is. Would you like to ride with me for a bit?”

She glances at Levi. “You okay with that, big guy?”

“You don’t gotta ask me for permission,” he grumbles.

“And yet you told me I wasn’t allowed to ride a horse this morning,” she points out.

“For your own damn good,” he grumbles but he glances at her. “And I wanted your company.”

She beams and pats him gently on the shoulder. “I’ll be back in a bit.” Then she grabs the extra hat Naomi had brought her this morning and hops off the side-by-side before coming up to me. I reach down and lift her up in front of me so I can wrap my arms around her. She settles back against me, content to ride. Levi watches her carefully and then when he’s sure I’ve got her, he takes off to push the cattle in.

“I told you I was military, right?” I say after a few minutes of silence.

“You did.”

“Well, I think I should tell you a bit more about that,” I admit.

She glances at me over her shoulder. “You’re sure?”

I nod. “I am. I want you to know exactly what you’re gettin’ with me.”

She takes a deep breath as if preparing herself. “Okay. Tell me.”

“I joined straight out of high school,” I begin. “My grandpa raised me, and he was a proper asshole, not as bad as Levi’s daddy, mind you, but he didn’t give a fuck about me. Always thought my ma had lied and I wasn’t really his grandson.”

“He sounds like a real piece of work,” she murmurs.

“He was. I was kind of glad when he died my senior year, but that left me without somewhere to live. Dakota stepped in because his dad was rarely home and let me stay at his house for a few months before I enlisted.” I sigh. “Before I enlisted, we. . . the three of us got into some trouble and I needed to get out of town for a while. Levi did, too. Dakota stayed because. . . well, he couldn’t just leave the ranch, but the two of us took off.”

“What happened?” she asks, not daring to turn and look at me.

“I’ll leave that part for when we’re all together,” I say. “The important part is I left, and because of the time frame, I immediately got shipped out to Afghanistan.”

“During the war?”

I nod, and then realizing she can’t see, I say, “Yeah. It was a shitty time, but I excelled in the military. Apparently, rigid direction and no-nonsense orders were easy for me. But none of that made the killin’ easy,” I admit, tightening my arms around her. “What we were doin’ over there, it didn’t sit right with me, but there were plenty of good ole boys who enjoyed it. That’s what really made me want to leave, but I was stuck there for at least four years per my contract, so I sucked it up, and I did what I was told. I didn’t do good things. I shot what were probably innocent people. I watched my brothers get blown up and lose limbs. I nearly got taken out with a grenade at one point. Froze up, and one of my brothers leapt on it to save the rest of us. That kind of shit sticks with you.”

“I understand,” she murmurs. “You’re saying this as if it’ll make you a bad person. None of that makes me want to run like you all feared.”

“No,” I say, turning her chin so she meets my eyes. “The part that’ll make you run is that I enjoyed it.”

Her eyes widen. “Which part?”

“The killin’,” I admit. “It didn’t set right, but part of me enjoyed it, and when there was an officer who was causin’ trouble, I took matters into my own hands when the higher ups refused to step in. Asshole was assaulting women left and right. Because it wasn’t our people, because it was our so called enemy, they were letting it go. They didn’t even give him a slap on the wrist. But you know what else was happening around that time? We were gettin’ blown up and shot at. Pine boxes were coming home one after the other. You wouldn’t believe how many “friendly fires” happened, how many people took matters into their own hands.” I stare into her eyes. “I took care of him, and I didn’t feel bad about it. They said he had a family, a couple of kids. They think their daddy’s a war hero. No use lettin’ them think otherwise.”

She sucks in a breath. “Is this your attempt to convince me not to love you?”

“Too late for that,” I say, my face growing serious. “You already do, and even if you asked me nicely now, I wouldn’t let you go.” I lean in and press a lingering kiss against her lips. “War changes people, witchy woman. I may joke and laugh and tease, but I’m still that man in the middle of a war, and I’ll kill anything that dares to hurt you. Even if it’s someone I care about. Even if it’s me.”

Her eyes widen. “Wiley.”

“Don’t worry, Kate,” I say with a grin before releasing her chin. “I love you, too.”