Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

That night the two women slept side by side at the back the cart while Bj?rn found a spot some distance away. The night was warm enough that they didn't need to start a fire that would signal their presence to any ill-intentioned individuals. Agnes fell asleep almost straight away, while Dunne stayed awake long into the night, worrying about what the future would bring.

She kept looking at the skies, hoping for a sign. If I see another shooting star, it means I can accept Bj?rn's offer of marriage. If a cloud passes in front of the moon it means I should remain firm in my resolve never to remarry. If a bat flies overhead it means I should leave the village as soon as we arrive.

She never saw anything.

They awoke to a fine drizzle that didn't let up all day. On the wet roads the going was miserable, and they had to sleep in damp garments that night. But by then, Dunne was so exhausted that she fell into a deep slumber as soon as her head hit the makeshift pillow. Sky gazing in search for a sign would have to wait.

As they progressed on the road south, her chest became tighter and tighter. Because of the argument with Bj?rn she found it hard to go back to their earlier companionship and Agnes' presence in the cart made it impossible to discuss anything too personal. She could not talk about Orvyn's assault in front of a stranger, so she kept her gratitude for his help to herself. She would have liked to tell Bj?rn more about her unhappy marriage, explain why she could not reconcile herself to the idea of being married again but she didn't want to betray any intimacy between them. And so they were forced to exchange meaningless comments about the weather and what awaited them when they arrived in the village.

Yes, soon they would be back to reality. In a few days she would know whether she was with child or not. And then a decision that would affect the rest of her life would have to be made. Dunne dreaded the moment.

The first person to see them enter the village on a sunny afternoon was Magnus, the village smithy.

"You're back before the others, I see," he commented, drawing closer to them. Then he spotted Agnes at the back of the cart. His eyes went as wide as if he'd witnessed a miracle being performed in front of him. "Good afternoon. I'm Magnus."

"I'm Agnes."

He cleared his throat. "Welcome to the village, Agnes. I'm the blacksmith."

Dunne had to smile at the look on Agnes' face when Sigurd and Wolf joined them a moment later. The girl was now faced with three Norsemen in their prime, in addition to Bj?rn, and it was quite obvious she was overwhelmed by the sight.

"Good afternoon." Wolf smiled, totally oblivious to the girl's reaction. Either he had gone blind while she'd been away, or he was so in love with his expecting wife that he did not even notice other women's admiring looks. Dunne suspected it was the latter. "You must be glad to be home."

Home. The word sounded odd to her ears. Was she home? Not really. But where else could she call home? She still had not bought herself another hut with the money Leodred had given her, or even decided where to go. And did she really want to leave the village? It was far from certain. She didn't know anyone anywhere else. Slowly, she nodded at the Icelander, who had no idea his question had awoken a maelstrom of anguish within her.

"How is Birgit?" Sigurd asked once he'd helped unharnessed the horse. "Well, I hope?"

"Yes, she is, thank you. Very well. She has a little girl, Edita, who's almost the same age as Dawn, and just as mischievous," she blurted out. "We didn't see her husband, though. He has two brothers and one of them broke his leg so he?—"

Sigurd interrupted her blabbering with a hand on her forearm. His smile indicated he'd seen her nervousness. "Come, you'll tell us all about it after you've had a drink. Frigyth is resting on the pallet. The babe is getting quite heavy, I'm afraid." Without waiting for her agreement, he took her bundle from the cart and made his way to the hut, expecting her to follow.

Dunne inhaled sharply.

This was it. After days of being constantly side by side, after two weeks away from their daily responsibilities and anyone who knew them, she and Bj?rn were to go their separate ways.

She turned to him. He still had not said a word in answer to the various greetings. Behind her, Agnes was talking with Magnus and Wolf. From what Dunne could hear, the smithy had a room at the back of the forge he used when his brother visited and Agnes was welcome to use it until a more temporary solution could be found.

"Thank you, Bj?rn, for your escort. And…everything else."

He stared at her, his face vibrant with all he could not say. "You're welcome."

"Frigyth is waiting for me. And Dawn is?—"

"Yes. Go." The blue eyes gleamed. "But we'll have to talk soon."

"So you two really are involved."

Dunne almost jumped out of her skin. Lost to her ablutions, she hadn't heard Agnes' approach. "You made me jump! I didn't think anyone else would come to bathe this early."

"Forgive me. But I'm always up before dawn, and I saw you go to the river. I could not resist following you," Agnes said quietly. After a week in the village, she was still as shy as she had been when they'd just met. Which made her insistence on such a personal topic all the more surprising. But she repeated her question. "So, are you two involved?"

"Who?" When the girl arched a disbelieving brow, Dunne added, "Bj?rn and I you mean?" There was no point playing dumb.

A crystalline laugh answered her. "Who else? Of course you and Bj?rn. I had my doubts during the trip because you don't seem to want to show what you feel for him, but since we've been back…" Agnes shook her head as if unsure what she meant exactly but still did not drop the matter. "You must be the woman he mentioned."

Mentioned? Dunne's breath caught in her throat. When had Bj?rn mentioned her to anyone? And what had he said? To hide her desperation, she wrung the piece of linen she'd used to wash her face and waited for Agnes to elaborate.

When nothing came, she had no choice but to answer.

"I do have feelings for him," she mumbled, before blinking. What had possessed her to admit to this girl she barely knew what she'd had problems admitting to herself? "But it's complicated."

Agnes sat on a rock next to her and nodded sympathetically. "You don't believe he returns your feelings, is that it?"

No, that wasn't the problem. Bj?rn did feel something for her, she knew, desire first and foremost. She just wasn't sure that was quite what she wanted him to feel. Seeing that Agnes was still waiting for an answer, she gave her one that sidestepped the question.

"I have a young daughter from my marriage."

"Ah, I see. And she doesn't like Bj?rn. I understand. That can be difficult."

Dunne bristled and realized she could not let Agnes believe such a thing. There was no helping it. Bit by bit she would be forced to bare the whole truth.

"Actually, Dawn loves Bj?rn. If anything, she likes him a bit too much." After having given her a cat—and then retrieved said cat when she got stuck in a tree—the Norseman called Bear was her hero. If her daughter knew he wanted the three of them to be a family, she would rail at Dunne for refusing the offer and make her life a misery until she relented.

"But he doesn't like her, and would prefer you didn't have any children by another man?" Agnes suggested.

"No. He doesn't mind, and he's perfect with her. Kind, protective and amusing." He'd made Dawn smile more in a few weeks than Toland had in three whole years.

"Then…" Agnes seemed utterly at a loss. "What is it? Are you afraid to tell him what you feel in case he?—"

"I am not afraid of him in any way," Dunne cut in. The mere idea was ludicrous. "Bj?rn doesn't pose a threat to any woman, would never hurt anyone."

"No, I don't think he would, and that's not what I meant." Agnes tilted her head, as if to indicate that, having exhausted her ideas, she was waiting for Dunne to finally give her a valid reason for refusing to acknowledge what was between her and Bj?rn.

Dunne inhaled deeply and braced herself when she saw she would just have to expose all her humiliating thoughts. "He's too young for me."

"Is he? In what way?"

She had no idea what to answer. Was there more than one way? Up until this moment she had been certain anyone would agree with her when she claimed she couldn't be with Bj?rn, but talking to Agnes brought home how confused and possibly silly her reasons were. If she told the girl that they'd slept together, that he had shown her pleasure beyond her wildest imagining, and that he had offered to marry her afterward, she wouldn't understand what the problem was.

Right now, Dunne wasn't sure she understood either.

At that moment, Frigyth appeared through the bushes, a smile on her face. "I bet you wouldn't say no to some oat cakes and hot pottage after your bath?"

Dunne smiled back at her sister, grateful to her for interrupting a conversation that was making her feel worse than ever. "No. I'm all cleaned and ready to break my fast. Is Dawn up yet?"

"Yes, and already asking for you. She missed you terribly while you were gone and thought you'd left again."

Guilt twisted her guts. She should be with her daughter right now, not trying to justify herself to a stranger. "Let me go to her."

The two sisters left Agnes to her bath and made for the hut. While Dunne hugged Dawn and promised her she wouldn't leave again, Frigyth assembled a veritable feast on the table.

"And look at this for a special treat," she said, holding two cups high in the air. "The ale Bj?rn made when he returned from Denmark is finally ready. Sigurd tapped the cask this morning."

Dunne took a sip of the pale gold drink her sister was handing her and closed her eyes in delight. It was even better than the previous batch. Or perhaps it was simply that having had to do without for so long made her appreciate it even more when she finally had the chance to indulge. The bubbles danced on her tongue a moment, then slid down her throat with ease.

Mm. Perfection.

"He hasn't lost his touch, I'd say," Frigyth commented.

"No."

The following day, as they were finishing a quick meal, Ingrid came to show her latest creation, a cloak ready for the winter.

"What do you think?"

"It's wonderful!" Dunne enthused. It really was. Trimmed with rabbit fur, the garment was a masterpiece. "I always knew you would make a great seamstress."

"And I didn't believe you, but I am enjoying sewing, you know. I added some decoration to the hood yesterday. Agnes taught me a few extra tricks that came in handy."

Dunne's chest constricted. After spending the week watching Bj?rn from a distance and worrying that he would eventually fall under the spell of the pretty Saxon he'd brought back, she didn't need to hear that Agnes was also replacing her in Ingrid's affection. But she knew that the two girls, who were of a similar age, had struck an immediate friendship. No doubt Ingrid would be delighted if her brother ended up marrying her new best friend.

"When Bj?rn told me he intended to be married before the end of the year, I thought he was teasing me!" Ingrid chuckled. "But I guess he really meant it, if he jumped on the opportunity to bring a woman home so as to better woo her, and I have to say Agnes seems perfect for him, if a little bit shy. I would have imagined he would prefer someone with spirit."

Dunne stared at the eel on her plate and knew she would never manage to swallow the mouthful she had just taken.

"When did he tell you he wanted to get married?" Frigyth asked. No one would have suspected her to be particularly interested in the answer, but Dunne knew her sister had asked the question on her behalf and would be watching her with an eagle eye.

"A few days before leaving for Mercia."

Thunder fell at Dunne's feet. Bj?rn had decided to marry before leaving for Birgit's house. In other words, before they had even discussed the possibility together. Which meant she had been right to worry that he had wanted to find himself a replacement bride in case she turned out not to be with child. If he was so bent on marriage, he would take the first woman who wanted him. If not her, then Agnes, who was, as everybody kept reminding her, "wonderful" and "perfect for him."

She stood up and excused herself. If she stayed another moment she might well be sick.

Bj?rn watched Dunne storm away from Frigyth and Sigurd's hut as if the monstrous wolf of his parents' stories, Fenrir, was after her. But he could not let her get away, not when he had come to speak to her. There was a discussion they needed to have.

The month they had agreed on had finally expired. He knew it because he'd been counting each excruciating day since they'd gone back to the village, but still she was avoiding him.

No more.

"Dunne, wait!" He set off after her, but she pretended she hadn't heard him and picked up her pace. Not to worry. Even if she started to run, she would be no match for him. He would eventually catch up to her. He had allowed her a few final days of thinking time but he would have an answer before tonight.

He reached her before she could slip behind the fence.

Seeing she had no choice but to confront him, she whirled around, eyes ablaze. His breath caught in his throat. In that moment her gold irises appeared lit up from within, like a roaring fire. He wanted that fire to consume him.

"We need to talk," he told her as calmly as he could. This would have to be handled with care. She already looked on the edge of an explosion and nothing would be gained from pushing her. But he had waited long enough.

"Yes, we do. Are you going to marry Agnes if I refuse you?" she asked, her voice little more than a hiss. "Your sister just told us that you intended to get married before the end of the year so I'm wondering."

Bj?rn recoiled in shock. Here he was, about to discuss the possibility of a union between them and she was worried he was organizing a match to another behind her back? Everything made sense all of a sudden. Her odd, bitter behavior on the first day of the journey back home, her talk of being too old and not in her place by his side. She had followed him to Orvyn's hut, heard him and Agnes discuss the union the man wanted between them and thought he was considering it as replacement in the event that she wasn't with child.

"You think I took Agnes with me back to the village because I want to marry her?" he cried out, unable to believe she would think him so deceitful as to promise marriage to one woman while secretly plotting to wed another one.

"Why else?"

She said that as if that could be the only reason! He narrowed his eyes, feeling about to lose his temper. Knowing it always ended in disaster when he did, he tried to calm down. The last thing he wanted was yet another argument.

"I take it that you didn't stay long enough to listen to the whole conversation?" The way Dunne's face fell told him all he needed to know. She had not. "If you had you would have heard me tell Agnes that I didn't intend to marry her. I think you know why. Do I have to remind you I have asked you to marry me?"

"No, you do not. You have asked me, but only because you feared I might be carrying your child," she retorted with as much venom as if wanting to do what was right by her was the worst insult a man could pay a woman. "And you did warn me we would wed if I ended up?—"

"Warn you? Feared you might be with child?" he roared, all attempts at calm forgotten. What did she take him for? "You make me sound like a heartless bastard and my proposal like a threat. You make it sound like I'm going against your will in this!"

"You are! I told you I didn't want to get married again, and certainly not to a man who doesn't really want me."

"But I do want you!"

"Yes. Now, and in your bed…But will it be the same in fifteen years time?"

Dear, this conversation was not going well at all. How could they be arguing again? Why were they talking about anything except what really mattered?

"I'm sorry," Dunne whispered. "But I need to understand why you told your sister you intended to get married before the end of the year before you even approached me."

"Because I do," Bj?rn said through gritted teeth. If it were up to him, he would get married that very moment. "I want to marry you. It's been my intention from the moment I found out you were widowed, only I didn't know it at first. You think I bedded you in a fit of lust? I did not. You think I never thought about the future then? It was always on my mind. And so, fool that I am, on the morning after we made love, I told Ingrid about my hopes. I didn't name you because I didn't think it fair to you, but I was so certain what we had could not end after that one night that it made me see that marriage had been on my mind all along."

"And Agnes?" she asked, reddening a little.

He sighed. "Her father wants a match between us, that is true. He told me a few days after we arrived at the village that he was glad to have found a suitable son-in-law. He'd been considering an alliance with the miller's father, a lecher who wants a pretty wife in his bed to sweeten his last few years. I knew that Orvyn would marry her to him the moment I left. I could not let that happen. So I asked her if she would not rather leave with us to come here."

"Agnes is Orvyn's daughter?" Dunne appeared stunned and he was surprised himself. He'd not thought she wouldn't know the connection.

"Yes. I think you can see why I don't trust him to find an adequate husband for her."

She nodded slowly. "So you never intended to marry her?" There was relief in her voice. His heart leapt. Dare he hope now that her fears about his constancy were alleviated, she would come to consider his offer?

"No. The only woman I want to marry is you," he said, articulating every word so as not to leave any doubt in her mind. "I told you as much and I haven't changed my mind. I will still feel the same in fifteen or even in fifty years time. I want to look after you and our child."

Dunne shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. How was Bj?rn to welcome what she had to tell him? He claimed he wanted her, but he didn't know what she knew. That there was no child, after all. Surely it would change everything?

Nausea roiled in her stomach, but she couldn't wait another moment to reveal the truth. The more she waited, the more pain she would cause them both.

"I'm not carrying your child," she said on a sob. "My courses started a few days ago. I didn't find the strength to tell you. Forgive me."

She had kept him hoping for days in vain but, coward that she was, she had been unable to bring herself to put an end to the whole thing. It was only when she had started bleeding that she had realized how much she had hoped to be with child, to have her decision made for her, to be forced to do what she secretly craved. No one would criticize her for wanting to give her child a father, whereas they would mock her for choosing a lover Bj?rn's age.

The only way she could have lived with the idea of being his wife was if she'd been forced to. She wasn't strong enough to make such a decision when nothing obliged her to do so. But the moment she had bled, a future with him had been taken from her.

It was unbearable.

"So you see, it's all over now. There's no need to?—"

"There's every need." He took her hand and gave it a hard squeeze. "Listen, Dunne, I want to marry you for you. Not because you might be carrying my child, even though I cannot wait to see you swell with my babe, or because I'm worried what other people might say if they think you are nothing more than a conquest I bedded and discarded, even if I hate the idea." His gaze burned a hole into her skull. "How many times will I have to say it? I want to marry you because I?—"

Dunne's heart gave a jolt. He had stopped. Why had he stopped? But she knew all too well why. Because he didn't think she would want to hear that he had fallen in love with her, and he was right; she didn't want to hear it. Because it would make this parting even more difficult. If he said he was in love with her then she would have no choice but to say she was in love with him, too, and still she would have to leave him.

"You don't. You can't. I'm all wrong for you." Why couldn't he see it? Why did he have to make her spell it out?

"So wrong I'm out of my mind with the need for you," he growled, taking a step toward her, intent etched all over his face. He had never seemed more handsome than in this moment. "You're not fat, you're not old, or anything else you might think, you're just damn perfect. And I don't want to marry anyone else. I will?—"

Suddenly Bj?rn stilled, his gaze focused on a point above her head. Alarmed by the expression on his face Dunne turned around. A plume of smoke was rising in the air, right above where her hut was. After throwing a panicked glance at each other, they ran in the direction of the fire. A group of people were already assembled by the well, drawing water into various pots and buckets. Frigyth and her children were huddled together next to the smithy's hut, and Dawn was with them.

"What happened?" Dunne cried out, lifting her daughter into her arms. For a dreadful moment she had feared being told the little girl was still in the hut.

"No one knows. Magnus was the first one to spot the fire," her sister explained. "He instantly raised the alarm."

"Is anyone injured?"

"No, thankfully." Frigyth placed a hand over little Moon, who was clutching at her skirts. "Everyone is safe."

"Yes."

Dunne placed Dawn back down and watched the hut burn with a sense of fatality. This had not been her home, not really, only a temporary refuge, and only a moment ago she had been telling Bj?rn they would not marry after all. It was all over. All her connections to the Norsemen village had been severed in one clean sweep of fate's scythe. With nowhere to live and no prospective husband, she would have to leave and make her life elsewhere, as she should have done months ago.

It would be good for her to start anew, away from the man she should never have fallen in love with.

"There's nothing of value inside," she heard herself tell the men desperately trying to reach the burning hut. The money Leodred had given her was safe in the purse tied to her belt and her mother's blanket was currently lining the floor of the tree house Sigurd had made for the children. It was the only thing she would have wanted to save. The rest did not matter. "Don't put yourself in danger for nothing."

Everyone retreated. The hut, which had been old anyway, was now beyond saving. All they could do was make sure the fire didn't spread to the other huts, an easy enough task.

Suddenly a cry pierced the air. "Hilda!"

Without warning Dawn let go of her hand and darted toward the hut, weaving her way through the crowd of onlookers.

"Dawn! No!" The scream tore through Dunne's throat as she started running in pursuit. What was the little girl thinking? She could not mean to enter the hut now!

Before she could get very far, two arms closed around her waist, stopping her so abruptly she almost went flying. Bj?rn. No one else had moved, but he had set off after her. Just then Dawn slipped through the gaping door, straight into the flames engulfing the hut.

"Let me go!" Dunne screamed. She had to reach her daughter before it was too late. Couldn't he see?

"No. I'll get her." Without another word Bj?rn deposited her on the ground and ran toward the hut.

As soon as he had entered the raging inferno, the roof collapsed, extinguishing any hope of rescue. No one would be able to get into the hut now. Or come out of it.

He and Dawn were trapped.

No! The word never passed her lips. Tears streaming down her cheeks, Dunne fell to her knees. She couldn't scream any more. Her throat had been ripped to shreds by her earlier screams. As if in a dream, she watched Wolf and Sigurd run to the side of the hut. They were armed with axes and determination oozed from them. Sudden, crazy hope surged through her, giving her the strength to get up. Of course, the window! Why had she not thought of this before? If the men could hack their way through the wall, then the two people inside might stand a chance. She ran and arrived just in time to see Wolf lift a little girl out of the window. In her arms was a white fluffy bundle.

Dawn. And Hilda. Safe.

Dunne would have gone to them, but her legs could not carry her anymore. She slid to the ground in a helpless heap and the little girl ran to her instead. "Mama!"

"Oh, my heart, what did you do?" Dunne sobbed, her voice reduced to a dreadful croak. "What did you do?"

"You know Hilda is deaf, she would not have—" Hiccups racked through the little body she was holding tight in her arms. Then Dawn stopped and shot back to her feet. "Bear! He lifted me up to the window. We have to go back for him now!"

Despair swept though Dunne. They did. But at the moment he was trapped. Trapped in the roaring inferno. If Wolf and Sigurd did not manage to get to him in time, once the flames had done their work, there would be nothing left of the golden man who had saved her daughter. The man she loved.

Tears stung her eyes. "We can't go, Bee, it's?—"

Woosh.

Just then the whole hut collapsed in on itself in a shower of sparks.

Horror stole over Dunne, blinding her vision and she slid to the ground as darkness claimed her.