Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

Where was she? Why was she lying on her back in the middle of the village? Dunne could hear women and children's voices around her; Frigyth, Merewen, Bee. She opened her mouth to call her daughter. Without knowing why, she desperately needed to hold her. She had the feeling something awful had happened, there was an unbearable weight crushing her chest. She opened her mouth, but no sound came. She tried again. This time a pitiful sound managed to escape. It was not much, but it was enough to attract Bee's attention.

"Mama!" The little girl fell into her arms. "You're awake!"

"Was I sleeping?" she whispered. Damnation! What was wrong with her voice? And why did Bee look so dirty? Why were they lying on the ground?

"You fainted," Frigyth's voice reached her from behind. Then her sister came to stand next to her. "Forgive me for not kneeling down. I can't manage it with my stomach. How are you feeling?"

"All right," she said cautiously. "But why am I lying down in the middle of the?—"

In a rush of horror, everything came back to her. The hut, the flames, the cat trapped inside, the little girl rushing away to save her, the man lifting them both out the window. The man! No!

"Bj?rn!" she screamed, bolting upright. "We must?—"

"He's all right. Wolf and Sigurd got him out in time," Frigyth explained hurriedly, sensing she was about to lose her mind with anguish. "They hacked at the hut and managed to make the window hole big enough for him to get through."

"But the hut—" Her voice, tested to its limits, suddenly gave out.

"Yes, the hut collapsed. But from the opposite end. They dragged him out just as the last wall, the one with the window, came crumbling to the floor. You had already fainted by then, so you never knew."

Holding Bee tight in her arms, Dunne started to sob. If Bj?rn was safe then she could start breathing again. How would she have borne to hear that he had died saving her daughter? It didn't bear thinking about.

A hand landed in her shoulder. Merewen.

"Apart from a few burns, he's fine. It's a miracle, really."

Incapable of talking, Dunne nodded. It was a miracle.

"Wait here a moment, I will call Wolf. He will carry you back to Frigyth and Sigurd's hut."

A moment later, Dunne felt herself being lifted into a man's arms. Because it was not Bj?rn. she resisted the urge to lean her head against his shoulder. Once the Icelander had deposited her onto the pallet, she burrowed under the furs and drew her daughter against her, intent on finding oblivion. The little girl in her arms smelled of smoke and perfection. She was still holding Hilda tight against her.

Feeling more exhausted than she had ever felt, Dunne fell back to sleep.

Two days passed. Dunne spent them inside her sister's hut, lying in bed, pretending to be asleep. Frigyth and Sigurd acted as if they could not see anything odd in her behavior, but she guessed they talked about her as soon as they were alone. She would not be able to put off reality for much longer. Soon she would have to find a place to live—and go see Bj?rn, thank him for what he'd done. At the moment she simply could not face him. What do you tell a man who sacrificed himself to save your daughter? How do you behave in front of a suitor you just rejected? How do you deal with the shame of causing someone so much pain?

She had no idea.

On the evening of the second day, Frigyth approached her as she was helping herself to some cheese. She hadn't had much appetite of late but was trying to be reasonable. It would not help her or Bee if she fell ill now.

"Sister."

Dunne swallowed her piece of cheese with difficulty and braced herself. She could see from Frigyth's demeanor that the conversation would be difficult. She also knew what, or rather who, it would be about. Night was falling. Perhaps the darkness wrapping around them would help.

"Have you been to see him yet?"

The bluntness was no less than she had expected so she kept her gaze on her hands. "No."

"Why not?"

Why not? Had her sister really asked her that question? Why not?

"He nearly died because of me," Dunne said slowly, as if speaking to a simpleton. After days sounding like a croaking frog, her voice was finally back to normal.

"It wasn't because of you. The fire was an accident. One of Helga's boys stumbled on a rock and dropped the torch he was carrying back home. He told us so afterward."

"It matters not how it happened. The fire is not why I feel unable to face him."

"Why then?"

Dunne finally dared to look at Frigyth. "We were arguing when it happened," she said, keeping her voice low so as not to wake the children. "Do you understand now? I was telling him that I could not marry him, that I was not carrying his child and would never be his wife and the next thing we knew, he rushed into the flames to save my daughter, a little girl who should mean nothing to him! He risked his life for Bee, for me, when I?—"

When I broke his heart.

She shook her head, tears filling her vision. So much guilt, so much pain. How would she deal with it all?

"I feel so ashamed, so wretched, so guilty. How can I face him after telling him we could never be together?" she sobbed.

"Why would you tell him something like that when we both know that you love him? Dunne, it's time you accepted what you feel for the man." Frigyth sighed. "Bj?rn is dying out there, you have to go to him."

Dunne's whole body went liquid, stiff, hot and cold at the same time. Dying? Bj?rn had saved her daughter from the flames and now he was dying because of it? And Frigyth had not thought of informing her of the fact before now, instead choosing to berate her for her lack of decision?

"Stay with Bee," she shouted, bolting toward Bj?rn's hut like a mad woman.

She had to see him before he died, had to, even if she wasn't sure what she would say or where she would start once she was in front of him. By apologizing, by kissing him, by begging him to marry her before he died? She didn't know but she had to try.

"Bj?rn?" she called out, pushing the door of the hut open slowly, dreading what she would find inside.

He was lying on his pallet, bare-chested. One of his biceps was bandaged, and the skin on his left shoulder appeared burnt. It was hard to see the extent of the damage in the near darkness, but one thing was certain. He was utterly still, and the sound of the door opening had not been enough to make him stir.

"No!" She fell to the floor next to him and started crying. Was she too late? How stupid she had been for not coming to see him before, for not fighting for their?—

"Dunne?"

She raised her head when she heard him call her. "Thank God!" she whimpered. She wasn't too late, he wasn't dead yet, he had recognized her, and she would have the chance to tell him what was in her heart. Feeling ridiculous for her ill-timed outburst of grief, she straightened back up. Bj?rn was looking at her in the moonlight, a thousand questions lurking in his eyes.

"Are you all right?" he rasped.

Oh, that he should be the one asking her that question!

"Yes. Forgive me, but you weren't moving when I entered and I thought…"

"I was sleeping. It is nighttime, you know." He sounded…Well, he sounded bewildered more than anything. Dunne wasn't sure what to make of it. Shouldn't he sound in pain if, as Frigyth had said, he was about to die, or at the very least look weak and wan? But no, he had never appeared better, or dearer to her.

In that moment, her decision was made. If he survived his injuries, she would ask him to marry her. When her sister had told her was dying, she'd had a vision of what life without him would really be like and it had caused her whole body to wither. Never would she place herself in that position willingly.

As long as he wanted her, she would stay with him, whether it lasted a hundred days or a hundred years. She would take what she could while she could, anything would be better than his absence and the need for him clawing through her.

Bj?rn didn't know if he was dreaming.

After days ignoring him, Dunne was in his hut, looking pale and drawn, as if she'd been worrying herself sick. Why was that? Sigurd had assured him Bee had not suffered from her ordeal in the burning hut, thanks to him, and the only person Dunne would have lost sleep over was her daughter. As for him, she probably did not care. She had not visited him once, or even inquired after his health.

It had hurt. Hurt like hell. What did a man have to do to win his woman around? Was asking her to marry him not enough? Was declaring his love for her not enough? Even if, admittedly, he had been unable to finish the declaration, surely she had understood his intent, had seen it in his eyes. Was saving her daughter's life not enough? He'd been angry when he'd realized that no, it was apparently not enough.

And so he'd had to face reality. It was over between them. She was not carrying his child, she had refused to marry him and with no home in the village, she would soon have to leave. It was all over.

And yet, she was here now. Why? He resisted the maddening urge to draw her into his arms, knowing she would only balk and then stomp all over his heart again if he even hinted at his need for her.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, doing his best not to sound too accusatory. He could salvage his dignity at least, and behave as if he didn't care one way or another what her intentions were.

She made a face he found hard to interpret. Was she feeling guilty for not having come before? Perhaps. Regretting her decision to come to him? Very probably. "Frigyth said you were at death's door and I?—"

"Did she?" He frowned. What had her sister been thinking, telling her something like that? She had visited him only that afternoon, she would have seen that, far from dying, he was almost restored to his usual self. Only the burns on his calf and torso continued to throb, but that was nothing.

"Well, she said: ‘Bj?rn is dying out there' and I…" Dunne's voice trailed away when he threw her a burning stare.

Because now he understood. Frigyth had seen all too well what was going on. She had seen the depth of despair he was drowning in and had wanted to shock her sister into revealing her feelings for him before it was too late. The fact that Dunne had rushed to him as soon as she'd heard about his supposed agony had to be encouraging, did it not?

She had to feel something for him.

And he had to speak out.

"I am dying. Inside. And only you can put an end to my suffering. I need…" He took her hand in his when his voice broke, willing her to listen, and finally give them a chance. "Dunne. Marry me. Please. You know I can't live without you. I will do anything to convince you. I will beg, I will remind you of the night we spent together, I will seduce you again and use your body against you, I will shamefully use the fact that I saved your daughter to sway you, I will make you?—"

"Bj?rn, please, it's not nec?—"

"No, let me finish. I love you. I think I have loved you from the moment I saw you at Sigurd's wedding when I was only sixteen. That day I saw the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I love you. I should have told you so every day from the moment you finally allowed me to make love to you. I should have told you while I was making love to you, told you that this was why I was in your bed." What a stupid fool he'd been! He should have started there, instead of threatening her with marriage, and making it look as if he only wanted to do what was right by her and look after an elusive child. "I love you. Say you love me back, say you will marry me because I am dying without you. Not in the way you thought, but I am."

There was a pause. Too long, far too long for his liking.

He opened his mouth, but Dunne spoke before he could utter a word.

"Yes. I love you too," she sobbed, collapsing over his chest.

Happiness, as bright as a beam of sunlight, burst in his heart. He draped a hand over her neck, feeling her shudder under his palm. "You do?" He dared not believe what he had been told. He needed to hear it again. "Tell me again."

He felt a kiss land on his chest, just above where his heart was drumming fiercely. He closed his eyes at the tenderness contained in that gesture. Then Dunne said what he needed to hear.

"I do. I love you, Bear."

She did love Bj?rn. And it had taken a near catastrophe for her to finally accept it. Dunne could have kicked herself. When she'd thought she would have to live without him, not because she had rejected him, but because he had died, when she had believed him about to vanish from her life forever, she had understood with painful, devastating clarity that she could not live without him.

Against all odds she had been given a chance at love, and she was not going to let it pass.

"I don't want to be free. I want to be yours," she whispered, her mouth against the smooth skin under his collarbone. "I don't understand how it could have happened."

"You don't need to understand. You just need to accept it."

"I had sworn off men."

He gave a rueful chuckle. "I guess it's a good thing I'm only a boy then."

Mortified, Dunne hid her face in the crook of his neck. "I'm so sorry. I should never have said that. In my defense, I swear I only wanted?—"

"In your defense nothing. I was a boy for an awful long time, until I left for Denmark, at least. You weren't the only one to think that. And I don't mind you saying it, as long as you speak to me. It's your absence that was killing me, not your insults." He cradled her face between his two hands and forced her to meet his gaze. "Listen to me. I regret nothing of what happened between us, because it means we ended up where we are. And I think…I think from now on we will carry on together."

There was no hesitation in her voice when she answered. "Yes."

"Ingrid is not here, she's gone to see a friend. You will sleep here tonight, in my arms."

"Yes."

"And then tomorrow we will get married."

"Yes."

In the end it was that easy. As if to seal the deal, Bj?rn kissed her. It was a tender, loving kiss. Despite the unusual gentleness, she could feel her body catching fire, readying itself for his possession. But to her surprise, he drew her into his arms and ordered her to sleep. Because she had not had much sleep in the last two nights, too worried about what could have happened to him and Bee, she did not try to resist and nestled herself against him. They had their whole lives to make love.

For now, it would be enough to feel loved.