Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

"Ouch!"

With a cry of startled pain, Dunne dropped her dress. Lost in thought, she had inadvertently pricked her finger with the needle. She watched, fascinated, as blood pooled at the end of her thumb before falling onto the table in a perfect scarlet drop. It seemed like a message somehow. The blood had been racing just under the surface of her skin all this time, since she'd been a child, had been part of her, and yet now that it had come out, it would never go back in again. Now that she had pricked her finger, a bit of her had been lost forever, in the same way that now that she had met Bj?rn, a part of her had been revealed and she could not go back to being the woman she had been before.

She placed her thumb into her mouth and sucked pensively.

What would she do if she discovered she was with child? Even more to the point, what would she do if she found out she wasn't? She was dreading finding out that their moment of madness had resulted in a baby, but she was equally terrified of having to renounce a future with Bj?rn. Because if it turned out she was not carrying his child, she would have to let him go.

She was not sure she could deal with that.

More lost than ever, she placed a hand over her stomach and let out a sob.

Toward the end of the afternoon, Bj?rn came back to the hut, and deposited a rabbit and two birds onto the table. She knew he had spent the day hunting to avoid her after their kiss, probably thinking he had taken liberties. Birgit, however, did not see anything amiss and was delighted with the offering. The three of them started to prepare the meat for roasting in companionable silence. The meal was spent discussing the village children's next expedition.

Before Bj?rn could leave and get to his cart for the night, Dunne walked up to him. She had been mulling on the idea all afternoon. It was time she told him.

"Can we go home tomorrow, please? I miss Dawn." It had been more than ten days since she had last seen her daughter. They had never been apart for so long and the need for her was gnawing at her insides day and night. Not only that, but she felt she would be better able to control her wayward urges for him with the little girl nearby. "I've seen what I wanted to see here. My sister is as content as could be. Now I just want to go."

"We can leave whenever you want." He paused, as if wondering whether to speak or not. "But I have a favor to ask of you."

Her chest felt uncomfortably tight. Without knowing why, she knew she would hate what he was about to ask. But she could not refuse, not after what he had done for her the night before and the hurt she had caused him. "Of course. What is it?"

"Can we take Agnes with us? There is room for her in the cart, since I never made it to the fair in the end."

He talked as if she knew who Agnes was. She didn't. But her hackles instantly raised. He wanted to take a woman home with him? Why? They had spent less than a week in the village. Who was she to him that he didn't want to leave her behind?

Dunne shook her head. She would only twist her mind into knots if she tried to make sense of what Bj?rn was thinking. All she knew was that he wanted to take a woman with him when he supposedly wanted to marry her, and he had told her only the other day that he thought of her when he stroked himself to release. She didn't know whether to be crushed or outraged.

"Who is she?" she asked, doing her best not to betray her churning emotions. If this was a way of testing her resolve to wait for another fortnight before making a decision, then she would prove herself worthy.

"The girl who was making cheese with you the other day."

Oh, now she remembered. That sweet, pretty girl was the one he wanted to take home with him? Her heart plummeted further. It had to be someone like her, not a plain dimwitted fool.

"You see, she?—"

"No need to share your reasons with me. If you think it would be better for her to go with you, then we'll take her. Now I need to go and tell Birgit we'll leave in the morning," she said, not looking at him. "Good night, Bj?rn."

"Wait for me here, I'll go and get Agnes."

Not trusting herself to speak, Dunne merely nodded.

Once Bj?rn had disappeared from view, she made to follow discreetly. Although she knew it was wrong, she could not resist. All night she had agonized about the possible meaning of his decision to take another woman home with him and not liked any of the explanations she had come up with.

She refused to ask Bj?rn, but she needed to know where things stood or she would go mad with the uncertainty.

Dunne crept forward through the bushes, dreading what he would say if he saw her spying on him, then froze when she heard a girl's voice. Agnes.

"My father wants us to marry," she was telling Bj?rn.

Shock froze the blood in Dunne's veins. Arrangements were already being made for a marriage between Agnes and Bj?rn? It couldn't be. He wanted to marry her, Dunne, didn't he? He had told her as much only days ago, even threatened to marry her if she carried his child. Her stomach did a flip. Yes, he had made his intentions clear, but that had been before she'd refused him. Perhaps he'd thought it would be easier to convince her and he had changed his mind after seeing her reluctance. Then, having met someone who took his fancy here, he'd thought he had better ensure himself a future in case she wasn't with child after all—or persisted in her refusal even if she were. It was not impossible. Hadn't she warned him she didn't intend to remarry? Told him she had sworn off men? He would have reasons to doubt an agreement between them would ever be reached.

No, she was being silly. He's kissed her with tenderness only the day before. Such a kiss had to mean something. Perhaps…Perhaps he wasn't aware of Agnes' father's intentions? But his answer nipped that fragile hope in the bud.

"I know. That is exactly why you need to come with me."

Dunne's heart, which had barely started to beat again, stopped anew.

Reality slammed into her. Bj?rn knew about Agnes' father's plans to see the two of them wed. Worse, that was the reason he wanted to take her back to the village with him. He had given up hope of her ever accepting his offer and had chosen another bride to replace her. Pain sliced through Dunne. She'd heard what she wanted to hear, she'd had her explanation, now she had to leave.

Slowly, she retreated back to the cart, moving like a mortally wounded woman.

Bj?rn had abandoned her. But why was she so surprised? He had told her he wanted to marry her if she carried his child and she had thrown his offer back in his face, saying she wasn't even sure she wanted to marry again. He might well wish to make her his wife and look after her and the babe, but he couldn't force her to accept him. And apparently, he was preparing for the eventuality that she would not, like any wise man would do. If he couldn't marry the woman of his choice, then he would settle for a pretty girl who worshipped the ground he walked on and did not constantly challenge him.

And who could blame him?

Her heart breaking in her chest, Dunne took in a deep breath. When Bj?rn and Agnes joined her, she would not cry, she would not ask questions, she would not ridicule herself. It would only make all this worse.

Numb with pain, she sat on the cart seat, but then reconsidered. She didn't belong by Bj?rn's side anymore. Agnes did. Her lips set in a tight line, she settled herself in the nest of furs he had prepared at the back of the cart.

She would stand aside with dignity rather than she be pushed out like an inconvenience.

"My father wants us to marry."

"I know. That's exactly why you need to come with me." Bj?rn answered, kicking a stone with a booted foot.

"I take it you haven't told him you wouldn't agree to the match then?" Agnes was looking at him with wide eyes. He wasn't sure if she was hopeful or wary.

"No, and I won't. Because if I refuse, he will only find you another husband, one not at all suitable for a woman like you." That was the problem, and why he could not just walk away and forget about her. It felt as if she was his responsibility. He could not leave her behind, knowing she would be forced to marry someone else by a man who treated women as if they were on this earth to slake men's needs, nothing more.

"I did hear talk of an alliance with the miller," she said tentatively. "But I don't see how it could?—"

"Not with John, with his father."

She gasped. "He's even older than my father!"

Bj?rn sighed. Was it always a question of age? Was he the only one to think that it mattered not if people were not of an age? In this case, it was the man's character and motivations he objected to, not his age. "His age is the least of your problems. Believe me, you don't want to be married to a man who doesn't really want you." Dunne knew all about the pain that particular situation could bring.

"No." Agnes bit her bottom lip. "Please take me with you."

He nodded, glad she understood the peril awaiting her. "It is the best way. If we leave together, your father will assume we will wed once we reach my village. He will never know that we never actually married and you will then be able to choose a groom yourself, when you're ready."

Agnes flushed and, not for the first time, he wondered if she would not have liked to be his wife. He did not dwell on that uncomfortable thought. Hopefully she would get over the infatuation quickly enough. If she liked muscular blond men, then the village was full of them.

Bj?rn glanced at the hut behind her. He would have liked to go confront Orvyn before leaving, make it clear that he had better keep his filthy hands to himself in the future and overturn the cask of strong ale while he was at it, but he knew it was better for Agnes if they just disappeared without trace. The man wanted this alliance mainly because of the benefit it would bring him, namely having a "sturdy" son-in-law he would exploit in every way he could. He would never agree to the match if Bj?rn told him he was taking his new wife back to his village and would never be of use to him.

"Go and gather whatever belongings you want to take with you and meet me at the cart," he instructed Agnes. "Be quick about it, and discreet. We'll leave as soon as possible."

With those words, he went to join Dunne again. His heart skipped a beat when he saw that she was nowhere to be seen. Had she left, decided to travel alone? Or was it even worse than that? Had someone got to her? Orvyn? His heart started to drum hard in his chest.

Then he spotted a mop of chestnut curls at the back of the cart and life flooded back into his veins. She was here, she was safe.

"Dunne?" he called out, walking closer. "What are you doing sitting at the back of the cart?"

He got a flash of amber when she turned to glance at him over the wooden plank. As he always did when he caught a glimpse of the gold color, he inhaled sharply. There weren't two women like her, and soon they might be husband and wife. He couldn't wait.

"Aren't we going to travel with Agnes?" she asked instead of answering him, as was her wont. He could not help a smile. Why did he like this so much? "Didn't she accept your offer?"

"Yes, she did, but?—"

"Well, then it's only natural I give her my place, considering."

Considering? He frowned. "What do you mean?"

For a long moment, she just stared at him. He thought he saw sadness veil her eyes and she looked about to answer. But then Agnes appeared, cutting the enigmatic discussion short. Before he could say anything, Dunne gestured to the place on the driver's seat.

"You can sit there, in my stead," she told the girl.

"But, I-I couldn't," Agnes started to protest. Dunne cut her off with a raised hand.

"You can. Now let us leave. It's already later than we had planned."

Bj?rn had no choice but to help Agnes into the seat and settle himself next to her. Arguing would be pointless. Why had Dunne spoken so abruptly? She was always kind to everyone. What had happened? Why had she made Agnes feel like an imposition? Was it because she was Orvyn's daughter and she thought her as vile as her father? Surely not? Surely she would give an innocent the benefit of the doubt? He would have to talk to her as soon as they could find a moment alone, tell her she had nothing to fear from Agnes and ask her to show the poor girl kindness.

He clicked his tongue, signaling to the horse to walk on.

For the best part of the journey no one spoke. Bj?rn was lost in thought, trying to make sense of Dunne's behavior, Dunne seemed determined to be unusually subdued and Agnes was no doubt mulling over the fact that she was leaving her village for good.

Eventually they stopped to have a bite to eat and water the horse.

"I feel uncomfortable having you sitting at the back," Agnes told Dunne once they had finished the bread Birgit had given them. "It should be me. Please say you will sit in the driver's seat when we set off again."

"Why should I be the one going on the seat?" Dunne erupted. "Because I'm old, is that it, and my decrepit bones cannot endure the least amount of discomfort?"

Bj?rn could only stare as Agnes dissolved in apologies.

"Of course, n-not, I didn't mean to?—"

"Leave it," he snarled, grabbing Dunne by the elbow to drag her away from the mortified girl. "She doesn't know what she's saying."

What the heck had gotten into her? She wasn't being herself today and he would make sure to get to the bottom of it. Agnes didn't deserve to have her head bitten off for being solicitous.

"What on earth was that about?" he asked once they had reached the safety of the trees.

"What was what?" the minx had the gall to ask him.

"Don't even pretend not to understand what I'm talking about. What you just told Agnes. That you are old?" He was still holding her elbow and it cost him every ounce of restraint not to hurt her when he was incandescent with rage. He would not have anyone disparage her, including herself. She was not old, she was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, and also the kindest. So she had better snap out this madness right now. "You do remember what I did when you spouted nonsense about being fat? Are you trying to provoke me, is that what it is? Do you want to see what I'll do to convince you that you are not old? I will do it. Here. Now."

Dunne tried to disentangle herself from his hold. "Let me?—"

"I will let you go if you stop being so damned unreasonable! What has gotten into you?"

She pushed at him, tears pooling in her eyes. "Don't scold me for saying out loud what everyone else is thinking! Leodred did say you could be my son, Harald agrees with him, he told me when we parted that I should find a lover my own age." She stopped and hid her mouth with trembling fingers. "You told me the other day that people mocked you for choosing a woman old enough to be your mo?—"

"I was a bloody fool for repeating what those bastards said!" Bj?rn erupted. Why, oh, why, had he been so foolish? He'd only been feeding her insecurities, which certainly didn't need to be encouraged. "Just ignore them, they have no idea what they're talking about!"

"I can't. And even if you had not repeated the words, they would still have been said. People watch us together and all they see are two people who should not be together."

"I care not what they think."

She did not answer, but he understood all the same. He might not care, but she did. Enough to make her throw away what they could have. How could he make her understand that what happened between them was about them and no one else, that he saw only her?

Her bottom lip wobbled and though his heart was breaking, he almost laughed. How could this woman think herself an old crone? At times like these she was nothing but a little lost girl. "I wish I could be strong like you," she breathed. "But I'm not."

No. But he could be strong enough for two, if the reward was the woman of his dreams. Dunne would come to see she could rely on him to protect her from malice, he had to trust she would. For now, though, she was too raw, she would not listen to him. All he could do was be there for her. He placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Let us leave. We need to find a more suitable spot for the night. And you will sit next to me on the driver's seat this afternoon."

By his side, where she belonged. Sooner or later, she would have to accept this was her rightful place.