Chapter 9

Danny winced when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He gently prodded the darkened splotch on his neck, and even that touch made him wince again. Stupid Clint with his stupid teeth–

There was more than one mark on his neck, and way too many on his shoulders and collarbone, but the neck was most pressing. Danny muttered curses to himself for a few more moments before he heaved a sigh. He was getting worked up over nothing. It didn't matter.

It didn't matter.

He had other things to worry about anyway, what with midterms right around the corner.

Those were a completely different beast.

Danny had been trying not to let himself get too worked up about the oncoming tests because he knew that wouldn't actually help him, but it was hard considering the fact that he had never tested well. Logical-Danny had been trying to remind him that things were different now, but Anxious-Danny couldn't stop whispering what if.

What if his teachers decided to forget about his accommodations?

What if he failed all his tests and wasted all his hard work so far?

What if he disappointed Lily, Manuel, Haru, who had all done so much to help him?

The week leading up to midterms passed in a blur of anxiety, studying, realizing he didn't have anything left to study, and more anxiety. He knew the stuff backwards and forwards, but couldn't shake the internal voice that kept screaming at him how tests are a big deal and you've never tested well–

And it was a lot.

Even Clint backed off a bit, giving Danny some actual space to pace circles into his apartment as he worried.

Then it was testing week.

Crystal gave him a tight smile when Danny met her for private office hours–his special accommodation for his astronomy test. Danny tried not to let it get to him as he sat down across from her. He didn't really have a read on Crystal, but he could tell there was something about him that put her off.

But at least she was still doing her job. "Ready, Mr. Edwards?"

Danny nodded, face heated, but he was as ready as he'd ever be. "Yeah."

"You are aware that I will not tolerate any attempts of cheating of any kind," Crystal said, voice a little snippy.

"Uh, yeah." It wasn't exactly a question, but Danny answered anyway. "Of course."

"Okay, let's get started." Crystal looked at her computer screen. "What are the two most abundant components of the sun?"

"Hydrogen and helium," Danny said without missing a beat.

She flicked a glance at him. "What are the three main parts of the sun's interior?"

"The core, the radiative zone, and the convective zone," Danny said easily. He barely had to think. The answers were right there, in his head.

Crystal gave him a longer look. "How do we measure a galaxy's distance?"

"Usually by measuring redshift and extrapolating from there," Danny said, before realizing he was probably supposed to expand on that. "Should I, uh, explain redshift?"

"If you'd like," Crystal said, watching him.

Wow, okay, that was no help. But it was probably better to over-answer instead of under-answer, right? "Okay, so, uh, redshift is the degree to which the universe's expansion has stretched its light heading toward Earth. We then use independently measured numbers like the Hubble parameter, to infer how far away the galaxy was when it emitted the light we see now…"

He went on to explain the method in its entirety, and also threw in how some scientists also derived the distance from the galaxy's luminosity or from its angular size–but how those were different approaches with their own caveats–just to be safe.

When he was finished, Crystal's expression looked a lot less calculating and a lot more open. Danny wondered if he was imagining the little flicker of a smile.

They moved on to the next question, and nothing had really changed, but the atmosphere in the room felt better, somehow.

***

When Danny stumbled out of his statistics midterm, he felt dazed, not quite sure if he should believe the clock. He'd been giving permission to use his read-aloud and dictation gadgets to take his test—in a private room with supervision, of course—and what had been scheduled for a three-hour time slot had only taken one.

Now it was barely ten and Danny was done with midterms and officially on spring break, and he didn't know what to do with himself.

He walked past the testing room where the regular statistics midterm was still going on and peeked in. He could pick out Manuel's ever-present green beanie even with the way Manuel was hunched over his test, so it looked like Manuel was still in the thick of things.

Knowing Manuel's phone was on silent, Danny sent him a message telling him that he hoped Manuel did well, and asking if he wanted to meet up later to talk over how they did. Then he pocketed his phone and leaned against a wall in the hallway, trying to think.

What should he do now? He'd scheduled himself to work at Grand Azteca for all of next week, but when he'd asked for hours for Thursday through the weekend, he'd been told, firmly, that he was supposed to rest after midterms and he could stand to take the weekend off.

Which, fine, but Danny was used to being busy. Sometimes he was so busy and tired he could hardly stand it. Now, all this free time was a commodity he still wasn't sure how to utilize. Some of it had been taken up by work and socializing, the latter of which was wild, having time to have friends, but that still left him several hours a day to just putter around.

He glanced back at the testing room. He'd like to wait for Manuel, but he had no idea how long his friend would take to finish up. Probably best to just go home in the meantime.

Danny started down the hallway, heading out of the building and trying to brainstorm about what to do when he got home. He didn't even have anything in his apartment to clean, because he'd been anxiety-cleaning all week in an attempt to get his mind off his midterms.

He had the sudden urge to send Haru a message and see what the man was up to. Also maybe to let Haru know Danny was thinking of him? It was ten on a Thursday though, which meant preparation for the Friday rush before the weekend. Haru would probably be way too busy to reply to Danny's silly message.

By the time Danny got home, he had convinced himself to at least wait to contact Haru until it was closer to six, when the workday was over. Not that Haru didn't take his work home with him like most salaried lawyers, but Haru tried pretty hard to maintain a decent work-life balance.

He'd been making time for Danny, after all.

Thinking of Haru gave Danny an idea though. He had all those colored pencils now, as well as a couple sketchbooks with different paper weights—also courtesy of Haru—who had given them to Danny so Danny could "figure out what he liked best." Another thoughtful, touching gift Haru had given Danny-the-person, someone with personal tastes and interests. Yet another direct contrast to Clint, who gave Danny things that were only expensive, and with them came a series of terms and conditions.

Danny really needed to stop comparing Haru and Clint. If nothing else, it was a huge disservice to Haru.

Instead he grabbed a sketchbook and sat down at his little kitchen table with his tin of colored pencils and, without a real plan in mind, started to doodle, trying for something fun and lighthearted. Something that he hoped would make Haru smile.

He certainly wasn't a stellar artist or anything, but with more time to spend on drawing, Danny had been seeing improvement in his sketches. This time he ended up with a little cartoon figure of a character that could possibly be considered based on Haru, based on build and hair alone. Danny gave him a sleek-looking futuristic outfit and, after some thought, also gave him Danny's best rendition of a rocketship.

It sort of spiraled from there.

By the time Danny remembered that his phone was still on silent from his test and that he should probably check to see if Manuel had messaged him back, he was grinning stupidly to himself over the comic he had drawn out to accompany Haru's cartoon persona. He had taken to calling it The Adventures of Captain Haruto Nakamura, Explorer of Deep Space in his head. There weren't any words, just bubbles with images in them to act as dialogue, but Danny had definitely gotten his own narrative going.

It was silly and ridiculous and fun , and he was actually even pretty sure Haru would like it too. Danny had no idea how he'd show it to Haru without combusting with embarrassment, but that was a problem for Future Danny.

Present Danny wiggled his phone out of his pocket, eyebrows shooting up when it told him that it was already noon. He glanced back to the comic and at how much he'd managed to draw. Yeah, okay, noon checked out.

There were two voice messages waiting for him, one from Manuel sent at 11:30… and the other from Haru from just a few minutes ago.

Danny forced himself to listen to Manuel's first.

"Hey man! Glad to hear your test went well. I think I did okay? I mean, I hope so! I'm pretty sure I did. Like, I know this stuff backwards and forwards. I just get nervous, you know? And okay, sorry, I'm babbling–yeah, I'd love to hang out! I've got my business admin test at four but I'd be so down to like, get lunch or something and try to distract myself until then. Let me know!"

Haru's message was a simple, "Hey Danny. I think you should be out of your last midterm by now, so congratulations on being halfway through the semester! I'd love to see you tonight and celebrate, if you're free, but no pressure if you've got other plans."

A warm, pleased feeling trickled through Danny at Haru's message. Haru had thought of him. He remembered both Danny's midterm and when Danny was supposed to be done, and had sent Danny a message. Just because.

"Hi," Danny dictated into his phone. He was smiling wide, and knew his phone was probably picking that up. "Thanks for thinking of me. And yeah I'd love to see you tonight. Just let me know when? I'm completely free."

Then he replied to Manuel to ask if he was still interested in that debrief lunch.

Manuel replied in seconds with an enthusiastic yes, please distract me here I'm dying, so Danny left his drawings and grabbed his coat to head out.

***

Haru had asked if Danny would prefer to go out or stay in, and Danny had admitted that he'd rather not go out to eat if that was okay. Enough time had passed now that he was feeling jittery over the fact that midterms were finished and all he could do was wait for his grades, and he didn't really want to be in a loud, crowded restaurant.

So instead Haru beamed at him when he opened his door to let Danny inside.

"Chinese just arrived," Haru said, stepping back to let Danny in.

"Awesome," Danny said, stepping out of his sneakers and nudging them into a neat line next to Haru's shoe rack. "Perfect timing then."

"Was the ride over okay?" Haru asked as Danny unwound his scarf.

"Yeah," Danny said, moving to hang his coat in the hallway closet. "Thank you for sending the ride." Danny hadn't wanted Haru to go out of his way to pick Danny up, so Haru had insisted on paying for Danny's ride over. It was far from the first time Haru had done so.

"Of course," Haru said easily. "Now come on, dinner's ready and I haven't seen you in like a week. You've got to fill me in on all your adventures."

"It's not all that exciting," Danny said, smiling foolishly anyway. Haru brought that out in him. "Your life is way more exciting."

Haru rolled his eyes as they moved to sit down at Haru's table, where Chinese food boxes were spread all over. "‘Exciting,' he says. I've been up to my elbows in potentially incriminating text messages."

"That's not exciting?" Danny asked, reaching for a set of chopsticks.

Haru huffed. "Well it's not like we can talk about the potentially incriminating text messages. So I don't even get a fun story to share out of it." He turned plaintive eyes onto Danny. "So you've got to carry the conversation. Tell me all about midterms week. How did your Sign Language presentation go?"

"I told you all about that on Tuesday," Danny said, pointing at Haru with his chopsticks. "I sent you like six messages about it. You replied to them!"

"But I missed out on all your facial expressions," Haru said earnestly as he served himself some General Tsao's chicken. "Facial expressions are vital to telling a story."

"Since when?" Danny laughed.

"You literally told me that facial expressions are grammatical in Sign Language," Haru said, with the tone of someone who wasn't planning on losing this argument. "And I expect to get the full range of Danny-expression as he regales me with the tale of how he aced all his midterms."

Danny's face flushed, and he ducked his head. "I don't know if I aced them yet," he said, though he was stupidly pleased by Haru's faith in him. "Grades won't be posted for another few days at least."

"Danny," Haru said patiently. "If you get your grades back and you didn't ace your midterms, I will eat your scarf."

"You wouldn't," Danny said in mild, only-half-joking horror. "What if you lose that bet? Not only would you get sick but I'd lose my scarf. I like my scarf. It's my favorite winter accessory."

"Well then, it's a good thing you aced your finals," Haru said with a grin.

Danny muttered something about jinxing his grades under his breath, but then Haru drew him into a re-enactment of his ASL presentation anyway, even though Haru had already seen it before because Danny had practiced on him.

Danny was pleasantly warm and full by the time they moved to Haru's comfortable couch, though some nerves did creep in as he remembered the comics he had squirreled away in his backpack.

"I've got something to show you," Danny blurted out, at the same time Haru said, "I've got something to ask you."

"Oh," Danny said quickly. "Okay. You go first."

"It's okay," Haru said with a laugh, eyes glinting with curiosity. "What did you want to show me?"

Danny crossed his arms. "Question first," he insisted. He doubted it was anything bad, but he didn't want it hanging over his head anyway. And this way he could put off showing Haru the comics for a little longer.

"Okay, okay, you win." Haru smiled, holding up his hands. "I was just wondering if you had plans for—"

He was interrupted by Danny's phone chiming. He stopped talking, lips pressing together.

Danny had to fight his wince. It was the it's Clint chime. Haru recognized by now that it wasn't a sound that meant good things for their hang outs.

Danny bit his lip. He could ignore the summons for a little bit, right? For all Clint knew, Danny was in the shower or something. Danny didn't have to scramble to answer this very second. "It's okay," he said weakly. "It's probably not important. Plans for what?"

Haru smiled at him again, but it looked brittle, cracking further around the edges when Danny's phone started to buzz and didn't stop.

Danny swallowed, feeling himself start to sweat. A text he could get away with putting off. A phone call though?

"Hey," Haru said quietly, reaching forward to almost touch Danny's hand from where it was clenched on his knee. "It's okay. Do you need to get that?"

"Yeah," Danny forced out. "I'm sorry, I'll just–" he pointed to the kitchen as he stood up. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Haru said again. It sounded almost like he was trying to convince himself, too. "Really, Danny. It's okay."

"I'll be right back," Danny said in a rush before he ducked fully into the kitchen.

Good mood soured, Danny only barely managed not to snap as he answered his phone. "Hi?"

"Hello pet," Clint said, and Danny had the brief, furious urge to just hang up on him. He hated, hated, hated that stupid false-endearement. It rankled worse than usual right now.

"Hi," Danny said again. "Did you, uh, did you want something?"

"Funny you should ask." Clint's voice was smooth, edging into darkly amused and all too foreboding. "I had a simply marvelous idea. If I recall, today was your last midterm."

"Yeah," Danny said, even though it wasn't a question. Of course Clint knew.

"Mm-hm. So according to your schedule, you're officially on spring break and free until the Monday after next."

Danny didn't say anything, heart pounding, absolutely certain he wouldn't like whatever next came out of Clint's mouth.

"I've decided you'll spend the week with me," Clint continued, and Danny went numb. "I'm due for some time off work as it is, and I think a bit of involved stress relief is warranted."

"The… the whole week?" Danny heard himself say.

"Why not?" Clint purred. "It gives us such a chance to get creative."

Clint went on to tell Danny that he would be spending Friday wrapping things up at work, and that Danny should be ready to be picked up Saturday morning. While part of Danny's brain filed that information away, the rest of him tuned Clint's voice out into a dull buzz.

A week.

A week?

Clint ended the call with a silky, "I'll see you soon, pet," and Danny almost choked as he pulled the phone away from his ear, staring blindly down at the screen. The thought of spending a full week in Clint's presence with no respite made him feel sick with dread. His stomach turned as his imagination conjured everything Clint might put him through, make him do. The thought of being at his total mercy for a week, a week of Clint getting creative–

And so much of his life would be upset by this too, fuck— work. He'd taken all those shifts for next week without stopping to think that Clint might want him exclusively. Stupid stupid. He might even get fired for this, might lose a job that had been good so far, and Danny had been watching his savings steadily climb with a shaky sort of pride, but if he lost Grand Azteca , there went Danny's fantasy of actually being able to leave Clint behind for good, at least for the rest of the year—

The room started spinning as Danny clutched his phone and tried to breathe and not lose it in Haru's kitchen. It was only when he heard a dim, "Danny? Danny, can you hear me?" that he registered he was no longer alone anymore.

He took in a big, unsteady gulp of air and did his best to focus. Haru was at the open entrance to the kitchen and looking at him with naked concern. Danny's insides withered just that bit more.

"Danny?" Haru asked again, softly, as if worried he'd spook Danny. "Do you want to sit down on the couch?"

Danny nodded jerkily. Haru gave him a wide berth as they left the kitchen, sitting down on the very opposite end of the couch. Danny hated it, hated the distance. Just a few minutes ago things were comfortable and easy.

But Danny should have known. Things were never allowed to be easy for him.

The silence stretched.

"Is there anything I can do?" Haru asked quietly. "Some way I could help?"

Danny stared at his hands. He had tonight and Friday free, and then he was Clint's for a week. Trading his body and whatever dignity he had left so that he continued to have a place to live and could pay for school in the desperate hope that he'd someday be in a better place.

"Danny…" Haru sounded like he was in pain, but Danny couldn't bring himself to look up. "If there's something I can do, you–you know you can talk to me, right?"

It was the final straw that broke him. Haru was too good to him. Too good for him.

So Danny opened his mouth and ruined it.

"I'm with someone," he said to his knees. He didn't dare a glance at Haru. "Kind of. But it's not—I don't—" he took a shuddering breath. Fuck, this was so hard. "But I don't want to be with him anymore."