Chapter 10

There was silence after Danny admitted that he had essentially been using Haru to cheat on the person he was currently with. They hadn't even kissed or anything, Haru had never even touched Danny, but Danny knew it counted as emotional cheating. He had been greedy for Haru's attention, soaking up every kind word, each gentle, interested question, and in doing so, he'd been leading Haru along for weeks.

Clint he didn't care about, but he'd been unfair to Haru in every way.

He was kind of glad now, that he hadn't shown Haru the notebook full of comic pages that was sitting in Danny's bag. It seemed so stupid now. Pointless and childish and stupid.

He brought up a hand to scrub over his eyes. Fuck. "I'm sorry," Danny forced out, knowing it would never be enough. "I can–I can get a ride home and get out of your hair. I won't bother you again."

"Danny…" Haru sounded heartbroken, and when Danny managed to look up at him, because at least Haru deserved that much, the raw expression on Haru's face made guilt burn like acid in Danny's throat. He had done that. He had made Haru look like that.

"I'm sorry," Danny whispered again, and the words got caught as he tried to say them.

He needed to make himself get up and leave, but he couldn't get his body to move. It felt leaden, weighed down with guilt and shame. There was also a tiny part of him that just… didn't want to go yet. It wanted to prolong this last moment with Haru, no matter how painful it was.

More greed, on Danny's part, and he was so disgusted with himself by it that it finally propelled him to stand.

"Danny," Haru said again, reaching out a hand. Danny froze, even though Haru wasn't close enough to touch. Haru never touched him. "Please don't leave."

"Why?" Danny spat, anger at himself spilling over into a barbed defense. "I already ruined everything, I-I proved just how worthless I am–"

"Don't talk about yourself like that," Haru snapped. The force of it was startling, though Haru softened his voice right away. "You're not worthless. And I'm not—I'm not mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong."

A wretched, bitter laugh escaped him as Danny fell back onto the couch. No matter how much he should leave, Haru had asked him not to. Danny owed it to him to stay for whatever he wanted to say. "How can you even say that?"

Haru took a deep breath and let it out, shoulders straightening in a way that had Danny sitting up at attention too. "Because I'm pretty sure you're not with your current… partner because you want to be. And… and sometimes people do things because they don't have any other choice."

"I did choose though," Danny admitted in a tiny voice. "I chose to… be with him."

"Okay." Haru looked at Danny like he could see right through him. "Why?"

Because I was desperate. Danny didn't say.

Because I couldn't get anywhere, no matter how hard I tried.

Because I wanted just a chance at something better, someday.

Something inside him cracked and Danny opened his mouth.

"I couldn't afford school and also pay for food and rent. He… he offered to comp my classes in exchange for…me." Danny had to break eye contact again as he said it out loud. "He had all these rules he wanted me to follow, and he didn't want me to work because it'd ‘take away from my studies' so I couldn't even get a job to try to save up to pay my own way and…" Danny trailed off miserably. Haru didn't need to hear a sob story. Danny had made his own bed.

Haru nodded. He had smoothed out his expression so that no anger or disgust showed through, but his hands were clenched in his lap. "Does he hurt you?"

It was the last question Danny expected, but he opened his mouth to say no. It wasn't like Clint smacked him around. Not like other people had. He just made Danny uncomfortable and humiliated him. Pushed his boundaries and dug his fingers in too hard and sunk his teeth too deep.

At Danny's silence, Haru's lips thinned. "How can I help?"

"W-what?"

"How can I help?" Haru asked again. "Danny, please… please let me help you. Can you stop contacting him? Do you have a safe place to go?"

Another bitter laugh bubbled out of him. "Haru, I can't—he pays for my classes. I can't just disappear. Besides," Danny added quietly, "he knows where I live." He couldn't quite bring himself to say, he pays for that too.

Haru scooted a little closer to Danny on the couch, and held out his hand, an offering. It was the first time Haru had ever initiated a touch and Danny took his hand with shaking fingers.

Haru wasted no time linking their fingers together, and Danny had to bite down the pathetic little sound that threatened to escape at just that simple, gentle touch without motivation. Meant only for comfort. "I understand," Haru said. "I do. You had something you needed and you figured out a way to get it. There's no shame in that."

Danny ducked his head, hunching away from the kindness. The understanding. "I wish I could have just done it on my own. My grades in high school were shit, not enough for any scholarships, and I couldn't… I couldn't apply for them anyway, or even loans, because I couldn't figure out how to access them. Those I could find… I couldn't write the essays they wanted."

"No one was there to help you," Haru said, and he sounded pained.

Danny said nothing, because it was true. When some days he'd wanted to cry from the unfairness of it all, from how stupid he'd felt, he'd had no one.

Then Haru had changed everything for him. And now Danny had Lily and Manuel and Grand Azteca too, and he didn't want to lose any of it. He didn't want to lose the new, fragile hope that had bloomed inside of him.

"Okay," Haru said, giving Danny's hand a squeeze. "Okay, one thing at a time. When do you have to see him next?"

"This Saturday," Danny said, chest constricting. "He wants… he wants me to spend spring break week with him. But I don't–I don't think I–" he cut himself off, holding back the sob, and folded into Haru's chest when Haru gently tugged him forward.

Haru was so big and warm and comforting, and it was so nice to just be held that the sobs really threatened to escape. It took Danny several long moments to compose himself.

"I don't think I could make it through a week," Danny was finally able to force out, fingers clinging to Haru's soft sweater. It was somehow easier to talk when his cheek was pressed against Haru's chest. "He's… mean. He likes it when I–when I'm unhappy."

It cut differently, saying it out loud. He hadn't really let himself come to terms with the fact that Clint was actively, purposefully cruel to him.

Haru's fingers started to pet through Danny's hair, a comfort touch that Danny couldn't even remember the last time he'd had. It felt so good that Danny melted a little further against Haru, for all that his insides were twisting with misery. He wished so desperately that he could have Haru's soothing touch for any other reason. That he could fully enjoy the delicious feeling of fingers sliding through his hair as Haru held him, safe and warm and comforting.

"Can you get out of it?" Haru asked.

Danny shook his head.

Haru's chest rose and fell as he breathed. "Okay," he said, sounding determined. "Then we have tonight and tomorrow. We can make it work."

"Make what work?" Danny asked hesitantly. He made himself pull out of the embrace to search Haru's face.

Haru looked like he was ready to take on the world as he slid his phone out of his pocket. "Everything." And then he suddenly looked uncertain. "If… if you want my help. If you'll trust me to help you. And please just—just know that nothing, nothing I want to give you is because I'm expecting something back. I just—" Haru's expression then was halfway to distraught. "Please let me help you. Please, I just want you to be safe."

Danny wet his lips, that fragile bud of hope inside him unfurling just the slightest bit. He didn't know what Haru could even do, but Danny trusted that Haru would do his best to take care of him. "What, um, what did you have in mind?"

***

Danny bit his lip and played the group audio message he had dictated into his phone for what he told himself would be the last time. Hi. Uh, it's Danny. Um, feel free to say no but I'm trying to, um, get out of a bad situation and need to move out of my apartment. Um, tomorrow. No big deal if you're busy, but any help would be appreciated. Thank you.

He grimaced down at his phone, totally without the brainspace to try to re-record the message without all the um's and uh's. He took a deep breath, and pressed send.

There. That was… that was done. Now he just needed to not think about it—

His phone buzzed in his hand.

Bewildered, Danny checked it. It was Antonio, responding to the group text. Oh, that made sense, Danny guessed. Antonio seemed like the type to always have his phone in his hand.

The message was: Time??? ADDRESS??

Oh.

Yeah, right.

Nerves made him clumsy as Danny dictated I'll probably get started around 7am, then he added his address.

Moments later, Antonio texted, got it!, and nothing else.

Okay. Danny determinedly shoved his phone into his pocket. He had asked for help, given the time and place, and now he needed to not think about it anymore. Even just dictating the initial plea had been so difficult he could barely do it. Asking for help was such a foreign feeling to him. Until just recently Danny had known it to be a waste of breath to try.

But he had friends now. And maybe… maybe that meant something.

Either way, now it was done.

He left the kitchen to rejoin Haru in the living room again.

Haru looked up from the laptop he had open and smiled. "Hey, there. How'd it go?"

"I did it," Danny mumbled, crawling back onto the couch. "I don't know if anyone will show up but… but I asked."

"I know that was really hard," Haru said quietly, reaching over to touch Danny's shoulder. Haru had been giving Danny gentle little touches all evening, including another hug that Danny had sunk into with a bitten-off whimper. He didn't know what he'd suddenly done to deserve the gift, but Danny was drinking in every moment of contact. "I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks," Danny said, curling his arms around himself.

"And I just finished pulling up all the forms you're going to need to fill out," Haru said. "We could work on them now, if you'd like. Unless you'd like to head back to your place and start packing."

"No," Danny said in a rush. "I'll–I'll feel better if those are done. And it, um, it'd be easier if you helped me. If that's okay."

"Of course it's okay," Haru said. "Why don't we start with the application for your school's honor student scholarship, since that's the easiest? We'll get it out of the way and then we could work on the others."

"Okay," Danny said, scooting closer to Haru so that he could get a better view of the laptop screen.

Haru had looked into it, and it turned out that Danny's college actually provided a whole variety of scholarships to "qualified students in good standing" and Danny qualified for nearly all of them. He was within the income threshold and had the required 3.5 minimum GPA most wanted, and it didn't take long at all for Haru to help him submit for the honor student scholarship. From there they moved on to working their way through the foundation scholarship list, and got most of their way through Danny's FAFSA application before Danny noticed Haru trying to cover his yawns.

Danny was feeling pretty tired himself in all honesty, and he checked the time on his phone, eyes widening in horror as he realized it was almost midnight. "Shit! Shit, I'm so sorry, it's so late–"

"It's okay," Haru said. "Seriously, it's no big deal. I'm a lawyer. You think I'm a stranger to working late?"

Not for Danny. Danny wasn't worth losing sleep. Especially since he did know exactly how hard Haru worked. "Still–"

"I want to do this," Haru said firmly. "I want to help you however I can. But you're right–it's late. Let me drive you home?"

"That's okay," Danny said quickly, not wanting to put Haru out even more. "Seriously, that's—I can just get a ride."

"There's also the guest bedroom," Haru offered quietly. "If you wanted to stay tonight."

Danny licked his lips and dared to consider it. Regardless of what they planned on tomorrow, if he stayed tonight it wouldn't just be out of necessity. He could very easily go back to his own place for one last sleep. "I…"

"No pressure," Haru said, and his smile looked a little sad. "Just wanted to give you the option. You can spend the night and then we can head over to your place bright and early to start packing up, or you can go home now and I can just meet you tomorrow."

"I… I guess I could stay," Danny found himself saying. "If it isn't any trouble." If you hadn't planned to lose your space yet.

"You're never trouble," Haru said easily, closing his laptop. "C'mon, let's get you settled. You've got a busy day ahead of you."

Haru showed Danny to the guest bedroom, presented him with a toothbrush fresh in its packaging, told him to make himself comfortable and to help himself to the fridge if he felt the urge, then bid him goodnight.

Danny brushed his teeth and washed his face in the hall bathroom, then headed back to the guest bedroom. He shimmied out of his clothes and climbed into the bed. It was a queen mattress, much larger than the twin he had at his place, and the sheets were soft and cool.

He and Haru had agreed to set their alarms for five, to give them time to get up, eat breakfast, and then swing by the local superstore for boxes and markers and tape to pack up Danny's life.

The plan was to get Danny fully out of the apartment before Saturday morning. And regardless of how daunting it felt to think about, Danny knew it was doable. It was. Even if no one else ended up showing up to help–which he fully expected and wouldn't blame anyone for–there wasn't too much to do. Danny didn't own all that much stuff, really. It was just a matter of throwing everything into boxes and figuring out what to do with his furniture.

Even if he left all the furniture at the apartment, it wasn't like it'd be his problem after the fact. It wasn't his name on the lease, after all.

God, Clint was going to be so pissed. Danny's stomach hurt just thinking about it. But that was what this whole endeavor was for. So Danny never had to deal with that anger directed at him ever again. Never had to deal with Clint ever again.

He and Haru had talked it out, and Danny had maybe shaken so hard that it felt as though it was only Haru's arms around him that were holding him together, but Haru's points had sunk home. Danny couldn't lose his current classes, because they were already paid for. He was qualified for more than a dozen scholarships to help cover the rest of the classes he needed to take for his degree. He had a job and even some savings, which would help make up the difference.

Plus, he also had some fancy clothes and accessories and stuff that he planned to sell off as soon as he possibly could.

As for a place to stay–

Haru had all too generously offered up Danny his guestroom to crash in, to store his few possessions while Danny looked for housing. It was what they had argued most about, because Danny struggled to think about taking something like that from Haru. Haru all but begged Danny to stay.

"Please," Haru had said. "Please Danny, I just–I need you to be away from him. I need you to be safe. So stay with me for a little bit while we look for a more permanent solution for you. It's nothing to me, okay? I just want you safe."

Danny hadn't been able to hold out long in the face of that. Forget that he didn't have a place to go, he… he wanted to stay with Haru. He wanted the comfort Haru always gave him, always provided freely.

Danny wanted to feel safe too. He knew with all of himself that Haru would give him that. So he'd managed thank yous and apologies and assurances that it would only be for a week or two, while Danny scoured roommate wanted ads. Haru had shrugged it all off and thanked Danny for agreeing to stay.

Danny couldn't deny that it was so fucking nice to have someone who genuinely wanted to take care of him.

This is all really happening. Danny tucked himself up under the covers and squeezed his eyes shut. This is happening. Tomorrow he was going to have an intense, stress-filled day packing up his whole life and getting the hell out of dodge. Saturday would be just as scary and stress-filled, because he was going to contact his phone company to get his cell number changed. Until that went through, he wasn't going to jump every time Clint's phone chime rang out because he was going to block his number, and it wouldn't matter that he did, because even if Clint went to Danny's old apartment, Danny wouldn't be there for him to find.

It took a long time for Danny to fall asleep, but when he did, he didn't dream.