Chapter 11

Danny was up seven minutes before his alarm went off, which was pretty typical of him when he was stressed about a deadline. Instead of huddling under the covers for another seven minutes, he set his jaw and got up, determined to power through the anxiety that seeped into his bones.

He stumbled through pulling his clothes on, then headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash up. After checking the time again, he decided to jump in the shower, just to try to feel a little more refreshed. He skipped washing his hair, so it was only a few minutes of soaping himself up and rinsing off, but it did make him feel better, even if he had to pull yesterday's clothes on over damp skin.

He also liked the thought that by using Haru's soap, he maybe smelled like Haru a little bit.

It was only fifteen after five when Danny emerged from the bathroom and crept into the kitchen. He wasn't surprised to find it empty, and tried to not feel weird about being in Haru's space when Haru wasn't around. Instead, he went to the cabinets to grab two mugs and went to figure out Haru's coffee maker.

By the time Haru walked into the kitchen three minutes later, Danny was carefully sipping on his own black coffee and Haru's mug was waiting on the counter for him. Haru gave him a grateful smile as he went to grab it, and Danny took a too-big gulp of hot coffee in response to how that smile made his insides flip-flop. Haru's hair was just-rolled-out-of-bed messy, sticking up at odd angles, and he was wearing a pair of plain gray sweatpants and a ratty t-shirt. The picture of him leaning against his counter sipping coffee Danny had made was so endearing and cozy.

Is this what it could be like? Danny wondered. If he was able to actually have a real relationship like a real person–if he were good enough for Haru–was this what mornings could be like? Calm and quiet, full of sleepy smiles? No heart-pounding anxiety from being kept from something he needed to do, or the mix of nausea-fury from discovering more marks on his body that he didn't want?

It was a little infuriating to realize just how much Clint had gotten under his skin in the months they'd had their arrangement. To realize all the ways he'd made Danny's life difficult on purpose, amusing himself by stepping on someone who was already covered in footprints.

"Hey," Haru said, breaking the silence. His voice was a little rough with sleep. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Danny said. "Just thinking."

Haru nodded and leaned back against the counter, sipping his coffee. He didn't ask what Danny was thinking about, and Danny was grateful for it. It made him want to talk.

"I just…" Danny took a breath. "I haven't really thought about it, you know? How hard things were. They just were. I had to do it on my own and no one was going to help me, and I had to deal with it so I did."

Haru looked like he actually understood. "That's what surviving is."

"Yeah," Danny said, gaze dropping to the floor. "It's just… it's hard to look back at everything and see how it could have been all along. If someone gave a shit sooner, you know? Then maybe I wouldn't have had to deal with him at all. I wouldn't have–have spent the last eight months jumping everytime my phone went off, or feeling sick about having to limp to class, or–" the words wouldn't stop, thoughts he refused to even admit to himself, much less say out loud. How much of his life he'd spent eaten up by anxious terror, how often he'd clenched his teeth and taken it. "I wouldn't be imposing on you either," he added quietly, because that was a fear too. That he had taken so much from Haru.

"First of all," Haru said, setting his mug down on the counter. "You're not an imposition. I'm glad and grateful to be able to help you. And I know that's probably difficult for you to even hear, much less actually believe, but I mean it every time I say it and I'll keep saying it until you do believe me."

"Second–" Haru took a step toward Danny before stilling and moving back to lean against the counter again, fixing Danny with a piercing look. "Second, this guy is a piece of fucking shit. I can't even tell you how much I hate him and hate what he was putting you through, but you didn't deserve any of it. You don't deserve to be hurt, you don't deserve to struggle or suffer, and you don't deserve to feel bad or feel guilty for hurting."

He exhaled slowly, posture relaxing, and Danny couldn't look away. "You deserve kindness without having to pay for it. You deserve your dreams and countless opportunities and the chance to thrive. And I'm so, so fucking sorry that it has taken so long for you to catch a break."

Danny blinked hard, the intensity of the moment forcing him to break eye contact as his emotions roiled inside of him. The thought that Haru, who was so good, so kind, thought someone like Danny deserved so much was overwhelming. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. "How are you even real?"

Haru gave him a lopsided smile. "You're the smartest, hardest working, most dedicated person I've ever met. You've give so much time to your friends, to me , even while you've been suffering. You made me a star chart just because I thought it was pretty. You're thoughtful and generous with your time and energy, even though I know it costs you. You've got a heart of gold, Danny. I could ask you the same thing."

It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him, possibly ever. Butterflies bloomed in Danny's belly as his face went hot. For the second time in two minutes, Danny blinked back tears. He didn't know what to do in the face of Haru's sincerity.

Haru picked up his coffee again, knocked it back like a barbarian, and went to put his mug in the dishwasher. "C'mon," he said, not unkindly. "We've got a lot to do today and I want to make sure you eat breakfast before we get to work."

***

They were parking in front of Danny's building by quarter to seven, with a bunch of collapsed cardboard boxes, a couple rolls of tape, a ton of garbage bags, and a pack of sharpies–all of which Haru had insisted on paying for. On the drive over, they'd gone over their game plan, which was mostly, "box up everything, and leave the rest for cleanup." Haru had been viciously insistent about making sure Danny didn't do any extra cleaning or anything, once he'd discovered Danny's name wasn't on the lease.

"Mr. Asshole McShithead can suck it up not getting his deposit back."

It had made Danny laugh for the first time since midterms week had started. Even more so because Haru didn't know he was talking about Clint, the rival, sleazeball lawyer who hated Haru's guts.

If Danny weren't so determined to keep the fact that it was Clint under wraps, he'd share the joke. But he couldn't tell Haru the full picture about who Clint was. It was one thing for Danny to be bending over for a faceless sugar daddy. It was something else to give him a name. Haru knew Clint. Knew exactly what he was like. Knew exactly the kind of man Danny had been selling himself to.

Danny wasn't ready for that reveal yet.

As it was, a vindictive part of him was relieved to not be expected to leave his place spic and span and ready for the next renter. Would that eat the deposit? Probably. But Danny didn't have to care.

"Where do you want to start?" Haru asked, once they were inside Danny's apartment. It struck Danny that even though he had been hanging out with Haru for weeks now, this was the first time he'd been inside Danny's apartment. They'd pretty much been spending all their time at Haru's place. Haru had always been quick to offer it up, but always with the caveat of, "if you want to."

For the first time, Danny wondered if maybe that was because Haru had suspected Danny's own place wasn't… safe.

He took a deep breath. He guessed Haru hadn't been wrong.

Danny looked around. His apartment wasn't very big and it wasn't very full, but it still seemed daunting to get it all packed up in a day. "I guess we should start with my school stuff and clothes? Try to get it all together and labeled and everything, since that's most important."

"Sounds good to me," Haru said, crouching down to start taping boxes together. He grinned up at Danny. "Don't worry. We got this."

Danny tried to smile back, tried not to let the ever-present anxiety creep too far in, and fairly leapt out of his skin when there was a knock on his front door.

Terror crashed through him. Clint was here. He came early or Danny got the date wrong and whichever it was, Clint or Ernie was outside expecting Danny to open up and–

Haru came closer to him, hands out but not touching. "It's okay," he said firmly. "You don't have to answer that. Or I could check–"

Danny's phone buzzed in his pocket, and Danny heard himself make a horrible sound, automatically grabbing it before he realized–

It wasn't Clint's ringtone.

"Hello?" Danny asked, pressing the phone to his ear. He couldn't register the name flashing on the screen, too anxious to try to read it, but he couldn't imagine who might be calling him at seven on a Friday morning. At least his voice didn't tremble too much.

"You're 608, right?" Antonio's voice rang out, and Danny almost dropped his phone in shock. "Your text said 608 and we're at 608, but I knocked and no one answered and I better not be knocking at the wrong door this early in the morning because I'm willing to give up my beauty sleep but I'm not– hey!"

The last word was yelped, sounding from farther away, and Danny was trying to parse both Antonio calling him and the fact that he said we when Isabella's voice then said, "Sorry about him, he's the worst kind of morning person. He talks."

"Antonio always talks," Danny said dumbly, into his phone. To Isabella. Who was… here? With Antonio?

"True enough," Isabella sighed. "Now you wanna let us in? Hallway's kind of crowded here."

"Right!" Danny yelped. "Right, sorry, um, coming–" He threw Haru a dumbfounded look and went to his door, mind whirling.

He did not expect what he saw when he opened the door.

"I don't–I don't know if you'll all even fit in my apartment," Danny said faintly, desperately trying to keep his voice steady. Antonio, Isabella, Luis, and Marco were all packed into his hallway, along with Lily, a man who looked exactly like Lily but was quite a bit taller, and Manuel, who was carrying several brightly colored boxes.

"That's cool," Luis said easily. "Just tell us where you want us."

"Ronnie and Camille are sorry they couldn't come," Antonio put in, actually sounding apologetic. "But they're prepping Grand Azteca for the Friday crowd."

"That's... that's okay," Danny managed.

"Jacob brought his truck," Lily said, nudging her taller lookalike. "We weren't sure how much you had to move."

"I thought Jacob was in California," Danny said dumbly.

"I was," Jacob said, sounding groggy. He stuck out his hand. "Just got back in town and Lily's putting me to work. Been dying to meet you though, so I'm forgiving her."

Danny shook Jacob's hand, glancing uncertainly at him and the rest of the crowd.

"I brought donuts," Manuel said cheerfully, holding up the boxes. He eyed everyone in the hallway. "I probably have enough," he added.

A large, warm hand gently touched Danny's back and Danny didn't jump. He breathed out under Haru's calming touch and did his best to muster a smile, stepping back to start letting people file inside.

"Thanks for coming," he said, hoping sounded as grateful as he felt without letting it choke him up.

"Psh," Antonio said, flapping a hand in his general direction. "Yeah, duh, of course."

"Yeah, kid," Luis said, eyes flicking to Haru. "Happy to help you out."

Lily adjusted her glasses. "So what's the plan?"

A weak laugh trickled out of him, and Danny rubbed the back of his neck. "I, uh, it was mostly ‘shove stuff into boxes' I guess."

Jacob grinned. "Just your luck then. I'm excellent at shoving stuff into boxes."

Isabella raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him before turning back to Danny. "I nominate myself as organization leader. Sound good?"

"Um. Sure?"

She clapped her hands. "Great! Okay, people–" she rounded on the crowd assembled in Danny's small space. "We're splitting into sections to divide and conquer. And labeling the boxes. I don't know you four–who're you?"

"I'm Jacob," Jacob said. "This is Lily."

"Manuel."

"Haru," Haru said, looking amused and pleased.

"Nice to meet you," Isabella said briskly. "Marco, you, me, and Manuel are packing up the kitchen and pantry. Jacob and Luis, living room stuff. Antonio– " She rolled her eyes. "Yes, you could pack up the closets, on the condition you don't make fun of Danny's clothes."

"You wound me," Antonio pouted.

Isabella ignored him and eyed Haru for a moment before saying, "Haru, you're in charge of the bedroom. Lily, you're assembling boxes and labeling them and then you can work on the bathroom. Once we've gotten going, we can reassess who's working on what. Moving might be chaos, but we're looking for organized chaos here. Everyone got it?"

There were various nods and thumbs-ups and sounds of affirmation as everyone pulled off their shoes and coats, gearing up to get to work.

"Wait," Danny said, frowning at Isabella. "What about me?"

Isabella looked at him. "You're moving out of your apartment today," she said evenly. "Your job is to tell us how to pack stuff up and let us do the heavy lifting."

"And eat a donut," Manuel added helpfully. "I got them from that gourmet place on Evergreen."

"Grand Azteca's covering lunch for everyone by the way," Luis called from across the room.

Danny bit his lip and did his best not to buckle under the onslaught of affection. "Okay," he was able to say after a second. "Okay."

***

Danny had figured that he and Haru would probably be able to pack up his whole place in a day, just that it would be a very long one. He'd already twisted himself into a guilty knot over knowing that Haru would be losing an entire Friday to helping him move out, and had been prepared to work as hard as he knew how to lift at least some of that burden from Haru's shoulders.

With seven additional people, though, it was incredible how fast things happened. It no doubt helped that Danny didn't have a lot of stuff, but the entirety of his life was all boxed up by noon, stacked in neat piles, all ready to be carried down to Jacob's waiting truck.

Marco and Luis ducked out for a bit while everyone took a break, and they returned carrying boxes of freshly prepared Mexican food. Everyone plopped down in various places on the floor to eat, and Danny took them all in, not quite able to believe this was his life.

Manuel enthusiastically complimented everything before he got sucked into what seemed to be a discussion about quantum theory in relation to sugar crystals with Jacob and Lily, as Antonio and Marco did their best to follow along. Haru, Isabella, and Luis had their heads bent together too, and Danny left them to it, not wanting to interrupt.

When Danny finished his food, he got up to throw his paper plate and stuff into a garbage bag, then went around with it to collect everyone else's trash. The bag was full by the time he was finished, so he tied it off and set it next to the other garbage bags that needed to be taken outside to the dumpster. It was so weird to see three full bags of stuff waiting to be thrown away. It wasn't a lot, Danny supposed, all things considered, but still. He managed to fill three garbage bags of stuff to dispose of, after packing everything else he had away into boxes.

Two of the boxes taped up in Danny's little living room were labeled to sell. They were full of too-expensive clothes and shoes and jewelry he didn't want, and they made Danny sick to look at them. Antonio, in the midst of packing up Danny's closet, had turned to Danny, obviously about to make some sort of remark about the differences in the Armani suits and Danny's ratty T-shirts. But he'd taken one look at Danny's face, glanced back at the suit jacket in his hand, and then had said in quiet Spanish, "You could get some decent cash selling this stuff off. But I'm all for chucking it, if you don't want to deal with this fancy shit."

A lot of stuff said and not said. It had given Danny the ability to reply, "Like it didn't just hurt your heart a little, suggesting that we throw it out. It's okay. I'm all for selling it." Every bit he was able to take back counted. "You can keep anything you want, though," he'd offered.

Antonio had given him a downright offended look. "You think we're anywhere close to the same size, Danito? Excuse me!"

"There's watches and stuff," Danny had interrupted, hoping to nip Antonio's righteous indignation in the bud.

Antonio had sighed. "Buddy, if I let you give me a Weiss watch, I'd never forgive myself. We'll pack it up and you can sell it, okay? Pay those college bills."

"I'll help you take out the trash," Manuel said, appearing by his side. He was already wearing his jacket. "Between the two of us, we could take it all out in one go."

"Oh," Danny said. "Thanks. Okay, let me just grab my coat." It wasn't that cold, March having warmed up some, but there was enough of a chill to need a layer. On reflex, he grabbed the gray coat that was still hanging in the closet. Clint's coat. Not warm enough for winter, but fine for a spring afternoon.

He stared at it a touch too long.

"You okay?" Manuel's voice floated through him and Danny shook his head.

"Yeah. Yeah, sorry." Danny put on the gray coat and wrapped Haru's scarf around his neck before hefting two of the garbage bags. "Okay, ready."

Manuel nodded and grabbed the third garbage bag, holding the door for Danny, and they made their way out of Danny's apartment and down to the dumpster.

"I'm, uh, I'm not gonna ask," Manuel said as they walked. "Since it isn't any of my business or anything. But I just, um, I, you know, I wanted to like–let you know I'm here. If you ever wanted to talk about anything."

"Thanks," Danny mumbled.

Manuel nodded and they finished their walk in silence. Manuel slid open the door to the dumpster and tossed in the first garbage bag, stepping aside so that Danny could throw in the two trash bags he was carrying.

Danny was left wearing the gray coat he hated, shielding him from the spring breeze. The scarf Haru had given him was helping to keep out the rest of the chill.

He shrugged off the coat, staring at the dumpster.

"Hey, Danny?" Manuel shoved his hands into his pockets, and he sounded serious in a way Danny wasn't used to, in the time they'd known each other.

Danny tore his gaze away from the dumpster to look at his friend. "Yeah?"

"You're gonna be okay, right?" Manuel's expression was tentative, concerned, but there was no pity on his face. "This was a good thing?"

"Yeah," Danny said. "Yeah, this was a good thing."

He didn't throw the gray coat in the dumpster. It wasn't a warm coat, but it was still a nice one, and Danny couldn't bring himself to send it to a landfill. He knew a donation bin he could drop it into though, so instead of throwing it away, he tucked the coat under his arm as he and Manuel made their way back to the apartment Danny was leaving behind.