19. Jillian

19

JILLIAN

J illian sat in the back of a taxi, her pulse pounding as the holiday lights went past her in a blur.

She had been on the way to the airport, her heart stretched taut like a rubber band between Josie and Brad and her own aching chest, when her phone began ringing.

The driver rolled his eyes when she asked him to turn around, but he did as she asked, loudly chewing his gum as he pulled a U-turn and headed back to Trinity Falls without complaint.

I’m doing the right thing, she told herself for the hundredth time as they pulled off Ambler Road and headed toward the little village. I can’t walk away when Josie needs me.

Honestly, she’d been sick about leaving without saying goodbye this morning. But knowing Brad didn’t want her there, and probably hadn’t wanted her following them home in the first place, had left her sleepless, and ultimately made her tuck her tail between her legs and run before the sun came up.

But the idea that Brad had donated those books by accident—well, it hurt her heart. And it reminded her of the hours she and Josie had spent bent over them, distracting the inconsolable little girl when her father was traveling for work. Those had been the times when they had bonded the most, and they made her feel the most ashamed that she had run.

Now that the sun was up, she could see her mistake. And she was glad there was time to try and set things right with Josie before she started her new life.

We’ll find the books somehow , she told herself. If nothing else, that’s something I can do.

It seemed to take forever, but finally the cab was stopping in front of the library.

“Thank you,” she told the driver breathlessly, handing him over two large bills, then grabbing her suitcase and scrambling out of the car.

“Sure, lady,” he called to her. “But don’t you need some change?”

“Keep it,” she yelled over her shoulder as she sprinted awkwardly for the doors with her suitcase. “Merry Christmas.”

She managed to fight her way into the lobby of the building, getting a few odd looks from the people chatting outside the borough office. But when she reached the door to the library, it opened before she even reached it. She looked up to see Brad holding it for her, an indescribable expression of surprise and gratitude on his face.

“Jillian,” he murmured .

“Look,” Josie whispered.

Jillian realized that the two of them were standing by the historical records shelves, gazing toward the front window. They looked like they were wearing…

“Are you in your pajamas?” she whispered.

“ Look ,” Josie whispered again, grabbing Jillian’s hand and putting a finger to her lips in a shushing gesture.

Jillian followed her gaze to see Caroline reading to a group of young children.

“Come on,” Josie whispered, tugging her hand and dragging her closer.

“ So, the astronauts turned off their jet packs,” Caroline read aloud. “ And headed home for peanut butter and banana sandwiches.”

That sounded familiar.

Really, really familiar.

Jillian looked more closely and saw that the book Caroline was reading was one of the sketchbooks she and Josie had used for writing their stories.

And she could see one of her simple drawings that Josie had colored in with a fresh set of crayons, back when she was maybe six or seven.

“It’s our book,” Josie whispered. “They’re reading our book.”

Jillian watched in total astonishment. The kids were laughing and clapping a little at the ending. Josie had always liked that ending too.

Caroline looked up at Jillian and winked before picking up a new book.

Her jaw dropped when she saw that it was another of the books that she and Josie had written together .

“It’s the dinosaur one,” Josie whispered, elbowing her.

Jillian wrapped an arm around her, and even managed to smile up at Brad when he came to stand on Josie’s other side.

The three of them watched as the children leaned in, laughing at the funny parts, and murmuring at the brief moment of peril.

“ And that’s why our family isn’t afraid of Jurassic travel ,” Caroline read the last page aloud with a smile.

“ See ,” Josie whispered to Brad. “ Look at the picture. ”

Jillian felt her cheeks heat.

She remembered the day she and Josie finished writing this story had been an especially sad one. Brad was off to Asia to work on a building project, and they knew he might not make it home in time for Josie’s birthday.

Josie had been wishing so much that her dad could be home with them. Jillian must have had that in her mind when she drew the little heroine of the story with her parents—the three of them embracing for the end of the book. Since the book was just for Josie, the dad did look a lot like Brad. He held the little girl in his arms, and the woman with the long hair beside him looked up at him with all the love Jillian secretly felt for him.

It was only when Josie colored the woman’s hair in the same auburn red as Jillian’s that she realized she had drawn a version of herself.

Brad had never remarked on it when Josie proudly showed him their creation. But now his eyes were fixed on the simple drawing, and Jillian felt like all the air had gone out of the room and she couldn’t get a breath .

“Come on up here, Jillian,” Caroline said, oblivious to Brad’s realization. “Josie too.”

Jillian tore her glance from Brad and looked over at Caroline, feeling like a deer in the headlights.

“Come on,” Josie told her, tugging her by the hand.

“Jillian is the author and the artist,” Caroline told the gathered children and their parents. “And Josie colored every one of those pictures.”

“She helped with the stories too,” Jillian said right away.

“Isn’t that amazing?” Caroline said, turning to the kids. “What do you think?”

The children and their parents clapped again, and Jillian felt her cheeks heat.

“These are incredible,” Caroline said. “You have a real gift.”

“They were just something Josie and I did for ourselves,” Jillian said. “We love them, but we never imagined that other people would enjoy them too.”

“They never had books exactly like what I wanted,” Josie explained. “So we made our own.”

“Well, I think you two should keep at it,” Caroline said. “And Jillian, I think you should talk with Susan Grentz about getting a literary agent. If you won’t be working as a nanny anymore, maybe you can write for children instead.”

“She’s going to college,” Brad said proudly from the back of the small audience of parents and kids. “She was accepted into a creative writing program.”

“Well that’s nice,” Caroline replied. “But Susan’s agent told her she didn’t need to drop everything and go to school just for writing when she was already doing so well.”

“My classes are online,” Jillian said, shrugging. “I don’t have to drop anything.”

“Your classes are online ?” Brad demanded.

His tone was intense, and his eyes flashed with emotion. Was this the hot-tempered young architect she had read about in articles, but had never seen any evidence of at home?

She nodded slowly.

“I asked you to leave because I didn’t want you to give up on your dreams,” he said.

“All my dreams are right here ,” she told him firmly.

The whole library went silent for a moment, and she felt a little bit like she was standing naked in a snowstorm of other people’s opinions. It wasn’t just the kids and their parents staring at her now, but the librarian at the counter, the people on computers on the far wall, and a gaggle of women who had been looking at mysteries on an end cap.

But suddenly, the only thing that mattered was being honest about her emotions. So she stood tall, letting her words hang in the air as long as they needed to.

“ I love you ,” Brad said suddenly, and a little too loudly.

Suddenly all the little kids were giggling.

“ Ooooooooo-oooooooo ,” a bunch of them began cooing in delight.

One little girl made exuberant kissy noises, before being shushed by her mother.

“ But they’re in love ,” the little girl whispered back loudly in protest .

“I love you too,” Jillian said, smiling.

She watched the wild intensity of his expression melt into wonder and fierce love. Then she remembered the person whose opinion mattered most to her, and she tore her eyes from Brad’s.

“Josie,” she murmured, horrified that what was happening might make Josie feel unhappy or left out somehow.

But the nine-year-old was smiling radiantly up at her.

“Is this okay with you?” Jillian asked softly.

Josie wrapped her arms around Jillian’s waist and hugged her so tightly in answer that she almost couldn’t breathe.

She closed her eyes and embraced Josie, hardly able to believe that her feelings were out in the open now and that everything was going to be okay.

When she opened them again, Brad had come forward.

His eyes held a question and she nodded, love filling her heart to overflowing as his strong arms embraced them both.