11. Brad

11

brAD

B rad stood in the lawn in front of the library as the sun sank below the horizon that evening, watching Josie chase one of her cousins around the fragrant, fresh-cut trees, along with a pack of other children in colorful coats.

The night air was cold enough that he could see his breath, but he felt warm inside as he watched Josie laughing with Lucas and the other kids. This was why they were here. It was all he’d ever wanted for her—a good old-fashioned childhood with family all around.

They even had what might possibly be the funniest picture with Santa that had ever been taken. Sure, it was a little blurry, Santa looked a little shocked, and Jillian looked a lot seasick. But Josie was laughing with her head thrown back, and Brad was pretty sure that it was going to make the best Christmas card ever.

Now, Jillian was looking much more herself as she chatted away with Winona, Lucas’s new stepmom, like she belonged in this town heart and soul .

But she’s leaving…

He tried not to think about that as he wrenched his eyes away and spotted his brother, Ansel, approaching.

“She’s really nice,” Ansel said, nodding to Jillian.

“We’re going to miss her,” Brad said, hoping he sounded like a fond employer and not some teenaged Romeo in mourning.

Ansel just nodded, his eyes moving to where Josie and Lucas were laughing and chatting between the trees. Was he not responding because he could sense that Brad wasn’t being honest, or was he just being his usual quiet self?

“I’m glad you’re home,” Ansel said simply after a moment.

There was a crowd-wide murmur of excitement and Brad looked over to see that the mayor had arrived. As people gathered near the big town tree, he could hear the sound of an acoustic guitar being tuned.

Josie and Jillian abandoned their companions and joined him again. They had a great spot staked out as part of the semicircle gathered around the tree.

Jillian stood beside him, and Josie stepped in front of them both, leaning back so that her little body formed a sort of link between the three of them.

The gentle guitar notes floated to them, transforming from the sounds of a warmup into the opening bars of “O, Christmas Tree,” and the gathered townsfolk began to sing as one.

Brad wasn’t much of a singer, but he went along with it, appreciating the way Josie’s sweet high notes blended with Jillian’s lovely alto harmonies. It was clear now that she certainly had sung in church choir, although she’d never mentioned it before this year.

What else don’t I know about her?

But it didn’t really matter now. Everything else about Jillian would remain a mystery to Brad because when the holidays were over she would be gone, disappearing into a new life that could only be described as better than what he had to offer.

“O, Christmas Tree” melted into “The First Noel” and the sweet verses about the babe in the manger so many years ago tugged at his heartstrings, as they always did.

Looking around the semicircle at the friends and neighbors he had known all his life, Brad felt a pull between joy and sadness that he had never experienced before. His heart squeezed with missing Jillian and hope for Josie’s future all at once. As the simple music swelled, he found himself blinking back tears as his gaze moved from his daughter’s blonde head up to Jillian’s face.

She was more beautiful to him than ever under the soft light of the streetlamps, with the vision of the snowy town behind her and the innocent wonder in her expression as she sang the timeless song.

Suddenly, he knew to his bones that what he felt for her wasn’t a harmless crush or even a shameful infatuation. The feeling he had for Jillian was the simplest thing in the world.

It was love.

The realization wrapped around him like a blanket, warming him and filling him with comfort, though it should have done the opposite.

He had cut himself off from thoughts of romance after Josie’s mom left. With work and a baby, there just wasn’t enough Brad Williams left for anything else. He’d never expected to feel this way about anyone.

But Jillian was different. She wasn’t anyone . She was the most important someone in his life who wasn’t his own flesh and blood. She was kind, smart, funny, and devoted. She was loyal to a fault.

Realizing that he truly loved her seemed to remove a veil from his eyes, and everything began to make sense, his past rearranging itself in his mind as he saw everything in light of the way he felt about the generous young woman.

This was why he craved finding her curled up with a book in her chair in the evenings, why he didn’t mind her puttering around the kitchen, making tea when Josie was off at school or in bed. He knew he should have resented having an employee in his space when he had earned a little privacy after work. He had never felt that way though—not once. He loved the sound of her padding around, or the way she hummed along with the radio.

How long have I loved her?

His heart showed him a memory of her very first night in their home—a willowy young girl back then, with baby Josie clutched to her chest, pacing, humming, and patting the wailing little bundle in her arms with so much compassion in her eyes, and a patience that seemed to be beyond her years.

When the young woman had first reported to his door, she hadn’t looked like she could be twenty years old, although the service said she was.

Baby Josie was fretful then, and prone to crying furiously. The doctor called it colic, but Brad couldn’t help but feel like she was crying for her mother. He had expected to dismiss the young nanny when she couldn’t deal with Josie’s wailing, and tend to the baby himself again.

Instead, he had watched in wonder as she calmly paced the penthouse, jogging an inconsolable Josie in her arms all evening, murmuring to her every once in a while, as if all that crying were perfectly normal and understandable.

Secretly, Brad felt the same. Josie ought to be allowed to storm and cry as much as she wanted—her mother had left. If he was being honest, he felt like doing it himself from time to time back then.

At some point, once Jillian had been at it for a commendable amount of time and Brad had decided maybe he wasn’t going to send her away just yet, he had ordered them some food and insisted that she eat.

But the girl refused to even consider it until Josie finally dozed off. Then she ate a few bites furtively, her eyes never once leaving his daughter.

Brad often looked back at that night, appreciating the miracle of Josie and Jillian bonding instantly.

Now he wondered if this love he felt for her could have had its roots so long ago, as he admired the force of will of the young woman who accepted his daughter’s fury and loved her with all she had, knowing that was exactly what she needed.

Glancing over at her again, with Josie’s head leaned onto her chest, he let himself pretend for a moment that Jillian was his wife, and this was his family .

Love burst in his chest, but what was he supposed to do with it?

If I really love her, I have to let her go.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t soak in this moment. At least if he loved her, he had been given the chance to realize it before she was gone.

She glanced back at him and smiled as she sang, looking so happy, and still so young after all these years.

He smiled back at her, wondering if she could see his secret written on his face.

But she only turned back to continue the song, leaving him with his heart pounding from that sweet smile.

Closing his eyes, he tried to memorize the moment, wishing it could last forever—though he knew the song would soon be over, the scent of pine would fade, the snow would melt, and the woman he had taken too long to realize that he loved would be gone.