Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

T ully

Dreams of a warm summer day in LA had morphed into bars of steel around my body, pinning me in place. No matter how fast I churned my arms, I couldn’t get my legs to coordinate to escape the prison. Except when my eyes flew open, it was the inside of Colson’s room at Gigi’s place that held me, not a prison. And the bars of steel? Colson’s arms around me as he slept like the dead behind me.

Flashes of last night came back to me like a movie playing against the walls of my brain. The things I let him do to me. The way I’d never been more turned on in my whole freaking life. My eyes closed again, a weird mix of feelings making me want to get out of this room before Colson woke up. I wasn’t ready to face him in the light of day. I needed some time to wrangle all my feelings and try to name them and tame them before I had to stare into his whiskey-brown eyes and spar with him again.

I circled my fingers around his thick wrist and lifted it off my body. With a tuck-and-roll maneuver I was quite proud of at this age, I made it out of bed. I froze there, looking down at Colson. He looked so peaceful in sleep, much like his younger self. Without the mustache, he looked exactly like I remembered him from high school. Well. My gaze shifted south over the sheet that barely covered him, taking in his bulked-up physique. Maybe not exactly like he was in high school.

My face heated and I made my limbs move, a blur of silent motion as I made it out of the room. The hinges creaked on the door, but I didn’t let that stop me. I stayed on my tiptoes as I went down the hall, staring down my door like it was the promised land. I only breathed once I made it into my room and had the door shut behind me.

“You’re an idiot,” I muttered to my reflection over the dresser against the far wall. Here I was, forty-two freaking years old and I was sneaking out of my ex-husband’s room in his mom’s house after letting him fuck my mouth until I choked. Where was Tully Cassio and why did she suddenly want to get on her knees again for that man?

Clothes. I needed clothes. And to do my hair. Jesus. That was truly a rat’s nest I saw in the mirror. I spent a good thirty minutes trying to apply product that would make my hair somewhat passable. I dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, figuring I’d help the girls over at Mama’s house today. Now that I was done with the fundraiser, I needed to get Mama’s place fixed up and then think about that job offer with Em.

But first. Coffee.

The pot was gurgling away when I went in the kitchen, the scent of roasted beans making my mouth water. I poured a cup before it was done, doctoring it with sugar and cream. The first sip was life giving.

“That first sip of coffee hits different after a late night, wouldn’t you say?” Gigi’s voice interrupted my bliss. I barely swallowed the hot liquid down without choking on it.

I turned around and saw her enter the kitchen, hair nicely brushed and dressed in a pair of jeans and a shirt that said All I Need Is More Chickens. She had a knowing smile on her face that made me uneasy.

“I think Colson might disagree with that shirt.” I shifted to the side so she could get to the coffee pot. He wasn’t too fond of all of Gigi’s animals.

“I think Colson might disagree with you sneaking out after you snuck in.”

“Shit!” I jumped back and set the mug on the counter after spilling the hot coffee on my T-shirt. My face was as hot as the damn coffee.

Gigi tsked while she clinked her spoon around, stirring her coffee. “Oh, please. Don’t act so surprised. You two have been sneaking around going back decades. I can’t even count how many times I caught Colson sneaking out to go to your mama’s place when he should have been letting you sleep.”

I grunted, not knowing how to respond to that. I got busy grabbing a dish towel to put under the faucet and dab at my shirt with. There was no hope for the light blue shirt. I put the dish towel back and faced my ex-mother-in-law like a goddamn adult.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone in there and I shouldn’t be staying with you. I’m sure this is awkward.”

Gigi smiled at me, leaning back on the counter. “Oh, honey, it’s not awkward. I’ve always loved you like a daughter. The only awkwardness will be if you break his heart all over again. I’m old, so I can’t kick your ass, but I can still find ways to make your life miserable.”

I had to cough to clear my throat. “Understood.”

I looked at her, seeing the years that had passed since I saw her last. She now sported reading glasses on top of her head twenty-four seven. Her light brown hair was mostly silver now and she’d put on some weight that only made her look like she gave the best hugs. I respected the woman and didn’t want to lie to her.

“While Colson and I didn’t work out as a married couple, we’ve discovered there’s still attraction there. I still care for your son, but marriage or anything serious isn’t in the cards for me.”

Gigi smiled warmly. “One thing I’ve learned is that one is never too old for love. And marriage isn’t easy, I’ll give you that. My dear Willy used to give me fits more often than not, but having a person by my side through all life throws at you was worth it.” She pushed off the counter and walked up to me, rubbing her hand up and down my arm. “You’re both adults, honey. Attraction is all well and good, but if you see my boy developing feelings for you again, promise me—woman to woman—that you’ll leave him be. I can’t see him hurt like that again.”

I put my hand on hers. “I promise you, Gigi.”

She smiled once more and left the room. I was so preoccupied with my thoughts, I didn’t finish my coffee or change my stained shirt. I just grabbed my keys and left, driving the windy roads to Mama’s house, storm clouds brewing in my head. That was two people now who’d warned me away from Colson.

Pip and Savannah hadn’t shown up to Mama’s house yet, so I pulled around back and headed for the carriage house. I knocked, calling out for Mama. She hollered to come in, so I did, Hayes coming up to greet me, tail wagging. Mama got up from the small couch to get another cup of coffee for me, which I appreciated now that I remembered I hadn’t drunk mine at Gigi’s.

“Hey, boy.” I bent down and scratched behind the old pup’s ears. He slid to the floor and rolled over, letting me rub his belly with his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth.

“That dog is such a lovey,” Mama said, coming back to the couch with a mug of coffee for me. I stood up and sat next to her. Hayes was slower to amble over, but he made it, collapsing on our feet and resting his head on his paws. His eyes were already blinking shut for a mid-morning nap. “Poor Colson’s not going to know what to do with himself when he crosses that rainbow bridge.”

“You know, Hayes was what we were going to name our son if we had one.”

Mama didn’t blink. “I know.”

Pretty sure I never shared that with her before, which meant Colson had. I swear, the two of them were thick as thieves. I took a fortifying sip of coffee and asked what had been spinning through my mind since yesterday when Joey had warned me not to hurt Colson. “Mama, what exactly happened with Colson when I left after the divorce?”

If she was surprised by the question, she didn’t show it. “Well, he went through all the stages of grief, I’d say. He got stuck in the anger stage for a long time. It was why he moved away from Blueball. He got fired from that construction job he had.”

“What?” That was the first I’d heard of that. I had friends in Blueball that kept me up to date on things for a short while after I left town. I eventually got busy in Hollywood and lost track of them, but they’d never said anything about Colson being fired.

Mama nodded, always one to tell a story as slowly as she could for some reason. It drove me crazy. “What do you expect, Tully? Colson’s a man with a lot of pride that got stomped on. He started acting out and eventually got fired. His daddy was so angry. I do remember that. Colson came to visit the day before he left town. Said he was sorry to leave me, but he had to go someplace where every spot didn’t remind him of you. Said he had to leave before he disappointed his whole family with who he’d become.”

I sat back on the couch and digested that. Colson and I had talked quite a bit when I filed for divorce. He’d been shocked at first, then determined to change my mind. And then at the end, he’d been so calm. Said he understood. I figured after I left he’d healed and gone on his way. To find out he’d been fired and left town because he wasn’t doing well was certainly news to me.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Mama looked deep into my eyes. “He made me promise not to.”

“What? Why would he do that?”

“Don’t you get it? That boy lived and breathed for you, honey. Even heartbroken he didn’t want you to have any emotional distress.”

I jumped to my feet. Hayes jolted awake and scrambled to his feet to look up at me.

Mama just sighed. “Go ahead and run away again.”

“Mama!” My jaw dropped. “I’m not running away.”

She looked at me, looking more tired than I’d seen her recently. “I know we’re very different people, Tully, but you need to listen to me for once in your life. Do not hurt that man again, do you hear me?”

Three people now.

“I hear you,” I said quietly.

Then I turned on my heel and headed down to the river. I needed to have a chat with my dad. We used to fish, or swim, or just sit on a rock and try to skip stones across the water. No matter what, we’d talk. I’d always been a daddy’s girl and his death was single-handedly the worst day of my life. Mama had always been a homebody, but she’d gotten worse after he died. Now I couldn’t even recall the last time she left her house. Maybe eight years ago when I hired an assistant to drive her to LA to see me?

I slid down onto a flat rock and took in the river in front of me. The tall trees that dotted the property. The dirt that held a tinge of red from the clay in this area. It all looked the same as when I was a child, but so much had changed in my life. Dad was no longer here and everyone else seemed to take Colson’s side. Everyone said there were no sides to take in a divorce, but they were all liars. Everyone took a side, and from where I was standing, they were all on Colson’s. I stayed right there on the rock until my butt went numb from sitting so long.

The crunch of leaves had me looking up. Hayes was approaching slowly, his tail whipping up a dead leaf here and there as his paws picked over the dirt. He looked happy to see me, maybe the only one around these parts. He plopped down right next to me on the rock, his head on my knee. I dug my fingers into his fur and found comfort in petting him.

“I think you’re supposed to be loyal to Colson,” I told him. Yep, I was talking out loud to a dog now.

He answered by putting his paw on my leg.

“Okay, but don’t be surprised if he’s mad you’re my friend now,” I warned him. Tears burned the back of my eyes. “You might be my only friend, Hayes.”

He let out a whine that was truly pathetic. Almost as pathetic as my confession.

“I know. Only I can change that, right?” He whined again, which I took as a yes. “So, where do I start?”

He didn’t answer me on that one. I could go crawling back to Hollywood, but the thought of that made my insides revolt. I could stay here, but that would mean facing Colson and the damage I caused in the past. I knew just saying sorry wasn’t going to be enough. I’d done real harm, and Colson and I had some things to discuss. In the meantime, I needed to build a life. I knew what made me happy: renovating houses. So if Hollywood was out, the next best thing would be to work on home renovations right here in Blueball.

I pulled out my phone. Hayes rolled to his side to look at me. He licked my hand like he was urging me to do it.

“Okay, okay. You convinced me.”

Me: Hey, Em! I had time to think things through. Job offer still stands?

She answered right away.

Emmerleigh: Yes, ma’am! If you’re in, I could use your expertise immediately.

Me: Count me in.

Emmerleigh: See you tomorrow at the house on the cliff?

Me: I’ll be there!

I put my phone back in my pocket and ruffled Hayes’s fur. “Looks like I have a job, buddy!”

There was no champagne to pop like when I got the deal with Flip or Fail , but it was an even sweeter celebration. Hayes and I sat by the river in the shade and chatted for almost an hour. When I felt like I had a direction in mind and a loose plan for how to construct the second half of my life, we got up and went to the main house to help Pip and Savannah fix Mama’s kitchen. Instead of complaining that she never left the house, I planned to build her the most state-of-the-art kitchen anyone in Blueball had ever seen so she never was forced to leave.