6. Abandoned

six

Abandoned

*ELDEN*

I t’s been three days, but the whispers don’t seem to stop, and for the first time, even my father seems to be too stunned to scold me for something. When I listen to the voices of the pack members, everyone keeps talking about the light that was surrounding Flora when she approached me, the power she radiated, and how my lycan came forward to respond.

I don’t quite understand what they are all so excited about. I don’t get why they constantly whisper and look at Flora or me when they spot us. And I certainly don’t understand why, for the first time ever, Dad doesn’t bother me with my duties.

I just know that whenever Flora is close, I feel less lonely.

When she isn’t here, my head is numb. It almost feels like I’m not in my own body, as though I’m just standing there and watching everyone. As if this is not happening to me, but to someone else. I think of Mom and her smile during her better days, and the way she would hold my hand sometimes and pat my head even on her bad days.

I thought it would get better when a couple of days had passed, but it didn’t. Breathing is still so difficult for me. How can I continue my life when she isn’t here?

Beta Oliver knocks at the door to my room. He and Flora were the ones who managed to make me leave Mom’s little apartment and return to my own room. It still doesn’t feel right, but here I am.

“Prince Elden,” he smiles at me, but his smile is strained. His eyes are tired. “I am here to pick you up.”

I nod, getting up to my feet and taking a deep breath. One of the maids helped me get dressed in my suit. “I’m ready.”

“Come,” he says, leading me out of the Alpha Suite and downstairs. To my surprise, Flora and Grandma Hazel are waiting for me outside.

“We thought we could join you,” Hazel says. “That is, if you want us with you.”

Beta Oliver looks relieved when he sees them and turns to look at me. “How do you feel about that, Young Alpha?”

“I would like to go with them,” I say.

“Where is the alpha?” Hazel asks with a smile, but her eyes aren’t smiling, not at all. She is always so kind and nice to me, but now when she talks to Beta Oliver, she looks entirely different.

For an old woman, she is kinda cool.

She was my mom’s friend, and Flora believes even her best friend. I trust her.

“He is… he had business to attend to and will come to the funeral directly,” Beta Oliver mutters.

“So, he really didn’t care enough to pick up Elden?” Flora asks bluntly, right at the moment when Gamma Tobias joins us.

Beta Oliver looks shocked and a tad bit terrified. My father doesn’t take kindly to people talking ill about him. The beta gazes at Hazel as if he expects her to correct Flora’s words, but Hazel just stares at him. When he looks at Gamma Tobias, the latter just turns his head to the side, pretending not to have heard anything.

“The loss of his mate really hit him hard,” Beta Oliver says. “He needed some time to himself to grieve. Not everyone shows pain the same way.”

Neither Hazel, Flora nor Gamma Tobias say anything. I push past the beta to join them. “If you repeat it often enough, you might actually believe it,” I tell Beta Oliver.

The gamma squeezes my shoulder gently. While we walk to the huge fire where we will send Mom off, he looks at me with grief and guilt in his eyes. “I am sorry I couldn’t protect her.”

I gaze at him. He was always nice to Mom and always had her interest in mind. He and Hazel both. “I don’t blame you,” I mutter. “You tried.”

“Not enough,” he says sadly.

Something seems to be broken in Tobias, but I don’t know what it is. I wish I would understand more than I do, but apparently, I still lack so much knowledge.

We reach the clearing where we will send Mom off. Dad’s already there, turning around when he hears us approaching and nodding shortly at us. I have to stand next to him during the ceremony. I would prefer standing somewhere else, but I have to. To my surprise, Flora and Hazel follow me though. Dad casts them a glance but doesn’t oppose, surprising me once more. His eyes linger on Flora for a second; there is a hint of fascination in them and approval.

Some of the warriors have put together a large pyre. Mom’s body is on top of it, covered with a beautiful silky blanket. I recognize it instantly. Mom had it ever since I can remember. She told me she got it from her grandma before she married. I swallow down the lump forming in my throat, trying not to cry when I look at her small frame. She was so thin. I’d heard Gamma Tobias once talk to the kitchen staff about how worried he was because the luna was losing so much weight.

My head feels dizzy, my view is blurred when my father steps forward to say a few words. He emphasizes how good of a luna she was, and how she gave him an heir, and all the other things the pack likes to hear. To me, none of it ever mattered. She was just my mom, not the luna. She was my warm and sad mom who I wished I could have made smile more.

The lump in my throat grows when Gamma Tobias and Beta Oliver light the pyre, the flames flashing upwards and engulfing my mom’s body. She is gone forever now, nothing of her remains but my memories of her.

I can feel Flora’s small hand reaching out for mine. I want to pull away instinctively, but it feels so warm. So warm. I wrap my fingers around it to hold on to it, the only anchor I have left.

Mom’s family was never big, and they don’t live in this area. I never really met any of them. So, I am not surprised to see no one from her side during her funeral.

During the next few days there are a lot of visitors coming, most of them from allied packs and some friends.

But, no one stays for long, and fortunately, no one pays much attention to me.

I am only required to greet them, other than that I can go about my own business. I mostly spend my time with Flora and Jace. I didn’t want to go back to school, but now that I am, it’s a pleasant distraction. Jace and Flora make sure to shield me from all attention. I’m not sure what happened, but Flora’s reputation seems to have changed completely.

Suddenly, everyone seems to be slightly scared of her.

When a group of classmates wants to circle me to ask questions, it only takes her to stomp with her feet and glare at them to chase them away.

At home, things are dull. Dad and I barely spend time with each other. That’s nothing new, but, before Mom was still around and I had someone to talk to. It’s true that Mom was barely there; she didn’t listen as her thoughts were far away and she barely hugged me, but she was still here. Now, sometimes Dad doesn’t even come home at night. Most of the time, I spend with Hazel and Flora, and sometimes the beta is with me.

Gamma Tobias isn’t much around, either. So, to my surprise, he is here today and picks Flora and me up from school. He looks tired and pale, and like he has lost some weight. He reminds me of how Mom looked before she died. I don’t know the gamma really well, but I know he cared for Mom and was a friend to her. I don’t want him to jump like she did.

“Are you okay?” I ask him, after he and I had lunch together and are having some tea. I am actually surprised he made time for me. During the last couple of days, he’s been incredibly busy.

“Don’t worry about me, Elden,” he says quietly. “I am actually lucky I still have my rank.”

“Why would you lose it?”

“Because Carolina… because your mother died under my watch,” he mutters. “Your dad thinks it isn’t my fault, though, and that nothing could have prevented it.”

Silence engulfs us. He doesn’t sound too convinced. “And what do you think?”

“I think that I should have tried harder to protect her,” he pauses. “And that others should have tried also.”

“I should have been better, too,” I say quietly.

“No, you were perfect,” Gamma Tobias looks at me with a sad smile. “When Carolina had her good moments, she always talked about you. You were the most important to her, all that mattered. You were her light. I think she held on for so long because of you.”

I swallow thickly, not sure if I can believe him. “You were her friend,” I mutter. “She trusted you. Thank you for having been her friend.”

Tears fill the gamma’s eyes, and when I gaze into them, I see it again. He looks so broken. “Elden, I asked the alpha to let me have lunch with you so that I could tell you something.”

I feel a dreadful feeling settling in me. “What do you want to tell me?”

“I, I won’t stay here. I can’t,” he blurts out. “I wanted to. For Carolina, I wanted to stay, and you are here, too, her son, but I can’t. I just can’t.”

“No,” I whisper.

“I can’t stay,” he says, tears filling his eyes further until the first few spill. Dad always says that a man shouldn’t cry, yet I don’t think Gamma Tobias looks pathetic; he just looks sad. And it terrifies me.

I rise up from my place, standing in front of him. “Please don’t go! You can’t go.”

“I am so sorry,” he says, slipping down on his knees in front of me. “I am so sorry, young prince. I am so sorry. I hope Carolina will forgive me for leaving. I hope you will forgive me. But I can’t. I can’t stay here anymore,” his voice cracks. “I just can’t. She died, my luna and best friend is gone, there is no place for me here anymore.”

The lump in my throat returns, and I have that funny feeling in my stomach again. It feels like an endless pit that keeps sucking my emotions into it. I can’t name these feelings, and I have no words for the sadness I feel or for how helpless I am.

I don’t know Tobias well, but he had a connection to my mother. He understood her in a way no one else could. He knew her like no one else did. If he leaves, I will forever lose this connection.

“You can’t leave,” I whisper. “You can’t leave.”

Gamma Tobias doesn’t say anything further, just keeps kneeling in front of me while looking at the floor, tears dripping down his face. Eventually, though, Hazel comes to pick me up. She squeezes Tobias’ shoulder, looking at him sadly, before gently taking my hand and leading me away and to her and Flora’s cottage.

She has prepared tea and cake there. Flora is waiting for me, happy to see me. It looks like she has found new plants in the forest she felt drawn to. She says it’s the light that leads her to them. I don’t know what these beings of light are or how they look like, but I am certain she doesn’t make it up. My sadness disappears a little while I watch her, and eventually I start helping her with putting the plants into small pots.

“They are pretty dry,” I mutter, my voice sounding foreign and hoarse to my own ears.

“That’s why the light wanted me to save them,” she smiles. “We will make sure to save them, right? You will help?”

I find myself nodding. Whatever makes her happy.

“You are not going to leave, are you?” I ask, dreading her answer.

Flora gets up on her feet, putting her hands on her hips and glaring at me. “Of course I am not leaving. My lycan and I are staying here with you and Regis.”

“You still don’t know her name?” I ask.

“Not yet,” she smiles dreamily. “But she is cute, she has silver fur. But I think she is a sleepyhead.”

“I am sure she will wake up soon and tell you,” I reassure her.

“It’s pretty cool that we both got our lycans so early, isn’t it?” she asks.

“It really is,” I admit.

While Flora and I work with the plants, Hazel is preparing dinner for us. The darkness is already settling when I can feel a knock at the door. I feel his presence instantly, surprised to see him coming here.

What does he want here?

I should know better, but against my better judgment, my heart takes a careful leap. Maybe he is finally here to talk to me? Maybe he will stay with me? I hear him and Hazel talking silently. Hazel doesn’t sound happy. In fact, when she finally comes to the living room, she looks almost angry. She takes Flora’s hand. “Come honey, the alpha wants to talk to his son.”

I watch her and Flora leave, passing my father. Hazel tosses him a gaze as if she wants to tell him something, but Dad just looks past her. Once we are alone, he approaches me, sitting down on the sofa. I remain seated at the table, looking at the plant and trying to free it from the dry leaves.

“Would you look at me?” he asks.

For a few seconds, I don’t move. It’s never good to make him upset, but I find myself not caring. I had hoped he came here to finally spend time with me. It’s hard to make him content and proud, but I’m willing to try if he only gives me a chance.

But there is a feeling inside me that tells me the truth. It’s a soft headache pushing against my skull and shoving the truth into my mind.

I don’t know how I know; I just know.

“Elden,” he says.

“Why?” I ask. “You’re here to tell me that you are leaving, aren’t you?”

“It’s not forever,” he says shortly. “But I will be traveling for pack business. I won’t be home a lot.”

“Okay,” I say, the numbing feeling in my stomach returning.

Silence engulfs us. I want to ask him why he married Mom, why he even had me if he doesn’t want me. I’m just a chore to him, nothing more. I know he keeps talking about the prophecy, and the Council, and the throne, but this can’t be all, can it?

It can’t be all!

“Two elders of the Council will come here soon,” he says. “They will keep an eye on the pack when I’m not here, and help with your training and education. You know one of them already. Geneva, she knew Caro… she knew your mother.”

I remember her. Mom talked about her once, and she visited a few times. She is a kind older woman.

“I will be leaving next week,” Dad says.

I stare at the plant in my hands, watching how it quivers slightly. Next month is my birthday. He probably won’t be here again.