5. Never Alone

five

Never Alone

*FLORA*

I stand rooted to my spot, just staring at what’s happening in front of me. It feels like I am not really there, like I am floating and watching everything from far above. It almost feels like I am not me.

The luna lies in the green of the grass, the flowers engulfing her as if she is just sleeping, but I know she isn’t. This is a sleep she won’t wake up from.

She won’t wake up.

She doesn’t move anymore. Elden is kneeling next to her, resting his head against her chest, while Gamma Tobias is on the other side, cradling her and crying. The sadness seems to engulf me completely, my own mixing with someone else’s. My chest is being constricted as if something is pressing down against it, making it difficult to breathe.

The beings of light flutter from me to Elden and back, and I know whose sadness it is I’m feeling.

He is so sad! Elden is so sad, and I don’t know how to help him.

“She took wolfsbane before she jumped,” the doctor whispers. “There is nothing we can do.” His voice breaks as he remains kneeling next to Elden and Gamma Tobias. I don’t understand what exactly just happened, but I know it’s bad.

The beta tries to gently tug Elden away, but he doesn’t let go of his mother, and eventually, the beta just squeezes his shoulder and kneels next to him. More and more pack members pool in; whispers and gasps and cries all around us.

Through my hazed mind I see everything so much differently, yet also so much clearer. Everything around me seems to pause though, when I feel the strong radiating power of the alpha coming closer. I look up, noticing how Alpha Caelum arrives. I don’t know him well, and Grandma never talks much about him either. She is… was friends with the luna.

For a second, the alpha looks shocked, a hint of pain crossing his face, but then he has his cold and stony expression again. He walks over to Luna Carolina, just standing there, looking down at her body.

The beings of light move tighter around Elden all of a sudden, like they want to shield him. Elden doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t look at his father. I can see his hands balling to fists, though. He is angry now, not just sad. An outer force seems to take over my body, and I find myself walking over to him.

Slowly, slowly.

Past the crowd and past the beta, who is still squeezing Elden’s shoulder. I ignore the people asking me questions and trying to stop me. I even ignore the alpha until I reach Elden. Kneeling down next to him, I take one of his fists into my hands.

Elden tears his gaze away from his mother and looks at me. The sadness in his eyes breaks my heart. I close my eyes briefly, trying to focus on the light in me, like Grandma has said I can do it. She says if I concentrate, I will be able to channel the light and to have the little beings follow my command.

I just want Elden to be happy.

You mean well, my lovely Flora. But that’s a shallow wish, a voice whispers. You can’t chase pain and sorrow away. Her voice startles me. This is not the usual whisper of the little beings around me. This is someone else. It’s a woman’s voice, comforting and gentle, lulling me into its light. Pain is part of what we are. We need to learn how to handle it, how to live with it and overcome it. We can’t just make it disappear.

Then, I want him to know that he will never be alone, because I am here. Can I do that?

Of course, the woman says.

Will he believe me?

He will eventually, because it’s true, she says. You are connected to each other and always will be.

I don’t think I understand.

That’s alright, the voice says. In front of my inner eye, I can see her now. The outlines of her body, her long white hair, her smile.

You are beautiful, I say.

And you are the sweetest girl. She reaches out her hands to cup my cheeks. She bends forward to kiss my forehead. I made sure you will never be alone, she whispers.

I look at her in confusion as she disappears. Instead of her, I can suddenly see a cute white pup, curled up and sleeping. Her fur sparkles silver.

I know it without anyone explaining it. She is mine, my lycan spirit. The woman who talked to me left her behind for me. I am not sure who she was, but she was nice.

Shaking my head slightly, I try to focus back on my surroundings. Gamma Tobias is still holding the luna, but he is looking at me now. The alpha and the beta haven’t moved an inch. There is light surrounding me and Elden, blocking us from everyone else.

Elden is holding my hand, and when I look into his eyes, I can see them turning almost black for a moment. “Mate,” he growls.

I blink in surprise. That was Elden’s wolf just now. I have heard the stories, and I know about mates. Did he mean me? Adults have mates, and marry them and have children and lots of fun with each other. Maybe I didn’t hear it right, and his lycan muttered something else.

The light disappears around us, and Elden’s eyes turn back to normal as well.

“Unbelievable,” the beta says. “Is this her power?”

The alpha mutters something in his direction, but I can’t hear what he is saying. I ignore them for now and turn my attention back to Elden. Tilting my head, I scan his face. He still looks sad, so I wrap him in my arms.

He will never be alone because I am here.

*ELDEN*

I’ve been sitting in my mom’s room ever since last night. Her scent still lingers here, almost like she is still here. If I close my eyes, I can imagine her sitting in her rocking chair and gazing out of the window.

I thought she was getting better.

But I was wrong. Maybe I could have done something. Maybe if Dad and I didn’t argue constantly, she would have been better.

I probably wasn’t good.

The door behind me opens slightly. “Do you want something to eat, young prince?”

I turn my head slightly, eyeing one of the omegas, a kind older lady with a plate in her hands. Behind her is Beta Oliver, encouraging her to go inside.

“I am not hungry,” I say.

“I made a casserole,” she says quietly. “With minced meat, eggplant and potatoes.”

“Mom’s favorite,” I mutter.

I don’t say anything else, just turn my head back towards the window. Beta Oliver and the omega leave the plate on the table. The scent fills the room, making my heart even heavier. How I wish I could have eaten it with Mom. Maybe if I didn’t go to play with Jace yesterday and if I stayed at home instead, maybe I could have saved her.

“Grandma says I should make sure you eat something.”

I sit up abruptly, turning my head to face Flora. I didn’t even hear her come into the room. She smiles at me and holds a plate of cookies while she approaches me. “We can eat together,” she suggests, sounding as shy as a couple of days ago when I talked to her for the first time.

I want to tell her to leave me alone, but something prevents me from saying it.

Flora takes my silence as an invitation and steps inside fully. She disappears into the small kitchen, rummaging for something there. Soon, she returns with two plates full of the casserole and a huge plate with chocolate cookies.

“This smells good,” she says.

“It was my mom’s favorite dish,” I say, suddenly feeling tears filling my eyes.

I take a spoonful of the casserole, my view getting more and more blurred by my tears. I shouldn’t cry. An alpha shouldn’t cry. Dad always gets mad when I do. But Flora doesn’t seem to mind, she just sits next to me, and instead of putting my walls up, I can’t seem to help but lower them. My lycan, who was struck with sorrow and anger for having lost the only family that loved us, and wanted to lash out at someone, seems to be much calmer.

“My lycan likes you,” I mutter.

“I am sure I like him too,” Flora says. “What’s his name?”

“Regis.”

“Wow,” she gapes. “That sounds cool,” she pauses. “Do you want to know a secret? I saw mine, too.”

“Your lycan?” I ask.

She nods. “I don’t know her name, though, but she is cute.”

In my mind, I can see Regis, a young black wolf, tilting his head. He seems to be intrigued by what he hears. For a while, Flora and I eat in silence while my thoughts return to my mom, and how I will never see her smile again. I try to ingrain her picture in my memory, to always be able to grab it whenever I need it.

She was often sad, but she was never impatient with me. She would stroke my head softly and listen to me. Even when she didn’t respond, I knew she was listening.

She will never walk through the rose garden again, never hold my hand, never smile again and never say my name.

“Now, I am all alone,” I mutter.

“You are not,” Flora says, her bright eyes glistening in tears. “I won’t leave you. I am here.”

“What if you change your mind?” I say.

“I won’t,” she promises.

I am not sure if I believe her, but her words make me feel a bit better. We spend the whole afternoon and evening up here in Mom’s old room. Outside I can hear the voices of the pack members. It’s almost like I can feel their sadness for having lost their luna. It’s only been a day, and it’s still so fresh for everyone.

I know Dad wants to send her off soon. He said it’s so that they have closure.

I think he just wants to get it over with. I don’t think he is even hurting. I’ve heard stories about wolves losing their mates and almost dying from the grief, but he is as stoic as always. Why can’t he show her his love, even now when she is dead?

Why couldn’t he love her?

I hear heavy footsteps approaching and almost fear it’s going to be him, but it’s just Gamma Tobias. His eyes are red-rimmed and empty when he scans the room. He glances at Flora and me for a moment, and Flora smiles brightly at him, inviting him to eat with us, but he just shakes his head. “I… I am sorry,” he says.

He looks at me now. “I am sorry,” he repeats. It looks like something got broken deep inside him.