17. Donna

17

DONNA

I t’s strange arriving in town with this tension over my head. Every one of us in the transport is silent. All except for Xarion, who takes the moment to inform me of all that will happen after I’m matched. If I’m matched.

The rut. The danger. The fact I will be wholly consumed by the Kari who calls to my soul.

Everything he’s saying is almost terrifying—because I can’t imagine going through all of that with some male other than Tovan.

My gaze shifts to Tovan now, sitting beside me in the back of the transport. He’s been watching me the whole time, but wherever I look his way, he pretends that he hasn’t been. Even gives me a soft smile, flashing just a bit of fang. Meanwhile, his claws clench and unclench consistently.

He’s worried. And I am, too.

I wrap the shawl tighter over my shoulders as Arnak pulls up outside a small building. My heart leaps into my throat as the transport comes to a stop. The small medical building looms before us, its windows glowing softly in the growing darkness. But it’s not the building that catches my attention—it’s the gathering of Kari males outside, their massive forms silhouetted against the twilight sky.

“Lord have mercy.” My whisper is almost silent as my hand finds Tovan’s arm. There must be at least a dozen of them, their low rumbles of conversation drifting through the night air. As soon as our transport stops, their heads turn in unison.

“They’re here for me.” I’m frowning, but it’s in complete disbelief. Meanwhile, Tovan has gone as stiff as a rock.

Xarion sighs. “I will have to speak to New Horizons about dispatching security for any other humans that arrive. We did not prepare for the fact the Kari would react like this.”

“They’re not here to hurt you.” Arnak glances over at me. “They’re just…we’re all just…finding a kahl it’s…”

“Life changing,” I whisper. I give him a small smile because I see the desperation in his eyes, too. “You all just want to find love.” I turn my gaze back to the crowd just outside, huffing a soft, sad laugh through my throat. “Unfortunately, I will be disappointing quite a lot of these males today. If all goes well, I’m destined for only one.”

My gaze shifts to Tovan and his throat moves. He lifts a claw, brushing it over my jaw in the barest of touches. As if he’s afraid that if he touches me fully, he won’t be able to let go.

I swallow hard now, taking a deep breath. “Let’s just…let’s just get this over with.”

As we step out of the transport, the crowd of Kari falls silent. I can feel their eyes on me, burning with curiosity, suspicion, and something else I can’t quite name. Something I refuse to acknowledge. Their need.

Instead, my grip on Tovan’s arm tightens as we make our way towards the entrance of the building.

Xarion and Arnak flank us, creating a protective barrier, but as we pass through the crowd, I catch snippets of whispered conversations.

“...the human…”

“...Tovan’s kahl?”

“...impossible…”

I keep my head high, but inside, my heart is pounding so hard I worry everyone can hear it.

The interior of the medical building is a stark contrast to the tense atmosphere outside. It’s clean, sterile, and blessedly quiet. A medic greets us, the same species as Xarion.

“This way, please,” she says, gesturing towards a small examination room.

As I follow her, I suddenly realize that this is it. This tiny room, this simple test—it’s about to change my entire life. The weight of that realization nearly stops me in my tracks.

Tovan must sense my hesitation because he gives my hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m here, lira’an,” he whispers, his words meant only for me. But I choke anyway.

“What if I’m not your lira’an?” I’m not crying but I might as well be. My throat is closing up and it’s getting hard to breathe.

“Nonsense.” Tovan grins, hiding whatever emotion is present in his eyes. He dips his head, inhaling my skin before he whispers in my ear. “You’ll always be my lira’an.”

Oh, my heart. I think I’ve more than fallen in love with this male. Wouldn’t it just be my luck for this to all go to shit. I dread it. Lord knows I half expect it to all come crumbling down.

The actual blood draw is quick and painless. As I watch the vial fill with my crimson life essence, I know this tiny sample will determine my future, my fate, my very destiny.

As the medic labels the vial and prepares it for analysis, Xarion clears his throat. “Donna,” he says, his tone so uncharacteristically gentle that I frown at him. “I think it would be best if you didn’t return to your farm this dark cycle.”

I blink, surprised. “What? Why not?”

Xarion’s ears twitch slightly. “Given the... current situation, it would be safer for you to remain here. Just until we have the results and can address any…misconceptions.”

“I can’t just stay here. I didn’t bring any clothes. Toiletries. I’m not staying in the hospital with a host of Kari just at the door.”

“I’ve arranged for a private room in a secure lodge,” Xarion continues. “It would be…advisable for you to stay there. Alone.”

The implication hangs heavy in the air. If the test results come back positive, if Tovan and I are truly meant to be…well, we all know what comes next. The rut. The bonding. The irrevocable joining of our lives. But if it doesn’t…

I glance at Tovan, seeing the conflict in his eyes. He wants to protect me, to keep me close, but he also knows that Xarion’s suggestion makes sense.

We’re all adults here. What Xarion suggested…it’s the right thing to do.

I swallow hard, nodding slowly. “Okay.”

Tovan’s claw tightens on mine, and I turn to face him. The pain in his eyes mirrors the ache in my heart. We both know this could be our last moment together as we are now—two individuals, separate but yearning. After tonight, everything could change.

“Tovan,” I breathe, reaching up to cup his face in my hands. “I…”

Words fail me. How can I possibly express everything I’m feeling? The fear, the hope, the love that’s bloomed so unexpectedly in my heart?

He leans down, pressing his forehead to mine. “I know, lira’an,” he murmurs. “I know.”

We stand there for a long moment, breathing each other in, memorizing every detail of this moment. Then, with a gentleness that belies his massive size, Tovan presses a soft kiss to my lips.

“Until dawn.” The words come out rough, as if he’s holding back tremendous emotion and I nod, not trusting myself to speak. As I turn to follow Xarion out of the medical building, I can’t help but look back one last time. Tovan stands there, his golden eyes locked on mine, and with Arnak at his side. I take comfort in that. At least he won’t be on his own. When the news comes, at least he’ll have someone there with him. And I will be…

Alone?

I swallow hard. It’s nothing new. I’ve weathered a shit-ton of storms alone. I can do this one, too. But there’s an ache. That ache Tovan had been starting to fill.

I don’t want to do it alone. Not anymore.

The walk to the inn is a blur. Xarion takes a series of corridors and back roads all while chatting about procedures and protocols, but I barely hear him. My mind is consumed with thoughts of Tovan, of the test, of the future that hangs in the balance.

Turns out the inn is like a luxury apartment building. The room is large, comfortable, and gives a view of the street below. I stand there for a few moments, watching the Kari mill about around the medical center. Every one of them waiting for the news that will soon come.

“If Tovan Kamesh is not your mate,” Xarion begins.

I shake my head before stepping away from the window. “If he’s not my mate, I really don’t want one.”

Xarion sets down a pack that looks like it has a bundle of fresh tunics, soap tubes and other things. “You have bonded with him that much?” He steps closer, crouching before me as I settle into a soft feathered seat. Those red eyes search mine before his ears fold back on his head. “Oh, Donna Johnson…you have bonded with him. Deeply. Removing such a bond will bring hardship if he turns out to not be your kahl.”

I snort. “Hardship. I’m no stranger to that, honey.”

Xarion stretches a furred hand toward me before pausing and pulling back. He rises. “This is certainly not what I had in mind when I encouraged you to ‘integrate’ with the Kari, Donna. Though, I must admit, your approach is…far more interesting than what would normally go in my reports.”

“I’ve got a few choice words you can put in your report.” I scowl at him and his mouth twitches in a rare smile.

“Farewell, Donna Johnson. I will see you on the dawn of the next sol.”

I look away, eyes on the open window. He’s leaving. I don’t think I want to be alone. Not now. And I can’t have Tovan.

As soon as Xarion leaves, I sink further into the feathered seat, the events of the day finally catching up with me. I’m exhausted, emotionally and physically drained.

I’m not sure how long I sit there, lost in thought, when a knock at the door startles me back to reality. For a wild moment, I hope it’s Tovan, protocol be damned. But when I open the door, I’m greeted by the familiar faces of Catherine and Eleanor instead.

“Surprise!” Eleanor grins, holding up a basket filled with what looks like food containers. “We thought you might need some company.”

Catherine, more reserved, offers a gentle smile. “And some food. We remember how…demanding the whole process can be.”

My heart leaps even as I try to hide it. “Demanding?”

Stepping back, I let them in.

“Yes,” Eleanor says. She’s already halfway across the room and setting the basket she brought down on the table with a thud. “The rut. You’ll be drained. We brought vitamins and an energy shot that should get you through it. Not to mention the food. You’ll be so achy you won’t want to get up and cook a thing.”

My mouth is slightly open as I close the door and lean on it, my gaze darting between my two friends, their cheerful faces, and that basket overflowing with goodies. For a moment, I’m speechless, caught between the sheer absurdity of the situation and a wave of relief so profound it makes my knees weak.

I hadn’t realized how much I needed this—the comfort of friendly faces, of women who understand exactly what I’m going through.

“Oh, honey.” Catherine’s face falls, and she rushes toward me, throwing her arms around my shoulders. “Why didn’t you call? You’re not alone out here, you know? We’re here for you.”

A breath shudders through me as I return her embrace. “I guess I’ve been a bit overwhelmed.”

“Tell me about it,” Eleanor murmurs. As she unpacks the basket, revealing an array of carefully prepared meals and snacks, Eleanor turns to me with knowing eyes. “How are you holding up?”

I let out a shaky laugh as Catherine walks with me to the table. “Honestly? I have no idea. It all feels so…surreal.”

Catherine nods. “Xarion pinged us. Updated us about everything. And…” She clears her throat. “A Kari named Tovan pinged Varek.”

I blink at her. “What? Why?”

“He…well…when we first met him, we were thinking of introducing him to you. You know, just in case. Funny how destiny works.” She grins. “It’s nothing. He pinged because he thought you might want us here with you.”

My lips press into a line as I hold back the surge of emotion.

“He’s the one, isn’t he.” Eleanor drops her voice. “The one you like.”

I snort. “It’s way past that now. Way past the “like” stage. It’s just…we don’t know, you know.”

Catherine nods. “I remember that feeling. Like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff, about to leap into the unknown.”

“Precisely,” I whisper. “And I don’t know if I’m terrified or exhilarated. Maybe both?”

Eleanor reaches out, squeezing my hand. “That’s normal. What you’re about to go through…it’s intense. Life-changing. But Donna, it’s also beautiful beyond words.”

“The rut,” Catherine says, her eyes distant with memory, “it’s overwhelming. But in the best possible way. It’s like…like every cell in your body is singing in harmony with his.”

Eleanor nods, a soft smile playing on her lips. “And when the bond forms… Donna, there’s nothing like it in the universe. It’s like finding a piece of yourself you never knew was missing.”

As we settle in, sharing some of the food and talking quietly, I feel some of the tension begin to ease from my shoulders. Their words paint a picture of a future I’m only beginning to imagine—a life intertwined with a Kari mate, filled with challenges but also with a love deeper than anything I’ve ever known.

But everything I’ve always dreamed of.