18. Donna

18

DONNA

M aybe it’s the slight buzzing in my veins that makes me wake. The sense that something phenomenal is about to happen. Or maybe it’s the commotion just outside on the street.

For a moment, I’m disoriented, the unfamiliar surroundings throwing me off balance. Then it all comes rushing back—the test, Tovan, the agonizing wait.

Judging from the dim light streaming in, it’s barely past dawn. The test results should be in by now. So why hasn’t anyone come to tell me?

A low rumble of voices draws me to the next room to find Eleanor and Catherine both standing at the window, looking down into the street below.

“Girls? What’s…” They turn in unison, the look on their faces making me hurry over to the window to see for myself. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, darling.” Catherine releases a long breath, as she gives my shoulder a comforting squeeze.

The street below is filled with Kari. Even from here, I can tell they’re restless, agitated, and the tension in the air is almost palpable.

Something’s wrong.

As if on cue, my comm unit pings. It’s a message from Xarion:

“ Donna, we need you at the conference center immediately. There’s been a…complication .”

My stomach drops. Complication? What the hell does that mean?

With trembling hands, I get dressed. Eleanor and Catherine like two comforting columns of support behind me all the way. By the time we get outside, Varek and Zynar, Catherine and Eleanor’s mates are there, waiting. Going through the brief greetings feels like it’s all happening to a version of myself that’s not really there.

We take a back road, walking around the buildings as Varek leads us to the conference center. I can tell both he and his brother have already heard whatever news that’s flooded the streets—the same news that obviously involves me—but it’s clear they’re not wanting to speak on it.

And that can only mean one thing.

I was wrong to hope. To hope that it would be different this time. That I, Donna Johnson, could actually find true love.

As we approach what I assume is the conference center, I spot Xarion waiting at the entrance. His ears are flat against his head, a sure sign of stress.

“Donna,” he says as soon as I’m within earshot.

“Just tell me.”

His ears flatten even more. “The results of your lifeblood sample. It’s…inconclusive.”

The world slows down a little. Inconclusive? I press my fists into my hips, arms akimbo. “How can a mating test be inconclusive?”

“Perhaps because this is all still new. There are markers in the other mated humans’ lifeblood. We had hoped…” He studies me and I know that this male, my friend, is feeling regretful. “You should come inside before the Kari arrive.”

At first, my heart leaps because I think he’s talking about Tovan, but then Zynar speaks.

“We will try to get them to calm down until she is ready to see them.”

I frown. “What’s going on, Xarion?”

He sighs, running a hand over his folded ears. “We’ve seen nothing like it before. Your hormones are…compatible with Kari physiology, but there’s no clear match. It’s as if…”

“As if what?” I press.

“As if you could potentially bond with any of them.”

The words make the air go still.

“Oh hell, no.” I’m already gathering my skirts and turning around, ready to leave. I’m done. Done with this hullabaloo.

“Donna,” Xarion’s tone stops me. “New Horizons has decided to give them all a chance. To woo you, as it were, in the hopes one of their core-rhythms sings.”

I stare at him, incredulous. “You’re kidding, right?” When he doesn’t answer, I feel my temper rise. “You can tell New Horizons to kiss my big black ah—”

“This is great!” Eleanor practically dances, and I glare at her. It does nothing to stop the grin on her face. “Let them come, Donna, or this will never rest. You can simply turn them away one by one. Otherwise, they won’t give up. Kari are persistent.”

My lips curl. I don’t want all the Kari. I want Tovan.

My gaze shifts from each member of this new family of mine, feeling a mix of frustration and amusement. “What, am I supposed to sit on some fancy throne, have them parade in front of me one by one, and just say ‘next, next, next’ like some reincarnated version of Queen Elizabeth I?”

Eleanor’s eyes light up. “Oh! That’s brilliant! We could totally set that up!”

“Eleanor!” I exclaim, but I can’t help the huff of laughter that escapes me. The absurdity of the situation is starting to get to me. “I was joking. I’m not actually going to do that. Hell, I ain’t no choir director tryin’ to pick out the best voices for Sunday service.”

Catherine, ever the voice of calm, steps in. “Donna, I know this isn’t ideal. But Eleanor has a point. The Kari won’t let this go unless they feel they’ve had a fair chance. They really are persistent.”

I blow out a full breath, making my lips balloon as I breathe out. “But I already know who I want.” Fuck. Hell. Shit. I’m really admitting this now? Out here? In front of these people who will be in my life for the foreseeable future? “I want Tovan. It’s always been Tovan.”

There’s a grunt. A deep pleased grunt of a laugh and I look up to see Zynar and Varek both smiling enough that their fangs are visible.

“Then prove it,” Eleanor whispers almost like a dare.

“The heart knows, Donna,” Catherine adds.

I swallow hard.

“Once you turn them away, they will no longer have the right to attempt to woo you,” Xarion says. “I have already arranged for your farm to be guarded and any Kari that breaks that covenant will be taken care of.”

I close my eyes, releasing a long breath.

Finally, I look at Xarion. “And Tovan?”

Xarion studies me and I know he’s only trying his best. “That…I cannot speak on, Donna Johnson. That is up to you…and the fates.”

Another sigh and I bite my lip. Fuck it. “Fine. Let’s do this.”

As we enter the conference center, the cacophony of voices hits me like a wall. At least fifty Kari are packed into the room, all talking at once. But as soon as I step through the door, a hush falls over the crowd.

All eyes turn to me, a sea of golden gazes filled with hope, curiosity, and something more primal that makes my skin tingle.

I scan the crowd, searching for one particular pair of eyes. My heart begins to fall, dropping to the pit of my stomach and lower, the longer it takes for me to spot him.

Tovan. Where is Tovan?

But he’s not here.

Xarion guides me to a raised platform at the front of the room. As I climb the steps, my legs feel like jelly. What am I supposed to say to them? How can I possibly navigate this impossible situation? And Tovan…

My gaze shifts to my friends, falling on Catherine and I watch her mouth the exact words she just said to me. “The heart knows.”

Only, my heart isn’t in this room anymore. He’s not here.

The ache comes sudden and fast, even as I clear my throat, the sound echoing in the sudden silence. “I, uh... I’m not really sure what to say.”

A low rumble goes through the crowd. I take a deep breath and continue.

“I know you’re all here because the test was…inconclusive. And I know something like this has never happened before. To be honest, I’m as confused as you are.”

I pause, gathering my thoughts. Hell, this isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing. This wasn’t the plan. But as I stand here looking at all the males before me. Males who are simply hoping, hoping for a chance at love, I know I can’t do it. I can’t simply turn them away with a harsh dismissal. Not me who knows how much the heart aches for something it’s always wanted but was never destined to have.

“I came to this planet looking for a new start,” I begin. “A chance to belong somewhere. And I’ve found that here, on my farm.” My eyes search the crowd again. But he’s still not here. I guess…I guess he’s not coming. Maybe he already got the news and decided to not bother. Decided to give up.

My heart aches some more. The disappointment threatens to overwhelm me and the demon in the back of my mind whispers that this is what I deserve. That I’m used to this disappointment.

But another part of me, something new, pushes back.

Tovan wouldn’t just give up like this, would he? No. Not the Tovan that slept in my barn, pretending to have a life-threatening injury when he could simply get up and leave. Not the Tovan who camped near my property because he just couldn’t keep away. Not that Tovan. Not the Tovan who held me. Kissed me. Loved me.

I refuse to believe he’s like all the others of my past.

I refuse to believe.

“I know I’m supposed to be impartial. To give everyone a fair chance. But the truth is…my heart has already chosen.” I meet the eyes of as many Kari as I can. “My core-rhythm as you would call it.”

Murmurs of surprise and discontent rise from the crowd. I raise my voice, speaking over them.

“I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear. I’m sorry if it goes against your traditions or your expectations. But I can’t pretend that I don’t feel what I feel.”

And maybe I’m a fool to be declaring it so loudly for a male who isn’t even here.

My throat tightens and I’m about to bid all the males farewell when the door slides open with such force that it rebounds off the wall, the sound echoing through the suddenly silent room. Every head turns, and I feel my heart leap into my throat as I see Arnak stumble in. His chest heaves, and there’s a wild look in his eyes.

I immediately fear the worst.

“Kahlesta!” he shouts. It’s a rough, urgent sound, one that rattles something inside me. “We need to get you out of here. Now!”

The crowd of Kari males parts like a sea as Arnak pushes through, his powerful frame easily clearing a path. Murmurs of confusion and concern ripple through the gathering, but I barely hear them. My focus is entirely on Arnak, and the palpable sense of urgency radiating from him.

As he reaches the base of the platform, I can see the tension in every line of his body. Something is very, very wrong.

“Arnak?” Do I even dare to ask?

He takes a deep breath, his eyes darting around the room as if searching for any immediate threat. When he speaks, his words send a shockwave through me.

“It’s Tovan. His rut has begun.”

The words hang in the air and the world slows down. I can only blink.

“His core-rhythm,” Arnak continues. “It’s singing for you, kahlesta.”

The room erupts into chaos. Kari males start shouting, some in outrage, others in confusion. I can barely make out individual words over the din.

Xarion steps forward, his voice cutting through the noise. For a dude that looks like a soft thing, his voice is commanding. “Silence!” He turns to Arnak. “Explain. Quickly.”

Arnak’s eyes never leave mine. “I was with Tovan when it happened. Early this dawn, it started. His eyes glazed over, and he started trembling. I’ve seen ruts before, but this…this is different. More intense.” He pauses, taking a breath before he continues. “He told me to lock him in and wait. To give you a choice. If you chose another Kari then…”

I glance over at Catherine, who’s standing near the edge of the platform. Our eyes meet, and I can see the recognition in her gaze. A small, knowing smile plays on her lips.

“That big, noble idiot,” I mutter, shaking my head. The words come out fond and exasperated in equal measure.

Catherine’s smile widens, and she nods in understanding. Of course, she does. Varek had done the same thing, putting her choice above his own needs and desires. It seems Kari males have a penchant for self-sacrificing gestures when it comes to matters of the heart.

I turn back to Arnak, my voice steadier now. “He was going to lock himself away? Give me a choice?” The idea of Tovan suffering alone, fighting against his rut while I stood here oblivious, makes my heart ache.

Arnak nods solemnly. “He was adamant about it. Said you deserved to make your decision without any…influence.”

I snort, my gaze shifting to the sea of men before me. Who would have thought. Maybe the universe isn’t so much of a bitch but a fairy godmother after all. Dangling candy and actually making me eat without demanding my sacrifice for the pleasure.

“Where is he?” I’m already helping myself down from the dais. “Where’s Tovan?”

“Surely, you cannot let the female leave without proper proof of this… bond, Saffion,” a voice snaps. The one who speaks comes to block my path. “Tovan Kamesh has lied before.”

I can tell, even from the corner of my eye, that Xarion has had enough. He stands tall about to answer, but I know the brute that spoke. The same stranger that had come to my home.

I walk right up to him and he has the sense to flinch. “Listen here, you sanctimonious prick .” I jab a finger at him. “You came to my home, uninvited and unwelcome. You tried to intimidate me, to make me doubt myself. Well, guess what? It didn’t work then, and it sure as hell isn’t going to work now. So unless you want to find out just how creative I can get with more than just stew , I suggest you shut your mouth and step…aside. The only thing I need right now is for you to get the hell out of my way before I show you exactly what this female can do.”

Murmurs go through the crowd. In the back, I hear Eleanor clapping. Turning back to Arnak, I open my mouth to tell him to take me to my man when there’s another crash at the entrance of the building.

Xarion exclaims beside me. “I thought you said you locked him up!”

Arnak’s expression tightens. “I did. I didn’t say it worked.”

My breath catches in my throat as I turn around.

Tovan.

He stands there, silhouetted against the light from the rising sun, his massive frame filling the entire doorway. His chest heaves with each breath, and even from this distance, I can see the wild, almost feral look in his eyes. His gaze sweeps the room, and I can see the moment he spots me. His entire body goes rigid, every muscle tensing.

“Donna,” he growls, his voice so low and rough that it sends shivers down my spine.

Then he takes a step into the room, and all hell breaks loose.

The Kari males nearest to him immediately move to intercept, whether out of a sense of protection for me or competition, I’m not sure. But Tovan reacts with explosive violence. He roars, a primal sound that seems to shake the very foundations of the building, and launches himself at the closest male.

The fight is brutal and swift. Tovan moves with a speed and strength I’ve never seen before. Not even when he was fighting the stranger at my home. He throws one Kari across the room as if he weighs nothing, then grapples with another, both of them crashing to the floor in a tangle of limbs.

“Stop!” I cry out, but my voice is lost in the chaos.

Arnak grabs my arm, trying to pull me towards the back of the platform. “We need to get you out of here,” he insists. “In this state, he could hurt you without meaning to.”

But I resist, my eyes locked on Tovan as he fights his way through the crowd. Despite the madness in his eyes, despite the raw, animalistic nature of his movements, I’m not afraid. Something deep inside me recognizes him, calls out to him.

“No.” I pull my arm from Arnak’s grasp. “I’m not running.”

I take a step forward and even in the chaos the movement catches Tovan’s attention. His head snaps up, our eyes meeting across the room. For a moment, everything else seems to fade away. It’s just him and me, locked in a gaze that feels like it could burn the world down around us.

“Tovan,” I speak with every ounce of mental strength I can muster. “I’m here. I’m right here, baby.”

He freezes, his whole body going still as a statue. The Kari he was grappling with takes advantage of the moment to scramble away, but Tovan doesn’t seem to notice. His focus is entirely on me.

Slowly, deliberately, I start to walk toward him. I can hear Arnak and Xarion protesting behind me, can see the other Kari tensing, ready to intervene, but I keep my eyes on Tovan, willing him to see me, to recognize me beyond the haze of his rut.

“It’s okay,” I say softly, taking another step. “I’m not going anywhere. And I don’t want them.” I gesture blindly to the room and I swear a male whimpers. “I want you. I’m right here, Tovan.”

He’s breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling with each ragged breath. His hands clench and unclench at his sides, and I can see the struggle playing out on his face. The rut is pushing him to claim, to take, but the Tovan I know is fighting it, fighting to remain in control.

I take another step, and another, slowly closing the distance between us. The room is so quiet now that I can hear the pounding of my own heart, the soft shuffle of my feet on the floor.

When I’m just a foot away from him, I stop. This close, I can actually smell the musky, wild scent of him. It stirs something in me. Something that makes my heart beat harder and my blood grow warmer.

“Tovan,” I say again, softer this time. “It’s me. It’s Donna.”

I see a flicker of recognition, a moment of clarity amidst the storm in his eyes.

“Donna,” he growls, his voice rough and strained. “You…you need to run. You need more time. I can’t…I can’t control it.”

But I stand my ground, shaking my head. “I’m not running, Tovan. Not from you. Not anymore.”

I take a deep breath, gathering my courage. Then, slowly, I reach out and place my hand on his chest. There, in the center, is a wild vibration that feels like it thrums right through my arm and straight into me.

The touch seems to shock him. He inhales sharply, his entire body trembling. For a moment, I worry that I’ve made a mistake, that this small contact will be enough to shatter his control completely.

But with a gentleness that belies the storm I know is raging inside him, he leans down and presses his forehead to mine. I can feel the heat of his scales, can hear the soft rumble in his chest that’s almost like a purr.

For a long moment, we stand like that, foreheads touching, my hand on his chest and his covering it. I’m dimly aware of the room around us, of the shocked silence from the gathered Kari, but none of it matters. All that matters is this moment, this connection.

But then he sniffs. Loudly . Tovan dips his head to my arm and he inhales before a snarl makes his lips pull back. His gaze snaps to Arnak immediately and I realize the moment we made a mistake. The exact moment Arnak had gripped me and tried to pull me away.

Tovan snarls, the scent of his friend on my arm making that wildness flood his gaze immediately.

“Oh, frakk,” I hear Arnak whisper.

Tovan growls, the sound reverberating through the room, shaking the very walls.

“Go, Arnak!” I shout, my voice barely a whisper against Tovan’s rising growl. I wrap my arms around him, holding him tight, just like I’d done when he’d protected me from that stranger.

For a heartbeat, he’s frozen, his body a coiled spring, his muscles trembling with restrained power. Then, with a suddenness that makes me gasp, he scoops me up into his arms, holding me close, my body pressed against the hard planes of his chest.

“Donna!” Xarion cries out, his voice laced with alarm.

“I’ll be alright!” I shout back, my voice surprisingly firm because my heart is pounding a frantic rhythm against my ribs. “I’ll ping you later!”

But even as the words leave my lips, I know, with a certainty that chills me to my core, that I won’t be pinging anyone later. The scent of another male on my skin is a betrayal Tovan can’t ignore. Tovan is no longer in control.

He carries me swiftly from the stunned room, his gaze fixed on some unseen point ahead. Out on the road, he heads in a direction I don’t know when I spot the building Xarion prepared for me.

“There!” I’m not sure if Tovan even hears me, if he’s even capable of rational thought right now, but he follows my direction. People, beings, dodge out of the way as we go and I can’t help the blush that rises on my cheeks. This is wild, but maybe I needed this over-the-top kind of love. Maybe it’s always been what I needed.

Tovan kicks the door open, a splintering crash that echoes in the stillness, and then he’s inside and the door is slamming shut behind us, the lock engaging with a heavy thud. With purpose, he finds the bedroom, setting me down gently, almost reverently, and for a moment, our gazes meet, a flicker of recognition passing between us, a fragile spark of humanity in the midst of the storm.

But then he’s gone.

I ease up on my elbows, confused when realization dawns. As the lights dim in the room, I realize he’s pulling all the blinds closed. Locking all the windows. Affording us some privacy before…

Before he takes me.

When he appears at the door again. my throat goes dry.

His pants are tented, his cock straining hard to get through and his chest is still heaving, claws still clenching and unclenching.

“Tovan…”

With a speed that makes me gasp, he’s upon me, his body covering mine, his weight both terrifying and exhilarating.

As his lips find mine, his kiss a consuming fire, I surrender to the inevitable, to the primal force that’s drawing us together, body and soul.

I surrender to this male. To his love.

I surrender to everything.

The rut. It has begun.