16. Donna

16

DONNA

T he days that pass feel like I’m living in a dream.

I wake and Tovan is there, showering me with kisses, his arms encircling me each morning as he tells me how beautiful I am. How lucky he is.

And each night, after a long day working on the farm, we tuck in together, his arms around me again, his hardness deep inside me, and my whole body singing as if I’m floating on a cloud.

It’s probably why I wake each morning with my heart thundering in my chest, thinking it’s all been a dream and I’ve now woken up. Probably why, each dawn brings an anxiety that lingers even now with the sun fully risen.

Standing at my front window, I stare outside, a cold drink clutched in my hands and that same anxiety in my heart.

What am I afraid of? What’s making me so scared?

I swallow hard, pushing away the emotion as I take a sip of the drink and turn away from the window. My dining table is filled with batches of bluebread. Tovan’s been an excellent taste tester, but I’m starting to wonder if he’s just being nice because he thinks everything I do is amazing.

The bluebread just doesn’t taste…right. Or maybe I’m just hoping for it to taste like a place that I’ll never see again. Not only that but it’s becoming increasingly clear that unless I use this farm for its original purpose—crops and livestock—I’m going to be in deep financial trouble.

I need a plan. A way to make this farm work, a way to secure my future. A way to stand on my own two feet.

And then there’s Tovan.

He’s weaving himself into my life. I’ve never felt so desired, so cherished, so completely… possessed.

Are we truly mates? Or is this just…what? A fleeting attraction? A desperate attempt at connection in a strange new world? The trouble with having so many men disappoint me is the fact I can’t even trust myself or my heart.

It’s led me astray before.

Shaking my head, I try to clear the swirling thoughts. This isn’t getting me anywhere. I need to do something to feel productive. So I head back into the kitchen, humming the familiar strains of “Amazing Grace” as I clean up the kitchen.

I hear the moment Tovan steps in. The front door closes quietly behind him, and as if there’s some electric current between us, I sense the moment he stands at the kitchen door.

“Lira’an.”

My cheeks heat and I stop humming, now knowing what that word means.

“I will wash myself.”

Looking over my shoulder, I give him a slight nod.

Tovan’s eyes drop to my lips before he licks his own and my entire body heats. Not once in my life have I reacted to any man like this.

I watch him as he heads to the bathroom and soon I hear water filling the tub. There in the kitchen, my fingers twitch on the kitchen cloth before I say “fuck it” and head after him.

“Donna.” His head pops up the moment I step into the bathroom. His pupils narrow slightly, a mix of surprise and desire flickering across his face and I’m immediately taken back to the fact that he’s taken me, made me climax, in this very room.

What am I doing? “Need help?” I’ve never been this bold.

“I would be honored,” he says softly.

As he settles back into the water, I reach for the soap, working up a lather in my hands before beginning to scrub his broad chest.

The simple act of washing him is strangely calming. My hands glide over his skin, tracing the contours of his muscles, memorizing every detail, every texture.

And my mind wanders. I think about how quickly I’ve gotten used to this male’s presence, how natural it feels to have him here. He’s thrown himself into the work on the farm with a dedication that leaves me in awe. From dawn to dusk, he’s out there, tilling the soil, repairing fences, doing all the things I have no idea how to do.

And…I like it. I like him. Not just for the work he does, but for the comfort he brings, the sense of safety and belonging I feel when he’s near.

But even as I acknowledge this, the fact remains that…I have no idea if I really am his true mate.

I finish washing him and Tovan steps out of the water, all tall and proud and undeniably male. As he towels off, I watch him, wringing my hands as my thoughts go awry. I allow him to get dressed before I take his hand and lead him to the porch. The big male is so pliant, he does everything without protest, not breaking the silence between us. Maybe because he can feel the tension rising in my blood.

As he sits between my legs, massive arms thrown over my thighs, I sigh.

I need to know. I need to know if this is it.

Tovan relaxes against me, eyes on the sky as I begin braiding his hair. The texture is different. Soft, yet each strand is as strong as rope. I focus on the repetitive moments when his voice suddenly breaks the silence.

“Lira’an. Will you spin a melody for me?”

I pause. “You want me to sing for you?”

Tovan tilts his head back, gaze meeting mine. “I could listen to your voice for eons, my kahl. I know many beings would pay high credits just to hear you.”

I scoff. “You’re flattering me.”

But his face is deadly serious. Popping out his comm, he does something I don’t understand on the device before his lips shift, a fang flashing. “Sing me a melody. I will show you this is true.”

I roll my eyes before readjusting his head, smoothing down a stray lock of his green hair. Such a drama king . But there’s a smile on my face, one that I indulge in since he can’t see. For a few moments, I don’t utter a word. But the music is there, right at the tip of my tongue. And maybe, maybe I like Tovan Kamesh enough to let him hear me sing.

I start with the beat first, a soft tapping of my foot against the porch floor, a slow, sultry rhythm that echoes the beat of my own heart. Then, my voice, low and husky, wraps around the melody. Careless Love , a whisper of desire against the backdrop of the twilight sky:

“?? Love, oh love, oh careless love??”

My voice is a low, husky murmur that hangs in the air between us. I watch him closely even as I continue the single central braid, gauging his reaction. He’s still, so still, his breathing slow and even. For a moment, I think he’s regretting asking me to sing, but then, his claw, warm and rough against my skin, slides up my leg to grip my thigh in a hold that’s both gentle and possessive.

Encouraged, my voice grows stronger, bolder.

“?? You’ve caused me pain enough??”

I almost pause. Because this song, each note is a confession, a release. The years of heartbreak, the loneliness, the fear I’d locked away…it all pours out, transformed into something beautiful, something powerful. The seat creaks as I shift on it, a rhythmic counterpoint to the melody, the air thick with the scent of the cool air and Tovan’s sweet musk.

“?? But this time, a different tune I hear??”

I pause, my gaze meeting his. His eyes are open now, head tilted back as those golden orbs fix on me. He’s not smiling either, but there’s something in his gaze, a warmth, a wonder, that makes my heart soar.

I lean closer, my voice dropping to a whisper, my lips brushing against his brow.

“?? A love that conquers all my fear… ??”

The last note hangs in the air, a promise and a plea. I pull back, searching his face, waiting for his reaction.

Tovan doesn’t speak, but his grip tightens on my thigh, and his gaze, burning with an intensity that makes my knees weak, holds me captive.

And in that moment, as the stars begin to twinkle in the twilight sky, I know, with a certainty that goes beyond words, that this alien warrior has heard my song.

And he’s listening.

“I’m going to do it,” I whisper and it feels like the air stalls between us.

Tovan’s throat moves but he remains silent.

“The test,” I continue. “The blood sample. I’m going to do it tomorrow.”

His throat moves again.

He doesn’t have to say anything. We both know what this means. After tomorrow, we’ll either be together, or we’ll break apart.

The weight of it all is almost too much, and I release a soft breath through my nose. Because, looking at this Kari male sitting between my legs, allowing me to braid his hair as if it’s a very natural thing he’s always done, I know that whatever happens tomorrow, I’ll still be happy for this.

Happy I got to experience even a moment of this.

This peace.

Tovan’s grip tightens on my thigh, and I see a flicker of something in his eyes, a mix of hope and fear, that mirrors the storm raging within my own heart.

I give him a soft smile and readjust his head as I finish the braid in silence. He puts his comm away and it’s like neither of us is breathing. Now there’s a big question mark between us and I don’t know what the future holds.

I open my mouth and close it. Words that mean too much on my tongue.

I want to tell him I’ve fallen in love with him. That despite the rocky start, I can’t imagine not being with him anymore. But I can’t. I can’t say all that. Not with that test looming before us. Not with the chance that I might open my heart one last time and lose it all.

Just as I finish the braid, the lights from a transport break the growing dusk.

Tovan sits up straighter, immediately alert, and so am I. If it’s another stranger…

But as the transport comes to a stop, Tovan’s shoulders relax.

I can already tell it isn’t Eleanor or Catherine, but Tovan’s lax in alertness soothes some of my caution. “You know them?”

“Aye. It is Arnak.”

Oh, his friend.

I sit up a little straighter. This is the closest person to Tovan’s family that I’ll ever meet and although I’m a grown-ass woman, a skitter of nervousness goes through me, anyway. Only more proof of how much this alien has come to mean to me. But that nervousness quickly turns to confusion as the Kari male hops out of the transport and twin bunny ears follow behind him. “Xarion?”

The sight of Xarion’s bunny ears bobbing behind Arnak’s imposing figure is so unexpected that, for a moment, I wonder if I’m hallucinating. But no, there they are, clear as day in the fading light.

Tovan rises to his feet, his massive frame blocking my view for a moment. I can feel the tension radiating off him now, a stark contrast to his relaxed state just moments ago. He stands watching them as they walk into the yard.

“Arnak,” Tovan’s deep voice rumbles. “And the Saffion. What brings you here?”

Arnak’s gaze flicks from Tovan to me. He’s a bit shorter than Tovan, not as thick, but still imposing as hell. He studies Tovan for a moment, his expression unreadable. “We need to talk, old friend. It is…urgent.”

I stand up, moving to stand beside Tovan. His claw immediately finds my back, resting there over my spine.

“What’s going on?” I ask, gaze shifting from Arnak to Xarion who now comes to stand by his side.

“Kahlesta…” Arnak does a slow bow that makes my eyes widen slightly. My gaze shifts to Tovan before sliding back to the two males before us. Xarion releases a breath before folding his arms behind his back.

“Donna Johnson,” he says, before his red gaze slides to Tovan. “Tovan Kamesh. There is trouble in the town. Rumors. Concerning ones.”

My heart sinks. Somehow, I know this has something to do with that stranger who showed up at our door. The one Tovan chased off.

Tovan shifts his arm so it slides around my waist, tucking me into his side. He’s still focused on the two males. I don’t even think he’s realized what he’s doing. “What rumors?”

Arnak sighs, running a hand over his face. “That male who came here a few sols ago…”

“You know about that?” My eyes narrow slightly and Arnak focuses on me once more. I wait for the shiver, the disgust like when that stranger appeared at my door and I had the instinct to run. But there’s none. His presence doesn’t bother me. Despite the fact I’ve only just met him, he doesn’t give me the same vibes that stranger did.

“Everyone knows,” he says. “He’s been spreading stories in town.”

“Concerning ones,” Xarion repeats.

My stomach churns. “What stories?” But I think I already know.

Xarion releases a heavy breath as if the whole world is on his shoulders. “Apparently, Tovan Kamesh is holding you hostage. Keeping you here against your will, while using you for his own pleasure.”

I sputter, my eyes widening as I choke on a laugh. “What?” But not one of the males standing around me share my humor. “That’s…that’s ridiculous! How could anyone believe that?”

“He is Kari and you are human. You do not have the means to fight back,” Xarion deadpans.

I shake my head, scoffing again. “Alright, I know where this is going. Listen. I haven’t been forced to do anything. I—”

“So you have mated with the Kari.” Xarion’s words make mine die in my throat. I never thought I’d be confessing what happened in my bedroom to anyone—not even myself, to be honest.

I open my mouth and slam it shut. Crossing my arms over my chest, I meet Xarion’s gaze. “Yes.” Before he can say another word, I continue. “I know I said I wanted nothing to do with these males but—”

“But you tried for the sake of the Initiative.” Xarion does a slow nod.

Oh, bless him. He’s so clueless. “Yep. Completely for the Initiative.”

Arnak’s expression is grim. “You have to understand, Tovan. Humans are still new here. Many Kari have never interacted with one before. And with the fact that you have claimed she is your kahl without activation of your core-rhythm…”

My heart stutters. Of course. It all boils down to that. To the very uncertainty I’ve decided to end tomorrow.

Arnak continues. “There’s unrest in town. Some of the more vocal Kari are talking about coming here, to ‘liberate’ your female.”

“The hell they are,” I blurt out. The very idea is so absurd that I almost want to laugh, but the gravity of the situation stops me. This is serious. People could get hurt. Tovan could get hurt.

“I’m doing the test tomorrow.” I shift my focus to Xarion, giving him a tight smile even as that anxiety returns, churning in my chest. “I’ll give the blood sample.”

Xarion’s nose twitches. “We have to do it now.” He turns his gaze to the skies. “The test we developed is reliable. It will find your mate and once the mate bond is underway, his core-rhythm will sing. He will go into a rut and you will need to decide if you wish to risk your life by accepting his bond.”

Right. I knew some of this before, of course. But back then, it wasn’t me who was the subject of all this. It had been Catherine.

“Because he’ll be driven out of his mind with…” I clear my throat, now completely aware of the warmth of Tovan’s arm around my waist. “With need.”

“Affirmative. And once you accept the bond, we hope there will be kahl sigils that will carve their way into your flesh, proof you are his and that your lifelines are embedded. That should be enough to quell this unrest. If not, the presence of a core-rhythm should.” Xarion sighs, his gaze dropping from the skies. “This visit will require a significant update to the Initiative, Donna Johnson. If you are truly this Kari’s kahl, your lifeline will extend. I’ll be documenting your antics for eons.”

I snort, unable to help myself. “You aren’t getting rid of me…but lifeline extending? What do you mean?”

Xarion shifts his gaze between me and Tovan before his nose twitches. “I should not say. We are still researching this. But, the two other humans, Eleanor and Catherine, have shown signs of cell regeneration.”

I freeze. “What now? They’re getting younger?”

Xarion shrugs. “Or aging incredibly slowly for your kind.”

My eyes widen, and I look up at Tovan, who is now staring at Xarion with an intensity that could melt steel. His face is tight, his tension clear.

“Well, shoot,” I say, leaning back against Tovan’s chest, forcing a lightness I don’t quite feel. “Why didn’t you tell me that before, honey? We could’ve skipped all this drama and gone straight to the altar!”

I swear, these men are a tough crowd. Nobody laughs.

“Just wait here. I’ll go get my shawl.”

Tovan stops me, his arm still around my waist.

“Lira’an,” he says softly.

“Lira’an?” Arnak whispers in shock under his breath.

“Don’t, Arnak.” Tovan slides a side eye his friend’s way before the glacier melts as he looks at me again. “Are you certain? This is not how I wanted this to happen. You shouldn’t feel pressured.”

“I was already going to go, sugar.” I lift my hand, cradling his jaw. “Besides, weren’t you the one who was so certain about us from the beginning?”

A flicker of his usual warmth returns to his eyes. “I am still certain.”

Arnak makes a sound in his throat. “The medic will still be open. If we leave now, we can have the results before the dawn.”

I nod, a strange mix of nerves and determination settling over me. “Let’s go, then. The sooner we put these rumors to rest, the better.” And the sooner I find out if Tovan’s really mine, that this love will be different from all the others, the sooner I can move on.

Turning, I head toward the door, my hand trailing down to grab Tovan’s claw as I pull him along behind me.

“Donna?” Xarion questions.

“Just a minute,” I say as I shut the door, blocking him and Arnak out.

There, in the small cozy interior of my home, I throw myself into Tovan’s arms, all my fear, my hope, my longing, all in this one desperate act.

Our lips crash together, a collision of need, of a love that I’m only beginning to let myself feel. I kiss him like it’s the last time, pouring every ounce of my being into that single, searing contact. When we pause to take a breath, Tovan leans his forehead against mine.

“Donna?” It’s a ragged whisper. One that breaks me in two.

Before I know it, his arms tighten around me once more, crushing me against his chest. His tongue invades my mouth, tasting, devouring, taking, and I give it all to him, freely, recklessly, lost in the heat of his embrace.

This kiss, this moment, it’s a goodbye and a promise all wrapped into one. A goodbye to the life I knew, to the woman I once was. And a promise of a future I can barely comprehend, a future where the melody of my heart beats in time with the rhythm of his soul.