Chapter 5

5

18 years old - Nick

T here can't be any bears here, right? I've never heard of any sightings. Do bears even live near beaches? Why can't I remember? My brain is so fucking fuzzy. Snap out of it, Nick. I actually know this hiking trail next to Tabitha's place. We used to go here on Sundays, and I'd collect rocks to bring home.

At night, though, I don't recognize a fucking thing. Even with the moonlight, I can barely see the path. Next to me, Lily is gripping my hand, her palm covered in cold sweat. I hope we don't end up on the news tomorrow: two missing teens, last seen at a house party, clearly drunk and on drugs.

I really needed to get out of there, partly because I didn't want to watch a live showing of Tabitha and Taylor going at it, mostly because I wanted to get Lily alone. I am dying to know what she exactly meant by what she said this afternoon and the substance coursing through my veins seems to make my curiosity worse. It's like I want to ask her thousands and thousands of questions and devour her answers all in one sitting.

"Can I ask you a question?" I finally ask her, biting the bullet. She nods, taking a swig from the beer bottle that we brought along with us.

"Was Kevin really a rebound? Or were you just messing with me before in the car?"

Thanks to her upbringing, Lily slowly became the person who usually strategizes before answering such loaded questions, for better or for worse. To my surprise, she answers this one directly, with no inhibitions.

"I don't know, to be honest. When everyone started having real boyfriends and girlfriends, all I thought about was you. But you weren't here, and we weren't speaking by that point. After Kevin broke up with his ex before me, he asked me out and I said yes. I didn't want to think about you anymore."

My jaw tightens. I motion for her to give me the beer and gulp some of what's left. The thought of them together makes me want to fucking vomit.

"Can I ask you another question? A big one this time."

She nods.

"Why did you ghost me and block me from everything? I understand your dad died, and I couldn't be there for you, but by that point, I had been living in Tokyo for a year. We were still talking. I don't know, maybe you thought that what we were doing was just pretend, but I really had feelings for you and that shit hurt. You were my best friend above all else."

Suddenly, Lily bursts out laughing. "Don't you think it's so funny?" she asks, her shoulders still moving.

"What is so funny?"

"We both just turned eighteen, but we spent half of our lives in a relationship with each other. Don't forget, we actually did long distance for a year at the age of thirteen. That's insane."

"I get it if you hate me because of what I did," she continues after calming herself down, probably realizing that what she said was funnier in her head than it actually was. "I'm sorry. It's no excuse, but I was in a bad place. Every time we were video chatting, I would complain or cry. I saw the pictures that you were tagged in on Facebook. You looked happy. A depressed girlfriend would have just weighed you down. I'm sorry for how I handled it, though."

She really did cry a lot during those video chats . Those conversations start replaying in my head and I feel a pang of guilt building up inside me.

"I wasn't that happy, you know," I reply. I reposition our hands, our fingers now intertwining with each other. "I was missing you," I tell her the truth.

She comes to a stop. She looks up at my face, her mouth open slightly. Her pupils are dilated and her dark brown eyes are almost completely black. Before she can figure out what's going on, my lips come crashing into hers.

I free my hands, dropping the bottle and letting go of her hand. They frantically grab the nape of her neck as I devour her, as if the world might separate us again if we don't seize this moment.

The moment I unbutton Lily's jeans, a rumble of thunder appears out of nowhere. "Do you wanna head back?" I ask while leaving small pecks on her neck. The more kisses I give her, the bigger the boner between my legs swells. Fuck, I don't want to wait until Tabitha's house. From the start of the trail, we would still need to walk fifteen minutes until we reach her place.

I scratch my head, my last rational brain cell hesitating to say what I'm about to say to her. "Or we can go to my car instead. It's closer," I tell her, realizing how sleazy it sounds, but not giving a care in the world at this moment. She gives me a smirk and we run back in the direction we came in, racing against the rain that's starting to pour.