Chapter 4

4

18 years old - Lily

I hide the small Tupperware container inside my jacket as if my heart will pound less if I hold on to it for dear life. I've never tried drugs before, but I just couldn't help myself. I found a few pills in the pool house after Bryce went back to college and have been waiting for the right occasion ever since. He must have forgotten about them, or one of his friends did.

I need this. I promised myself I would flush puberty out of my system before I go off to college. Since I am dead set on following my dad's footsteps and becoming a scientist, it's not like I can go wild later. Besides, I could really use the fun. My mother has been intense, Kevin is an asshole, and Nick…

From the moment I saw him during summer break, he has always been on my mind. I tried to brush it off, I really did. I was with Kevin, after all. I tried to rationalize it. Nick and I were the best of friends. With the way I ended our friendship and whatever we called a relationship back then, of course, it's weird to see him again here in Elsham Cove, right? That was a dick move on my part. I just couldn't deal.

He's back now, though, like he never left. I can't believe I was so ballsy to talk to him like that today in the parking lot. And I can't believe I got so nervous. I just made up an excuse to go home. What an idiot . Dad would find this hilarious. Dad would have directly called Jeremy and laughed about this.

I dab the bottom of my eyes after feeling tears forming, not wanting to ruin my makeup. Tonight is not about Dad, or Nick, or Kevin. Tonight is about experimenting and having fun.

Tabitha's house is already full of drunk teenagers. An EDM song is blasting in the background so loud you can feel the beat through the walls. She's lucky the next house is not for another two miles. The people in our neighborhood would have called the cops right away if I were ever to play music this loud. Not that Bryce doesn't do it when he's back home and our parents are out of town.

I giggle at the thought. I love having a brother. I always felt alone, even more so when it was just Mom and me, but Arthur and Bryce have been an amazing addition to my life. Arthur is nice to us, and I love having Bryce around. Since he studies at the Radinger Institute of Technology, he comes home more often than most college students.

I scan the room for Tabitha, Taylor, and Nick, finding them in the backyard. Nick and Taylor share a joint, each holding a red plastic cup. Tabitha is next to them, typing something on her phone, also a drink in hand. Looking at them already having a good time, I make a beeline toward the kitchen and grab myself a beer while eyeing the hard liquor bottles on the other table. I am going to need some liquid courage to deal with Nick tonight, and I don't want to face him sober after what I said to him.

"Did you bring it?" I hear a voice behind me. An excited Tabitha, with both of the boys in tow, has found me in the kitchen. I grin and nod. She motions for us to follow her upstairs and leads the way, the three of us following her.

After Tabitha closes the door to her dimly lit bedroom, I take the little, pink Tupperware out of the pocket of my bomber jacket. I put my beer down on Tabitha's nightstand and open the lid, showing them seven identical, green-colored pills with a smiley emoticon nestled on top. Taylor and Nick burst out laughing.

"You brought them in a Tupperware ?" Taylor asks me. I can't help but laugh as well with Tabitha.

"Whatever, Taylor," I reply, no bitterness in my tone. "Are we going to do this or not?"

We all take one pill each and pop them into our mouths, downing them with the drinks that we brought from downstairs. A Lady Gaga song is playing and there is no doubt that the crowd is having the time of their lives dancing and singing along to it.

"I heard it can take up to an hour for you to actually feel something," Tabitha says, finally breaking the silence.

"I heard you won't be hungry while on it," I chime in while moving from her bed to her papasan chair.

"I heard you have to drink lots of water. Otherwise, you'll be dehydrated," Nick continues the chain.

"I heard it makes you really horny," Taylor closes the round. We all look at him and all start giggling again.

I have no idea how much time has passed since we came up here. It feels like that conversation was hours ago, but when I look at my phone, it shows that it is still pretty early. So if I came here around an hour ago, grabbed myself a drink, and then went straight up here with these guys, it must have been, what? Thirty or forty minutes ago that we took the pills? I start laughing hysterically. Nothing is funny, yet everything is funny. I can't believe I just tried to do math while on drugs.

Suddenly, the papasan chair I am sitting on feels like the most comfortable thing on Earth, the cushion protecting me from all the evil things in the world. The night lamp that Tabitha turned on before, the only source of light in this room, feels so nurturing and calm.

I look to my left to see Tabitha and Taylor making out on her queen-sized bed. What the hell? When did that happen? I gasp in disbelief. Tabitha has both her hands on Taylor's cheeks while Taylor has one hand over her breast and the other one on her thigh. How long have they been doing that for?

I turn my head to my right and find Nick lying on the rug, looking at me with a gentle smile. "Hey, you," he says softly, almost whispering. I repeat the same words to him, unable to take my gaze away. He rests his feet on the bed frame as he lies on the floor, his fingers fiddling with the fiber of the brown rug. He has one of Tabitha's throw pillows under his head. I know that a lot of the girls at our school find him cool, especially with his I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude, but at this moment, I find him beautiful. Almost ethereal.

Nick slowly stands up and grabs his navy blue hoodie from the floor. He walks toward me and I feel my chest tightening, suddenly remembering that we haven't really talked about what happened today in the car.

"I'm going to get us something to drink," Nick whispers to me. "Do you maybe want to go for a walk or something? Or at least go to one of the other rooms? I feel like we are intruding." We both grin at the same time, not wanting to be here any longer in the presence of two horny teenagers on Molly. I nod and start looking for my jacket as well. Did he say we were going for a walk? There's nothing but the woods here, but I don't care. Nick feels like the safest thing in the world right now. He feels like the papasan chair.

He comes back a while later with two glasses of water. He gives me one and puts one on the nightstand while clearing his throat, making himself known to Tabitha and Taylor. The two of them stop touching each other and look up at Nick as all of us start laughing. "Get the fuck out of here and go the fuck somewhere else, man," Taylor pleads with a wide grin on his face.

Nick grabs my hand and takes me out of the room. My heart quickens as I imagine what the night will bring for us. He looks down at me, his hazel eyes twinkling, and says, "You ready for an adventure, Lil?"