Chapter 35

35

28 years old - Lily

N ick and I give each other fleeting glances as we walk in the opposite direction. I forgot how hard it was to say goodbye to Nicholas Johnson.

Something changed between us during the trip. Nick helped me take back what Logan snatched from me that night. He helped me piece myself back together. After all this time, I should have known that Nick was the only person capable of doing that. Maybe that's why I didn't even bother trying with other guys.

Just like the first night he held me in his arms, last night Nick helped me get reacquainted with my body once more, whispering reassurances in my ears and holding me with such gentleness that I couldn't help but cry. Just like the night before, he also didn't want to have sex with me, focusing only on me instead. But for the first time, the thought of having sex with someone doesn't scare me. It excites me. And now it's all I can think about.

My phone vibrates in my bag, breaking me from my thoughts.

Mariana

Your brother already picked Birdie up. She was amazing, as always. See you this weekend at the birthday party!

Bryce

Birdie is already with me.

I stop walking toward the bus that would have taken me to Mariana and Jacinta's house and cross the street instead. Rolling my suitcase next to me, I start walking back home. It's a thirty-minute walk to our apartment building, but I want to enjoy the calmness and think about Nick a little more.

I am about to turn the key when the door springs open. Two hands reach for me, hungry for my hug. I take her in my arms and hug her with all my energy, pressing out a squeal from Birdie. Her green eyes look at me, a sparkle appearing in both of them.

"Mom! Did you get me anything this time?"

I chuckle, and so does Bryce. "That's not how you greet your mom, Birdie," he tells her, a kitchen towel hanging over his shoulder.

Sliding my purse off my shoulder, I open it and take out a yellow nail polish. She grabs it without hesitation and runs away to her room.

This has become a routine of ours. Ever since the company started sending me on work trips, I would come back with a small gift for Birdie; a consolation prize for my going away and leaving her. I still remember my first work trip like it was yesterday. I cried the whole plane ride to Barcelona, while according to Bryce, Birdie stopped crying the moment they got into the tram. I still feel the queasiness every time I know I have to leave her. The moment Birdie came into this world, she became my everything. And the little baby I feared I would despise for the rest of my life became my favorite person. It doesn't matter who her father is, it only matters who she is.

"We heated up the lasagna from the freezer. Come, let's eat." Bryce gives me a quick hug before heading back to the kitchen.

Bryce places the ceramic dish in the middle of the table, careful to not let his fingers get burned. Grabbing the serrated knife, I cut three pieces and scoop them up with a spatula one by one, placing them on the three plates that Birdie took out from the cabinet. Birdie dives into hers directly, blowing between bites.

"So, how was your trip?" Bryce asks as he takes a bite of his garlic bread.

I nod, swallowing the food in my mouth. "Good, it was good. We had lots of fun. We hung out with Paul for a bit. Nick really likes him."

"Paul is hard to hate," Bryce answers. I nod, giving him a knowing look. He really is. Some people are intimidated by how tall and stoic he looks, but once they get to know him, he is the kindest and funniest person.

"Who is Nick?" Birdie asks. Her voice filled with curiosity. She has never heard of this name before until now.

Bryce and I look at each other before I open my mouth to answer. "Oh, he's my friend from back home."

She edges closer to the table, pressing her body against it. "Back home in Elsham Cove?" Bryce and I both nod silently. Aside from Arthur, nobody ever visits us from Elsham Cove. Nobody knows we're here, after all.

"Does he know Grandpa Arthur?"

"He does," Bryce answers. He wipes the tomato sauce from the corner of his mouth with a napkin and gives me a look, unsure of how to continue this conversation.

I stand up, leaving the dining table for a quick walk to the living room bookshelf, returning with a black photo album in my hand. I drag my chair and put it next to Birdie's, before taking my seat again. Birdie and Bryce continue eating while they observe me sneezing from the dust that billows up from the album.

"Nick used to be my best friend," I tell Birdie as I point at a picture of us on our bicycles. Nick is wearing a black helmet while I'm wearing a white one. "We were about your age in this one."

"This one is of us when we had our class concert." A smile grows on my face. We couldn't play the flute for shit.

We flip the pages again until Birdie's finger stops me from turning to the next one. "Oh, look! Uncle Bryce is in this one!" It's a group picture of all of us that summer when the Johnsons just came back from Japan. We are all standing next to the pool house, Nick on one end and me on the other end, the awkward atmosphere looming over us.

Bryce walks to the other side of the table and stands behind us, one of his hands holding Birdie's chair as the other points at the picture. "Ah! Yes, I remember that one! Nick moved back to Elsham Cove that summer, just before his senior year of high school."

I glance at the photo below the one they're both fussing about. This one was a selfie taken just before Winter Formal. Nick is standing next to me and I am grinning from ear to ear in the slightly blurry image. I remember feeling hot flashes on my face that night. Aside from his aunt's wedding, which he invited me to when we were eleven, that was the only other time I ever saw Nick in a suit.

"Can he come to dinner tomorrow, Mommy? Everyone knows him except for me," Birdie asks me, her eyes perfectly round, looking hopeful.

Bryce looks at me and shrugs. "He is leaving the day after tomorrow. We could have a farewell dinner. What do you think?"

"I'd like that," I agree with a genuine smile. "I think he'd like it, too."

"Alright, I'll stop by the Chinese place after work tomorrow and get us something to eat," Bryce says.