Chapter 36

36

28 years old - Nick

L ily is giving me one of her don't-be-nervous looks. It doesn't help. I still feel the twitching in my fingers. We haven't really talked about what happened in Frankfurt and what this means for us, but when her name flashed on my phone last night and a young girl, instead of Lily, invited me to dinner, the butterflies in my stomach when I met Lily again multiplied ten times over.

I could hear Lily yell from the background before she took the phone and officially invited me to come over herself, rambling in a hushed one. Birdie really wants to meet you. I'm sorry she just called you like that. She doesn't know about us.

Birdie is a huge part of Lily's new life, a life I itch to be a part of now. But if I'm fucking honest with myself, I don't know how I feel about Birdie. Every time Lily tells me a story about her, I always get reminded that it was her father who kick-started a chain of horrible events in all of our lives.

Can I separate the daughter from her father? This is the question that has been hanging over me. However, as much is true, Lily and Birdie come in a package deal. And after what happened during our trip, I knew that I had to make up my mind soon. We all don't deserve another slow motion shitstorm.

Lily is leaning on the doorframe, a warm smile on her face. I lean my face in closer to Lily's, ready to give her a quick kiss, when I hear a chirpy voice yell from inside the apartment. "Is he here?" Before either one of us can answer, Birdie is staring up at me, studying my face as much as I'm studying hers.

"You must be Birdie," I say with a smile, breaking myself out of my daze. I bend my knees so we're at eye level and offer her my hand to shake.

"And you must be Nick, my mom's friend from Elsham Cove." My faltering smile that's replaced with a grimace doesn't go unnoticed. Lily shoots me an apologetic look as I nod to her. Friend . Who knew the word could cause so much unease?

I hand them both a bouquet each. "These are for you guys. I don't know what you like, Birdie, but I saw these here and thought they were pretty cool. I hope you like them."

"Thank you, Nick! I like them, they're yellow flowers! Yellow is my favorite color, by the way!" Lily and I laugh as Birdie takes my hand and shows me the way to her couch.

Lily's place is exactly like how I expected it to be—colorful, full of life, picture frames everywhere—exactly how I remember her eighteen-year-old self to be. I'm glad Logan hasn't taken all her joyfulness away.

Bryce comes in from the front door with two plastic bags filled with takeout. "You made it, man," he says cheerfully. His hand loops me in for a side hug before tapping my shoulder.

"I wasn't going to leave without saying goodbye to you, was I?"

We talk about work while Lily sets the table, and Birdie finishes up her schoolwork. With everything that has been going on, I almost forgot why I'm even in Berlin in the first place. Bryce seems genuinely stoked that we will be sharing an office soon and I would be lying if I said I wasn't equally excited. Bryce and I always had our own friendship, one filled with banter and his self-deprecating humor when it came to the rich kids of Elsham Cove.

"I want to sit next to you!" Birdie announces.

"It would be my pleasure, Birdie." I bow down to her, earning myself a giddy look from her.

Lily and Bryce shake their heads, smiling as they open the takeout boxes and dump the contents on the serving plates in front of us, steam coming out from the box as they do so. Birdie explains to me what the different dishes are, and I listen to her with my full attention, nodding when she tells me that the chili sauce is really hot and I shouldn't eat it if I don't like spicy food.

"What time is your flight tomorrow?" Bryce asks as he hands me a bottle of cold beer.

"Noon," I answer shortly, not wanting to think about going back, but also excited because that means I can get everything in order and move here. I don't even know if Lily and I are both ready for anything more than what we already have now— a quasi-friendship. Something more than a friendship —but I like my fucking chances a lot better today than a few days ago. And you know what? This, this dinner that we're having? It isn't so bad. I could get used to this.

"I'll take you to the airport," Lily says. I shake my head, unable to speak with my mouth full of noodles. As I'm about to tell her not to bother, she continues speaking. "I can work from home tomorrow and set my own schedule. I'll pick you up after breakfast."

"Do you need us to help you look for a place here in Berlin? The housing market is no joke," Bryce offers casually.

"Oh, trust me, he knows," Lily says. "I gave him the full rundown the other day."

"Why do you need to help Nick look for a place here, Uncle Bryce?"

"I'll be moving here next year," I answer Birdie, twisting my body toward her. She turns toward me with her head tilted to the side. "I will be working for the same company your uncle is working for." A big grin breaks out on her face. She doesn't say anything and goes back to nibbling on the spring roll she's holding.

"The HR department already called me today. They're helping me with all the paperwork. I think they'll also help me look for a place to live."

Bryce opens his mouth to say something, but Birdie interrupts him. "You can stay here with us!" Lily's face turns to a shade of light pink while I almost choke on my food. Bryce just sits there in silence, cocking one of his eyebrows at her comment.

"Birdie, Nick can't stay here with us."

"Why not?" she protests, folding her arms over her chest. "I want him to stay here with us!"

Bryce, Lily, and I all steal glances at each other. A baffled expression fills their faces. The same one that's probably plastered all over mine. My lips are pressed together, the tension reaching my teeth. This seems like a conversation that I should not make worse by opening my mouth and saying the wrong thing.

"We can invite him over again for dinner once he comes back here, okay, honey?" Lily tells her gently, reaching out her hand to hold Birdie's.

Birdie yanks her hand away from Lily. "No! He can stay with us! All of my friends' dads live with them!"

Holy shit.

Lily and Bryce both squirm. "Birdie," Lily says carefully, trying to hide the shakiness of her voice. "Why do you think Nick is your father?"

She looks at me, her mouth still chewing. "Uncle Bryce said you went to high school with my mom. Mom showed me pictures of her when she was young. My mom told me she met my dad in high school." She shrugs with the last sentence, as if that is the most logical explanation in the world.

I swallow the bob in my Adam's apple, trying to find a nice way to tell her that I'm not, in fact, her father. Bryce gives me an apologetic smile and rescues me before I make this conversation worse. "Just because I told you that he went to school with your mom doesn't mean he's your father," Bryce explains nervously. "There were lots of people that went to high school with your mom."

"No! Nick is my dad. You're lying!"

"Birdie, let's talk about this, okay?" Lily tells her softly. "We can talk about this later."

"No, Mom!" Birdie's voice breaks. "I know Nick is my dad and he will stay. With. Us." She gets down from her chair, ignoring Lily and Bryce calling out to her, only to come back a second later holding a picture of me and Lily I am all too familiar with.

"Look!" She shoves the picture in front of me. "I saw this yesterday!" The picture must have been of us at the Winter Formal. I still have that suit somewhere in the closet at my dad's place.

My gaze moves to the two green origami papers she's now waving around on top of her head. She's not talking to Bryce or me anymore. Instead, she talks to Lily. "I know you don't like it when I go through your things, but I found these in your dresser during my summer break, Mom," she admits. "When you said you and Paul were with a person named Nick, I knew it must have been the Nick who gave you these coupons! The Nick from Elsham Cove! He wrote this one to you for your eighteenth birthday! In high school!" She lifts one of the papers higher than the other as she says the last two sentences and I wince the moment I remember what I wrote on both.

Lily lets out a long sigh. She puts a hand on her forehead as she walks toward Birdie. Birdie glares at her with a victory grin on her face, thinking she has solved the mystery of the century, and my stomach can't help but feel fucking gutted for her. I wish I was your dad, too, kid. It would have made all of our fucking lives easier.

"Birdie, this is all a big misunderstanding. Honey, let's talk about this, okay?"

"You're lying!" Birdie screams at Lily before running off and shutting her bedroom door shut. Lily follows her directly, pleading with Birdie to talk to her, but gets no response.

She comes back defeated and sits on the edge of the kitchen island. Lily curses under her breath and tears trickle down her face. Out of reflex, my feet start moving toward her and I pull her close to me. I hate seeing her like this, and I hate that I can't do anything about it.

"Let me try talking to her," Bryce says.

It doesn't take long for Bryce to come running back to us, panic displaying in his blue eyes. "She's not there!" he screams. "Her window is open. She's not there!"