Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Cedara

Istiffen and pull back from him, reeling at what he just said. "What?"

"It's okay," he says. "You don't have to say anything right now."

"I kind of think I do, don't you?" The warmth of that toe-curling kiss feels like it's evaporating, which makes me sad.

"What I mean is that you don't need to give me a response to what I just said. I just need you to know why I'm doing this with you. That I'm happy to do this with you."

"What do you mean by ‘this'?" I feel my brows pull together, though the question seems unnecessary.

He looks uncomfortable for a moment. "This… Being with you through these moments. Being around when you need me."

I pinch my lips together, considering this. "Thank you," I eventually say. "I understand." I don't, really. What the hell is going on? Why is my beast still taking over? Why is he telling me we're mates?

Because we are.

The thought comes out of the blue, and I'm reeling again.

That can't be right.

But what if it is?

My eyes track over his face, tracing the lines that have become so familiar to me now. It's a face that I've started seeking out above all others. Even my own mother didn't seem like a safe space when things turned bad.

I wanted him. Barrett was the one I needed when I felt like I was losing control.

Why? Is it because he's been around whenever I've come back from these things? Is that all it is? Is it because I feel like I can cope better when he's near me?

Or is it more?

"I told you that I don't need you to give me any answers right now." He strokes my cheek with his fingertip. "I meant that."

I give a small nod. My face is still damp from when I'd been weeping, and I think about how he'd kissed the tears away. It makes my heart clench.

"I'm sorry." I sigh, rolling over onto my back. It occurs to me that I spend an awful lot of time curled up on this man, considering I've only known him for a few days. "I'm not normally so flaky. It's just that…"

"You're not flaky. And nobody could blame you for not being yourself right now. God, Cedara…I don't even want to think about the nightmare you've lived through." Barrett shifts onto his side and props his head up on his hand, looking at me.

I turn my head to face him. "That's no excuse for what's been happening."

"It's exactly the excuse for what's happening. And it's not an excuse. It's the reason."

"Reason…excuse… It's all semantics." I gnaw on my lip, thinking of what happened tonight. I lost control in a house full of people. My family. Young ones. I squeeze my eyes shut. "I'm a menace, Barrett."

"Don't say things like that. You're not a menace."

"I attacked you, didn't I?"

"Yeah…well, maybe I liked it." He winks at me. I can't find it in myself to see the bright side of this.

"I don't buy that. I hurt you." I reach out and touch his collar lightly. I know there's still a wound there.

"That's different." He puts his hand up and rests it over mine, pressing my fingertips against the indentations I can feel in his skin. "That's your mark."

I blink at him. "How do you know that?"

He gives a one-shouldered shrug, his hand still warm over mine. "I have no idea. I just do. I knew it from the beginning; I just didn't realize it at first." He lifts my hand in his and raises it to his lips, pressing a kiss against my knuckles. I stare at him as he does it. "Didn't you feel something?" he asks.

I say nothing at first because I can't deny it. There'd definitely been something…from the very first moment. "Yes, I felt something. I just don't know—"

"Don't try to understand it. I told you – I don't expect you to say anything right now. This is a lot. And there's so much happening already. Focus on that first. We'll figure the rest out as we go."

I consider this for a moment, wondering how he can be so calm about it all. "You're so…level-headed," are the words I come out with.

"I guess you could say so. I've never really thought about it. I just am who I am."

"Yes." I consider this, too. There's something reassuringly stable about this man. A steady strength that draws me. Like he's got it all figured out…life, the world, his place in it.

If only I could figure out mine.

"Tell me about your world," he says abruptly, as if he's decided to change the subject, and this is the way he intends to do it. "Tell me about how things were before…all this happened."

It takes me a moment to pull the threads of my memories together. Like I'm looking into another world occupied by another person. That person was me. I remind myself of that now. "Not much to say, really. Things were quite simple. Most of our families were farmers."

"Sounds nice." His smile is encouraging.

"It was. Uncomplicated. Down to earth. We lived in touch with nature. Of course, we had our issues." I'm pretty sure my expression darkens because concern flits across his face. "The females in our pack are…different."

"I've heard that. Sierra and Savannah…"

"We bear twins. Always. And we don't need a bond to conceive." I feel my cheeks warm as if these details are too personal.

"People view you as breeders." His jaw clenches.

"Yes. It's why they used to take us. Why we had to move around so much. So they couldn't get us and—" I swallow hard.

"Stop." He puts his hand on my cheek, looking into my eyes. "Tell me about the good stuff."

"Not much to say, I guess. I had a happy childhood – even though my mom lost my twin before I was born. I was an only child, and I guess I was indulged because of it. My mother adores me and we were very close to Aunt Juliette and the others, so I was always surrounded by family."

"And your father…?"

"My dad passed when I was very young."

"I'm sorry." He looks apologetic.

"Don't be. I was so little I barely remember him. He was a good man, though." I want to add "like you," but I don't. "So good that my mom never found anyone to fill the space he left."

"That's a pretty intense kind of love." His eyes lock with mine, and I sense something unspoken.

"Yeah. I think it's amazing." It's true, I do. But I don't tell him that I hope to have something like that myself someday. Something all-consuming. It seems a little too close to home. "Anyway, that's my story." I stop there because the rest feels too interwoven with the abduction and all that happened after. "What was your life like?"

"Much the same, I suppose. Pretty average shifter upbringing. Ordinary folks. Stable pack. The only difference was that I didn't fit in."

"Why not?"

"My parents didn't know what to make of me." He changes position, rolling onto his back and propping pillows behind him. I'm suddenly aware of the intimacy of this situation. "There'd never been an alpha in our line. I guess I was an anomaly. When I came of age, the pack leaders gave me the choice to bow down or to leave. I chose to leave."

"Alpha…" I tilt my head. "I… I sensed that. But then Jagger…?"

"He's our leader. But not the only one. There are a lot of us at Steel Lakes. We're kind of a melting pot, I guess. The ones who didn't fit in anywhere else, so we had no place to go."

"Oh! That's awful. I'm so sorry."

He shakes his head. "It's okay. Some of the others here had it hard, but it wasn't like that for me. I'd just drifted for a while until I felt that it was time to put down roots. This pack takes in alphas…anyone who needs a place."

"A home."

"That's right. And I like it here. They let me do my own thing." He puts a hand behind his head, stretching out, entirely at ease.

"That's important to you?"

"Sure is. I'd go out of my mind if I lived under someone's thumb. It's probably why I left my home pack. I knew they'd try to control me. It's how most packs are."

"But not Steel Lakes. It's different here." I've seen that in the way the Alpha tolerates so much from everyone…yet still runs things with an iron fist.

"Very different." His lips quirk up. "You'll find a place here, Cedara. Give it a little time, and pretty soon, you'll feel the same sense of belonging that we all do."

I stay silent. I think I like that idea.

He stares at me for a few long seconds, then sits up abruptly. "I'm going to take a look around the place," he says. "Make sure everything's locked down for the night." He leans forward and brushes his lips over my forehead as casually as if he's been doing it all our lives. "Get some rest. I'll be right back."

He swings his long legs from the bed and rises, heading for the door. I watch the broad lines of his back, my cheeks warming as I remember how I'd eyed him much the same way that night he'd been naked.

I'd pay money to check out his bare ass right now.

What the hell, Cedara?

I fight down a small, secret smile. There's a little bubbling sensation in my chest that feels a lot like…happiness.

I could be happy in this place. I could be happy here with him. As soon as I get a grip on the changes that keep coming over me, it'll will all fall into place.

I think maybe this could work out.

I think maybe everything's going to be fine.