Chapter Thirteen

Ipeeked over at Beckett from my spot on the couch.

Four hours had passed since… well, since he'd cornered me, pinned me to a wall, and had me hump him like a horny teenager. I couldn't stop thinking about the tender words he'd spoken in his sinfully husky voice, or the feeling of him overpowering me while staying so gentle. It was erotic, yet romantic, and my body was tangled up in knots over it.

As though sensing my stare, he lifted his head and his gaze locked on me. I froze like a cornered animal that had been caught. Beckett arched a single eyebrow, confirming without words that he knew I was staring at him.

After he'd disappeared into the bathroom, I'd needed to sit and rest. My energy levels were barely enough to keep me upright, and I'd burned through an entire day's worth making out with the sexy wolf.

I was running out of time, yet I was still on the couch, resting. There were so many things I needed to get done, and I knew I shouldn't have allowed myself to get distracted.

But why shouldn't I get to enjoy at least a little of the limited time I had left? The battle between my head and heart went around in endless circles, like boxers in a ring.

I shouldn't be so selfish, but I shouldn't refuse myself a few simple pleasures.

I shouldn't be wasting time, but I shouldn't push myself when I'm too tired to function.

My body was exhausted and longed for rest. But I was going to experience the ultimate rest very soon, and none of what I'd done would matter if I didn't get things wrapped up before my endless dirt nap.

I knew there were at least two competing companies gunning for my research. If they got their hands on my work, they'd steal everything and charge ridiculous prices for the lifesaving intervention.

It had been proven time and again that people would pay whatever it cost to save their lives and the lives of their loved ones, even if it condemned them to be in debt forever.

I needed to finish the research and make sure I put it out into the world before I died. Nearly every penny I'd made in research, I'd invested into my work. I'd also spent the majority of my off time convincing big-hearted donors to help fund the research. This meant it was my research to do with as I pleased.

But if I died before I could throw my research to the world, the lab that had offered me a workspace exchange for being listed as a contributor on my research papers might also try to lay claim to my research.

The stress had probably added to the damage being done to my body, but there was nothing I could do about that. I just had to hang in there a little bit longer.

Beckett stood and made his way to me. I narrowed my eyes as he approached, then circled me.

"What are you up to… Ooooh!" I moaned as he placed his hands on my shoulders and his thumbs pressed into my aching muscles.

He chuckled, but his thumbs continued to work the tight knots in my shoulders and down my spine.

"You're awfully tense," he said, his tone implying that he'd expected me to be relaxed.

Probably because he's used to women being puddles of lovesick goo after he rocked their worlds…

"Yeah. I'm sitting here because I'm exhausted, but I'm stressed because I'm not accomplishing anything," I sighed. "It's an endless, vicious cycle that seems to drive my entire existence at this point."

His magic hands continued to work my muscles, seeming to know exactly where to rub and press to ease the tension.

Closing my eyes, I enjoyed the massage, trying my best not to think about how it would feel for his fingers to move… down there.

Would he touch me with as much skill as he'd shown already? I mean, what we'd done had been a first for me, but he seemed so nonplussed about everything. Maybe he had so much experience it was simply sex for him at this point, and nothing to get too excited about.

As the tension melted from my body, I rolled my shoulders, feeling looser and more relaxed. With every motion of his fingers, heat rippled through me, building like molten lava deep in my core.

He somehow managed to make me hot, excited, and confused all at the same time. I'd be absolutely annoyed if I wasn't so intrigued. It was unfair that I was a grown woman, yet he made me feel like an inexperienced teenager.

"Lean forward," Beckett ordered, moving his hands down my spine when I obeyed.

Just as he got to the band of my sweats, he stopped. Every ounce of self-control I had was funneled into not groaning out loud from disappointment. But before I'd even closed my mouth, he scooped me up and laid me down on the couch.

Face down, I felt him straddle my backside, and I shifted my hips side to side, hoping he was about to do what I hoped he would. There were far too many layers of clothing between us, but maybe he was planning to take his time.

He lifted my shirt and excitement flooded my veins. Was this really about to happen?

His thumbs pressed into the flesh on either side of my spine and he pushed them up my back. Then he started at the bottom, repeating the same steady motions.

It was incredible—not as incredible as I imagined sex with him would be—but pretty freaking amazing nonetheless.

His weight disappeared, and I turned to face the TV, catching sight of my reflection in the black screen.

Oh, my goodness, I mouth at myself. I would do anything he asked of me right then. Anything.

My desire to be bitten had grown, but less because of the extra time and more because I longed for him to bind us together. Having Beckett tied to me and part of my life excited me in a way I'd never experienced.

Probably because I'd never thought I could have a partner… or be loved.

A twinge of guilt twisted my stomach at the thought of Idrie. Beckett had belonged to her, so maybe I didn't have any right to desire him.

But was there any harm in us finding each other a decade later? Besides, I didn't want to take her place or replace his memories of her. My heart just wished he could have a small spot for me.

He strode back into the room, oil in hand.

"Where did you get that?" I asked, my eyebrows shooting up.

Beckett smirked at me. "I noticed it earlier in the basket of complimentary toiletries."

Once more, he straddled my hips, and I tried to ignore the electric excitement lighting up every nerve ending at the contact of his length pressed snuggly between my cheeks. With no small amount of effort, I remained still, but all he had to do was say the word and I would happily be his hot dog bun.

His rough hands rubbing together sent a shiver up my spine before he even touched me, and the mint-scented oil caused my nose to tingle.

"How do you handle strong scents like that?" I asked, curious. "Wolves have a keener sense of smell than the average person."

"We get used to them." He sounded unconcerned as his hands slid up my back, causing a string of popping sounds to follow in their wake.

"This is amazing," I moaned, my brain clouding with absolute bliss. "Marry me."

He froze.

I blinked, trying to remember what I'd said… then groaned. "Ugh! That was supposed to be a joke. I didn't mean it! Well, I didn't not mean it, but, you know what I meant—or didn't mean."

Closing my mouth, I stopped the flood of increasingly humiliating words. His hands began to move again, and I exhaled in relief.

I hated that he probably felt like I was pressuring him to bite me. But on the flip side, I felt equally bad thinking of the lives that could be lost if I wasn't able to complete my life's work.

The utter exhaustion of my body wasn't easing up—it was worsening. And it was looking more and more like I'd be unable to finish my work.

"You don't know what you're asking." His voice was husky, as though he were torn up over the situation as well.

"I know. And I'm sorry I've pulled you into my mess." My voice trembled. "I wish you could tell me why, but I understand pack loyalty."

"As a leader, if I don't follow the rules, how can I expect my pack to?" He made a valid point.

"Who would ever know? I wouldn't tell." I mean, it was literally a victimless crime, right?

"I would." The finality in his voice told me he'd made up his mind.

My heart dropped, and I closed my eyes to keep from crying. "Regardless, I want you to know you've made me happy."

I wanted him to know the truth. "Kidnapping you and spending these past days with you have been the happiest of my life. I don't want you to ever regret your decision. You've given me a gift I never expected to receive… a chance to experience the type of future I might've had, if not for the cards I was dealt."

His hands stopped moving, and I couldn't even hear him breathing.

"Please don't think I'm saying this to try to change your mind," I added, hating that I couldn't see his face.

Since I was spilling secrets, I might as well tell him everything, right? This might be my last chance. "I wanted you back then, too. You used to hang out in the park near campus and buy smoothies from the food truck I worked at. It was your laugh that first caught my attention. Then I watched how you interacted with the people around you, always quick with a kind word. It took almost a month for me to work up the courage to ask you out."

He remained silent, so I plunged ahead.

"I'd never had a crush on a guy, and my best friend had decided it was serious enough that she needed to fly across the country to offer moral support in case you turned me down." I smiled, remembering my bubbly bestie who'd threatened to tie me up and drag me to the guy if I didn't stop procrastinating.

"You have no idea how many times I practiced what I'd say to you in front of the mirror. I probably spent the same amount of brain power overthinking that as I did running my first experiment." The memory of me trying out different approaches made me laugh.

I'd practiced being seductive, aloof, and one-of-the-guys. If things hadn't taken a sharp turn, I knew I would have ended up embarrassing myself. It was kinda my thing when I was around Beckett.

My soft laughter died away as I continued my story. "She did my makeup that morning, telling me I looked so good that you wouldn't be able to turn me down. I skipped my classes, and we headed to the park to see if you'd show up. We were laughing over her dating mishaps when her face changed."

"Her eyes glowed, and I knew she'd found her mate. I spun around, excited to see who she was looking at." My throat tightened, and I swallowed hard. "It was you."

Beckett's fingers flexed on my skin, but he remained silent.

"I was so happy for her, but at the same time, I thought my soul was being ripped from my body. You two were fated to be together, and I watched with tears in my eyes as she rushed into your arms." I pressed fingers to my burning eyes.

"Once I knew she wasn't going to be rejected, I left the park. I spent the day sobbing until I had no tears left to cry. But by the time she returned to my townhouse that night, I'd wiped them away and was ready to celebrate with her. She was horrified when she realized you were the man I'd fallen for, but I assured her that a silly crush was nothing compared to a fated mate. Heck, I almost convinced myself.

"Idrie was like a sister to me, and her happiness mattered more than my own. I loved knowing she had a good mate, and after that first night, we never spoke about what I'd felt for you. Those were emotions I locked away forever."

The only reason I'd caved to his touch in the hotel was because he'd caught me at a weak moment… when he'd literally caught me in his arms as I'd passed out.

I remembered the day I'd lost Idrie as if it had happened yesterday. We were walking and talking… then suddenly she was gone. The car had been going so fast that it caused a gust of wind that ripped at my hair and clothing as it sped by.

I could still hear the sickening crunch of her body as it took the full impact of the car, then the heavy thud as she hit the ground. I could still feel the raw pain in my throat as I screamed her name until I couldn't do more than whisper for days.

Beckett had appeared out of nowhere, racing to her side with an inhuman speed that would put world-class sprinters to shame. What came after was a blur in my mind, but I remembered EMTs arriving, the sheet covering her still body after they took her from Beckett, and the ambulance taking her away.

He'd gone into shock, and I knew I couldn't leave him there. I led him home and had seen the moment his eyes went blank, as if he wasn't really there anymore. I'd washed away the blood, trying to reach him in whatever depths he'd vanished into. Not out of any romantic ideas or feelings, but simply because he was the last link to Idrie I had… and she was the only family I'd ever known.

But just like everyone else in my life, he'd disappeared, and I'd been alone.

Shaking my head to clear away the memories, I realized he still hadn't moved. With great effort, I pushed up on my elbows and twisted my torso so I could see his face and make sure he was okay.

"I'm sorry I left you that night." He ground out the words, and there was no denying the pain behind them. "I wasn't me anymore."

It was as though he'd heard the thoughts I'd kept to myself.

"We all handle grief differently, and that was a long time ago," I assured him. "Besides, I haven't been myself the past few days either. I'm sorry for disrupting your life with my problems."

Scooting out from beneath him, I pushed to my feet and headed to find my laptop. I'd done enough dreaming over what could never be. It was time to get back to work on my cure, and he needed to get back to his pack.

As wonderful as the brief reprieve had been, it was over.