Chapter Fourteen

She'd accepted my answer with grace, which is what I'd wanted. Right?

So why did it hurt to feel her pulling away from me? How else had I expected this to end?

I needed to get back to my pack.

But the consuming ache in me rose up like an insurmountable tide. Just minutes ago, she'd been beneath me with my hands stroking her tight muscles. I wanted her more than I'd ever remembered wanting a woman, and it was tearing me up inside that I could feel her withdrawing.

She was trying to protect both our hearts, and probably didn't want to make me feel bad for my decision, but I hated the fact that she was going to walk away from me.

No, I was the one walking away. Just like I'd done in the past.

She'd left the room, but her hurt still lingered in the air like the scent of smoke—sharp and acrid.

There was no way I could explain my actions without giving away a secret that would give humanity the key to wiping out my species. All humans had to do in order to fragment our packs and drive our wolves mad was to kill some of our mates. And that information in the wrong hands could devastate my kind.

I was selfish if I let Lilou die before her work was launched to the world, which would cause the deaths of many that her research could have saved.

I was selfish if I betrayed the oaths I'd taken to protect my species by revealing the secret that could destroy everyone I'd sworn to protect.

I was selfish if I followed my heart and claimed the purple-haired beauty who hadn't simply captured my body, but who had also captured my heart.

There was no answer that would do right by everyone, and I knew I'd live with countless what ifs for the rest of my life.

I stretched out on the couch, staring up at the rough plank ceiling. She returned to the living room, settling in the armchair by the window. The minutes ticked by as her fingers raced over the laptop's keys, her attention solely on the screen.

"Thank you, for everything," she said in an upbeat tone, but sadness laced her words.

I could hear the coming goodbye and I wasn't ready for that, even though I knew the decision wasn't mine to make.

"Thank you," I responded, hating the formality of the words.

Just a few hours ago, I'd been pleasuring her in intimate ways, and now we sounded like coworkers—or strangers.

She took a sip of water, then spoke again. "I think it's time we go our separate ways."

I sensed that was the opposite of what she truly wanted, but I understood she needed to focus on her work. Her life force was slowly draining from her worn-down body.

No matter how much I wanted to harden my heart against the truth, Lilou was nearing the end. Based on the changes to her body and scent I'd observed since being pushed inside her vehicle, she had a matter of a week or two left… and that was being optimistic.

She was going to die. And if I bit her, we'd both die because I couldn't come back from losing another mate. I wouldn't have cared to die alongside her, but I was an alpha, and I had given my word that I would protect my pack.

So maybe she was right. Parting ways might be the best bet.

"I don't want that," I said, deciding to give her the same honesty she'd given me.

From across the living room, she closed her laptop. Shifting in her seat, she pulled a knee to her chest and rested her chin on it. Her eyes were a dull violet as they watched me.

She was so beautiful, yet so fragile, and I longed to gather her in my arms and never let her go.

"I don't either, but I don't know what other options we have." She lifted both of her shoulders.

Vulnerability shimmered in her eyes, and even though I hadn't marked her, I felt the pull of the mate bond demanding that I protect her.

But she wasn't my responsibility. My pack was my responsibility and where my loyalty was supposed to lie.

This should have been an easy call.

I couldn't mark her.

This wouldn't work.

We needed to part ways.

The end.

But everything inside me struggled against that reality.

Standing, I approached her. Lilou's gaze followed my movements, but otherwise she remained still.

Defeat and fatigue were etched on her face, making me question my choices once again. I kneeled in front of her. I fought the urge to reach out and touch her, but I kept my hands to myself.

"I'm sorry. I really do feel awful?—"

She lifted a hand, interrupting my words. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who messed up. I shouldn't have kidnapped you or tried to push you to do this."

I almost snorted, but restrained myself. Did she truly believe I'd stayed because she'd kidnapped me? I could've left at any time. She was incredible in countless ways, but she utterly sucked at being a kidnapper. But I wasn't going to point that out.

"I'm glad you did, and I've enjoyed our time together."

Her lips pressed together in a flat smile that didn't reach her eyes. "It was nice to see you again."

"You're an amazing woman. What you're doing is incredible and selfless." I reached out to cup her cheek, and she blinked in surprise.

The warmth of her skin seeped into my palm, and I almost regretted that I'd touched her. It definitely didn't make things easier for either of us. But I couldn't bring myself to pull away. I could swear I sensed an invisible thread pulling us closer to one another.

"I want you in every possible way," I admitted.

Her gaze locked with mine and she studied me, as if searching for the truth. This time, a smile lit up her face and the storm clouds in her eyes lifted.

She reached out, running her fingers across my jaw. My wolf pushed forward, and I struggled to rein in the beast.

"Thank you for saying that." The shyness in her voice only increased my desire for her. "I want you in every possible way too, and I do understand why you can't mark me."

"I appreciate that, but trust me, you don't know. It's a…" My heart squeezed. "The price is much higher than you know."

"You don't owe me an explanation," she assured me, gently patting my knee before pulling her hand back.

"It's funny, really." She wrapped both arms around her leg, a faraway look crossing her face. "You'd do anything to save your pack. We're the same, you and I. I'd do anything to protect countless lives. Even give up the little bit of time I have left here."

She was right. I'd give my life in a heartbeat to protect my pack, just as she is willing to do the same for humanity.

Maybe I was making the wrong choice.

Someone would step up to lead the pack for me when I was gone. I'd hoped to protect my people for a long time, but fate had a funny way of messing up our plans.

I wasn't afraid of sacrifice.

But I was terrified of experiencing the pain of losing another mate. And I hated that I'd be forcing one of my own to put me down like a rabid animal. There was nothing pretty about a feral wolf, and putting one down came with significant risk.

"You're a better person than I." That was the truth of the matter. "You're willing to give up everything to help the world."

Her smile turned sad, but she didn't say anything more. She stood up, her movements slow and unsteady.

Concern flashed through me, and I rose with her, catching her arm just above the elbow. She leaned into me for a moment, her sweet scent wrapping itself around me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, my voice husky and barely above a whisper.

She pulled away and glanced up at me. "You're hungry again. Feeding you is a full-time job."

"You don't need to feed me," I protested.

"After we eat, I'll pack my things and we'll head back to your pack." She tossed the words over her shoulder as she disappeared into the kitchen.

I stood still, wanting nothing more than to stride into the kitchen, pick her up, and carry her back out to the couch. She shouldn't be wasting her energy on me. Her work was going to require every last bit of the precious energy she had left.

A thought hit me with the force of a freight train.

If I couldn't mark her, maybe I could help her.

I didn't know the first thing about her work, but I could be moral support, keep her fed and make sure she stayed hydrated. If she allowed it, I could be a sounding board and act as her assistant, making things easier for Lilou through the last stages of her work.

"What if I help you?" I asked, rounding the corner into the kitchen.

Her nose wrinkled in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Would you consider letting me stay with you? I could go to your lab, keep you fed, hydrated, massage you when you're tense, and protect you."

She tilted her head as though seriously considering my offer. "It's a spectacularly bad idea, and we both know it."

I shrugged. "Probably."

She nodded. "I'm not too proud to admit I need help. Should I make lunch before we go?"

But I was already moving, gently pushing her from the kitchen. "I'll make lunch. You go sit and relax."