23. DEAN

I’ve not slept in days, how can I when Willow is hurting so much.

I should be happy, fucking ecstatic. After all, I got what I wanted. The confession I’ve been so desperate to hear finally came but the cost wasn’t worth it.

Willow says she hates me, fine. I can deal with that. We have forever for her to come back around.

I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on her.

For now she’s locked herself away in her own head. I want to claw my way inside there with her so I know exactly what she’s thinking and feeling but I don’t know how. She knows I’m here for her, that I’m not going anywhere. Slowly she’ll let me back in. She has to.

If I apologize, it might happen sooner. They’re just two little words. I’m sorry. But anytime I try to tell her them, they won’t come out.

I’m not sorry that she finally admitted how she feels. I was right all along and I should have been content with just knowing but for some stubborn reason I had to force the words out of her. Not just for me though. She shouldn’t be ashamed of her sexual desires. They’re natural and so fucking hot.

I hold her for as long as she needs. Eventually, she pulls away and gets up to find some fresh clothes to wear. Her hand hovers over the dresser for a few drawn out seconds before she pulls a t-shirt out. I immediately notice it’s one of mine.

She has plenty of her own things now. There's no reason for her to keep wearing my clothes yet she's chosen mine. Chosen me.

Is she giving me a sign or am I reading too much into this?

If she hated me, surely the last thing she would want is to have anything of mine on her.

We’re getting there. It’s slow progress but it’s still progress. I’m not sure what I’d do if I lost her to that darkness I know so well.

I’ve spent days just like she is now, not wanting to do anything or even exist. Rather than spending my time in bed I spent it at the bottom of a bottle.

When my demons caught up to me I drank until I couldn’t hear their voices anymore.

Monster.

Devil.

Wrong.

So many spiteful words have been whispered in my ears from the ghosts of my past. I hear them less now and the few times that I do their words don’t carry the same weight as they used to.

I’ve not needed to get myself black out drunk in a long time but now I’m having to resist the urge to down a bottle of vodka and pass out in a puddle of self pity. Willow needs me now and nothing will stop me from being here for her.

I just need patience. If I push her too much she’ll retreat back into her shell again.

She stands by the window, staring out at the rain before she looks back at me. As she chews nervously on her bottom lip, her cheeks start to turn peachy again. My heart skips a beat.

Before she says anything she takes a breath like she needs to find the courage to ask whatever’s on her mind. I let her take her time.

“Can…can we go outside?”

That is not what I was expecting. At all. I look at the window and frown.

“Not to go anywhere, I just mean…can I just stand outside for a minute? I promise I won’t run or do anything wrong. You can put the chains back on me. Just, please, can I?”

My mouth goes dry.

Outside.

It’s not like anything can go wrong. My house is secure. When I bought it I had it fixed up so no-one but me would ever be able to get in. The only way in or out is through the front gate and we’ve already established she can’t escape that way.

For once in my life I don’t know what to say. With every second I stand here silent, I can see her closing back in on herself.

“Sure,” I say, hoarsely. Willow’s eyes light up and she practically bounces over to me, catching me off guard with her cuteness.

“Really?” I nod and she holds her hands out. What is she doing? “Umm, do you want to tie me up?” she asks.

Did I imagine the breathy way she said that?

My cock certainly seems to think there’s more than one meaning to her words.

Yes. Let me tie you up so you can never leave and I’ll fuck you until you’re completely mine again.

“No. I’m sure you’ll be a good girl for me, won’t you?” I raise an eyebrow at her and she blushes as she nods. That’s my girl.

As we head downstairs, I feel more like myself again and I think Willow does too. There’s more color to her cheeks than I’ve seen in days and her eyes are vibrant and more awake.

I unlock the door and let her step out first. She doesn’t have any shoes on but she doesn’t seem to care as she runs outside. I’m about to grab her, drag her back inside and punish her for running but she stops just up ahead. Her head tipping back so the rain beats down on her face.

I barely register the rain on myself. All I can see is Willow. As she turns around I see the serene smile on her face.

I can’t take my eyes off her. She’s already soaked through, my shirt clinging to her small body and her hair plastered to her cheeks. Her smile gets even bigger and as she opens her eyes she laughs.

This is a moment I never want to forget.

Before I can take another breath, I’m grabbing her waist and pulling her to me. She gasps as she looks up at me but she’s not flinching or pulling away anymore.

“Willow,” I sigh her name like it’s a prayer.

The heat of her body burns through to mine and all I want to do is feel her hot skin against mine but I keep my hands on her sides too afraid that I’ll break her if I move them.

“Dean,” she sighs back.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I didn’t go anywhere,” she says but I can tell from the look in her eyes she knows what I meant.

Her chin tilts up as she pushes on to her toes. “I…,” she trails off as she purses her lips.

My fingers push deeper into her skin. Don’t you dare leave me again.

“Kiss—,”

My lips are on hers, before she can finish the sentence.

She’s hesitant at first, her hands lightly touching my chest before her fingers start to curl into my shirt. Her tongue pushes softly into my mouth, finding mine and when it does neither of us can hold back.

I let my hands finally move so I can feel all of her. The curve of her hips and her soft ass, then to the heat between her thighs. But she pushes against my chest.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, desperate to fix whatever it is and get back to showing her how much I love her in the only way I know how.

“I don’t want to just be a thing for you to use.” I can’t tell if she’s crying or if it’s the rain on her face but I brush away the wetness from her cheeks anyway.

“Willow, you’re everything to me.”

She opens her mouth to say something but decides to close it rather than tell me what’s on her mind.

“I…,” just say it. I’m sorry. When I press my forehead to hers, I can feel the anticipation rolling off her as she waits to hear those two words then I sense the dejection when they don’t come. Her hands are still pressed to my chest and I take hold of them. “Let’s get you inside.”

I don’t know why I’m so twisted up inside. It’s like my insides have been yanked out and shoved back into all the wrong places and now I need to figure out where they’re meant to be.

Maybe once I do, I’ll finally be able to fix this.

Once the sun’s set, I bring Willow downstairs.

I’ve had time to get my thoughts straightened out so hopefully when I talk to her tonight I won’t fuck it up.

She deserves more than an ‘I’m sorry.’ A weak apology isn’t going to cut it.

“Where are we going? It’s so dark,” she says as her grip on my hand tightens. I squeeze back reassuring her that nothing bad will happen.

“I thought you liked creeping around in the dark, little kitten?” I tease her.

As I open the door to the tv room Willow inhales a sharp breath.

I’ve strung fairy lights all over the place and pushed the coffee table to the side, so I could line the floor with pillows and blankets. She lets go of my hand to move further into the room.

I run my fingers through my hair as I linger behind her, awkwardly waiting to hear what she thinks.

When she turns around, her eyes are shining with tears.

Crap.

I cup her cheeks and ask softly, “why are you crying?”

She shakes her head and wipes her tears away. “It’s just…this is really nice, Dean.”

I let out a sigh of relief and she giggles.

The sound stitches my heart back together.

“Is this what you’ve been doing all day? I did wonder why I didn’t see you. By the way, I didn’t thank you for earlier.” Willow kisses my cheek and my chest swells with pride.

“I used to walk home from school in the rain whenever I could. Dad would never let me go play with the neighborhood kids. I don’t know why, you’d think he would have been glad to have me out of his hair since he never wanted me around anyway. Once or twice he forgot to lock my door and I snuck out into the rest of the house. I’d watch the other kids playing from the window. No matter what the weather was, they”d be running around, laughing. I imagined what it felt like to be that happy. So, thank you, for letting me have that bit of joy earlier.”

I wrap my arms around her, holding her for as long as she needs. After everything she’s been through, she’s the one thanking me.

I’m never going to stop asking myself how I got so lucky.

I will gladly be the one to give her every bit of joy she deserves.

“Did you cook?” she asks curiously, looking at the plates of noodles and dumplings set out on the coffee table.

I should lie and say yes but we both know how bad my cooking is. She’d figure it out instantly. I laugh, “I’m flattered you think I did.”

“It’s getting better,” she chuckles as she taps my chest sincerely.

“Not that much. I thought takeout was a safer choice for tonight.” The last thing I wanted to do was ruin this evening by serving her a crappy meal.

“Is this like a date night?” Even in the dim light I can see how rosy her cheeks are.

I tuck her hair behind her ear and lean in to say, “if you want it to be.”

“I’ve never had a date before.”

Neither have I.

“I used to imagine having a boyfriend. Someone who took me on dates and spoiled me. It seemed like a far off dream, something I could never have. After years of not having any sort of social life I was someone that no one wanted to hang out with, let alone date. But this…this is what I imagined my first time would be like. With a boyfriend. Someone that cared about me enough to do all this.”

As I sit down, I pull her with me so she’s sitting comfortably in my lap. The possessive urge to own her takes over and I end up saying, “don’t ever imagine someone else in my place, Willow.”

“I won’t.” There’s no hate or resignation in her voice, she sounds almost happy about it. “I’ve had a lot of time to think recently and…I know I’m yours.”

“I should have already given you all this. Your first time should have been special.” It shouldn’t have been some quick fuck on a basement floor. I stroke her thighs as I remember how good she was for me even when I was so rough with her. “Fuck, Willow, I’ve been so selfish, but I won’t be anymore.”

I swear I’ll try to be what she needs me to be.

She leans into me, her head resting on my shoulder as she looks up at me. I feel her heart beating rapidly, matching my own. When she places her palm to my cheek I know she understands.

We settle in together on the floor, her curled into my lap, as we eat. I put a movie on but it doesn’t seem to have her attention. Although her body is relaxed against mine, I can see her mind working overtime.

It’s still raining outside, the sound of it loud against the windows and the winds picking up for what seems to be a stormy night. I grab the remote control, turning the movie off and finding one that fits the moody weather.

Barely five minutes into the movie the first scream comes from the tv, making Willow jump. “Hey! You switched it!” She pouts and narrows her eyes at me as she asks, “is this one gory or scary?”

“For you, baby, it’ll be both.”

“Great,” she cringes, but I feel the way her body tightens up and her pulse quickens as I wrap my hand gently around her throat. She swallows and adjusts herself in my lap so her legs are spread wide and her ass is planted against my cock.

“Need something?” I ask, pretending not to notice the heat radiating off her or her heavy breaths as the fear turns her on.

“The last time we watched a scary movie you…” She waits for me to fill in the gaps but I smirk, wanting to hear her say the words herself. “You made me come.”

“I did, didn’t I?” I muse. “You want me to do that again?” She nods. “You’re going to have to use your words, baby. Ask me for exactly what you want.”

My fingers stroke over her tight nipples, gently teasing them through the fabric. Willow places her palm over one of my hands and guides it lower. “Please will you make me come,” she breathes.

I graze my teeth over her jaw as our hands slip down under her clothes and between her legs. ”Since you asked so nicely.” When I feel how wet she is I stifle a groan by biting down on her shoulder.

Willow’s body sculpts itself to mine as her muscles uncoil with each stroke of her clit.

“You know what I just realized?” I say and she mewls as I withdraw my hand to bring it to her lips “We haven’t had dessert.” Her lips part on a sigh as my fingers glide over her tongue feeding her own sweet taste to her.

When I remove them she asks innocently, “you bought dessert?” I chuckle as she lets me pull her shirt off then I lay her down onto the pillows where I peel the rest of her clothes off.

Between kisses, I murmur, “you’re sweet, baby. Lucky for you, I’m in the mood for something sweet.” I trail more kisses down her stomach, over her hip bones and between her thighs.

As my tongue licks up her already wet pussy she whimpers and grabs my hair. “Good girl,” I growl against her clit. “Hold me down until I’m drowning in your sweet come.” I push my tongue deep into her and her hips lift.

So fucking good.

When I look up, Willow’s big brown eyes are staring at me, begging me to make her come as her mouth makes a perfect little O. “Fucking love you watching me eat you out, baby, but tonight I’ve got a better idea.”

“What idea?” she breathes out heavily. She's so close to coming already. I pull away and she huffs out a whine, her hands grip my hair as she tries to move me back down.

“Patience, sweet girl,” I say before kissing her, her little tongue darts out to lick up all of her come I left behind. “You’re going to keep watching the movie whilst I eat you out.”

“What? No. It’s gross, there's so much gore.”

This is too much gore? Yet seeing me stab two people is fine?

She's only kidding herself. I know how much it excites her. I push two fingers into her and she chokes on a cry. “You want to come?”

She nods her head eagerly as she bites her swollen lower lip. “Then lie back and enjoy the movie, baby.”

I start off slow, working my fingers in and out of her, searching for that soft spot inside her that has her toes curling.

I’ve seen this movie a few times so I know exactly when the next scare is coming.

She’s panting, her body writhing as my tongue laps at her clit. Like a good girl, her eyes are fixed on the screen. “Pay attention,” I murmur against her clit and she squeals softly.

“I’m so close, Dean.”

“I know, baby, you’re doing so good. Just hold on for me. You can do that.”

She moans in acknowledgment, as I suck her clit between my lips. The movie's soundtrack goes silent and Willow”s breathing starts to match that of the victims on screen. I add another finger and start to fuck her faster making sure I rub her g-spot each time I push them deep.

“Dean! I can’t hold on any more!”

“Yes, you can, baby, just a few more seconds.” I count down against her clit as the killer gets closer to his victim. “Three.” Her back arches. “Two.” Her fingers dig into my hair as she holds my face tight to her pussy. “One.” At the same time as the victim screams as the killer slashes into her, there’s a crash of thunder outside. I thrust my three fingers deep into Willow’s pussy and she lets out her own ear shattering scream as she comes all over me.

Warmth coats my hand and I quickly pull my fingers free as I realize she’s squirting again. I’m never going to get over how much of a miracle her body is.

I grab hold of her outer thighs as I bury my mouth against her entrance and swallow everything she gives me. Her body twitches in time to the slashes of the killer”s blade and I murmur sweet words of praise as I clean her up.

“You taste amazing, little kitten. Your pussy’s so fucking good to me, giving me all of this, not going to waste a single drop, gonna lick it all up.”

She’s a whimpering mess by the time I’ve licked her clean. I brace myself above her and tell her to open her mouth. Her eyes finally drag away from the screen to meet mine and she looks so well fucked. “Taste yourself, baby.” She closes her lips around my fingers and sucks them as I work them in and out of her mouth.

I pull them out and drag them down her chin before kissing her.

“I fucking love you, Willow.”

I lie down next to her, bringing her back against my chest so we can finish the movie curled up together. She buries her face into my arm as she comes down from her endorphin high and she ends up falling asleep before we even reach the credits.