21. DEAN

“Idon’t understand!” I shout as I lay into the punching bag in my home gym with my music battering my eardrums. Nothing some deathcore can’t fix, well usually. It doesn’t seem to be helping much today. My mind’s still a chaotic mess.

I just can’t wrap my head around why Willow is so scared of me now.

Guilt gnaws at my chest but I push it away and let anger take over. That emotion I can understand and is much easier to control. Why should I feel bad anyway?

I never intended for her to be here for more than one night but here she is. I gave her life back to her, the only catch is it’s mine to possess. Mine to use.

She told me she understood.

When I carved my name into her flesh and she gave in to me, that was the moment I thought she became mine, but maybe she's been lying all along?

Willow can never leave, she knows that. I just don’t understand this feeling in my chest. It started the first time I saw her and keeps getting stronger. I’m almost certain it’s love but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with it. Fuck, I thought I was doing things right.

Why can’t she just love me back?

I punch the bag again, not bothering with gloves or hand wraps and blood starts to smear on the surface. I sigh and look at the back of my hand. If Willow did this she’d be sobbing or at least wincing like a normal person not staring at it numbly like the freak I am. I dig my nail into one of the cuts and feel nothing like always.

I remember the first time my knuckles split open, crimson dripping onto the concrete as the boy I’d beaten cried on the floor. I was barely ten and I’d finally snapped. My first clear memories are from the orphanage I grew up in. The place itself was fine, it was the people in it that were awful.

The other boys beat me until I bled and I cried from the fear. Then after days of isolation in the infirmary I’d be sent straight back for it to happen again.

After a while I anticipated it and stopped crying. That’s when I discovered that I was different. I didn’t know I should have been feeling the pain of each punch and kick until one of the boys said, ”why the fuck isn’t he crying?Doesn’t it hurt?”

I said, ”I don’t know how to hurt” and they all looked at me like I was a freak.

I never cried again after that and the beatings soon stopped. Instead, I lived in isolation. Even surrounded by all the other kids I was alone.

They had an agreement that no one was allowed to speak to me and that felt like what I assumed was pain.

By the time I was old enough to be by myself I had learnt how to shut everything out. If I couldn’t feel pain, why bother feeling anything? It wasn’t until my first real kill that I discovered the joy other people's pain could bring me.

Now, I have my own personal pain slut waiting for me upstairs.

I know Willow likes it when I hurt her, she clings to me with all her might.

But why won’t she admit she likes it?

She should be fucking grateful to feel it at all.

What happened the other night was nothing new. It’s not like I’ve never fucked her like that before. She enjoyed it, she came three fucking times whilst she was still conscious and then when I spent the rest of the night inside her I felt her pussy fluttering around me as her orgasms kept on coming even whilst she slept.

Willow’s body was made for me and I know how far I can push it, all she needs to do is trust me.

Maybe the blood on my skin from my fresh kill was too much for her but it’s what I am and she’d do well to realize that.

It was a reminder of everything I’m capable of doing for her. To her.

Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m heading upstairs.

Willow’s asleep when I reach the bedroom, that’s all she’s been doing lately. Sleeping and avoiding talking to me.

I take her by surprise by ripping the covers off her and grabbing her legs. Then I kneel on the bed, drag her ass up onto my lap and hook her ankles over my shoulders, she yells and squirms as she tries to get away from me.

“Dean, stop it! I’m not doing this now!”

“It’s time, little kitten,” I say, flashing her a smile.

“For what?” she sounds panicked and I run my palms over her smooth skin and the rough scabs of her cuts. I’m never not going to love looking at my name permanently scarred onto her.

She’s not wearing any clothes.

If she’s so fucking scared of me why does she leave her pussy so vulnerable?

She knows damn well I can come in and use it whenever I like, if she didn’t want that the least she could do is cover herself up. But no, my little kitten likes to resist and pretend she doesn’t want me when really she’s aching for what I can give her.

“Time for you to finally admit that you love every second of this. That you want me to hurt you.” Her eyes flash wide but she doesn’t say no or try to get away from me.

I take my cock out and line it up with her pussy sinking home before she’s had a chance to get wet but I slide in easier than expected.

“See? You’re wet already. Your pussy’s begging me for it and now you will too.”

Something aches inside me, I don’t understand what the feeling is but it makes my skin feel tight.

She’s trembling as fat tears spill down her cheeks but her pussy doesn’t let up its tight hold on me.

“You asked me before why I kill people. It’s because it’s easy to hurt people. I learnt from a very young age that people will always try to hurt other people. No one’s innocent. Not even you, little kitten.” I slam my hips hard into her and she cries. “No, don’t protest it, it’s a good thing, for you at least. You’re a kinky, little pain slut. Why would I waste that by killing you?”

I pull out of her, missing the feel of her pussy wrapped around me as soon as I’m out but something doesn’t feel right. These tears used to turn me on but now they make me feel wrong.

“I’m not going to fuck you, Willow. You’re going to come just from feeling pain and then I’ll fuck you as a reward.”

“You’re crazy! I’m not going to come from that. Stop doing this to me!”

“You do it to yourself, baby. I won’t fuck you if you don’t come. I’ll leave you alone.”

“No—,” before she can finish her sentence I grab her by the throat and yank her over my lap. Then without warning I slap the bare skin of her ass, the sound bounces around the room followed shortly by her scream.

I let up on her throat so I can hear the full extent of her pain as I bring my hand down again.

With each scream, I stroke her throat feeling it move as she chokes on her tears. Between slaps, I stroke her pussy and feel it getting wetter and wetter.

“What good does it do to deny your feelings? Let yourself enjoy it. Just give in and tell me what you need.”

She can’t get any words out as she sobs violently, her body trembling on my lap. I ease up and stroke the red swell of her ass. “Does it sting? Bet your pussy’s desperate to be filled as I spank you.” I slip a finger inside her and she moans as her walls clench around me. I laugh to myself.

It’s too fucking easy.

So why is she so stubborn?

I spank her again but this time on her pussy. She screams out a long cry that ends on a throaty moan. “Again?” I ask and she whimpers in response. Aiming for her clit this time, I bring my hand down again and her body jerks forward but I grab her throat tightly, keeping her held firmly in place.

She tries to say my name but I squeeze so tightly that she can’t even breathe let alone speak.

Her fingers claw at my leg and my arm as she tries to get away.

Another spank and her hips are lifting to meet my hand, her pussy aching for me to be inside her from the rate it’s dripping onto my leg. I want so badly to flip her onto the bed and bury myself in her, but not yet.

“You’re so close, baby, I know you can do this.”

As she struggles for breath her face turns from red to almost purple as her whole body tightens. All it takes is one more slap of her pussy for her to come undone as a flood of her come spills out onto my hand and down my leg.

Easing up my grasp on her neck she inhales a choked breath, her sudden intake of air making her come again as her back arches, her breasts pressing down onto my leg. Her sobs turn into violent body quaking cries. “I’ve got you, baby,” I say as I lift her up into my arms. “I’ve always got you.”

As she starts to calm, I wipe her tears away and softly ask, “will you finally admit it?”

She looks up at me with nothing but loathing in her eyes. If she had the energy I know she’d try to fight me but she can barely move. She can’t even manage to look at me for long and she closes her eyes as she turns her face away.

That increasingly familiar pressure in my chest gets worse and I start to feel like I’ve lost her. When she opens her eyes again I don’t see my Willow.

“Yes. Every sick twisted thing you do to me, I love it. No matter how much I try to resist it, my body always wants more. But I hate myself for it. I hate you for making me become this person.” Her voice is flat and numb.

I stare at her for a long time, a tightness in my throat stopping me from being able to tell her how wrong she is to hate herself. I push back whatever’s trying to crawl its way out of me.

She starts to sob again and even though she buries herself into my chest and clutches on to me like I’m all she has, she still says, “I hate you.”

“I know, baby.”

I can’t bring myself to fuck her like this, it doesn’t feel right. Instead, I lie her down and wipe away her tears until she stops crying and when her body’s completely spent she passes out with her hands pressed tight to my chest.