20. WILLOW

Ican hear Dean talking softly to me but I pretend I’m still asleep until I hear him leave.

I quietly get out of bed and head to the bathroom. Each step makes my pussy throb with pain. Last night was brutal and has set me back to how I felt when I was first brought here.

When I look in the mirror I see a completely different person looking back.

I look like I’ve not slept in days, my hair”s a wild mess and the bags under my eyes are huge but what really stands out is my neck.

Purple bruises are forming where he choked me. I run my fingers over them and gasp when an electric pulse shoots through my body and makes my already aching pussy clench.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I notice the faint streaks of blood still on my skin. Bile rises in my throat and I rush to the toilet just in time to throw up.

Despite how unhinged he became last night a part of me still wants to believe he wouldn’t hurt me past what I can take.

I’ve no idea what my limits are but I’ve been trusting him with them.

Sometimes it feels like he knows me more than I do myself and that’s the scariest part.

After being reliant on myself for so long, handing my being over to another person who could so easily break me apart or dispose of me like I’m nothing is terrifying. Yet I still want to believe that there's good in him and I can’t deny how good it feels to be looked after.

Is that still how I feel?

I drag myself over to the sink and manage to drink some water and clean myself up before crawling back into bed. I’m trembling even though it’s not cold and I pull the covers tighter around me.

I must fall asleep because the next thing I know Dean’s sitting next to me with his hand pressed to my forehead.

“What are you doing?” I croak, my throat hoarse and dry. I stroke it as I push myself to sit up and he moves my hands away so he can see the damage he’s done. His eyes flash but I’m not sure if it’s with satisfaction or guilt.

“Are you okay? You were crying in your sleep.” He sounds concerned but I’m not going to fall for it.

“What do you think?” I mumble and end up coughing from the harsh scratch of my throat as I try to speak.

I hold my head in my hands and try to push away the throbbing ache in my forehead. I feel awful and all I want to do is sleep but Dean gently forces my head up and tells me to open my mouth. I don’t have the energy to protest and I let him put two pills on my tongue before tipping a glass of water to my mouth. I gulp it down quicker than I should and end up spluttering.

“Would you like a bath? Something to eat?” I look at him and try to figure him out. Does he genuinely have no remorse for last night or is this him trying to say sorry?

“I just want to sleep,” I say, looking away from him.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. You look—“

“Terrible? Yeah I know. I’m just tired after…” tears prick my eyes and before I can stop myself, I’m sobbing. He pulls me into his chest and I wish I had the mental strength to push him away but like always I show my weakness and lean into him. “Why did you do that?”

“I scared you.” I’m not sure if he’s asking but I don’t respond anyway. “I’m—,” I think he’s about to say he’s sorry but instead he says, “I couldn’t help myself, baby. I love you so much and it makes me crazier than usual.” His tone is light and playful, the opposite of everything festering inside me.

I really thought he cared about how I feel.

After all the times he’s picked me back up after making me fall apart I thought he’d be capable of at least a sorry but I’ve been naive to think I could change someone like him.

“Please, just let me sleep,” I cry into his chest and he lays me down. He wraps his body around mine and strokes my hair. I want to tell him to leave but his presence relaxes me even though it shouldn’t and I end up falling asleep again.