46. HOLDEN

HOLDEN

I ride for longer than I probably should have. The sun has already dipped behind the horizon by the time I stop again. This time I find a small beach park we can camp at. Once I find a spot, I stick some cash into the little box at the park gate for our time here and we pick out a spot to spend the night.

"I didn't realize you were an avid camper," Kadence teases as she climbs off the bike.

Her voice is hoarse and a part of me feels bad, but it's a small, small part of me. Still she looks beautiful in the moonlight, her hair is messy from the wind and there's a small flush on her cheeks from the chill in the air.

"I'm not, well.." I pause. "I haven't been for a while." I flash her a grin as I unpack the tent from the back of the bike.

She glances at me, grabbing our bedrolls and setting them on the small wooden picnic table. "You used to be?"

I nod and start to put the tent together. "In the Army, we camped a lot when we were on mission but as a kid Cole--" I pause again and the memory of the two of us crammed into a small, one person tent in Cole's backyard sends a pang through my chest. Clearing my throat I choke out the words as I kneel to fix the tent poles into their holes. "We would camp in his backyard, just the two of us piled into this small ass tent."

The crunch of her boots on the gravel behind me has my shoulders tense for a moment until I feel her fingers run along the top of my head down to the nape of my neck and into my shirt.

"You guys will get through this," she says so softly that I almost miss it. "It may not be this week or the next, but it'll happen."

I stand, forcing her hand to fall to my back. "You have a lot of faith in our friendship. More than I do right now."

She smiles and it lights up my world for a brief moment. “Because I know you and, as angry as you are and as betrayed as you feel, you’ll forgive him.”

“How can you be so sure?” I ask. It's not that I don't want Cole to be out of my life. In fact, it's the last thing I want but right now it feels impossible.

“Because you forgave me and I didn’t give you a reason to but you did it because you love me.” Kadence steps towards me, almost melting into my body the way she does when she wants to be close to me. Instinctively I wrap my arms around her, abandoning the tent for the moment. “And you love him.”

“When did you get so wise?” I chuckle, pushing back tiny tendrils of hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear.

She grins, pressing a kiss to my jaw. “I’ve always been wise, my love. You’re just stuck in that head of yours.”

“That may be true,” I say with a rasp. “But I can’t forgive him yet.”

Kadence nods. “I know.”

I dip my head to kiss her just as a chill passes through her body. "Alright, Sunflower, let's get this tent put up so we can get you warm again."

"Is that your excuse to get me naked in nature?" She laughs pushing off of me and moving to the opposite side of the tent to help me get the poles up.

I flash her a wolfish grin. "Would you blame me if I said yes?"

"Not at all." She grins. "I had the same plan."

"Did you now?"

Kadence shrugs and helps me with the second pole. Our small home for the night finally comes to life. All it needs is the rain guard but the sky is clear, and I doubt it’ll rain between now and tomorrow. The only thing on my mind is seeing her breathless beneath me. The spot we chose is tucked back into a small cove, trees separate us from the rest of the few campers around. Plenty of privacy for what I have planned for her.

I watch as she moves into the tent with our bedrolls, rolling them out for when we're ready to sleep. There isn't much I plan to do with her tomorrow for our time together. I mainly want to focus on just her. Everything feels heavy and the weight on my chest only grows with all the club bullshit that is coming to light. I know we still have to worry about Jeremy, that he is still a very real threat to my girl, but for now all I want is to spend time with her without the dark clouds hanging over us.

"Baby, do you think this is gonna be warm enough?" She asks, turning towards me. "Is it supposed to be cold?"

I smile at how domestic her question feels and how much I don't hate it. "We'll be fine darlin', besides," I reach out for her, tugging her to my chest again, "we'll make our own heat."

Kadence laughs, wrapping her arms around my waist. "Will we now?"

I nod with a soft hum.

"You're gonna have to feed me first," she coos, looking up at me. "I'm starving."

"Well it's a good thing I thought ahead now isn't it?" I give her a sly smile and walk over to the bike to grab the bag of food I bought from the saddlebag. None of it is fancy, some snacks, a couple of pop-tarts for the morning, and chocolate. I grin at her as we both move to the picnic table and I dump the contents of the bag onto the table. "Sit," I tilt my chin towards the bench. She listens and starts to go through the stash.

"You eat like a teenager," she laughs, holding up a bag of Cheetos and a Hershey's chocolate bar.

I smirk at her. "Hey now, we were a little busy doing other things, I didn't think of stopping."

Blush creeps over her features, only making me smile harder than I have in a while. I watch as she opens the bag of Cheetos and pops one into her mouth. "I haven't had these since I was on the road."

My smile falters for a moment. She hasn't really talked about her time between Miami and here. "How long were you out there for?"

Kadence glances up at me, those green eyes meeting my own. "For a couple of weeks," she admits softly. "I felt so trapped in that house for so long that I just wanted to feel.."

"Free." I finish for her.

She nods, her smile softening for me. "For the first time in years, I didn't have to answer to anyone except myself. I lived on this shit though." She picks up the bag of cheese puffs and gently waves them around. "These and powdered donuts."

I smile at her, grabbing the bag and popping a few of the puffs into my mouth. "What brought you out this direction?"

She lets out a sigh. "It was the furthest away from everyone I knew. All of the rumors, the death threats," her voice trails off with a soft shake of her head. "I just wanted to get away from it all."

I nod regarding her words. She packed up everything she ever knew to get away from her life. To build something new for herself. I have nothing but respect for that but...sometimes I still wonder if leaving her home that quickly called her back. "Would you ever go back?"

"Fuck no," she blurts with a laugh. "I'd have to be dragged back there." Kade's smile fades for a moment. "I would go back just to visit my dad though. If the car can't be fixed then I'd like to see him again."

"The car was your dad's?" I ask, taking in the new information.

"He had one just like it when I was a kid. Up until he died it was his favorite thing in the world." A haunted look flickers in her eyes for a moment. "My mother sold it right after he died. Called it an eyesore. It was the one thing of his I had left. She claimed she needed the money to take care of me, of the house... but I knew it was a lie when she came home with new clothes and shoes." She shakes her head as if she was trying to rid herself of the memories.

"You said his name was George?" I ask softly, tilting my head to catch her gaze and remembering that it was the name she wanted for her baby.

Kadence nods and smiles up at me. "He used to let me skip school on Wednesdays, twice a month we'd go to this little beach just outside of town. There was this ice cream stand there that had the best Oreo ice cream."

I smile, the warmth in my chest has spread to my limbs and it's only brought there by her. I can tell that her dad was a staple in her life. That even talking about him still shows the residual pain in her eyes from losing him. Though the more she talks openly about him and the soft smiles that flicker over her features when she remembers something only make me fall harder for her.

"Well, I don't know if I can beat Oreo ice cream," I say gently, reaching across the table to link my hands with hers, "but I know a spot we can go to tomorrow."

"Really?" She asks with so much hopefulness in her voice that it sends an ache straight through me.

"I don't want to replace your dad, Sunflower, but I want to give you that same happiness."

A sigh falls from her lips and it makes me smile. "C'mere." I tug her hands gently, pulling her up from her side of the table. She stands, moving towards me, and I turn so she can sit on my lap, just where I want her.

"I know we have to go back," she whispers, tucking her face into the crook of my neck as she sits down on me, "but I really wish we didn't."

"We'll do it again, as many times as you want after this shit settles." I promise. "Lord knows I could use the break every once in a while." I nudge her gently back a little so I can cup her face. "I know you do too."

"I don't need it all the time," she breathes, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Things just get overwhelming with all the testosterone." A ghost of a smile flickers over her face.

I lean forward, pressing my lips to her cheek and leaving a trail of kisses along her cheeks and down her jaw. "Well, I'm all yours whenever you want me."

Kadence sighs again, though this time it's almost dreamy as she leans into my touch. "Whenever I want?" Her hips roll against mine as she moves to straddle me. The wood beneath us creaks softly under the shift of our weight and it only makes me grin.

I nod. "Whenever."

She leans in, dragging her tongue along my bottom lip before pressing her lips to mine in a kiss that sends a jolt of lust straight to my cock. "Now," she breathes against me. "I want you now."

"As you wish, Sunflower," I say just as breathlessly before picking her up.

Her legs wrap around my waist as she continues to kiss me and I make a few steps to the tent, laying her down on the bedrolls before zipping the door shut.

Four times I lose myself in her tonight and she loses herself in me just the same if not more. It's hard to keep track but the sun starts to shine through the mesh roof of our tent and I can't help but stare at her. I barely got any sleep, but seeing her next to me, still sleeping and lying on her stomach, has me hard again and wanting more. The bedroll blanket is draped just over her hips giving me plenty of milky soft skin to trace my fingers on.

I can't help myself and move down to pepper her bare shoulder with featherlight kisses. When I feel her move beneath me, my lips quirk against her skin. A soft moan leaves her and the noise goes straight to my groin.

"How long have you been up?" She asks, though her eyes are still closed and her voice still heavy with sleep.

"For a while," I rasp back, propping myself up on my elbow and resting my head on my hand. "I was going to let you sleep a little longer, but we've got to get going."

Kadence groans softly, turning her head away from me. "A few more minutes."

I chuckle, sliding my hand down her back and under the blanket, taking a handful of her ass, not hard enough to hurt but enough that her hips lift softly and her back arches towards me a bit. A wicked smile forms on my lips as I lean down and kiss her shoulder again. "I promise to make it worth your while."

"How's that?" She asks breathlessly as my hand trails from her ass over her hip. I pull her towards me, rolling her onto her side to give me better access to her core.

"I have a few ideas," I whisper against the shell of her ear, "but this is the first one."

My fingers dive between her legs, sliding between her slit and finding her already wet. A triumphant smile takes over the wicked one as I explore her. A moan falls from her lips and her back arches even more. Her ass is pressed against my cock now, grinding just enough that the friction feels more like teasing.

"This is cheating," she sighs, turning her head to capture my lips.

I waste no time delving into her mouth, my tongue tangling with hers while my thumb works her clit. She moans into my mouth, craving this as much as I do. I take my time working her over, slipping two fingers within her as my knee slides between her legs. She takes the hint and hooks it over my hip.

"You can sleep when we're home, baby," I breathe against her neck, curling my fingers within her until she lets out a ragged moan and her body shudders with her release.

Her eyes are closed when I lift my head and her cheeks have the faintest bit of flush to them. I gently remove my hand, thrusting into her in one go. We both hiss at the feeling of her stretching around me and in this moment I know this is exactly where I would die happily. If it is nothing else but the sounds she makes and the way she feels clenched around me, I'd gladly give my last breath to this world.

Kade's body is still jelly, her legs shuddering gently as I rock in and out of her, both of us chasing release once more even after we spent all night barrelling towards it. I can feel the cord in my stomach winding up, that tightness in my lower back that tells me my release is creeping around the corner.

"I need you to come, Sunflower," I rasp against her neck, nipping and sucking at her skin.

As if on command her head rolls back onto my shoulder and soft curses fly from her lips into the morning sky. She clenches around me, sending me over the edge as I pulse within her and my own moans fill the tent. My hips stutter and I shudder as I fill her.

We both turn into puddles on the hard ground. The bedrolls doing nothing to help the rocks and dirt prodding into my back.

"I love you," she says in a whisper, rolling over and tucking herself against me, "way more than I care to admit."

I chuckle and press a kiss into her head. Knowing just exactly how she feels. "I love you too."

I never thought in a million years it would be so easy to say those words to someone. Especially not a woman I've known for a little over two months but with Kadence, it feels right. There's a naturalness to it that makes it feel like we've been saying it for fifty years to one another. My only wish is that we would have found each other sooner. That none of the bullshit we had to go through to get to this moment would have had to happen but maybe that's just it... Maybe fate has a fucked up way of bringing two people like us together.

She presses a kiss to my chest before sitting up and stretching her arms out in front of her. The marks I left on her shoulder and neck shine in the morning light, sending a wave of possessiveness through me knowing she's mine. She glances back at me with a grin.

"You wanted me up, cowboy, let's get going."

I laugh, sitting up with her, and cup the back of her neck, pulling her to me.

"If I would have known that's all it takes to get you outta bed, I would have tried that weeks ago." I smirk, kissing her quickly before letting her go.

"You'll have plenty of time to try it now," she remarks, grinning as she stands up in the tent in search of her discarded clothes.

I laugh tossing her shirt at her. "Is that a promise?"

"It is," she says, turning towards me with a smile on her face as she straightens out her clothes and I get dressed. My eyes catch hers with a grin but I pause seeing her smile fall for a moment. "I want this, Nash." Her voice is so soft I almost miss what she says. "Even with all the shit going on, I want a real shot at you and me."

I'm taken aback by her words for a moment and every nerve in my body feels like a livewire staring at her. "Baby, I thought that's what we were already doing?"

"We are." She takes a step towards me, her voice is high-pitched and her hands fall to my forearms. "We are," Kade repeats more confidently. "I just want to put it out there into the universe. Say it out loud because if we do that, then it makes it real."

"What about what we were doing before wasn't real?" I ask, my brows furrowing while looking down at her.

"Nothing," she sighs, "everything has been real." Her cheeks turn a soft shade of pink, "I'm not explaining this very well am I?"

"I want to say you are, but babe..." I shake my head still confused.

Kadence closes the distance between us. "I haven't put myself out there like this in a long time. Even before it was done for me. I don't want to hide from the fact that I'm falling for you, I don't want it to scare me into not doing things with you that I was too scared to do before."

"Like what?"

"Like get married," she says softly, glancing away from me for a brief moment, "and build a real family. Not one that bases love on ultimatums and guilt trips, but one that loves unconditionally. I've had the former and I don't ever want to go back to that again."

My heart feels like it's going to pound out of my chest. The thundering rhythm against my ribcage is almost too much, but when she looks back at me, I see just how genuine her feelings are. In the flecks of gray and gold in her eyes I do what always felt impossible until now.

I picture that life with her at the forefront.

I reach for her, wrapping my arms around her waist. "I never thought I'd ever get the chance to have any of that," I admit openly. "I saw how it turned out for my parents and it wasn't something I ever thought I'd want."

Her brows knit as she looks up at me.

"But I can't see a future without you by my side, Sunflower." I smile as soon as her brows relax and the corners of her mouth turn upward. I'm silent for another moment before kissing her. "You sure you wanna spend your life with me?" I rasp against her lips.

Without hesitation, she nods and whispers a yes that buries itself so deep in my soul that I feel myself sink everything I have into that one word just for her.

"I want to take you somewhere today."

"Where?" She whispers against my lips.

"It's a surprise," I grin, "but first, we need to get all this packed up and get you fed."

She smiles and every time I see it I swear she shoots sunlight from my head to my toes. "Deal, but…" she bites down on her bottom lip, "please don't make me eat from your teenager stash again."

I laugh and pepper her face with kisses. "Pancakes?"

Her eyes widen and her smile widens. "Pancakes."